This blog is for reviewing Hetalia fanfiction that's often hilariously bad, offensive, or plain just needs reviewing. We'll occasionally feature a good fanfiction that we come across.
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We take requests; for both fanfictions that should be reviewed and fanfiction that should be featured.
I will say one thing positive about Hetalia High School; it does give Gilbert depth later on. Trust me. Also they didn’t touch England or America. Though a later chapter has something... pretty bad. Just a heads up.
The ask worries me and excites me at the same time.
Jeez there’s a lot of asks about Alicesenpai. I don’t know who that is, since I wasn’t there for that whole shebang, so those asks are either gonna just stay in the askbox or just get deleted.
The reason for that is that the we’re busy with our own lives. Whether it’s school, work, family, etc, we have to take care of ourselves first. It takes a lot of time and effort to constantly run this blog whether it be by finding fanfics to review, and then typing out reviews to such fics. It’s not that we don’t want to post on here, but it’s just we don’t have much energy to do so after everything is said and done. I’ve been reading the next chapter of Hetalia High Scool when I have down time, and I’ve been waiting to start it when life wasn’t too crazy.
Hey, is this still running? I read your old review of that weird Obama fic, and I believe you missed a lot of the allegory there. (Like him attacking countries = wars on terror). It was a shame, since I was hoping you were going to comment on the IRL-based stuff like how mustache-twirlingly evil Bush was made out to be and how economics is way more complicated than a president being bad. But I’d love to see you critique more fics with botched IRL subtext, maybe try to comment on that stuff?
Hello there! I’m not sure about the others, but I’m still here and would love to continue my critique of Hetalia high school because man is that story trash. Lol
I’m pretty sure that I know what Obama fanfic you’re referring to, but I wasn’t around when that fanfic was critiqued. That was from the older members on here. That was waaay before I was brought on here, so I can’t really say on that matter.
Now onto me, I’m a huge history buff and I got a degree in History as well. With a show based on History, I’m always down to some historical fanfics with some good ol’ historical symbolism. Trust me, I love doing a historical fanfic where I can rip to shreds with historical accuracy and just plain common sense. I’ll have search through the archives to find something as horrible and short as ‘Say it after swallowed’, but I’m totally down with critiquing that. Maybe after Hetalia high school chapter 3, I’ll try to find something like that.
Hey guys! Happy New Years! As promised, I have chapter two ready for you t laugh your asses. I’ve been stuck in my house all day because of this huge ass snowstorm, so I ended up drinking and reading this mess. I had a pretty big glass of Moscato, so I am ready spaghetti to handle this mess. Pray for me again guys. Let’s go.
Chapter 2: I Hate Maths...
Man I was about point out the inaccuracy of math being used here, but I made the same mistake in the first chapter. Proceed.
It was finally the last session of the day but Feliciano was not too happy about it. "The last class of the day just had to be maths. At least having Elizabeta and Kiku in the same class could make it a little easier," thought the young Italian as he entered his maths classroom with his two new friends. "Veh~! Kiku, let's sit at the back," Feliciano pleaded to his Japanese friend.
Okay! We get it! He’s Japanese! We don’t need a reminder every second! Jesus!
"Sorry, Feliciano. I'd rather sit at the front to stay closer to the board so I can take notes," explained Kiku who noticed his friend's cheerful mood drop as soon as he said the statement,
Surprise Feliciano. Not every fucking thing is about you. People go to school to actually learn.
"Maybe you could sit next to Elizbeta for this class?"
Elizabeta nodded in agreement, "No, it's ok. I won't leave you alone after you accompanied me for the whole day. I guess I should at least try to take good notes since I'm so bad at math."
Oh my goodness. Is this character development? Am I giving the author too much credit?
Maybe so.
"And I'll be glad to help you any time Feliciano," added Kiku.
"Veh~! Thanks, Kiku," thanked Felicano.
Suddenly, some students rushed into the classroom and took their seats. Elizabeta, Feliciano and Kiku sat together at the front with Feliciano in the middle of the trio. Then, the door opened and a large man with slicked back blonde hair and blue eyes walked in. Some gasps could be heard across the classroom.
Why are they gasping? Is it really shocking that your teacher is an actual person? Like what’s the deal?
Feliciano could hear a few students whispering behind him,
"I heard that he's Coach Beilschmidt's little brother!"
"No way! That guy could easily beat the coach!"
"Crap, as if maths wasn't scary enough..."
Okay. I’ve been to a school where siblings taught different subjects in the same school before. Sure some of us were a little surprised that they were related, but we quickly moved on because we came to learn. Like come the fuck on. This is overkill.
The blonde man began to introduce himself with a thick German accent that laced his voice, "I'm Ludwig Beilschmidt, your maths teacher for this semester. This course will be really easy. All you need to pass is..."
Wait. Wait. Wait. What teacher would introduce themselves with their first and last name?! Like is there anyone who really couldn’t put the pieces together and figure out that Ludwig was Gilbert’s little brother by the last name alone? Like seriously? For real?
Feliciano tried to pay attention to what the man was saying but, damn, even he had to admit that he was a little intimidating. Was it just him or was the teacher in question was really...well...handsome? Wait what was he thinking? Mr. Beilschmid was tall, taller than his brother, with broad shoulders. It seemed he work out. He was also blond. His face was marked with a grim, serious expression but he had those amazing pools of bright blue.
Oh my gosh. It’s GerIta. Who saw this ship coming? Fucking everyone.
Feliciano snapped out of his thoughts when Elizabeta asked him, "Can we be in the same team then?"
"Uh, sorry. I wasn't paying attention," Feliciano gave a sheepish chuckle.
Kiku noticed the conversation going on next to him and decided to help, "Mr. Beilschmidt said that the project for tomorrow could be done in groups so we could work together."
Hold on. How are you going to have a project due tomorrow on the first fucking day of school? It’s the first god damn day, and I’m a hundred percent certain this isn’t AP Calculus, so what the fuck? Does this author know anything about a high school, academy, or whatever the fuck this place supposed to be curriculum?!
"Veh~! Great! If you want, we can meet at my home!"
Mr. Beilschmidt stopped writing the complicated equations on the board, turned around and stared straight at Feliciano, "Please discuss that later, kids."
Feliciano felt his face warm up significantly at that moment,
Is this because of embarrassment of being called out or because the power of boners are stronger? Probably the latter.
"Veh~! Sorry, it won't happen again!" Mr. Beilschmidt then continued on with the rest of the gruesome, brain-wracking, difficult harsh lesson (isn't that how all maths lessons go?).
Bitch you can’t even decide whether Feliciano and Lovino are freshmen or seniors, let alone if they’re in a high school or an academy. Fuck outta here with that bullshit.
The trio remained silent during the rest of the lesson. Feliciano diligently wrote whatever the teacher said even there were many thing he couldn't get but decided he would his best. "Maybe maths isn't that bad after all..."
This is how a Lifetime movie starts before someone gets murdered. God I hope it’s Feliciano.
~OwO~
Man I did not miss this shitty ass line break.
At exactly two o'clock, Feliciano said goodbye to his new friends and rushed trough the halls to find his older brother. "I didn't see him even get to see him during lunch. I hope he had just a good first day like me,"
Seeing how the author is going down the typical route when it comes to these characters and ships, I’m going to say yes.
thought Feliciano as he wandered through the halls. When he turned a corner, he crashed into someone, something or whatever it was, and fell to the floor. He attempted to stand up while carressing his head. "I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to..."
The other person cut him off, "I'm okay. You shouldn't be running in the halls though."
He wasn’t even running though! Or did the author neglect to mention that part in exchange for ‘development’?
Feliciano looked up and saw none other than Ludwig Beilschmidt.
Feliciano didn't know what to say at first, "I-It won't happen again! Please, forgive me! Veh~!"
Character runs into their crush cliche. How saw that coming?
"You're one of my students, right?" Ludwig asked. Feliciano gave him a confused look. How could he remember him, not that he minded at all, it was just his first day, "Sorry. It's because of your tic that I recognised you."
