So I originally I didn't plan on doing a little epilogue type thing, however as soon as @freedom-shamrock mentioned it, ideas started popping in my head. And to be honest, I wasn't even going to write out those ideas, but idk, for some reason inspiration hit me these last few weeks and I was like, you know what? I'm gonna write this thing!
So... yeah, they say you shouldn't fix what's broken, and I'm a little hesitant about putting this epilogue up cause I'm kinda proud of how the last chapter turned out, and I'm worried this epilogue won't live up to the rest of the story, but I've written it now and it seemed a shame not to share it with you guys :)
Ch1 Ch2 Ch3 Ch4 Ch5
It’s also on AO3 if you’d rather read it there.
~TWO MONTHS LATER~
Adrien stood with his back straight, hands clenched by his side, and head held high. It was taking everything in him not to cower and fidget; something which was only getting harder with every second his father remained silent and bent over his desk.
Adrien clenched his jaw as he watched the words he had uttered but moments prior dance around the sunlit room. He felt nausea swirl in his gut. It was impossible to snatch those words back now. He could only stand there, helpless, as they taunted him.
Originally, Adrien hadn’t planned on coming out to his father. However these last few months with Marinette had made him feel more confident in himself than he’d ever been before. He had been comfortable in his skin for the first time in a long time, and he had realised that he shouldn’t, no… he didn’t want to hide who he was.
Adrien winced as his father scratched out a potential design with an angry red line.
That realisation didn’t make this any easier though.
Adrien grimaced. All he wanted was to grab those words back and hide them away in the safety of his room, somewhere his father would never find them.
Adrien slowly angled one foot towards the door…
No! Adrien drew his feet back together and lifted his head higher.
He refused to be intimidated by his father’s power games.
The silence stretched out painfully.
Adrien swallowed. The scratching of his father’s pen might as well have been scratching on his brain it was so grating.
Finally, Gabriel capped the pen and placed it neatly next to his workbook. He then reached for a pencil and starting sketching potential amendments in the designs.
“Asexual,” he said slowly, without looking up.
Adrien’s posture tautened and his heart leapt in his throat.
“Am I right in saying that that’s the orientation that lacks sexual attraction?” Gabriel asked while still sketching in his pad.
Adrien swallowed, “Y-Yes, it is.” He internally cursed at how weak his voice sounded.
The deafening silence enveloped the room once more, only broken by the soft scratchings of his father's pencil on the paper.
The blood pounded in Adrien’s ears.
“Then there’s no chance of you ruining the Agreste name with any sort of sex scandal?” Gabriel spoke clearly and precisely.
Adrien blinked. “N-No,” he stuttered, “Of c-course not.”
Only then did Gabriel pause in his work to lift his head and meet Adrien’s eyes. Adrien’s breath stuck in his throat, but he met his father’s gaze and held it steady.
“Very good,” Gabriel nodded before turning back to his work.
Adrien exhaled and almost collapsed to the floor with giddy relief, but Nathalie’s hand on his shoulder steadied him and steered him from the room.
Adrien’s features were creased in a slight frown as he ambled along the Seine in the late morning sunshine. A slight squeeze of his hand pulled him out of his mind and he looked down to see a pair of warm bluebell eyes gazing up at him in concern.
Adrien smiled. Those eyes never failed to lift his spirits.
Adrien let go of Marinette’s hand and he put his arm around her shoulders, pulling her in close. She in turn wrapped her arm around his waist and they walked along together in a comfortable silence.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Marinette spoke softly after a while.
Adrien’s smile slipped. He thought back.
“I don’t think there’s really anything to talk about,” he said truthfully. “While Father didn’t seem overly enthusiastic at the idea of me being asexual…” Adrien hesitated before lifting his mouth into the barest of smiles, “he accepted it.” He turned his gaze to the glistening water of the Seine. “And I think that’s all I can expect of him,” he said softly.
Marinette squeezed him gently, “If you’re sure.”
Adrien closed his eyes and inhaled deeply as a fresh morning breeze washed over both of them. Adrien relaxed and let his features loosen into a tender smile.
“Yes, I am sure,” he said, opening his eyes. He was pleased to feel the truth of those words reverberate through him. “My father accepts me and I’m happy with that.”
He looked at Marinette. Her eyes reflected the dancing of the water and her freckles were dark from the sunshine. He leant over and kissed the top of her head. Her hair was hot from the heat of the sun, and she smelled of warmth and fresh bread.
