a/n: girl who is definitely not projecting on her fanfic: haha yeah man
featuring the two bozos the clowns from misery loves company. all parts are stand alone fics
warnings: emotionally unavailable fucks, swearing
"You thinkin' about asking her out?"
"Dunno," Bucky mutters, eyes staring into his phone. "Maybe."
Bob sends a quick glance your way.
"Real romantic." You raise your eyebrows, focusing on the stupid drink in front of you.
"Are you sensing any vibes?" Bob continues to test, wiping down the kitchen island.
"The hell does that mean now," he murmurs more as a statement than a question.
Bob answers anyway. "Flirting, Interest. Maybe she’s trying to let you know she’s single.”
Awfully rude conversation to have within your hearing range, honestly.
Bucky squints at his phone again. Probably the tenth message in five minutes.
“I guess.”
Your drink’s gone cold. You keep stirring it anyway. It's basically rancid now.
"Well, you look excited about it." Bob says encouragingly, still casting another glance your way.
Bucky stares back, emotionless.
You snort, feeling a sick sense of fatigue set in on you.
You hop off the counter, taking your stupid drink with you because pouring it down the sink would probably look entirely suspicious.
Not that there was anything to be suspicious of.
In fact, this is what you wanted.
"What do you think?" he asks abruptly
You send him a wry look. "I don't think anything."
“We noticed,” Bucky says immediately. Like breathing. It makes your heart curl until it withers away. “What do you think about this?”
"Ask her out. Or don't. I don't care."
"You're a terrible friend."
"Devastating," you say monotonously.
Seriously, what the fuck.
Bucky locks his phone and puta it away, watching you slowly drag yourself out of the room before you say something worse.
Behind you, there’s silence for a beat before Bucky locks his phone and follows.
Bob looks back and forth between the both of you before deciding he actually wants nothing to do with any of this, contrary to his earlier belief
"You got a problem?" Bucky asks, the silence of the hallway cracking under his audacity.
"Many. Take your pick."
"Funny."
You hum, praying that the fucking elevator gets here faster.
"You don't want me to ask her out," the says, too close to you for your liking right now
"I don't even know her."
"Does that matter?"
You press the elevator button harder than necessary.
Not really. You noticed this whole thing the second it started. The texting. Him checking his phone more. Smiling at it sometimes, which was frankly irritating to witness. Something ugly lodged itself in your chest after that and never really left. Slithered it's way down to your stomach, and legs, and arms, and had just stayed there, stagnant.
You close your eyes, still turned away from him.
"You said this was nothing," he says, voice hard. "Not me."
He was right.
"it is nothing."
“Then you won’t care if I ask her to get coffee this weekend.”
The elevator dings open. You exhale shakily.
You step inside. He follows immediately.
Annoying.
You stare at the glowing floor numbers instead of him.
This was nothing. You’d repeated it enough times that eventually it stopped sounding ridiculous to yourself. You knew there was no hope for the both of you, that this was fruitless, so why waste each other's time.
At least until someone else entered the picture.
Now you feel vaguely homicidal over someone you actually really liked.
"You didn't answer."
"I already said do whatever you want."
"What do you want?"
"A bagel."
Bucky let's out a heavy exhale, like he's tired.
It feels like you're speed running the 5 stages of grief at once as you prepare for the inevitable distance you would have to put between the both of you.
You glance at all the fucking floors left to go and realise you're stuck here for longer than you want.
You can feel him looking at you. Terrible experience.
“She’s nice,” he says after a second. “Likes documentaries. Hiking.”
“Wow,” you mutter. “Soulmates.”
You’ve watched documentaries. You’ve also nearly died on several mountains.
The lift moves with the urgency of a fucking melting stick of butter down a hill.
“Tell me not to go.”
“I don’t care.”
“Bullshit.”
You finally look at him.
His brows are drawn together slightly. Tired. Irritated.
Like this is somehow your fault.
Funny.
You always assumed if this thing ended, it’d be because you eventually got your shit together and moved on.
Didn’t really account for him getting there first.
You're well aware of your hypocrisy.
“Right. I'm gonna go cry in my room about this” you mutter. “I’m gonna go journal about it.”
His expression flickers. “You journal?”
“Christ, no.”
That almost gets a smile out of him.
The elevator finally opens.
You step out immediately.
“Just be honest for once,” he says behind you.
Your jaw tightens.
You could do it.
You could tell him you thought you had more time.
That the idea of him sitting across from someone else, smiling at them the way he smiles at his phone lately, makes something sharp twist in your stomach.
