#mod felicity

[the-art-of-leaving]

Daily reminder that bad days and weeks don’t negate your recovery. Recovery is not defined by your highest high and your lowest low. It’s a process not a product. Hold as much space as you need. 🗺💖🌑

[writing-shittalia]

Hey, is this still running? I read your old review of that weird Obama fic, and I believe you missed a lot of the allegory there. (Like him attacking countries = wars on terror). It was a shame, since I was hoping you were going to comment on the IRL-based stuff like how mustache-twirlingly evil Bush was made out to be and how economics is way more complicated than a president being bad. But I’d love to see you critique more fics with botched IRL subtext, maybe try to comment on that stuff?

Hello there! I’m not sure about the others, but I’m still here and would love to continue my critique of Hetalia high school because man is that story trash. Lol

I’m pretty sure that I know what Obama fanfic you’re referring to, but I wasn’t around when that fanfic was critiqued. That was from the older members on here. That was waaay before I was brought on here, so I can’t really say on that matter.

Now onto me, I’m a huge history buff and I got a degree in History as well. With a show based on History, I’m always down to some historical fanfics with some good ol’ historical symbolism. Trust me, I love doing a historical fanfic where I can rip to shreds with historical accuracy and just plain common sense. I’ll have search through the archives to find something as horrible and short as ‘Say it after swallowed’, but I’m totally down with critiquing that. Maybe after Hetalia high school chapter 3, I’ll try to find something like that.

~Felicity

[the-art-of-leaving]

How Did We Get Here?: Life Post-Religion

In October, I officially left any remnants of my old life behind and moved to Boston. Graduation had been a whirlwind of chaos and confusion and between my constant existential dread and apartment panic, I ended up in a place I’ve truly been able to call my home. I funded this website, got a team to

Hey! I know it’s been awhile, but there’s a new post on our official website. Just some thoughts I’ve had on being in a new place in my life. How the words that once flew out of me have slowed as I put the years between myself and my deconversion. How I realized I was moving towards and no longer away from.

— Mod Felicity

P.S.

We would love to have you write for us! Submit your story/article/media/poem here. Also, if you have questions you would like us to address in depth, don’t hesitate to fill out our form.

[the-art-of-leaving]

You can have happy memories from toxic places.

Something I wish both the people I left behind in the church and the people I met after leaving understood is that I have good memories. I have absolutely amazing memories. Some of these memories many of the secular people I met give the side eye, and these are also the memories those still enmeshed point to as a reason it wasn’t that bad.

But these good memories don’t always feel good. That’s something that’s hard for people to understand. Sometimes these memories bring me a smile and fondness, sometimes they feel a like a rope tightening around my throat.

It’s so frustrating because I wish that they were one or the other, but they’re not.

The positive memories don’t outweigh the negative experiences and the negative experiences don’t have to engage the positive ones.

Trauma isn’t black and white. Perceptions of memories can change. That’s okay. Trauma is complicated. Life is complicated. We’re allowed to have had good memories in toxic places. We’re allowed to look back in different ways. We’re allowed to feel how we feel.

— Mod Felicity

[the-art-of-leaving]

god wants us to “humble” ourselves. I would mentally prepare myself to die for him. My prayers got longer; I would worry god would be mad if they were too short. But most of all I was scared of my doubts. was trapped inside my own mind. But that was years ago. I’ve since let go of religion entirely and I’ve never been happier. There’s still a long ways to go- my parents don’t know I’m an atheist. But I think back to when I was so messed up and I’m grateful for now. Thanks for listening (2/2)

Anon,

Thank you so much for sharing your story! I’m so glad to hear you’re in a better place. It’s so important to be compassionate with where we are now. Any group, no matter how “extreme” or “mild”, can still be toxic and leave us with wounds and traumas. It’s so important to learn to live our own truths. I’m glad you’ve come so far!

Best of luck in your journey,

Mod Felicity

[the-art-of-leaving]

i have a really horrific fear of hell after being brought up in a devout, fundamentalist southern baptist family that’s obsessed with dying and the end times and all that stuff. i always feel tempted to look up stories of people who have died (and were revived) and didn’t experience any kind of afterlife to alleviate my fears, but i’m also afraid to do that and find something i really didn’t want to know. any advice on that, as well as coping with my intrusive religious thoughts?

Hi anon!

Wow, I really feel you. <3 I struggled for a long time after meeting a Christian apologist. It really fucked me up. He was better trained in logistics and history than I would ever hope to be. After being essentially forced to stay in his sphere of influence for well over a week, I came home and tried to shove atheistic teachings down my throat to quiet the thoughts and distress. I became nihilistic for awhile, unable to believe in anything out of fear of “religious relapse”.