I need another glass to deal with this Lifetime bullshit.
"Is that so? Veh~!" Feliciano covered his mouth with a hand which conveniently hid his sudden blush.
How big is his fucking hand?
"Oh, there's nothing wrong with it. It just makes you kind of unique," the teacher said this while being a tad bit embarrassed of himself.
This is literally a Lifetime movie. Teacher says something that the student takes to heart, and a romance is born. God I hope this means someone gets murdered for it.
"Um, okay. " said the little Italian who felt as if his face was on fire right about now.
"Just be a bit more careful, okay?" Mr. Beilschmidt said.
"Yes, sir!" Then, Feliciano went off to find his brother. "I'm so glad I got to see him one last time, and he likes my tic. Wait, what am I thinking?" The young boy was so girly at times...
Wow. The first chapter was racist, and this chapter is gonna be sexist it seems. Heaven forbid a man can be happy about their crush liking something about them without losing their man card.
He then found Romano who was standing outside where Arsenius had left them that morning. "Veh~! Fratello!" He ran over to his brother and asked, "How was your day?"
Oh god here we go again with the author not using Lovino’s name. God I’m going to lose it.
"None of your business," replied Romano stubbornly, "Now, you'd better tell me how you made
it last period alive!" He may not show it, but he did care for his brother.
The same way you did? You’re not at fucking Hogwarts, guys. You’re going to be fine.
"Well, I made new friends and I didn't dislike all of my classes!" Feliciano happily replied.
"Yeah, whatever..." The big brother's concern has deactivated.
Is Lovino suddenly a robot? Is that why the author calls him Romano?
"Veh~! Look, Romano! There's grandpa! Let's go now!" The two ran over, Romano walked, to the red convertable which their grandfather drove.
Arsenius: Get in losers. We’re going stereotyping.
~OwO~
Once they were at home, Feliciano was lying on the couch whilst waiting for his friends to
arrive. It was around half-past four, the afternoon decided to be really hot so, he was falling asleep on the big comfy couch that was his grandpa's favorite. He could feel his eyes drooping ever so slowly. His mind wandered to different places until it came to his maths class and the good looking teacher. The light from the window made him look even more handsome. He could see the motion of his lips slowing down while explaining some math problem he would never understand.
Let me hear you say, this shit is illegal! I-L-L-E-G-A-L! This shit is illegal! I-L-L-E-G-A-L!
He felt the urge to kiss those lips. When he was about to do so, he was hit in the head with a textbook. "Stupido fratello! There is somebody at the door asking for you!" Romano was standing over him with his ever-present scowl while holding a random textbook he got from god knows where.
Thank god Lovino ended this underaged nightmare.
Feliciano rarely got angry at his brother but he just had to ruin the good dream he was having! But, Feliciano didn't show his anger. Instead, he thanked him, "Thanks, Romano. I'll be right there."
Ummm why are you getting mad at your brother? You’re making your friends wait outside so you finish dealing with your hot for teacher fantasy! That’s a dick move dude.
It turns out that Kiku and Elizbeta were at the door.
Who else would they be? Did he make other friends in between chapters that we fortunately missed out on?
Feliciano lead Kiku and Elizabeta inside the house.
"Oi, idiot. Who're these bastards?" Romano asked whilst leaning against a wall and observing the shy Japanese man and the energetic Hungarian girl.
I’m convinced why the author keeps reminding the audience of their ethnicity because they assume the audience are absolute idiots. I mean I can see it.
"Veh~! Romano, these are my new friends," he pointed to Kiku, "-this is Kiku-" he then pointed to Elizbeta, "-and this is Elizbeta!"
“And I” Romano point at him. “don’t give a fuck.”
"Che." Was all that Romano said before he went back to his own room. Kiku and Elizbeta observed the behaviour and appearance of Romano before he walked away.
Elizabeta commented, "You and your brother are incredibly alike."
I know! Their personalities are so bland in this, you can literally switch them out and nothing would change.
"Hah. Once you get to know us a little better, you may want to change your mind," was Feliciano's reponse.
Like we’re going to learn anything else other than their teacher boners and their exaggerated characters that are in every shitty fanfic like this.
Kiku was still admiring the interior of the house, seeing the detail in every centimeter of the place as an exotic piece of art."You have a beautiful house, Feliciano," said Kiku, who wished he had brought his trusty camera to take pictures of the wonderful house.
I read house as horse accidentally and I ended up laughing so hard.
"Veh~! Thanks, Kiku! Grandpa Arsenius is into design and architecture so he decided to re-decorate the whole place as soon as he bought it!" Explained Feliciano, "Shall we begin doing the project? We can work in the living room!"
I’m so curious as to what kind of job Arsenius has where he can move his grandsons all over to learn more about culture, drive a convertible (which can range from twenty to a hundred grand depending on the year and the type of car), and then redecorate the entire house with most likely extravagant architecture, and not be in fucking debt.
~OwO~
After a couple of hours, both Kiku and Elizabeta were almost done with their part of the project but Feliciano was going through a lot of trouble. "I just don't get this!" He threw his pen down at his book.
You know, I’d find this entire thing believable, but all I get from this is Bella Swan with a dick and an accent.
"It's not that difficult. Here, let me help you." Kiku moved closer to Feliciano to help him.
"Veh~! When I see you doing it, ir seems so easy! But once I start on my own, I just don't get where should I begin!" Feliciano was stressed and maths was known to stress people out.
I’ve been stressed out more from reading this godawful, inaccurate, indecisive fanfic than I have ever been in a math class.
Elizabeta and Kiku were already tired. Elizbeta suggested, "Maybe we can finish tomorrow during break. There are just a few problems left to solve."
So wait is this actually due tomorrow or no? Because they’re really not in a rush to finish this thing. Then again, this author can’t figure out what this fanfic is.
"That's alright. It's been enough maths for today," Kiku sighed. Then, his cellphone rang. Suprisingly, his ringtone was the Pokemon theme.
Ha ha ha! Get it? Because he’s Japanese! And Pokemon is a Japanese creation! That’s so fucking stupid and racist.
After he hung up, he announced, "I should go now. I still have to do an art project with..." He trailed off ever-so dreamily.
"Heracles," Elizabeta and Feliciano finished his sentence together.
It’s only been two chapters, and the author has already done about 65% of the cliches that are in a Hetalia high school fanfic, and a Hetalia fanfic in general. And there’s only 19 chapters to go. Lovely.
"Veh~! It's ok, Kiku! But isn't it a little dark out?"
The Japanese boy was a little nervous, "He doesn't live too far from me."
"Oh, I see," said Feliciano with a sly grin on his face.
I sure as hell don’t see. It’s still dark out!
"It's not like that!" Kiku was now blushing like a school girl talking about hot guys.
That’s sexist.
"Kiku, don't be so serious about it! It was just a joke, right Feliciano?" Elizbeta explained as Feliciano nodded in return.
Feliciano is the last one to talk. At least Kiku can date Heracles without the police getting involved.
"Oh, sorry. Um, okay. Bye, Elizabeta and thank you, Felicano for letting us come over," said Kiku as he packed up his things. Feliciano accompanied his friend to the door.
"I should leave as well," said Elizbeta as she checked the time.
Leave Elizabeta. While you still can. Also this like the tenth the author misspelled her name. Sometimes they’ll spell it right and sometimes they won’t. What the fuck?
"Veh~! Wouldn't you like to stay and ask for a pizza or something Elizabeta? Grandpa
Arsenius is coming home late tonight and Romano is at soccer training," explained Feliciano.
I like how the author just forgot the word practice for a second.
"I would be glad to," replied Elizbeta.
~OwO~
The two were watching a concert on the TV while eating freshly made pizza. "Veh~! Elizabeta?" Feliciano asked.
"Hmm?" Replied Elizbeta.
"Have you ever, er, had a crush on a teacher?" Asked Feliciano, avoiding Elizbeta's eyes.
That is a red fucking flag. Run Elizaveta. Get out now.