“And it’s all thanks to you,” he murmured.
Marinette flushed, “I didn’t do anything, I wasn’t even in the room with you.”
“No, but knowing you were just outside was enough.”
Marinette met his loving gaze before kissing him on the cheek.
“Come on,” she said, releasing their hug and grabbing his hand instead, “We deserve some pastries!” She giggled and pulled him into a run. Adrien grinned, her enthusiasm infectious, as they dashed up the stairs to the main road. Marinette smiled deviously back at him before releasing his hand and accelerating into a flat out sprint. Adrien laughed and rose to her challenge. He felt his grin widen with exhilaration as he chased those bouncing black bunches through the streets of Paris, expertly weaving through pedestrians and jumping fences as he did so. He let out a peal of laughter and was pleased to hear Marinette giggle in response. Being with Marinette, having fun like this, it was like he didn’t need Chat Noir anymore. Adrien gave a little burst of speed so he was level with Marinette. Together they ran, an unstoppable force, even without their suits.
Too soon they reached the Dupain-Cheng Patisserie, they burst through the doors, both breathless with adrenaline.
Sabine smiled bemusedly from behind the counter as the giggling pair strolled up to her.
“My what have you two been up to?” she said.
Marinette’s chest rose and fell as she tried to get her breath back, “Oh, you know,” she said breathlessly, she glanced at Adrien and grinned, “just enjoying the sunshine.”
Adrien eyed the shop, as his breathing steadily returned to normal. He spied a lone croissant from the counter that had survived the breakfast rush and swiped it.
“Those are for paying customers!” Sabine admonished him with a twinkle in her eye.
“Ah!” Adrien exclaimed, half the croissant already in his mouth. He swallowed, “Apologies Miss Dupain-Cheng, but your pastries look so good, I just croissan’t help myself!”
A burst of deep laughter came from the kitchen. “Adrien! Is that you?” Tom appeared with a plate of fresh cookies, the chocolate chunks in them still melted. “I’d know your puns anywhere!”
Adrien beamed, “All I wanted was to bake your day a little better!”
“Haha! Well you’ve certainly rose to the occasion!”
“It’s the yeast I could do,” Adrien said with a little flourished bow before collapsing into giggles.
He and Tom only laughed harder as Sabine and Marinette groaned.
“That’s enough you two!” Sabine said, failing to hide her smile, she waved Adrien and Marinette out the shop, “Now off you go, I’ve put a plate of fresh pastries for you to munch on at the bottom of the stairs.”
“Thanks Maman!”
“Thank you Mrs Cheng!” Adrien waved his half eaten croissant at her before finishing it off.
Sabine pulled her still laughing husband into the room, “And you,” she pecked him on the cheek, “enough with the puns and go put those cookies on the display.”
Adrien felt a smile creep onto his face as he watched them. They were exactly the sort of parents he wanted to be when he grew up. He turned away as Marinette tugged on his hand and led him up the stairs, picking up the plate of still warm pastries as she did so.
Marinette placed the pastries onto the coffee table in the living room as Adrien flopped onto the couch. Immediately, Tikki and Plagg dived on the plate and started munching away.
“Do you want to watch a movie or something?” Marinette asked as she made her way over to the dvd selection.
Adrien didn’t respond for a moment. His heart rate was almost back to normal but he could still feel the effects of the adrenaline in his veins. He watched Marinette. Her back was to him, but she could still see her skin was flushed from their spontaneous sprint. Her hair too was coming loose from her bunches, strands drifting lazily across her neck.
Adrien shook his head, “Come here,” he said, patting the space next to him.
Marinette stopped fiddling with the dvd’s and turned to look at him in slight surprise, her lips were parted and her eyes were shining. Adrien lost his breath. She was stunning.
With a smile, Marinette went over and cuddled up into his open arm, nestling her head under his chin. The warmth radiating from her body seeped into his, soothing his mind as it mimicked the sensation of safety.
Adrien held her tight.
Marinette returned his grip.
Adrien closed his eyes and curled up around her. The love and passion that Adrien had thought would never be a part of his life flowed through them. He breathed deep. He honestly didn’t know how he had survived so long without it. And this amazing girl was willing to give it to him, no strings attached.
Adrien gripped her tighter.
He had no idea how he’d gotten so lucky.
Eventually, Marinette slowly peeled herself back. Adrien opened his eyes to see her gazing lovingly at him. She pecked him on the nose, “I will love you,” she said, a soft smile dancing on her lips.