You could tell him you already miss him, which is pathetic considering he’s standing ten feet away.
“Do whatever," you say. "It doesn't matter what I want."
The elevator doors start sliding shut.
The last thing you see is Bucky’s expression tightening, like he’s angry at you. Or himself.
I spent all day putting these guys in A Situation, so have a morsel
(from its first cold blossom)
You should carry a shorter blade, Di Feisheng told him once. They were sharing lodgings, early in the search. Someone comes for you in a cramped room like this, you won't have space to use a jian properly.
That doesn't sound like an honourable tactic, Lao Di, Fang Duobing said, partly teasing. What happened to fighting fairly?
Not everyone is a worthy opponent. Di Feisheng downed his wine and rose, the way he would simply end a conversation the moment his point was made.
In the morning, he was gone. On top of his own bag, Fang Duobing found a pair of daggers, their blades shaped like an elongated leaf. They were well balanced for throwing, too, plain but expertly crafted. Over the months, he grew used to their weight, tucked in his clothes, close to his body.
When packing for this journey, Fang Duobing did hesitate over the blades. What would Di Feisheng think of him using his gift, even after their acrimonious parting?
He sheathed one dagger at his belt, the other in his boot, and went.
The trees rustle in a gust of wind, and their shadows sway across the grass. Under them, someone is sitting on their haunches in front of the graves.
In front of Li Lianhua's grave.
Fang Duobing pulls short, a challenge on his lips. The graves lie below the mists shielding the mountain, but no one would come here on accident.
Before he can speak, Di Feisheng stands, turning in the same motion.
Fang Duobing stares. Are you real? It almost slips from him. It wouldn't feel impossible that the play of light and shadow were fooling his eye, conjuring a phantom from his buried thoughts.
If we ever meet again, have your sword at the ready. That was the last thing Di Feisheng said to him, sparking with fury.
His face is gaunt and still. His eyes cinch with what, on anyone else, Fang Duobing would call uncertainty.
Pairing: Di Feisheng/Li Xiangyi
Rated Explicit
Word Count: 9k
Tags: Li Xiangyi Has A Vagina, (Temporarily), Cunnilingus, Vaginal Sex, Fisting, Temporary Changes to Gender or Sex
Summary: Li Xiangyi forces Liangyi Xianzi to teach him the Dragon Phoenix Shift for the obvious reason.
Chapters: 2/3
Fandom: 莲花楼 | Mysterious Lotus Casebook (TV)
Rating: Explicit
Series: My War Is Done 'Verse, a collaboration with @saki-the-cup-bearer-blog
Summary:
Despite all odds, Li Lianhua has survived his ordeal with the Bicha poison. But surviving is one thing; truly living is something else entirely, and a lot more work. He'll do it, though. (Fang Duobing and Di Feisheng aren't giving him a choice.)
A story of guilt, healing, forgiveness, desire, regret, and the mortifying ordeal of being seen.
I’m very excited to share the next installment of this fic with you all, and I hope you enjoy the update! Additionally - I hope you go take a look at the absolutely stunning art that Saki created to accompany this chapter. It is truly SUBLIME!
莲花楼 | Mysterious Lotus Casebook, Li Lianhua/Fang Duobing, 80k words (completed)
Additional Tags: Modern AU, College/University AU, Literature Student Fang Duobing, Professor Li Lianhua, Teacher-Student Relationship, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Getting Together, First Kiss, First Time, Eventual Smut, A Lot of Nerdy Poetry/Literature References
“Fang Duobing,” he introduced himself with a radiant smile. “Third semester of the master’s program. I read everything you’ve published during my bachelor's. Your research field is one of the reasons I chose this specialization. I very much wanted to study under someone who offers such brilliant insights into literature.”
Li Lianhua studied him—from the dark hair that fell slightly into his eyes at the front and was tied back into a long ponytail at the nape, down to the gleaming black shoes. For someone who had interrupted him in the very first lecture to start a debate, Fang Duobing seemed remarkably enthusiastic about his person.
“If you are so interested,” Li Lianhua replied, narrowing his eyes slightly, “then perhaps next time you might consider taking notes.”
Summary: Literature professor Li Lianhua is perfectly content with his quiet, carefully structured academic life—until master’s student Fang Duobing walks into his lecture, develops an immediate crush, and then somehow starts showing up everywhere. Featuring poetry classes and readings, a trip to Vienna, dates at the opera, unresolved drama from Li Lianhua’s past as Li Xiangyi, Li Lianhua determined not to fall in love, and Fang Duobing very determined to make him.