Elizabeta choked on her pizza before answering, "Why?"
"Um, well, just asking," replied Feliciano.
"Well, I-I-I'll tell you something. Just don't tell anybody else, not even Kiku," pleaded Elizbeta. It seemed to be a big secret.
Oh fuck here we go. I have a feeling I know what’s coming on next.
"O-ok." Feliciano was curious now.
"You see. Last semester, I joined the chorus not because I'm really good at it. I mean I like music and stuff but the real reason I joined it because of Mr. Edelstein. He's just so...perfect. He's talented, handsome and elegant. I'm so happy when I get to see him."
Wow. Who saw this coming. Also: AusHun used to be a couple, but eded a long time ago cliche.
Feliciano sighed and said, "It's the same way I feel about Mr. Beilschmidt."
Oh for fuck’s sake! Does everyone have a boner for a teacher in this damn fic?!
Elizabeta was bit shocked. This worried Feliciano. When Elizabeta noticed the embarrassment on the boy's face, she felt guilty. "I'm sorry, Feliciano. I didn't mean to offend you. I just thought you'd be into girls because you're so popular with girls," she explained.
What the fuck kind of logic is that? Someone explain to me, because I’m too tipsy to try and decipher this bullshit. Like what in the everloving fuck is this?
"Oh, but, I do like girls. Just not in that way. Mr. Beilschmidt, he really makes the time stop when I see him. It's actually the first time I've ever felt this way about somebody else."
YOU WERE IN HIS CLASS FOR FORTY MINUTES! IT’S BEEN ONE FUCKING DAY! A FRUIT FLY HAS BEEN BORN, LIVED, AND DIED IN THAT TIME!
Elizabeta was taken aback by his friend's honesty. "It looks like we are into the same type of guy!" They burst into laughter and stopped when they heard the front door opening.
Grown men was have no business dating their students?
"Oi, Venziano, I'm home," announced Romano who had walked in. He was in his soccer uniform, a black sports bag hung at his side, "Idiot, did you make dinner?"
Make your god damn dinner. Your legs aren’t broken. You played soccer with them.
"Veh~! There's pizza in the kitchen Romano!" Romano dumped his bag near the enterance and walked into the kitchen.
"Now I get how you two aren't alike," commented Elizbeta. They started laughing again. It seems that Feliciano found confidence in talking to Elizabeta. You know how every time you fall for somebody, you need a person who would listen to you babbling about it all the time.
You sure it’s not too ‘girly’ to admit his feelings with someone, author? Because you had a problem with it twice before with how you referred to them as girly, but now you want make it seem like it’s okay for him to talk about him being hot for teacher because he’s talking about it with the Fujoshi who’s gonna set them up? What kind of backwards, topsy turvy, 50s tv show bs is this?!
~OwO~
I’m looking back at my review of the first chapter of this fanfic with such hope and vigor. However, like 2017, it was worse than I could ever imagine. Like I knew it was going to go downward, but man this is going down faster than the Berlin Wall did. God this entire chapter was ten times worse than the first chapter. Holy fuck. How did people think this was a great fanfic is a mystery to me. I read all the comments to this chapter, and it’s mind boggling. On the bright side, there was one person who called out the fact the author never used Romano’s human name. Kudos to that person.
Also I just want to point out that the author had a Beta reader, you know someone to give them critiques about their writing like spelling errors and stuff. Even with a Beta reader, they still decide to not use Romano’s human name, and alternate between spelling and misspelling Elizabeta’s name! 2011 was such an interesting time for Hetalia and Fanfiction as a whole. It’s been like six years since this chapter was posted, so hopefully they outgrew this just like a good chunk of people.
The next chapter will either be coming out later this week or next week. These chapters aren’t really that long, but man are these things painful. Until the next chapters my lovelies.
Hello. If I may,I would like to ask if you can review my very shitty fanfic "Brother Dearest" on wattpad. It was made three years ago with two very short chapters. Im surprised I still have it up. Im not a fanfic writer but I wanted to try it. I cry when I look at it.I love your reviews and I hope this is still active! Its an oc x italy fic which I highly apologize for writing lol.#roastme
Hello dear! I can't speak for the others, but I'd be more than happy to review it if you like. And thank you so much for the compliment!~Felicity
Sorry to be a bother, just wondering if this blog is still active because I find your reviews hilarious and haven't seen one in a long while.
I really want to be active again but the reason why I haven’t been updating is because I just have a shitty system. I take a very lenient online school, so I like trying to do that but I get bored and then DON’T do anything but I refuse to do anything big like write a review or anything like that. It’s a shitty circle and I got to try and clean that shit up
Man, after you guys did that awful 'Hetalia Various Smut' thing that chick went apeshit and deleted her story on AO3 THEN proceeded to tell all her followers on Quotev to send you shit for calling them 'sluts' and her a weeb. Smh
Hey guys! It’s Feli again. And yeah it’s gonna be one of those fanfics. And this one is a big doozy. I literally have no words with out crazy this is, and there’s 21 chapters in all. Pray for me guys as I embark on this horrible fanfic. Let’s do it.
Chapter 1: The First Day...
"Veh~! Fratello, aren't you nervous about tomorrow?" Feliciano asked his elder twin.
Oh my god. It’s worse than I though. The first sentence, and there’s already two things wrong with this. 1. The ‘veh’ along with the ~. and 2. FELICIANO AND LOVINO ARE NOT TWINS! Lovino is older by 2-3 years! Jesus christ on a bicycle I wanna strangle the person who said this lie.
"No, I don't give a damn about it. It's just school, don't be such a cry-baby about it. After all, it's our last year of high school," said Romano from the kitchen whilst standing infront of a giant pot of boiling water.
His name is Lovino! Come on! You could just google this shit! Now you’re just being lazy.
They may have been twins but they were polar opposites. Romano was the more angrier and aggresive twin while Feliciano was the more carefree and wimpier one. The only physical differences they had were the curls on the sides of their heads. Feliciano's was on the left and Romano's was on the right.
Even though they aren’t twins, but let’s just keep going with that. And thank you for mischaracterizing them even more! This is fanfic filled with inaccuracies, all for the sake of yaoiz~.
"Veh~! We're gonna to be the new guys! Doesn't it make you a little nervous?"
Romano sighed and stopped what he was doing in the kitchen to go over and sit by his brother. "I know you are afraid of being accepted but your personality makes easy for people to like you so, stop being fucking afraid. Okay?"
I swear if this person keeps calling him Romano in the next chapter, Im going to throw a chair. But at least Lovino isn’t too bad. He’s actually being a caring big brother.
Feliciano looked at his brother, he rarely make any nice comments or be nice so he felt fortunate for being one of the few who could watch him showing his real self. "Thanks, Romano. That's very nice of you! Now, let me help you with dinner!"
And there goes that character development, where we’ll never see anymore of that again.
Romano's face was tinted with a light blush as he said, "I'm not being nice to you idiot, I just said the truth..."
All we’re missing is the traditional ‘baka’ that comes after it. Come on, you were all expecting it.
Romano followed Feliciano into the kitchen where they started to finish their cooking. When they were nearly done, they heard the front door of their massive house open. "I'm home," a voice sounded from the corridor.
"Veh~! Grandpa Arsenius! Welcome home!" Feliciano fled from the kitchen to go and run up to his grandpa to hug him.
After a quick google search, I have discovered that Arsenius is an actual Roman name. In fact, there’s a historical figure with that name. Which begs the question: How do you take time to google a Roman name for Ancient Rome, but NOT GOOGLE ROMANO’S HUMAN NAME?! Does anyone else see what’s wrong with this picture?
For his age, Arsenius was a man who was hot, tall, a brunette, manly, strong, and incredibly good looking. Aside from that, he was a open-hearted man who took care of his two cute grandsons. Calling them cute made Feliciano happy but made Romano some what annoyed. The three men lived in a fancy old house which was restored by Arsenius who was into architecture. It was their grandpa's decision to leave Italy so the boys could get to know a little more about the world.