Those words had almost become something of a running gag between the two of them. It was more than just an acknowledgement of their affections for each other, however it was not quite yet a synonym for an expression of love itself.
Adrien opened his mouth respond with the words he had uttered many times over, but they didn’t come. They didn’t… feel right. Snuggled up here, in the safety of Marinette’s arms, feeling her complete support, both physically and mentally… he felt something click inside himself.
“I love you,” he said.
Marinette’s eyes pierced his, a light came on in them, making them sparkle like never before.
Adrien couldn’t contain the emotion flowing through his veins. “I love you, Marinette Dupain-Cheng,” his voice was soft and oddly hoarse.
Slowly, Marinette sat up. She kissed him gently once on the forehead, then nose, before finally planting a soft kiss on his lips.
“I’ve been waiting for you to say those words,” she murmured as she sat back. Her eyes were large and unusually dark. Adrien felt a shiver run down his spine. “I love you too,” she said, her voice slightly deeper than normal.
Marinette then swung her leg round so she straddled Adrien’s lap and, before Adrien could comprehend the flash of panic in his gut, she kissed him fully on the mouth.
Adrien’s panic subsided as he relaxed into the familiarity of Marinette’s soft mouth. They had kissed a fair few times since that first night and he had come to welcome them. Marinette’s kisses were always light and warming. Adrien saw them as more of an extension of their embrace than the beginnings of anything sexual.
Marinette leant into him a little harder.
This was starting to feel different though.
He wasn’t uncomfortable yet, and neither had much time passed, so he didn’t say anything and let Marinette lead.
There had been a few times in the past where they had made out for a bit longer than Adrien would have liked, but Marinette had sacrificed so much for him that he usually didn’t mind letting her have her way for a bit.
However this time Marinette’s kiss was starting to shift from light and fluttery, to deep and moving. Adrien felt arousal swirl uncomfortably in his gut. This was definitely entering new territory now.
He became aware of his arms resting limply on the couch. He didn’t quite know what to do with them. He gently placed them on Marinette’s hips. That was the most obvious place to put them… right?
Suddenly Marinette’s hands disappeared under his shirt. Adrien gasped as her cool hands met his warm skin, but still, he didn't pull back. He felt a curiosity course through himself as to his own limits, almost touching on morbidity in nature. He let her hands flow over his skin, tracing his stomach and sides. Adrien tried not to laugh, her light fingers tickled. She continued drawing them up, up over and around his shoulders, before moving back down.
Down.
Down.
Down.
“No.” Adrien grabbed her wrists.
Marinette instantly jerked her whole body back and slammed her hands over her mouth.
“I-I’m so sorry, Adrien,” she stammered, blushing furiously as her eyes widened with mortification, “I-I just got moment up in the caught a-and I, no, no,” she shook her head, “I mean caught up in the moment and didn’t t-think and I-“
“Marinette,” Adrien placed his hands on her shoulders, steadying her. She froze and held his gaze. “It’s okay.” He ran his hands down her arms. “Just,” he hesitated and glanced away, “don’t do it again,” he met her eyes, “okay?”
Marinette nodded frantically and lowered her clasped hands to her chest. “Of course! Of course.” She visibly relaxed with relief at Adrien’s forgiveness. “I won’t do anything like that again until you’re ready.” She tilted her head in a gentle understanding smile, but Adrien felt a coldness seep into his stomach.
Marinette’s eyes widened. “Adrien…” She went to stroke his cheek but Adrien jerked his head away.
“Don’t!” He cast his eyes away, “I don’t…” He bit his lip. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.
Marinette let her hand fall limply to her side.
The silence enveloped them. The warmth between them faded fast.
“Adrien, you need to talk to me,” Marinette said eventually. Adrien clenched his teeth. “Was the touching…too much?” she quested with caution.
Adrien clenched his hands in his lap, the metal of his ring pierced the warmth of his skin.
He nodded.
“And…the kissing?” Marinette asked.
Adrien swallowed. “Usually… fine,” he twisted the ring on his finger as anxiety crept through him, “But tonight, it was different.” His gaze flicked to hers before shying away again.
Marinette remained silent a moment before getting up off his lap and kneeling next to him on the couch. “Adrien…”
“I’m sorry,” he murmured once more.
