#mixed relationships

[robot-roadtrip-rants]

a few weeks ago, my boyfriend told me he was planning on visiting a friend for about a week to help him with a project, and asked me if I wanted to come. He gave me the dates, and by coincidence they lined up with Pesach. The conversation immediately derailed into “fleeing Passover” jokes, then he called himself “the goyfriend” and we both laughed for two solid minutes

[gayfeatherfiend]

Hm... Just thinking about how the desire to protect marginalized groups from being fetishized has largely also become the force by which those marginalized groups are demonized for wanting to be seen sexually and romantically. And also by which every person who finds a person from those groups attractive is accused of fetishtization.

[hisgoodpuppy]

❀ art by: pautipeep on instagram

[killowave]

[aceadmiral]

Even though I think I turned off the new tumblr dash, something about its interaction with Xkit has changed such that I see recommended posts now. I've adapted to them fairly well, but there have been several now in the genre of asks that are like "how can you have mixed-orientation relationships?" and I'm just. Tired.

As much fun as theory is, the truth remains that relationships happen between people, not ideals or archetypes or character stat sheets.

Every interpersonal relationship is a series of questions and cost-benefit analyses and choices. A decision to categorically include or exclude certain people from your dating pool will last precisely until you meet an individual who you want to date. That sort of thinking does not serve you or the people around you well, not least because it's only helpful at that very first stage of "should I form a relationship with this person?" and not at any point thereafter.

What you should do instead is learn about yourself, your goals, your boundaries, your needs, your strengths and weaknesses, what would make you happy. Develop your ability to communicate all of these things to other people and to hear and process the same from them. Then when the questions and cost-benefit analyses and choices come up, what you have is a framework for making good decisions. You've given yourself a set of tools instead of opaque, inflexible, authoritarian rules. Which, P.S., will work for all relationships, mixed-orientation or not, for problems to do with orientation or not.

Now, I am not proposing this will make you perfect or infallible in some way; sometimes the answer is to not embark on the relationship, or to change its nature, or to go your separate ways. But what it should do is to allow you to make those decisions with confidence and with minimum regret.

I am also not asserting that it is easy. Certainly I have been blinded by my attachment to what I hoped or wanted the outcome to be in the past and stayed in a relationship too long. It is possible to do nothing wrong and still lose. But again, that question of "what if things change in the future?" is not productive. Things will change or they won't. All you can do develop your tools and make the best decision with the information you have at the time.

[gentlergunler]

Honestly, A LOT CAN CHANGE IN A YEAR.

( or even in a matter of days I know my life smh. )

But, what I am trying to say is my life is so weird yar! This time last year I was excitedly anticipating and celebrating the new Amazighi year and even started learning Tachelhit. I was so engrossed into the language and the culture I even started my @tounaghribiya blog for one main reason ( among others ) that I was so amazed by the Amazigh culture too much I wanted to become one. And today, I only by coincidence find out it s the new Amazigh year again and I am like "Damn.."

I mean, it's not that I'm a hypocrite or a moody person with 0,2 seconds of interest span in things. I just jump in head first whenever I meet someone new that spikes some interest in me. My Amazigh obsession started and grew because of someone I had feelings for, same as how my obsession with Morocco started and kept growing deeper and deeper with each "thing" I later had.. I don't regret my relationships or the way I get engrossed with all my senses and how I get all curious about someone s culture, language, identity, everything they love and everything that makes them who they are.. but it s just so weird how this kinda important chunk of my day and my interests is no longer there anymore. Life is weird.

Also, lowkey sad, I stopped doing that and now I can't help but feel bad for my hubby because I am not investing the same energy nor showing the same amount of interest in his culture lmao. But for once in my life, I don't care as much about the culture because the person I am with is more than enough. Just sayin..

[demigray]

Any advice for someone who's dating an asexual? What can I do to make her feel comfortable in the relationship?

The main thing I see aces worrying about is that they’re not enough and their partner will leave them for someone who wants sex. The main thing your partner will probably need is reassurance that you’re happy with their sexual boundaries, and you won’t leave them for someone who isn’t asexual (if for some reason you do want to break up with them later on, that’s fine, of course—but as long as you are happy with the relationship and intend to stay in it, it would definitely help to reassure your partner). 

[sir-dianiss]

I am slowly moving my art from Deviant art to here, so here is an old sketch dump of mine.