What kind go grandparent would make their grandchildren move to another country, so they can learn about the world? Isn’t that what’s Google for. I’m sorry, but that’s one of the most dumbest reasons to move to another country. That’s like moving to another state, so you can learn about America. That’s not a legit reason. Arsenius is a dick to his grandsons.
But he still yearned for his homeland so decided to decorate the whole house Italian style. It made Arsenius feel at home rather than being so distant from Italy.
And yet you still made him move. Also, where does one get the money to do all of this? We don’t know about his job, thought from the description we got of their grandfather, he’s most likely a stripper.
"Thanks, Feliciano," thanked the elder man who was momentary taken out of breath. "Are you guys ready for tomorrow?" These words took the cheerfulness away from the boy. Arsenius noticed this and said with a warm smile that made Feliciano feel more calm, "You don't need to worry, little man. You'll see, everything's gonna be just fine."
‘Everything’s gonna be just fine’ cliche.
"Dinner's ready!" Yelled Romano from the kitchen, interupting the moment.
"Won't you greet your grandpa too, Romano?" Asked Arsenius. Romano just groaned, trudged towards Arsenius and gave him a kiss on the cheek like all Italians do.
That’s racist.
The three sat at their rather large dining table that had been set up by Romano. "I'm so hungry! This look delicious! Thank you, kids," said Arsenius who sat at the head of the table as they began
to eat.
~OwO~
When you see a symbol like this instead of a decent line break, you know it’s going to be really bad.
The next day, the Vargas' grandfather dropped them off at their new school. "Okay, guys!
Have fun! I'll pick you later today, alright?" Then, Arsenius left, leaving the twins at the entrance of the academy.
Wait. Is this an academy or a high school? Because those are two different things. The author literally contradicted the entire title of their work!
They were late - not just because of them but because their grandpa also had this bad habit
Which is something we’ll never know because the author didn’t find any reason to do so which begs the question as to why bring it up in the first place.
- so it would be harder for them to find where their first class was. Romano took his brother by the hand and lead him inside. Once they got to the principal's office, a kind man offered himself to take the to their classes.
"You must be the new students. I'm Toris Laurinaitis, your tutor. If you need anything you can find me next to the principal's office." The man was a average height brunette with bright, ambitious, green eyes.
Wait. They have their own tutor?! What academy do you go to where you get your own personal tutor?!
The brothers thanked him and introduced themselves. "Uh, I'm Feliciano Vargas and this is my brother Romano. We're late for class and we don't know where our classrooms are. Could you, maybe, help us out please?"
I swear I’m going to pull my hair out over my frustration of seeing Romano instead of Lovino.
"Of course, kids. I understand this is your first day, but don't let it happen again. Unfortunately, your classes aren't together. But, I guess you'll meet more new people that way, right?" Romano just shrugged but Feliciano just got more anxious.
Excerpt the fact that Feliciano does have friends of his own. Hell, the manga stars him, Germany, and Japan, which are shown to be three best friends!
"Okay, here's your classroom Romano. You have alternative language class with Mr. Fernández."
Oh dear god. If I know the fandom as well as I think I do, he and Lovino are going to get together. It’s one of the unwritten rules of Hetalia fan fiction.
They came to a stop at a door which would happen to be Romano's classroom. Romano entered his classroom, waving goodbye to his younger brother and the older man. Before the door was closed, Feliciano could see that the teacher was a very young and good looking man. He was a tall brunette with slightly tanned skin and had a tomato on his desk.
Oh they are so going to get together. I can feel it in my bones.
He wasn't like any teacher he had seen before.
BUT YOU’VE ONLY MET ONE OTHER TEACHER HERE!
He thought about how lucky his brother was. He would have had alternative language class but he chose art instead of alternative language class. But, he didn't regret it because he wanted to study art at college.
That entire paragraph made me very confused. Perhaps it’s the America centric ideal I have, but I’m very sure you can take an alternative language class and art. Shit, it was required for me to do that.
Feliciano and Toris walked through the halls until they arrived at their destination. "Well, Feliciano. Looks like I leave you here. You've got Literature with Tino Väinämöinen. Most people call him by his first name seeing as his last name is a bit difficult to pronounce."
Or Mr. V? The entire student body is showing disrespect to this teacher because they’re too lazy to saw Mr. V.
"Um, okay. Thanks for the help." Toris walked then walked away and left Feliciano by himself. He took a deep breath and opened the door. As Feliciano walked through the door, everybody turned to look at him, making him even more nervous.
"Hello there. You are the new student, right? I'm Tino. If you may, please introduce yourself before we begin class," began the teacher. He was a young blonde man with bright, energetic, violet eyes.
Like ultraviolet bright?
"Why me?" thought Feliciano before he said, "Um, hi. I'm Feliciano Vargas and I come from Italy." Being a foreign student raised the attention on him, there were more foreign students on the school but none Italian.
Because that’s so likely, am I right? Also, where’s Seborga in this? He may be a micro nation, but he is Italian.
"Welcome, Feliciano. Have a seat at that empty space in the back," said Tino.
Cause he’s got a blank space baby.
"Okay, thanks," said Feliciano as he made his way through the crowd of desks. "Please stop staring at me..." thought Feliciano as all the students eyes gazed at him. Even he liked it or not, Feliciano was attractive. Girls were always attracted to his features and accent.
‘Oh woe is me. I hate being so beautiful because everyone is always staring at me.’ Did Italy get some lessons from Ebony Darkness Dementia Raven Way?
He turned to his left to see a boy about his age with short, black hair. He looked somewhat Asian.
Hahahahaha. That’s racist.
Feliciano guessed Japanese.
This is even funnier when out of the Asian ethnicities to choose from, automatically knew that he was Japanese, despite looking somewhat Asian. Not only is this racist, but it’s so ridiculous.
He like the type not to bombard him with questions so he decided to start up a little conversation. "Veh~! What's your name?"
The ‘somewhat Asian’ person looked at him oddly before turning back to his work. If only this was accurate.
The Japanese boy turned to him and said, "Hello, I'm Kiku Honda. Mice to meet you." Feliciano got a better look at his face when he turned to him. He looked a little serious but very calm.
First he looks somewhat Asian (when he’s actually full Japanese), and now he looks a little serious but very calm? Poor Kiku is getting all the crap in this fanfic when it comes to his description.
"Hi, Kiku. I'm sorry to be a bother but, could you show me around the school? I'm a little lost and in the need of a friend."
It’s too little, too late to apologize.
A light pink colour spread across Kiku's cheeks. "Sure, Feliciano. What do you have after this?"
Why is blushing from a simple question? Is this the Uke Japan the fandom loves to do?
"Biology, Gym, Art and Math," Feliciano read off his schedule.
"It looks like most of our classes are the same," replied Kiku.
I definitely did not see that coming. It’s not like they’re always together in every School AU.
"Really?" Said the Italian with a shine in his eyes, "That's great Kiku! I'll get to see you often!" Kiku was taken aback by the cheerfulness of his classmate but still he find him agreeable.
You mean tolerable.
~OwO~
After Literature and Biology the boys had a break so they head to the cafeteria. "I'm hungry! Veh~! I'm so glad there were leftovers from last's night dinner!"
Please stop talking.
"You'd better not eat too much Feliciano. We have gym next period," said Kiku as they sat down at a table.
"Eh? But why?! I love pasta!" Feliciano was nearly crying at his new friend's statement.
Oh my god. It’s even worse than I thought.
"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to make you upset!" Exclaimed Kiku, "It's just that Mr. Beilschmidt has reputation of being harsh on the freshmen."
Wait. How are they freshmen? I just read where Lovino said it’s their last year., and that was the second paragraph. HOW THE FUCK ARE THEY FRESHMEN WHEN LOVINO SAID THAT IT’S THEIR LAST YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL?!
"Who's 'Mr. Beilschmidt'? And why would he do that? Is he scary? I already hate gym for adding an evil gym teacher to it!" Kiku wasn't a fan of exersice either but he tried to calm down his friend.
