Jul 6
Every time someone lumps being anti-censorship ("proship") in with radqueers and transids an angel loses its wings.
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Every time someone lumps being anti-censorship ("proship") in with radqueers and transids an angel loses its wings.
would any of you be interested if we did the 30 days of DID thing as a system that has not had much if any professional treatment for our DID
we kinda wanna do it but it really depends on what the people (read: the four mutuals who consistently like our posts) think
we got out old journals and notebooks from middle school and high school from our parents and it was really validating to see alter lists and stuff about our system dating back to 2021. we always worry about faking it or not actually having DID but having physical evidence helps a lot.
there was also one paper in the box we were given that had an alter list (written in 2021) with how long each alter on that list had been around next to their names. very very helpful and validating since our memory is so shit
actually really worried that the fact that our roommates pointing out switches might be making us more destabilized and dissociated but at the same time we have an irrational need to know who's fronting all the time and when we can't figure it out we spiral
the thing nobody tells you about your dissociation levels lessening suddenly is that you'll get triggered so much easier
and idk if that's just an us thing or if that happens to others too but we've noticed since our host change that we've been discovering more alters (old ones and new ones) and getting triggered a lot easier than we used to when we were stuck in a dissociative fog
thought crimes aren't real fuck censorship don't like don't read etc etc
the worst parts of having DID for me (and not just alters):
the headaches jfc, they're so bad and most of the time they're bad enough that I can't tell them apart from my actual migraines. the only way I can usually tell is if medication helps
not ever knowing for sure who I am. even if someone solid is fronting and we feel pretty certain in our identity there's always a creeping sense of confusion and disconnection
terrible memory gaps. I have probably the worst memory out of all of my friends and acquaintances, and several of them have DID as well. my memory is bad enough that I regularly have my roommates tell me about things I did and said that I can't remember.
do you know how scary it is to have someone tell you about someone else who was in control of your body? it's genuinely so distressing to find out information about different alters from the people around me because of amnesia barriers or stubbornness from said alters
dissociation in general. by itself is bad enough but combined with alters and memory issues and trauma memories it just becomes a wave of overwhelm that I can't pull myself out of. I'm forced to ride it out whenever it happens, becoming essentially useless no matter where I am when it happens
even talking specifically about alters: do you understand how unnerving at best and horrifying at worst it is to know that you'll never have your own body, memories, and experiences? hundreds of distinct fragments are forced to share one body and brain out of necessity but the desire to be individual doesn't go away no matter how long we exist together
this is not a fun disorder, and even though I know lots of people understand that I still feel it's worth reiterating. I wish I'd never developed DID, it's genuinely ruined my life
I love it when big blogs spread misinformation about disorders that are already stigmatized and double down when they get corrected