Adrien started as Marinette suddenly grabbed his jaw and forced him to look into her fierce eyes. “Stop saying sorry,” she said firmly, “None of this is your fault, none of this is my fault. We are just two people trying to find that perfect balance in our relationship, just like any other couple.” She released his jaw. “We are bound to have a few misunderstandings along the way,” she softly, “And when we do,” she continued, “we need to promise to forgive each other, we need to promise to forgive ourselves.” Adrien blinked at the intensity of her expression. “Can you do that for me? For us?”
Adrien felt a familiar pricking sensation behind his eyes. “Yes,” he whispered.
“Good, I’ll start,” Marinette sat up straight, “I apologise for taking things further than you were comfortable with, and for assuming you’ll one day be ready for things you’ll probably never be ready for.”
Adrien’s eyes widened, “You picked up on that?”
“As soon as I said it, I knew I’d said something wrong. But all I meant was I won’t try anything like that again unless you want me to.”
Adrien felt relief flow through his veins.
“So…” started Marinette, “do you-“
“-I forgive you!” Adrien spoke quickly. Marinette grinned, causing Adrien’s cheeks to flush. “And, I apologise for not communicating with you,” he said.
“I forgive you,” Marinette spoke softly.
Adrien felt warm emotion bubble up inside him. But, as much as he tried, he couldn’t remove the tinge of doubt.
Adrien shifted in his gaze. “Are you honestly all right with this?”
Marinette raised her eyebrows in exasperation but didn’t say anything.
Adrien looked at her, heart pumping as she grinned deviously.
Suddenly, she leant in and pecked Adrien on the nose. Adrien blinked, but before he could do anything Marinette attacked again, with a peck on each cheek.
“Wha…?”
Before he knew it Marinette was peppering him with a flurry of little kisses, all over his face and down his neck.
Adrien giggled, “Marinette!” he cried out, “No! It tickles!” Marinette pulled back to check he was all right, before grinning and throwing him down to actually tickle him.
“Marinette!” Adrien cried out, properly laughing now. He twisted and turned instinctively but couldn't escape, and so he was stuck laughing helpless on the couch under Marinette’s barrage of tickles.
Wheezing and out of breathe, Adrien couldn’t take it anymore. With a burst of strength he broke free from Marinette’s relentless fingers and flipped her onto her back.
Marinette let out a shriek of laughter as Adrien attacked with his own onslaught of tickles.
“Adrien!” she squealed, squirming under him.
“Ha ha! Revenge!” Adrien yelled triumphantly, before Marinette caught him off guard by poking him in the side.
Tikki and Plagg both paused in their munching to watch the ridiculous antics of their respective charges, rolling their eyes at each squeal.
Marinette and Adrien continued playing for a while, squealing and giggling as the person who had the upper hadn’t continuously rotated. Exhilaration flooding them both as they revelled in simple happiness.
Eventually their attacks grew weaker, and their laughter faded as tiredness set in. Adrien had managed to land the final attack and had Marinette pinned down under him. He swiftly kissed her on the forehead before flopping down next to her.
They both breathed heavily, faces flushed with laughter. He rolled over to face Marinette. Her bunches had started to slip out and her fringe was in her face, fluttering gently with every breath. Marinette turned over to face him. She reached out and mussed his hair.
“You want to be careful no one sees you like this,” she said, her voice still breathless, “You look like Chat Noir.”
Adrien pecked her on the nose, “M’lady.”
They both lapsed into giggles once more.
Adrien exhaled deeply and closed his eyes. From coming out to his father, to having deep conversations with Marinette, his emotions this morning had hit all corners of extreme and he could start to feel the effects.
His breathing steadied as Marinette stroked his hair, her gentle touches reverberating throughout his whole body. He let a soft smile dance on his lips. He never wanted to leave.
“Hey, Adrien?”
Adrien reluctantly opened his eyes to see her blue eyes gazing into his, the echoes of laughter still shining in them.
“I’m honestly all right with this,” she said tenderly. Adrien felt his breath stick in his throat as her soft words pierced his heart.
“I love you so much you can’t imagine,” she continued, “and, just being with you,” her smile deepened, “it brings me more pleasure than any amount of sex would.”
Adrien’s face went devoid of expression. He bore his eyes into Marinette’s, searching for signs of hesitation, doubt or reservation. For anything at all that would signify her dishonesty.
He couldn’t find it.
Those beautiful sparkling blue eyes held only the truth.
Adrien clenched his eyes shut. Once more he could feel the warm sting of tears behind them.
Marinette wrapped her arms around him and snuggled in close until their foreheads were touching.