And the author isn’t a fan of spelling and grammar check apparently.
"Well, he isn't that bad. He's German
That’s racist.
and good at sports. The only problem is that he likes to show off so he enjoys putting weak guys through trouble whenever he can," explained Kiku in an attempt to calm Feliciano down but it was a failure.
This doesn’t sound like Ludwig or Gilbert in the least bit.
"Ah! No! I'm one of those weak guys! I've never been good at sports! Kiku, what am I going to do?!" Cried Feliciano, "Maybe we should hide! Yeah! We could hide! Then we couldn't attend!" Once Feliciano stopped babbling about ways to not do Gym class, Kiku practically dragged him to Gym class.
Thank goodness I am halfway done.
~OwO~
Get a decent line break already!
After the students got changed into their sport uniforms, a man with red eyes and platnium blonde hair that looked white from afar greeted them. "Morning, kids! It's always nice to see new faces. I'm Gilbert Beilschimdt and if you don't like gym class, you'll leave this place hating it!" Exclaimed Mr. Beilschmidt. He then gave some sort of sound that went along the lines of 'kesesesese'. Mr. Beilschmidt was a tall, thin yet muscular man. He seemed very energetic and some what childish.
Oh Gilbert. What have they done to you?
Feliciano was trembling and Kiku trying to calm him but was a bit scared himself. "Now, New Guy. Introduce yourself before we begin," said Mr. Beilschmidt as his red eyes glared into Feliciano's amber ones.
Shouldn’t he already know his name? I mean, he’s in his class, so he has to be on the roster already right? Can’t he do it for him instead of wasting time?
"How many times today must I go through such torture?! Somebody save me please! Maybe I can still run away while the other people introduce themselves!" Feliciano's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a loud whistle.
Which I am so grateful for because this inner monologue is getting old real fast.
"Hey, you, pretty boy. Come here and present yourself now," ordered Mr. Beilschmidt as he dropped the black whistle that hung from his neck. It seemed as if he didn't have any time for time-wasters.
Yet you continue to waste time on him.
"Pretty..." he thought, "I hate to be described that way. It's embarrassing!"
‘I hate being beautiful’ cliche.
Feliano walked to the front of the class and stuttered, "I-I'm Feliciano Vargas..."
He couldn't finish his sentence because Mr. Beilschmidt had cut him off, "We have a little Italian in the crew!
That’s racist.
How awesome! Welcome, buddy! Now, go and pick a partner to start the warm-ups and stretches with." Feliciano immediately ran to Kiku, who glad to have Feliciano as a partner due to his limited social skills.
Holy shit. Why is Kiku being insulted so much in fanfic? Does the author not like Japan? Like damn.
~OwO~
After Gym class, fourth period finally arrived. Feliciano was expectionally excited for this class for this wasn't any other class, this was THE CLASS. The one class that made it worth waking up so early in the morning for five days a week. Art class, that is. "You seem very excited Feliciano," said Kiku with a slight smile. He liked this side of his friend.
Woah Kiku. You need to chill with that. You just met the guy.
"Veh~! I love art, Kiku! It's my favourite class! When I graduate, I want to study art and become famous!" Exclaimed Feliciano who had one of the biggest grins on his happy little face.
The author just love using adjectives to describe everything. Even things that don’t need to be described.
"I'm sure you will achieve your goal if you put effort into it," encouraged Kiku with a warm yet small smile on his face.
When they arrived to the classroom, they saw that the tables were arranged in groups of four. "Look! There's a free space there Kiku!" Feliciano took his friend by the hand and dragged him to the table where they sat down. Feliciano noticed that Kiku was a little nervous.
Is this the part where Greece comes in, so we can get more yaoi?
Then he saw another student getting up from his position on the table. It had appeared that he had been napping. "Oh, sorry. We didn't see you there," apologised Feliciano.
Called it. Also ‘Greece is found sleeping’ cliche.
The boy looked towards the two with a very calm, sleepy expression and introduced himself, "Oh, hey there. You're the new guy, huh? I'm Heracles Karpusi. I was just taking a nap."
When are you not?
"Veh~! Hello there, Heracles! I'm Feliciano Vargas, it's a pleasure to meet you!" Said Feliciano.
"Italian?" Asked Heracles as Feliciano just nodded, "I'm Greek."
No shit.
"Veh~! Is that so?" Replied Feliciano.
Now this is stupid. Feliciano may be a little ditzy, but anyone can tell that Heracles is Greek. Hercules anyone?
A shade of pink tinted Kiku's face as he mustered up some courage to greet Heracles, "H-hi, Heracles san."
There’s that uke we all hate and detest. For a moment, I thought he was actually getting some sort of dimension and personality.
The sleepy boy turned to Kiku and said, "Hello, Kiku. I thought you were taking music class instead art?"
Kiku blushed even more and replied, "W-well I-I changed my mind at the last minute."
At the moment, Fandom Japan is the new fandom Canada.
Feliciano found it really difficult to hide his grin at the fact that his friend clearly had something for this guy. "Well, I'm glad," Is what the Greek managed to say before falling asleep again.
‘Greece falls back asleep’ cliche.
Kiku was partially grateful because his ever-growing blush was sure to be some-what noticeable. Kiku looked back at Feliciano who winked and gave him a smile.
~OwO~
"Amazing! You're very talented!" Came a voice from behind Feliciano. He turned around to see a beautiful girl with big green eyes and long brown hair. "Hi, I'm Elizabeta."
Of course. You can’t have a yaoi filled fanfic without Hiungary! She’s gonna get them all together.
"Veh~! Hello, I'm Feliciano Vargas! That's Kiku Honda and that's Heracles Karpusi," replied Feliciano as he pointed towards the Greek and the Japanese.
Was that really necessary to add their ethnicities? We get it! They’re all different! Next!
"It's nice to meet the three of you! Do you mind if I join you? I'm alone at that table and not inspired enough in my project..." asked Elizbeta, her big green eyes gleaming with sadness.
Maybe the yaoi will inspire your role in the plot some more.
"Sure! Have a seat!" The Italian motioned towards the free seat next to him.
"Thanks," she said as she sat down next to him, "I'm really impressed by your work, Feliciano."
"Thank you but, I'm still just an amateur," replied Feliciano.
Which means to praise him even more.
"I agree with Elizabeta. Your paint is beautiful," added Kiku who was glancing over a his work with a paintbrush in hand. Heracles, who was miraculously awake, nodded in agreement.
Hey author, you know there’s more to Heracles than him just sleeping right?
Feliciano was smiling widely at this. There was nothing better than being recognized in something you actually like doing.
This is going to sum up the entire plot. Feliciano is unsure, friends give him encouragement.
"Any of you got maths after this?" Asked Elizabeta as she stuffed her schedule into her pocket.
Maths? Since when does Math get a s at the end of it?
"Yes. Feliciano and I have class with Mr. Beilschmidt," replied Kiku as both Elizabeta and Feliciano jumped from their seats.
"Not again! I don't I could handle seeing him twice a day!" Said the Italian with tears forming in his eyes.
I feel like you’re missing a word in that sentence.
Elizabeta added, "Don't tell me that idiot can give a Math class?!"
Elizaveta is a dick to teachers.
"Not really," replied Kiku with a calm expression on his face, "It's because Mr. Beilschmidt has a younger brother who is now working in the school. He just recently."
Wouldn’t they put something like that on the schedule to avoid something like this?
"Oh, I see. I really hope he's not an ass like his stupid brother," sighed Elizbeta, her rage for the idiot Gym teacher was clearly showing.
For a reason that will make no sense whatsoever. Also ‘girl hates boy who she’s going to get with later on’ cliche.
"Why you hate him so much?" Asked the greek boy, which kind of scared her because he'd been quiet for so long.
That makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.
"Not any particular reason. I just hate muscle-heads like him," was Elizabeta's answer.
And if I know how this plays out, she’s going to have a moment of clarity, where Elizaveta realizes that she was wrong about him the whole time, ultimately having her fall for him. It’s so obvious.