I found my way out of that, though. I began to hold my beliefs gently, not black and white, one or the other. I had to realize that it’s 100% okay to not have everything figured out and that it’s not my job to. I spent so much time debating imaginary atheists and apologists in my head that I forgot about my feelings. As my therapist always used to say to me: “You can’t logic and philosophize away your emotions, no matter how soundproof your philosophy is.”

I also struggle with OCD, so I’m well acquainted with intrusive thoughts. They used to keep me from riding public transportation and driving. I still have those thoughts and instead of bickering with them, I take a deep breath and say, “Okay, I see you.” It doesn’t mean they go away or that all my problems are solved, but it momentarily removes their power. They want me to a) fight or b) give in and by doing neither, they slowly but surely begin to lessen. 

When I stopped fighting to the death all intrusive religious thoughts that came into my brain, I found that I had much more emotional energy to be present (even if just for a second) and begin to allow myself to be okay with not knowing.

It’s a process and it’s possible,

With much love,

— Mod Felicity

[the-art-of-leaving]

I'm an ex-Christian trans boy, and I have two friends who are still Christian and in denial about being LGBT. One of them is gay (probably bi), the other is trans, but they both deny it. The one guy talks about how "God changed him" and made him straight; the other one is obviously dysphoric and depressed and between the two of them I'm just really drained. I know I should be there for them, but between them trying to argue with me and me having to listen to them being homo/transphobic (1/2)

(There seems to have been a bit of jumbling of parts with these asks, so I will try and answer each one as their own question. Thank you for your understanding!)

Anon,

That sounds like it must be really difficult between trying to support them while feeling that supporting them is draining you.

It’s hard for us as ex-Christians to know how to create mental and emotional boundaries, but boundaries are natural and even necessary. It’s taken me a long time to even accept that I need them and even longer to find the strength to draw them.

No one else is entitled to your time and energy. We want to be there for our friends and support them but at the end of the day, we must realize that we cannot change other people or help them see what they are not ready/do not want to see. It can be heartbreaking, we wish more than anything to alleviate their pain, but we cannot feel their pain for them especially if trying to do so causes pain within ourselves.

Know this, it’s okay to hold yourself at a distance, even just mentally/emotionally. It does not make you a bad person. You are allowed to disengage from conversations. It does not make you a bad friend. Your journey is your own, sometimes our friends come around on their own, sometimes they don’t and we don’t always have control over it.

It’s hard work, defining boundaries that did not use to exist and that we were told for so long made us terrible people. Boundaries do not make you terrible or even mean. It’s also okay to be unsure of how to set boundaries in the beginning and stumble. We don’t have to be perfect at it, we don’t have to be perfect period.

I wish you luck and love in your journey, anon, our inbox will always be open,

— Mod Felicity

[the-art-of-leaving]

Pt.3) all the guilt I felt when I drank tea, Thought anything inappropriate, swore (even in my own head), or had any doubts. How the bishop gave me a book, where he underlined an entry about homosexuality being the most serious sin. Next to murder. It was all for nothing. I was miserable. I feel so stupid for believing what they told me. I want to leave the church behind, but I’ve been convinced that I cannot be happy without the church. How do I change that fear? I want to move on.

Anon,

I’m sorry to hear you went through all that. I can definitely relate. As a person with OCD, I often felt trapped by my intrusive thoughts and found it hard not to believe my intrusive thoughts were “messages from God” (even now)

Moving on is a process. A long process. With trauma, it can sometimes alternate between feeling like we’re in the clear to feeling like it never ended. There is no quick fix, but you can be happy without them. (Side note: It’s important to realize that happiness is not a permanent state, it comes and goes as every emotion does. This is perfectly natural.)

It’s important to pay attention to your feelings and the physical sensations in your body. When someone says something, does it trigger you? How so? Why do you think that is? Notice the emotion, but don’t try to change it. Try to tolerate it. Emotions can learn to be tolerated. But don’t beat yourself up for shutting off the emotion either, you might not be there yet. Self-compassion can be hard, if you are unable to fully be compassionate with yourself, try to just take a quick breath and say: “Okay” to yourself.

Then take note of what makes you happy. Even just the smell of grass or the color of the sky on a particular day. What makes you relax shoulders or take a deep breath? Begin to pay attention to that. Begin to seek that out. As you become more aware, you will be able to see what gives you a deep sense of fulfillment. You don’t need to rush it. You’ll get there.

Send you love,

— Mod Felicity