Adrien couldn’t help it, he felt the tears seep through his closed lids
Marinette gently wiped them away with her thumb, “What are you crying for you silly kitten?” she murmured. Adrien could hear the smile in her voice.
He shook his head. “I love you so much, Marinette,” he said, voice cracking.
He wrapped his arms around her and held her tight.
“I love you so, so much.”
Thank you once again for all your beautiful comments, and I hope you all enjoyed this final chapter... cause it really is the final chapter this time haha :) xxx
Very quick drawing of Marinette feat. Ace positivity because I needed a break from my studies and also I haven’t done anything for @miraculace in a while!
Growing up so alone had never been easy for Adrien.
Sure, he was rich. His room was filled with everything he could ever want, over the years changing from toy cars and stuffed animals to video games and basketball hoops. His family, though a little distant at times, were there for him – at least until his mother vanished, and the world got even lonelier.
Chloé helped, of course. He didn’t know anyone else around his age. She always seemed so very clingy, though, in a way he couldn’t quite understand. Was she like this with her friends at school too? He suspected she wasn’t, considering the way she spoke about her classmates, though Adrien didn’t exactly mind. The company was nice.
His life had never been normal. In a way, he wished it could be. There were so many things he had seen on TV, read about in books, things he was sure he could never experience if he never got out of the house. Was life out there really like that? Could it truly be an exciting adventure?
He’d been starting to be convinced that it would never be anything special.
Until he met Ladybug.
-
Adrien had wondered often about why Chloé stuck to him like glue, and after starting school with her and realizing that this was not normal behaviour, it confused him even more. But then again, Chloé seemed to be more open with her thoughts than most (even if most of those thoughts seemed to be… well, a tad cruel).
So perhaps it was common to feel so strongly about people. That happened in all the TV shows that Adrien had grown up watching, after all. Granted, most of those shows had been anime. But still. That counted, right?
He had been so sheltered, it had been impossible to really get to know anyone well enough to form any kind of relationship beyond the superficial, something that his fellow classmates already seemed to handle naturally. He wanted to make friends. He wanted to feel special to people.
And when he met Ladybug, he was sure she was the one.
She was so strong, so inspiring! The way she had stood up to Hawk Moth and taken down an akuma villain, Adrien just couldn’t stop thinking about it. She was so beautiful, too, so incredibly gorgeous, almost too bright to even look at directly.
In a way, she was almost too perfect. The fact that Adrien, as Chat Noir, could speak to her every single day if he wanted to, could work beside her as a team, could gain her trust and friendship and know that she was counting on him… it was all so perfect. Almost like living right inside one of those TV shows, where everything fell directly into place.
He and Ladybug were made for each other. Weren’t they?
-
It hurt when she didn’t love him back, not in the way that he had wanted. Was heartbreak supposed to make you cry? Adrien wondered if his lack of tears made him shallow, or selfish. He barely even knew who she was, after all! How could he have fallen in love with someone beneath a mask? And then not even have the decency to be upset enough about it?!
The biggest problem was that it didn’t make sense. They were the two crime-fighting heroes of Paris, the duo who could take down the worst of villains and still have time for a pun and a laugh.
How could Ladybug not love him, when everything had seemingly fallen into place so perfectly?
Adrien knew, deep down, that he didn’t know anything about real life relationships, not truly. Everything he had learnt was from anime, of all things. Not exactly realistic. So perhaps this, this beautiful love story for himself he had created in his head, wasn’t set in stone.
But he couldn’t admit it to himself. He loved her so much! He had tried so hard, for so long, had so much hope in his heart. To let it shatter… no, he couldn’t. Not yet. Not now.
-
Adrien wondered a little why Marinette could be so ditzy around him. Was she nervous? He was a model, after all, it did make sense. Or perhaps she was like this with everyone.
He didn’t mind, though. It was… kind of cute.
No regrets about making friends with her, then. That bright, spunky, clumsy classmate of his was a lot of fun to spend time with. It was the kind of friendship he had daydreamed about when younger, hugging a stuffed toy to his chest and wondering if he would ever have the chance to make it happen.
“She’s just a friend,” he told Plagg. He didn’t want it getting weird.
A friend…
Was the thought of that simple phrase supposed to warm his heart so much?
-
Chat Noir stared at the screen, shocked. When he had agreed to be interviewed on Nadja Chamack’s prime-time TV show, this hadn’t been what he was expecting.