"I hope he's not like his brother, he's scary," said Feliciano, wincing at the thought of the fearful Gym teacher.
No he fucking was not. And Feliciano would never be scared of Gilbert! Gilbert think he’s ‘cute’ in canon. Where is this bs coming from?
"I talked to Mr. Laurinaitis earlier today about him and he highly recommended the younger Mr. Beilschmidt as a Maths teacher because he's not like his brother at all," explained Kiku.
That’s a really fucked up reason. Also maths is actually the shortened version of mathematics, so I take back what I said earlier.
A little more calmed Elizbeta said, "You're very well informed Kiku."
"Veh~! That's right! Thanks to Kiku, I've been able to survive my first day here!"
By literally doing nothing. Seriously what exactly did Kiku do other than tell him some info that Feliciano could have learned from anyone else, or someone more informative?
Heracles looked straight into the Japanese man's eyes and said, "He is a very good friend." Kiku froze in an instant and turned as red as a beetroot.
Kiku is suffering from the Uke syndrome, where anything Heracles say can cause him blush like mad. Seriously he could talk about the weather, and Kiku would still blush madly.
Elizabeta and Feliciano shared glances and thought the same thing. 'This was going to be an interesting year.'
~OwO~
This is going to be a real shitty fanfic. I thought this was a troll fic because there’s no way someone would write all of this inaccuracy and cliches, and just rude portrayals of these characters. But I read the comments, and no. This is real. Someone really thought that this is how all those characters were portrayed. I felt like I was watching those really shitty high school tv shows that they used to show in the afternoon or something.
The spelling isn’t too bad, but the grammar is a mess. Granted, the author’s first language isn’t English, so it’s not as bad as it could have been. But my god this fanfic is horrible. It’s just a huge fucking mess just written to get everybody’s favorite yaoi pairings together just for kicks with little to no development whatsoever. This is only the first chapter, and it sucks so much. I know it’s only going downward from here. I can just feel it. Until the next chapter!
☆I've decided to post my stories here when my Friend @ColetteLunsford lead me here to a good start on my Re-created Hetalia stories (Various 1p!/2p! Hetalia x reader Lemon )
☆DO NOT Accept Insert OC character x Hetalia crush character of your choice.
☆If your underage of 13, Do not read and post bullshit how disgusting it was. I'll let you on a warning is close the window and let hetalia lovers and Adults smut enjoy it.
w-what? What... does that even mean? I'm honestly confused- Author's profile says they're a 20 year old living in Philidelphia. How? I mean, if English is their second language, I'd understand completely, but this is just confusing?
REQUESTS: (comment your favorite hetalia character/yaoi pair)
Yaoi
Threesomes
Hetalia Shota-con/little child x Female reader
...is this pedophelia?
Cannibal/creepypasta crossover
What?
Vampire/Wolf/Greek animal
Naga, Neko,
Mafia/ Military soilder/ Country uniforms
Assassin, BDSM seme/uke
Step Father!/ Pirate/Police/Waiter/Playboy/lap Dancers/Bondage/Sadism
1p!/2p!, Dark, Devil etc:
Devil/Angel/Incubus
YANDERE/Stalker
Hoilday seasons (V-day, Irish, Christmas, Thanksgiving, Jewish)
Anime Cosplay
Birthday Specials (you readers tell me your Month and Day )
Anime Crossplays characters (example Black Butler)
Yup, all standard fare. not
NOTE: I read through some of the comments on this fic, and AliciaSenpai... believes... this is Japanese culture????? weeaboo alert
I'll do my very best sincerely AliciaSenpai♡
Notes:
DO NOT FUCKING BANNED, REPORT OR CALL ME A BITCHY Noob against anime Hentai fanfictions any other websites I love. I respect people's thoughts if not like Smut. Don't Fucking read it, View it or you're a fucking bitchy brat to misjudge people's creativity just because you're Perfect or get into my damn business.
Wh-what? I'm legitimately baffled. Who writes like this? Calls people a "fucking bitchy brat" right of the bat?? I feel like I'm being screamed at by that rage pepe in a sailor moon costume???
I do not give up on this unexpected cause of Action. or any disgrace of the Anime fictions
I do descriptive Roleplays, Yandere stories and also a expert of hetalia smut create work.
Chapter 1: Request hetalia character
Konichiwa everyone~. My name is Alicia Senpai.
I'm 20 years old (2/12/95), and goes to college, part time job and very talent I've awesome Senpai to be called .
"Very talent I've awesome Senpai to be called"
■READ the hetalia smut story. read the Description as picking your request♡
☆NOTE: if you pick Threesomes. honestly it will take a few days or two to finish it. I'm very a pervertive Author and a Awesome follower that I post my stories one year ago I was unfortunately Banned for 30 days. it was so fucking stupid .
I think I understand why.
☆Same goes with the Hetalia Nagas,sadistic sexy guys , Threesomes, Yanderes and so much rough sex of each various Hetalia characters one by one. The updates will Rob my sleep as it takes days to finish.
Be patient if you please.
Sure. Take as much time as you need. (Please.)
☆Along with unfinished Spelling errors and organizations who's
whose. Honestly, I don't think I'm going to go into any of the spelling/capitalization/punctuation/grammar issues on this because there are so many?
Request goes first and the last. so it takes time so much. no time to fix the damn perfect spelling. deal with it.
...spellcheck?
☆DO NOT FUCKING REPORT ME OR THREATEN ME BECAUSE I'm a Damn Weeaboo. that I'd don't accept of Normal individuals hate Anime and Report me on the Sexual nudity . it wasn't a thread. Half naked is making every women to let pervertive thoughts out. Its not harming or making a disgustment on the Fanfiction and About myself at all. you have no fucking right to Report me.
I'm so confused? If you're posting nudity in threads where nudity is not allowed you're going to get reported?? That is why the report button is there??? Some people don't want to see nsfw stuff????????
●One of my friends recommended me to post stories on Fanfiction.com, Wattpad, and Deviant Art. it was very useless. thank to @ColetteLunsford who'd let me here .
"it was very useless" Blunt and to the point, I guess?
If you had any questions, feel free to ask . If your bold enough to like Smut or yaoi feel free to read some of my awesome works.
"bold enough"????? Do I have to get into how assholish that is? saying people who don't like reading about sex are cowards?? What about asexual people???? Sex-repulsed people????? Yaoi is not the ultimate test of bravery??????????????
●Don't READ, judge, Copy right and harass me neither my work it's very hard to put all this for my Quotev and Ao3 request for a huge friend they've done.
I respect how difficult it is to put works online, but this whole description reeks of self pity? "don't harass me, it's hard to put stuff online! if you don't like NUDITY and SEXY YAOI BOYS, leave! I'm gonna put nudity on this public forum thread, even though it's agaisnt the rules and someone's gonna report me- WHAT? YOU REPORTED ME?? YOU HAVE NO FUCKING RIGHT TO REPORT ME YOU BITCHY SHIT!!!!!!!!!"
Chapter 2: 1p! italy and Reader x 2p! Romano
Oh, great. Reader insert fics.
Summary:
Quotev follower Request; 1p! + 2p! Sabrina
Chapter Text
REQUESTED: 1p! +2p! Sabrina (QUOTEV) CRUSH:2p! Italy +2p! Romano
It was so much silent, when You were invited to the Bachelor party. It was all fore fill
???????? "fore fill"?????
surrounding guest, Men were dressed in tuxedo’s and women were in slutty figured dresses showing much skin.
Well, this is already misogynistic. The kid gloves are fucking off, let's fucking fight.
Surrounding in a tight circle with their hands clasps around their palms, whispering about the new male bachelors. they were Italian brothers belonged to the rich Grandfather Holy Rome in Italy.
The opposite brothers of the nice and the mean,
Terribly worded?
the scarlet pupils shine of the pouring cocktail into the glass,
Whose pupils are fucking scarlet? Prussia's??
the grossed sigh from the youngest Italian man wore the dark brown Italian Brigade mafia uniform, the purple dye ball decoration poof dangling onto it’s hat,
What the fuck-
the crooked Italian curl looking at the women a surprised gasp.
