The orc across the bar has been eyeing you all night, captivated by the way your smile brightens up the room. Your laugh makes his chest ache with a need, a desire to make you his so he can hear your laughter every chance he gets.
He doesn’t move from his seat, too scared about your possible reaction towards his physique.
You’re the most beautiful soul he’s ever had the pleasure of laying his eyes upon, and this orc is just, well, an orc.
When he looks at himself all he sees is a big, green, brutish monster of a being. Sure, he runs a bakery, the cutest bakery anyone has ever seen. He gives out free samples to those who are indecisive, wanting to ensure everyone is satisfied with their sweet treat. This orc also helps the elderly cross the street, volunteers at his little nephews school when needed, and donates to charities (especially when those sad commercials play, displaying all the animals with heartbroken faces while the narrator asks for any possible donation). He cries during sad movies, not afraid to feel his feelings!
But he’s still an orc, and that’s all he’ll ever be-
“Hey handsome, mind if I join you?” you questioned with a nervous smile. Never one to be so bold to immediately call someone handsome, you couldn’t help yourself. This gorgeous orc had been staring at you dreamily all night. So, why night be a bit courageous? Take a chance, join the orc for a drink, maybe fall in love- who knows what could happen?? The possibilities are endless!
“Uh, oh- yes! I mean- I’d love the company” the orc answers, sitting straighter while plastering the happiest smile across his face.
This night would turn out to be a night of laughter, smiles, and courage.
This night ends with the sweet orc walking you home, where you give his cheek a sweet but quick kiss. After an exchange of numbers, you wish one another a good night, and a promise to text each other the next day.
The orc, although still worrying about coming off as a brutish beast, has a smile on his face and a skip in his step as he plans out the perfect good morning message to text you once the sun rises.
Inspired by so many other great writers here, I’ve finally felt the nudge to write more slice-of-life short stories. This one is a modern story that involves an editor who moves out into the country and finds living next door to an artistic orc brings its own challenges. Especially for her blood pressure.
~~~
It was my first time living in such a remote area surrounded by forest and field, and I was loving every bit of it. There were only three cabins in a large clearing built in a sort of triangle and connected by raised platform bridges. Mine was a simple A-frame with a lofted bedroom while the other two were regular cabins though the one in the center was the two-story main house.
Cyrus, the groundskeeper and maintenance man or wolf as the case was, lived in the cabin almost directly across from mine completing the triangle. Given the wooded area, it was actually comforting that one of the residents was a werewolf and a friendly one at that.
“Yeah, Krothu thought it best to let someone get some use out of the place, and it’s too small for what most people are lookin’ to buy,” Cyrus explained one day over coffee at my cabin as I was getting settled. His lean form and curly brown hair gave him a bit of a gangly quality, but one look in those blue eyes and hearing that gruff voice, I could tell he was certainly older despite his appearance.
“So Mr. Varguk is the reason I got such a great deal on this place?” I asked, bringing a plate of fresh biscuits and jam over to the small dining table.
Nodding, Cyrus offered that wolfish grin of his as he winked at me, taking a biscuit. “Lucky us, we get a nice pretty neighbor.”
I turned away quickly to refill my cup, waving a dismissive hand at him. “Oh, don’t butter me up, Cyrus, you just want another hot meal.” A soft snort had me glancing over my shoulder, seeing him rub a hand over his stubbled chin as he chuckled.
“Think as ya like, Miss Camellia, but anyone with sense wouldn’t say ‘no’ to a hot meal, ‘specially from your kitchen.”
Summary: You and your big orc husband enjoy your wedding night.
Pairing: Orc x chubby female reader
Warnings: Smut. It’s literally just badly written smut. Size difference, face sitting, unprotected sex, exophilia, badly written ending
A/N: Finally after a century I have written something. This was requested by an anon, so here you go anon, I hope you like it. I’ve never written for an orc before so this was interesting. I took a more modern twist on it, and kind of based the orc off of WoW orcs, so I hope that’s what you had in mind. Anyways, enjoy the badly written smut with an even worse ending!
It had finally happened. You had gotten married. You had dreamed of this moment for a long time, since you were a little girl. It excited you, the prospect of being married, despite your family’s hesitation with your decision on a groom. Your mother had been understanding, but your father had his reservations about your choice of partner. But he was your father. He wouldn’t approve of anyone who wanted to date you, let alone marry you. But you didn’t care. You loved your big orc...husband. You could call him husband now.
You leaned your head on his shoulder as he carried you into your hotel room. It had been a gift from your parents for the night before you would leave for your honeymoon. Tulgan had to duck slightly to make it in the door. You weren’t kidding when you called him big. You were small for a human, but you barely cleared his elbow when standing next to him.
You didn’t care. You loved every inch of him.
He sets you on the bed gingerly, ever the gentle giant. You look up at him in all his glory. He had stripped out of the tuxedo jacked during the reception and was currently laying on the luggage that had been delivered to the hotel early. The fitted shirt hugged his muscles just the right way, the starched white contrasting with the evergreen tone of his skin. He wore his hair braided back, a tradition that spanned centuries. You can’t help but ogle as he kneels down, fitted pants stretched across thick, strong thighs. You’d be out of your dress in a second if you caught a glimpse of his ass.
You bite your lip as he grips your ankle, hand firm as it carefully massages the tires muscles. Your heels weren’t tall, but they certainly had done a number on your feet between the ceremony and the reception.