Ladybug had kissed him?
Right on the lips, during the Dark Cupid attack apparently, and he had remembered none of it. All he could recall of that day was trying so hard to confess his true feelings for her, only to wake up after a spurt of possession and right in the middle of a battle.
“I wasn’t kissing you, I was saving you!” Ladybug insisted, only turning to him for a second before continuing to talk to Nadja.
She wasn’t kissing him, she was saving him…
He couldn’t wrap his head around it. Why had she kissed him?
And more importantly, why was he weirded out by it?
He had wanted to kiss her. Heck, he had tried for a Spider-man kiss so many times now, only for her to playfully push him away with a Not now, kitty. Kisses were for love. He knew that, everyone knew that. He loved her, so it only made sense that he wanted a kiss.
Never before had he actually thought about the real, physical act of kissing her.
And apparently it had happened. Should he feel happy about that? Sad that he had no memory of it, no matter how hard he tried? All he really felt was a vague sense of… unpleasantness. Like being a little kid again, and having to turn away whenever anyone in a movie kissed, because it was gross, and ugh, why would anyone do that.
But this was Ladybug! He should feel differently about her! After all, he was in love, right?
-
Wow, there were a lot of photos of Adrien on the walls in Marinette’s room. And in a few other places, too. He had seen it on TV, he had seen it close up as Chat Noir when fighting Troublemaker, and now he had confronted her about them himself.
She was a fan of fashion. She loved the clothes that he modelled. That was the reason.
Well, though Adrien did suspect that him being a rather aesthetically pleasing model maybe had something to do with it too, part of him was relieved. So far, every time someone had showed interest in him other than pure platonic affection, they got clingy. Chloé first, then Lila, then the millions of fans who chased him down on street corners.
Even if Marinette did feel that way, she wasn’t showing it. Perhaps she knew Adrien needed the space. In any case, it warmed his heart so much, even just thinking about Marinette being there for him put an involuntary smile on his face – she was his friend, and he loved her all the more for it.
-
The first rejection from Ladybug had hurt. But Adrien couldn’t let a setback like that keep him down for long. The two of them had grown even closer since then, and if she couldn’t gain the affections of the boy who she loved in her daily life, then would she give him a chance?
The second rejection hit him hard.
He gave the rose to Kagami instead, the beautiful, haughty fencer who listened to him venting. She wasn’t someone he had really considered very much, far too hung up on Ladybug to even think about going for anyone else. Why would he, if he didn’t love them?
But what if he did love Kagami?
Duelling her was better than duelling anyone else. There was a certain ferocity to it, an electric edge, giving Adrien the same kind of adventurous buzz as he got when fighting villains as Chat Noir. It was so freeing to experience it as a civilian too, thanks to that one worthy rival who never went easy on him no matter what.
Change target.
Could he do that? Choose to love someone else?
He had to ask someone for help. Anyone in his household? No, never them. Nathaniel and Marc? Mylène and Ivan? Alya and Nino? Juleka and Rose?
No – Marinette.
His friend. She was the one he wanted help from. Something in his heart always pointed him at Marinette. Maybe he should listen.
-
Adrien sat in his limo, on the way back from the ice rink, mind whirling. He probably didn’t love Kagami. He couldn’t just choose to love her, after all, it didn’t work like that. Everyone had told him you couldn’t just pick and choose who you fell in love with. He still loved Ladybug.
Yet, she still didn’t love him…
Somehow, he was more confused than heartbroken, and that just confused him even more! Unrequited love was meant to hurt, wasn’t it? And it did! But in a way that he simply couldn’t describe, a way that he suspected was different from what he was meant to feel.
His life really wasn’t like an anime, no one’s was. Perhaps his love for Ladybug wasn’t quite the same either.
Of course he already knew love wasn’t like how they showed it in movies and TV shows, or all those melodramatic songs on the radio. They were just exaggerating. Getting all sweaty and nervous, butterflies in your stomach, wanting to kiss your crush all the time, unable to speak? As if that actually happened in real life!
It was more like… a deep admiration. Caring for a person. Enjoying time spent in their company. Emotions Adrien knew how to feel, but didn’t know how to say.
He was always so happy when he was with Ladybug. In fact, he had always been happy whenever he was with her.
It was starting to occur to him – perhaps he didn’t want any more from her than he already had.
And maybe, just maybe, that was why this unrequited love didn’t quite sting him the way it was supposed to.