The curl was looking at the women???
“ Get out my Way you fools!” he shouted taking out a silverware knife stained in blood human fluid red.
What?? He randomly threatens guests at a party???
Also, do I even need to bring up "blood human fluid red"?
The Other brother lifted up it’s shades, the red frame of the sheer polish, had a designed scarf around it’s neck, “ Oui, dear Brother~ It’s rather rude to the lovely women in the ball~.” It was Flavio.
????? Terrible grammar? Nonexistant sentence structure?? ending a sentance with "~"??? Who the fuck is Flavio??????
Flavio was bleached blonde looking at the women, the foolish floating hearts, the hearts in rhythm “heh, those fools fell for it~”
????????????????????????????????
He’d thought it . As luicanio
Who the fuck is Luicanio? What's with all these random people? Are these the 2P Italy brothers?
stepped off the stage pushing the bitches
??????????????????????????????????????????????? This is so incredibly misogynistic and man-worshipping? I want to punch someone??
off his way, girls were tumbling down like a line of dominions while you were astonished standing there on what’s the big deal?
Oh, god. Enter Mary Sue OP, the girl who is amazingly beautiful but doesn't put a lot of effort into her appearence and all the guys fall prostrate at her feet. She's smart and pretty and don't forget quirky!~
Look on your face. " Hm~? Is there something wrong bella~?”
Does OP know the guy??
You honesty shook your head “ eh, no reason coming to the stupid party.”
You usually don't say that to the host of a party? You look like a brat??
You lifted your shoulders, a shrug while holding a crystallized goblet in your left hand, wearing your beautiful crimsion dress, that showed no skin on your legs nor thighs like a hooker.
I swear to god, if Author makes one more mention of women being "slutty" or "looking like a hooker" I'm going to sock someone in the face.
Your upper chest was wrapped of wearing a protected tight bra,
i'm gonna fight author i swear this whole fic reeks of "slutty girls suck and are worthless! the only ones who are worth anything are the ones who cover up! it's inappropriate! no boy likes a slutty girl!!!!" Am I reading a fucking Puritain sermon from 1858???
Luicanio’s red pupils eyes looked at your knee-length , slowly looking upward, the usual to your breast than your eyes nor face, it’s not all how you’ve looked amazing in a bad guy scenario.
Oversexualization of women, while at the same time emphasizing that OP isn't dressed "like a hooker". I'm going to punch somebody.
Luicanio lifted a sleek smile “ Hmm~ if you’ve like. What’s your opinion of bloody pasta~? “
The fuck? I mean, 2P are more violent, but I'd be hard-pressed to believe that means that Italians eat bloody pasta???????
A simple question to see the reaction of a 2p! youngest man asked you here and now.
You responded with a small smile “ It’s simply delicious~.”
I hate Mary Sues.
It make Luicanio spark in excitement, tiptoed closer of your angle, face is close- “ MM~ Really? How about I’ll show you something very good~?”
GOD THIS GUY IS A DBAG
it made yourself of a small heartbeat raise the root.
?????????
A chuckle let out of your breath ‘ yeah right Luicanio. I’m not the girl get to your dirty sexual jokes. The killing is still young.”
???????????????????????????
MARY SUE OVERLOAD FUCK IT'S HITTING EVERY "GIRL WHO'S COOL AND EVERYONE WANTS HER BUT DOESN'T REALLY CARE AND HAS A SNAPP COMEBACK TO EVERYTHNG" TROPE
The silly catchphrase. It made Luicanio a step back , “ How interesting for you bella read my mind. What’s your name anyway?”
“__________”
*cries over reader insert fics*
Suddenly Flavio pops up having his both hands onto your shoulder
Creepy?
“ _____~? That’s a wonderful name~ mi bella~ your firm dress of red matches the lovely shades of the silk thread~.”
CREEPY??
Luicanio’s eyebrow twitched that he snatched , grab your hand tight , “ I’d advice you Flavio you fuck off. I’ve found _____ first.”
Jesus, now the "two hot guys fighting over the 'ordinary' *coughMarySuecough* girl" trope. Kill me.
The lighting glare between those two. How surprising of those two brothers had a childish fit to get the girl first.
A garotte would be nice.
“oh brother~ you’d wanted to give a strip tease and let ourself share~?” your eyes cracked open to ear the lust curl of Flavio’s tounge.
?? incest??????
As you were carried away by Luicanio , dashed into the hallways as your body fell onto the bed, the mattress strings bounced your back upward, as the glass goblet was dropped.
Great. Now to the "fantastic sex with guy's huge penis".
As they commenced, you realized two things, One Luicanio wasn’t nearly innocent as his 1p!
No shit? Also, do the 1Ps and the 2Ps coexist?
as he looked, carrying a knife to rip your dress off .
Seems like a waste?
and two, you were going to let them do whatever they wanted to do with you ,
This is an incest reader insert fic, isn't it. Kill me. Please.
no hesitations , No touching on their Italian curls,
???Bad idea??? In a bdsm/dom-sub relationship, the sub always has the control? They have safewords and signals??? You know, sO NO-ONE GETS HURT???? OR TRAUMATIZED?????? FUCK I HATE THIS FIC.
They seemed to know that, because the dominant way , handling your shut words utmost confidence and charm. Your arousal was pounding between your legs, the sounds of the midnight moon shine the reflection of the window panes.
The midnight moon has sounds????
Your color eyes were quickly drifting shut once as you overcome by the ustful feelings exhibited upon you. The silver cold tip of the knife curved down of your thigh on your right leg, ow.. it hurts, the arousal scent of Luicanio. His nose perk of the scent. “ ahh~ it smells good ____.”
Fuck, bloodplay. I hate bloodplay.
The blood was churning down slowly like a teardrop to the dried cheek. Arching your back , as you allow the pain of Flavio took off his scarf, as it slipped off the mattress sheets , the click of the fabulous shades glasses rested onto the table.
Flavio’s fingertips slipped in completely of your dress top to your bra strap, and nearly moaned as he begun kneading your boobs with strong fingers. At a moment, luicanio sucked your wound, his tip of the tounge pressed the tissue, it made your scenes of touch winced, Luicanio kissed your knee , making more cuts, rough and sucking of a butterfly touched were placed on your inner thights, your heart throbs in pain as his bloody dripped stained lips of your running blood smeared over it was rushed to meet the blood gulped down to his shallow throat, sticking out his tounge sideways.
What are they, vampires?
The lust was obliviously there, that you were a animal, a predator for 2 men, It was strange, but so very exhilarating. You were so occupied with Flavio, nearly forget Flavio was behind you , Flavio give a harsh rough squeeze of your boobs.
"Boobs" is such an artless word. Reminds me of 20 year old frat boys.
“ ugh!..” a harsh squish to your breast turns a reminder to Flavio “ Oui~ ____ you’d almost forget me? I hope your
YOU'RE. NOT THAT IT'LL MAKE A DIFFERENCE.
not.” He reminded you as you were begging for more. Soft moans erupted your distractions .
???
by the small playful bite onto your neck. A groan at a rough pleasure he was enforcing , so different than Luicanio where your throat as he continue to cut you dearly, bleeding less more , broken only by the keening plead, “ F-Flavio.. L-LUicanio.. Please..!”
I'm pretty sure pure pain does not cause pleasure? You have to temper them, like chocolate. Start with pleasure, introduce pain, but reel them back into pleasure. This is just crude.
Also, cutting the throat sounds like a terrible idea????
The beg certainly did the trick. Eyes half cracked open in your bliss, you saw the gaze that the Italian 2p! brothers shared. In a twisted agreement, they all lifted a smirk and hurried their pace, intentions more bent on immediate pleasure.
Dumb.