Just checked my ao3 stats after like. 6 months and realised more ppl subscribed to my mlc fic than I thought BC I never turned on notifs for subscriptions and I thought nobody read it....... I lost motivation for the fic after that but turns out more ppl liked it than I thought idk
I realise it's been more than a year but does anyone still want to read it? I might start updating again after my exams if anyone does. Can't guarantee regular frequent updates BC of school stuff and also my interesting mental health but I'll try my best idk
ok, you know what, fuck it, fic recs post. historically i try not to rec works in progress or things i haven't commented on and i'm throwing that fully out the window for this because honestly, fucking whatever.
if you're on this list and i haven't been fully unhinged at you in the comments, please know that it's because (1) i'm the worst and (2) i'm trying desperately to calibrate so i hit 'enthusiastic' and not 'kind of frightening, actually'. i swear that i have written at least several sentences of a comment for every fic on this list, it's just that i'm genuinely impossibly slow, sometimes. it's me, not you.
my previous rec post is here, in case you missed that. as a bonus, special for this rec list and as a concession to the horrors, i am attempting to guess how much any given fic will fuck up the average person. obviously this is a ymmv kind of situation, but i'm trying, at least?
everything else under a cut because i am longwinded.
and found by @dangerouscommiesubversive, explicit, every possible combination of di feisheng/fang duobing/li lianhua | li xiangyi; bless, but i am not typing all that out. starting off with a wip where i haven't left a comment in like four fuckin' chapters, breaking those rules real good. this fic is a fucking ride. i will admit that i wasn't entirely convinced by the premise when i saw the blurb, but i am nothing if not willing to admit when i was wrong, and i was—once again—totally wrong. this is the fic where i was like 'ok but…is anyone really, like, desperate for gen z li xiangyi?' and then i read it and i was like 'ohhhhhh fuck yeah, ok, i get it, i was actually fully desperate for gen z li xiangyi.' he is. such a little prick. i love him. there has been something unexpected and delightful in every single chapter of this so far, plus a number of impressively memorable one-liners. this fic is fun and distracting and at least as of chapter seven, i'm gonna say it's not even gonna fuck you up. (please note that this is only through chapter seven!)
and the days are bright red by @junemermaid, explicit, di feisheng/fang duobing/li lianhua. rip to my beloved tumblr mutual @junemermaid, because they're getting called out twice in this list, but: tough. this fic is so delightful. featuring: memories of slut era li lianhua, the mortifying ordeal of being known, an entire box of historically accurate sex toys, fang duobing and di feisheng communicating (sometimes silently) in a way that unsettles li lianhua (back from his months-long sojourn), some very hot sex that is both very much about sex and also about trust and being perceived, casual intimacy, and fledgling tenderness. there are Emotions in this, and they get moderately intense, but it's a very kind and surprisingly gentle feel-good fic.
a drink under a clear window by @momosandlemonsoda, explicit, di feisheng/fang duobing and fang duobing/qiao wanmian. a fic that tackles the dreaded v-shaped polycule and makes it work. it seems like perhaps it shouldn't: fang duobing as the hinge, with di feisheng and qiao wanmian on either side, but actually it works perfectly, and is a lovely little glimpse at who they could become and the relationships they could have. i love the thought of qiao wanmian having come into her own as a leader in her own right, as more than just the representative of the ghost of li xiangyi, and this does a wonderful job of letting her be her own person. also, yes, ok, passing fang duobing back and forth like a party favour. this is a post-canon fic in which li lianhua is dead, but the fic itself a straightforward delight that is not at all fucky uppy.
the floating clouds, no resting place, again by @junemermaid (not sorry), technically gen and no ship, but functionally pre-di feisheng/fang duobing/li lianhua. the hair-washing fic. ohhhhhh. i started jotting notes for this post the day that i finished this fic, and i really thought that they were in any way comprehensive, but instead, what i typed and left as a note to myself was this:
and honestly. you're right, hypothetical reader, that doesn't totally make sense, but i stand by it regardless, because i apparently had that thought in [checks date i last saved the file] fucking august, and i'm still nodding along with myself. that is that this is like. this fic is very beautiful and will make you ache and will leave you slightly better at the end of it than you were at the beginning. it may also make you cry; this seems to me a fair enough trade.