-
What a day. First the return of so many previous akumas, a fight with Hawk Moth himself, and now having to leave the class picnic for some gala his father was making him attend. Even now with more freedom, he was more isolated than anyone else he knew.
But as he walked towards the limo he couldn’t get a smile off his face, the world around him seeming brighter and more cheerful than it had been before, and not because of the heroes’ triumph over Hawk Moth and his peacock helper.
But because Marinette cared about him.
It was hard to put into words how much her friendship meant to him. The thing was, Nino spent so much time with Alya these days, the two of them alone and Adrien unwilling to interfere when they seemed so happy together.
He had always found Nino so heartwarmingly funny, really – going all ridiculous over his crush on Marinette, now using any excuse to gush about Alya in a way that almost seemed too much. It certainly was cute. But somehow, Adrien wondered if it could possibly be sincere, when it seemed so much like a movie romance come true. He’d already learnt that life was not like movies, or books, or anime! Did people just act like it was, to seem more mature or something? Was Nino doing that?
Marinette was around, at least, and as much of a hero as a civilian could be. At this point he considered her almost the same way he considered Ladybug – a wonderful, valiant friend who he was honoured to spend time with, someone who cared about him and trusted him, someone fun to hang around.
She had grabbed his face and kissed his cheek, and part of him wondered why his classmates cheered so hard at such a cute display of friendship. From what he knew, most people didn’t really take friendship as seriously as he did. Maybe he was mistaken.
“Looks like she’s really got a thing for you,” Plagg drawled, hopping out of his pocket for a moment to stuff his face with Camembert.
Adrien shook his head, chuckling. “Nah, I told you, Marinette’s just a friend!”
“Mm, suit yourself.”
Just a friend… it felt a little unfair to call her that, as if being just a friend was worse, somehow. Friendship was wonderful! He’d been able to accept his friendship with Ladybug despite being in love with her, right? It didn’t break his heart, not like that. And Marinette’s friendship? The best gift in the world. It wasn’t just friendship. It was best friendship, true friendship, a friendship he was so grateful for having.
He loved spending time with Marinette. He loved it when she called him up to ask him to the movies with her (even if he wasn’t allowed to go), he loved it when they worked on their homework together in the library after school, he loved it when he went over to her place to play video games with her, and together they would laugh and chat and all Adrien’s worries would melt away for a little while.
In fact he felt the same way about her as…
He stopped.
Ladybug.
He felt that same way about Marinette as he did about Ladybug.
But surely that meant… was he in love with Marinette?
-
It didn’t make sense. Nothing about anything made sense. All the nonsense in TV shows, the ways his classmates acted, the way he felt with two of the most important people in his life – it made no sense at all!
Adrien tried to consider asking Marinette out, actually asking her out, like he had done with Kagami, like he had tried to do with Ladybug in the past before realizing he didn’t need it anyway. He properly thought about it this time.
And the truth was, he just didn’t want that with Marinette either.
Was it a pre-emptive, subconscious attempt at avoiding heartbreak? Was he supposed to be in love with Marinette? For everything people said about love not being a choice, it sure was feeling like one. He had chosen to not pursue Ladybug anymore, and any sadness about his love being unrequited had just melted away.
Maybe he wasn’t in love with Ladybug anymore, then. But his feelings about her hadn’t changed at all!
Was it possible…
He had never been in love with Ladybug?
No, surely that couldn’t be right. He had known it from so early on, hadn’t he? That Ladybug was the one for him.
But that, that had been the anime nonsense talking. That had been before he knew that actual, real life felt different. That had been him seeing how wonderful Ladybug was, how stunning, how beautiful, and believing that the only explanation for his admiration for her was love.
Of course, he did love her. The question was, was he in love?
-
It was impossible not to be hyperaware of everyone around him and their love lives, now that Adrien was trying to sort out his own. Nino explained to him in detail how his feelings changed while in the cage at the zoo with Alya, how the nerves suddenly hit, how his brain fogged up, all the clichés Adrien had written off as pure fiction.
He watched as Mylène and Ivan really did act all lovey-dovey with each other, constantly, never even bored, despite how oddly insincere it seemed. Surely that wasn’t real?
Chloé’s clinginess had long ended, and for that Adrien was glad. He cared about her, of course he did, after all they were friends, and Adrien loved his friends. But her previous affection had been stifling. Any romantic advances towards him had always seemed stifling, in fact.