For Flavio , he just continued to messaging your boobs and pattering as he shoulder, neck and jaw with kisses, Luicanio had something better deal for you. As he kissed your thigh, you had a twisted finger to his hair, a simple slap away. “ ____~ What are you~? Stupid? The rules were simple. Don’t Touch my curl. Got it_____?” he said it. As he warned you automatically.
As you lifted a nod. As Luicanio’s mouth smashed onto your lips, his tounge slipped into your tounge,
That sounds like a health concern?
one skillful little daredevil tounge a pleasant returned the taste of your blood. Sweet,
Blood isn't sweet? Has Author ever tasted blood???
You received a smile in return, “ you’re more delicious than my sweet pasta~” You felt Flavio hold you gently to his flat manly chest as you arched your own, keeping yourself still.
"his flat manly chest"
It felt good, his tounge was nothing to what it was now, Immediately , your throat convulsed into bubbling moans, your face grew hot, your fingers scrabbled delicately against Flavio’s caging arms , Your head turned toward to the southern Italian, resting at the base of his neck.
Another gasp filled you up slowly. But you pushed it down and began to move your lips to his creamy skin, kissing and sucking the tender flesh just as veneziano
?????? Isn't that 1P Italy?????
was doing to you.
Bad porn. A shittalia classic.
A pleased sound wmitted from Flavio’s throat at the attention. His arms tightened around yourself as he moved to give you more space, with one talented hand, You reached up to caress his curl , and received a satisfied murmr of appreciated as you moved it between your index fingers.
Didn't he say not to do that?
The air was constricted and heavy as filled hasty moans as the pleasure commenced. It was whirlwind of emotion
Emotion? I thought this was a one-night stand. I mean, OP didn't know either of the brothers before this party, and they didn't know her? And everything they said was about her physical appearence? And they didn't say anything about themselves???
that settled in a pit of your own stomach and moved about your water made of goo. But as great as the feelings were, it weren’t possibly fill you up. The looks in your eyes made the bitter northern Italian pleased . Your color orbs shone with need and lust, just for him and Flavio.
“hey Bro..~ I think ______ is ready~.”
don't ever call anyone bro in bed just don't
His voice and words sent shievers of apprehension tingling down to your spine, When you turned to look up at flavio. His expression was purely predatory, it was increased of the stinging desire from the knife . His hands slid onto your hips, as he tugged you down against him.
I'm not going to kinkshame, but there is no grammar here at all.
A thrill of excitement premeated yourself when flavio’s hands secured a place on your ass, his voice , thickly accented with lust. As your arms outstretched , his brother to hurry the fuck up. The ereaction of his manhood was springing up to his peek of his pants , it was trapped , throbbing hard when switched postions.
"the ereaction of his manhood"
A moan bubbled up inside your throat, pulled rather roughly down and erased within veneziano’s
1P ITALY???
arms. The reason for his move came a moment later, before you had completely gotten used to him inside of you.
A glance of tears poured down as his 15 inch meter
15 INCHES????? That's a stretch (no pun intended), even for shittalia.
was pushed upward , but it was no less pleasured .
I'm pretty sure nothing that's 15 inches is supposed to go up there? You're going to rupture your oviaries????
within a few minutes the pain of flavio’s quick thrusts died down completely, replaced by Luicanio, will go to the Front, “ughh..ahh!” the front of your clitrous was tighten,
Does Author know how the vagina works?
throb of pain , Once it was inside, his 16 meter
I'm going to assume that's 16 inches, because I refuse to believe that Author has never seen a meterstick.
of his cock was tighten your walls. “ Are you a virgin~?”
THE VIRGIN-MARY SUE TROPE
Also, HOW THE FUCK does one do double penetration with NO PREPERATION OR PROTCTION while the recipiant IS A VIRGIN????????????????? LOGIC??????????
You cannot answer back as your throat was blocked by flavio’s sweetest kisses. Slipped into his tounge, swirled around like a swirly slushy of candy flavor.
"swirly slushy of candy flavor"
Luicanio give his hips thrust upward of your enterance, it was dry, not enough sensation of the tight water , not a single drop of vanilla,
What?
“hmm~ you’re too tight ___.. I’ll have a better way now for you~.”
NO SHIT, SHERLOCK.
Luicanio's fingers slipped into his right pocket , pulled out a single red dye bottle , it was so much like poison, popping out a wine cork with his index thumb. And he tilted the bottle as it was poured onto your lower stomach
????? red dye lube?? that's gonna stain like hell
“ annhg..nnghh.. I-it’s cold..” “ hmm~ it’s supposed to be cold. But that’s not it’s coming from how cold you were on the outside.. It’s the inside it is~.” The dark thrill of his tone. He slipped himself out, grabbing your ass, a coil upward of your exposure womanhood shown.
“ah..!” he tilted the bottle liquid inside of you, as it was dripping, splashing every corner. ‘aghh~!! “” it’s the wet drug~ my personal favorite to drive you mad~.
Mystery get-it-up drug? Viagra for women?
You want me more than bullshit flavio. If you know what I’m talking too.” “Hey!” Flavio have a cute pout onto his face, his cheeks puffed up .
Jesus christ.
Luicanio re-enter his 15 hard cock inside of you as he giving thrusts as the liquid of the mysterious liquid was swirled around his cock as your insides of your tight organ was ravishing all over in circles.
I think OP is dead. Massive internal bleeding caused by penetration with an unrealistically large object.
It was the utmost satisfaction . His hands gripped your hand hard, hips slammed against you as he groaned in his pleasures. Giving you room to invade your depths. As your fingers scrabbled at the hot seeds of flavio’s pleasure of your oragans. And so as the front.
It was so much going on as being doubled, thrashed deeply when your cheeks was fired up the temperature, nothing to hold when going so much more thrusting, slamming you down , ripping one by one.
What does this even say?
Your heart was skipped tripled in size, having your legs spread wide, “nghh~ So much better~” “ y-yes~ _ beautiful ass is wonderful~. It’s like all form beauty of a sharp stained glass onto the floor~.” Luicanio’s eyebrow twitch of the corny phrases
????????
It was release quickly overcoming you, sending you into a wet dream made entirely for you. It was pure and powerful, as you were falling faster than the pace of the brothers quicken paces.
A loud groan split from flavio’s and Luicanio’s lips, followed by a sudden barrage of thrusts were deeper than before, they all released was imminent, as wet hot semen cells well , mere thought of it pushed you pit of the edge. As the night was rolling on. It was so good when they finished off, as the liquid was spilling out of your front. “ huff.. huff..”
Ew. And did they use protection? Of course not! Magnum XXXL doesn't fit those huge dongs. Who needs safe sex? Haha! That's for cowardly bitches who don't read HOT BOY LOVE YAOI!!!
catching your breath is all you’d need.” Flavio lifted a smile , “ great~! I’ve found my partner _ is mine~.” “ Tch. No fucking way Idiot. __ is mine.. and I’ve made a mark on her already.”
How is this endearing? Women are not property? Plus these two sound like huge brats?
“ that’s no fair dear brother! You’re so mean! Getting things you wanted is yours! I called her first!” “ Fuck off and jumped a ten story building and land a piles of nails to shut your disgusting girly voice brother.” Boy they’d always had a fight like this.
????????????????????????????????
END!
THANK GOD.
Shit-o-Meter Rating: OFF THE CHARTS
Honestly. What the fuck did I just read? A 2P, borderline vampiristic reader insert fic with mary sues, an incestual three-way and 15 inch wangs? Not to mention the complete lack of the fundementals of English- I dare any one of you to find one gramatically correct sentence in this mess that's properly punctuated and capitalized. I didn't think so. Plus, the author clearly has some fucked up views on the worth of men vs women and women in general. This- I hesitate to call it a work unless in the context of "it's a real pice of work"- is blatantly misogynistic and man-worshipping while simultaneously singing the praises of the reader insert OP by putting down all the "slutty girls" around her.
Plus, Author sounds completely insane. Just saying.
With enough of a reception, I will review Chapter 2 of this atrocity.
tangentwithtanner
yousharknotpass
origamiaround