the floating lotus by @anndramarama, not rated, di feisheng/li xiangyi. pre-canon stuff doesn't always work super well for me, but i really enjoyed this one, featuring di feisheng and li xiangyi when they're both so young and arrogant and full of themselves—and stupid and naïve and young and almost hopeful in a way that they're often not, in fic, for all that they were barely but children at the point of the donghai fight. they just seem…vulnerable, i guess, in this, in a way that i find touching. seasonal bonus: a ghost story, of a sort. given that this is set pre-canon, i think it's hard to come in any softer than bittersweet, which this very much is.
from here one's hand could pluck the stars by @howlingmoonrise, explicit, di feisheng/fang duobing. sex pollen fic! also featuring, a little surprisingly, given the premise, incredibly explicit and enthusiastic consent. look, this does what it says on the tin. di feisheng gets sex pollened. fang duobing is left to stay with him. the obvious ensues. unfortunately, it is also devastatingly charming? fang duobing is earnest and sweet; di feisheng is suffering beautifully terribly and trying so hard not to impose on fang duobing. they're both trying so hard to be respectful of what the other person needs, but they're also still bratty and argumentative and exasperated/exasperating, and it's very entertaining. this will fuck you up none percent, and may even make you laugh.
my war is done by @orchisailsa, explicit, di feisheng/fang duobing/li lianhua. another wip, with the first of three chapters posted, but please understand that this chapter is nearly 15k and so fucking good and compelling. li lianhua lives! and returns to find that things have changed in his absence, and perhaps that he has also changed in his absence, and now wants things that he had told himself he didn't mind not even having to lose. bonus: road trip and—delight!—only one room at the inn. also some other stuff that i'm not spoiling, but that made me absolutely gleeful. this is definitely a work in progress, and while i don't think there's anything particularly upsetting in the chapter, it does end on something of a cliffhanger. i personally do not feel that this is an upsetting cliffhanger, given the information about the fic that's presented in the tags, but it is technically a cliffhanger.
awkward paragraph break, but it's also important, i think, to mention the absolutely stunning (and not at all safe for work) companion piece to my war is done, you'd be there calling my name, by saki the cup bearer, who i don't think is on tumblr. it's fucking incredible; i am very decidedly not an artist but i cannot begin to imagine how much effort went into this. just. holy shit.
not unlike him in shape and form by @philologicalbat, explicit, fang duobing/li lianhua. ok look. i fucking love when things are deeply emotionally messy, and this is so emotionally messy. li lianhua who's been attracted to fang duobing and not doing anything about it, then discovering that fang duobing is shan gudao's son and is very much going to do something about it. he wants in this, and he's cunty and manipulative and mean about it, and sometimes also almost sweet, almost tender, and i love that, because i feel like li lianhua is very often an object of desire and very rarely gets to desire. i love how human he gets to be in this fic. this is not a sweet or gentle fic, but it does end in a moderately tender place that is tentatively hopeful, i think.
unbecoming heir by @bettercostume, explicit, di feisheng/princess zhaoling. i am taking your hand in mine and begging you to trust me. i know what this fic looks like. it's noncon and a weird pairing and you might look at it and expect it to go in the obvious direction and: it does not. this fic is so good that it makes me angry. it makes me miserable and everyone in this fic is trying so miserably, miserably hard, and it's fucking devastating. i spent literally thirty minutes earlier today yelling at my wife about it. i cannot rec this fic strongly enough. this is not a happy fic, but it is a good fic. it will absolutely fuck you up. this is very complimentary but also you will be fucked up.
until you are its primary evidence by @ilgaksu, mature, di feisheng/fang duobing/li lianhua. the single most effective use of what is effectively a prologue that i've ever seen in fic, are you kidding me. this fic is nothing at all like what i expected it to be, and is something far better than what i could have imagined. it's fang duobing's point of view, which is a rarity already, and it's so well done, and it allows him so much humanity and so much anger and grace alike. there are so many tricky things about this fic—the prologue, the fact that it's set in the amnesia arc, fang duobing's pov, the fact that it actually addresses canonical disabilities and illnesses without being fucking weird about it, the tension between the three of them—and it's all balanced so well. this has some emotionally heavier moments but ends tentatively happily; tentative only because it's set during the amnesia arc, and, well. we know what comes next.
as a final note: if you wrote one of these fics and feel that i've wildly misinterpreted the emotional tenor of the ending, please message me in whatever way you prefer and i will correct it. i would not normally presume to guess how things are likely hit people, as i am in many ways not anyone's ideal reader, but today it seemed like it was kinder to at least try.