And he did not go oblivious to his classmates’ blatant attempts to set him up with Marinette, despite the fact that he had already considered it, and come to the conclusion that he wasn’t in love with her – and hey, maybe never had been in love with anyone ever! – and then quickly getting rid of that thought from his mind because it was a little too heavy to think about for now.
All he wanted was to yell SHE’S MY FRIEND! at everyone, and know that no matter how much he insisted, no one was going to believe him. Because for everyone else, apparently life really was like an anime.
Well… most people. The only thing in Adrien’s bizarre confused mess of a mind that had actually made an ounce of sense recently was oddly enough, Alix’s, “Ugh, you guys are so gross!” But then again, that was just what she was like, no one ever bothered questioning it. She was just a weirdo.
But it did make Adrien feel just a little less alone.
-
So it was true. He hadn’t been in love with Ladybug. He hadn’t been in love with Marinette, either. Nor Kagami. Nor anyone else.
“Just the same as me!” Plagg said, before wolfing down another slice of Camembert.
But Plagg was a kwami, not a human, and things worked different. Adrien was a teenager. He had the growth spurts, he had the acne (well covered up by makeup), he had the mood swings and the insomnia and ticked all the boxes on the puberty checklist.
Except the box that said that teenagers got crushes, maybe on girls, maybe on boys, maybe on both.
Was there a box for neither?
The more he thought about it, the more he didn’t even want what every song on the radio said he was supposed to have. Getting all nervous around someone like that? Kissing them? Going all – all – mushy?
Those were all just things he had expected himself to do, and assumed that when the time came, he would want to. But what if he never wanted to? He wasn’t missing out, was he? Or was it some defect? Was he gay and subconsciously in denial?
His mind wouldn’t stop whirring. It was going to be a long night.
-
At 2am, he rolled over and picked his phone up, opening Google.
never been in love, he searched.
There were so many results. His tired eyes skipped past anything that didn’t make sense to his already swamped brain. There was an ad for André the ice-cream man there, and ugh, Adrien didn’t want to think about him and his obsession with romance right now–
There.
He clicked on a page and opened it, and read.
Then he read more, and more, and more. Pages and pages, as much as he could find.
Finally, at long last, things were beginning to make sense. Here, in the darkest hours of the night, all alone, he found a light. Something that explained why his experiences were not universal, why his life was not the anime it was supposed to be, why he seemed so different from everyone else, and why he’d had to convince himself that he was in love with Ladybug to feel anything resembling normal.
He was…
“Aromantic,” he whispered.
Yeah, that sounded nice.
He smiled to himself as he put the phone back down and closed his eyes. Aromantic.
-
As soon as Marinette walked through the door, Adrien leapt over and hugged her tight. It was unusual for him – he wasn’t the one normally initiating the hugging. That was Nino, or Chloé, or… well, Marinette.
“So you’re aro?” she asked.
Aro – oh, it still gave him a welcome spike of adrenaline whenever he thought of that word, the word that meant that there was a tick-box for people who didn’t fall in love, and that was okay.
“Yeah, I think I am!”
“Wow, I’m really happy for you!”
He let go and looked at her, a little more solemnly. “Are you okay with it then? A lot of people in our class told me that you had a crush on me, and so…”
She smiled, that wonderful, sunny Marinette smile. “Don’t worry about me. As you once said to me… I’m really glad you’re my friend.”
He almost teared up in relief. Hearing that phrase, hearing her call him a friend with such pride in her voice, it ripped all his fears away.
“I’m really glad you’re my friend too.”
That was just how he wanted it. Marinette was his friend, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.
me: *remembers that despite how overwhelmingly shippy the show is, to the point where several minor/background characters are canonically couples (including canon wlw and mlm couples), Alix has never been given a love interest nor shown interest in anyone even though she's been in several of the shippier episodes and the contrast is glaring*
me: *remembers how Alix is the only Girl Squad member to arguably show a disinterest in romance*
me: *remembers the colours of the aro flag and also the colours Alix wears*
me, hitting myself over the head repeatedly: STOP getting your hopes up!!! media never has aro characters remember what they did to jughead you desperate aromantic MORON, PERISH
I finally finished it!!! Yes, I was supposed to finish this back in Aro/Ace August, oops. But at least it’s done. Here’s the chapter featuring the good old museum kids, an annoying ice cream man, some fireworks, Juleka being a lesbian, and lots and lots of friendship <3
Just read it on AO3 tbh I can’t be bothered to post the entire thing here