He carefully removes them, setting them on the floor. Your skirts were bunched up slightly, tulle and lace partially blocking your view of him. A light moan leaves your lips as his hands slide upward, working their way to your knees.
“Feel good?”
You bite your lip, nodding.
“You looked like an angel, walking down the aisle.” He parts your knees to settle himself amongst the tulle of your skirt. “I couldn’t stop thinking how lucky I am to have you.”
You smile, tears threatening to fall from the emotional night you’d had. “Oh Tulgan, you big softie.” He chuckles, the sound vibrating through you. You reach a hand up, tracing a tusk with your finger. “I’m certainly the lucky one.”
He smiles, eyes scrunching in the adorable way as his arms reach over your dress to wrap around your middle. He presses his forehead against yours, breathing you in. “I think we can call it even and say we’re both lucky.” He presses a kiss to your forehead, sitting up slightly. “Now, I’m sure you’d like to get out of this dress.”
You nod, groaning slightly. “I was ready four hours ago.”
You let out a squeak as he picks you up, hands on your waist. He sets you down, back facing him. Dulled claws work at the ties and zippers keeping the dress on. You start to feel slightly nervous again, your brain’s reaction every time something like this happened.
Four years and you still can’t quite shake the self-consciousness around him. You weren’t exactly a supermodel. You were...soft. Tulgan said he preferred you that way, wanting something to hold on to at night. He had spent hours reassuring you of his love for your body just the way it was.
You had met plenty of orc women in your time around Tulgan, and none of them were exactly supermodels. You try to remember that as his hands release the last zipper and it drops to the floor, leaving you in nothing but your underwear. Tulgan’s hands are warm as they smooth along the skin of your waist, the broad expanse of his body pressing against yours. You can feel every hard muscle against your back, plus something else pressing into the dip of your lower back.
“Happy to see me?” You ask, fingers splaying out on his smooth shirt.
He chuckles, the sound almost morphing into a low growl. “Always.”
Tulgan’s warm breath fans through your hair, still in its updo. You wanted to take it out, but at the same time you knew you weren’t exactly going anywhere. Dulled claws trace along the skin of your stomach, tickling you enough to cause goosebumps to form. You let yourself go, letting your body lean back against the orc behind you. He’s warm, warmer than a human, and it’s comforting to you. You loved his warmth, even in the heat of summer. It was like a comforting blanket, reminding you of his presence. He had sworn to protect you in his vows, and he meant it.
You turn in his arms, hands smoothing over the broad expanse of his chest. It swells slightly in pride as your fingers begin to work on his shirt buttons. His hands are at your back, claws scratching your skin as he undoes your bra, yanking it down your arms and tossing it across the room. You don’t care to look where it lands, busy sliding his shirt over his shoulders and down his arms. You may have been considered soft, but no one ever said that about him. He was made of hard muscle, a warrior born in a time of peace. His strength was immense, far surpassing your own. You knew he could crush your skull without strain if he wanted to, but the way his hands delicately cup your face tells you he would never do such a thing.
“I love you.” He says, running a thumb over your lips.
You smile up at him, standing on your toes to give you as much height as you can. “I love you too.”
He presses his lips to yours, bending down the rest of the way. His tusks tickle your cheeks, tongue quickly working its way into your mouth. You hadn’t wanted to stop kissing him at the altar, but you knew there would be time for it later. It was now later.
You grip his shoulders, his hands waiting to catch you as you jump into his arms. His hands grip your thick thighs, holding you easily as you continue kissing him. He tastes musky and like the whiskey he’d drank at the reception before you had left for the hotel.
He separates your lips as he lays down on the bed, holding you above him. You’re sitting on his stomach, abs flexing as he breathes. Your legs are spread wide across him, the wetness beginning to dampen your panties pressed against his skin, and by the smug look on his face you can tell he feels it.
“You better lose that smug look.”
He smirks deeper, hands gripping your waist. “Or what?”
You give him your own smirk, leaning down to his ear before taking the pointed appendage between your teeth and biting down. He lets out a roar loud enough to shake your entire body, claws digging into your skin, but you don’t care. You release his ear, sitting up with a smirk. He looks utterly wrecked under you: panting, eyes hooded. His hands reach up, cupping a breast in each. He’s wearing the leather beaded bracelet you had made for him as a gift during your courtship, your own leather necklace still around your neck.
His claws circle your nipples, already peaked, and he’d barely touched you. You know you’re going to get it, having taken a bold move biting his ear. His fingers pinch at your nipples, drawing sweet moans from your lips. He loves hearing the sounds of your moans, like music to his ears.
You can feel yourself getting wetter, hips moving against his stomach. You can feel the rough texture of his skin through your panties, deliciously rubbing against your clit. He watches you, biting his own lip as he strains painfully against his pants at the sight. You are absolutely beautiful to him.
His hands leave your breasts, lifting you up slightly, stopping your movement. You let out an adorable whine at the loss of contact, but he inches you closer up his chest until you’re practically seated on his face. You grip the headboard, his hands easily tearing your panties off of you. You can’t bring yourself to care, as his lips are on you instantly. His tusks press against your thighs, scratching against the skin. You know you’ll have plenty of marks from tonight on your body tomorrow.
His tongue licks a line across your folds, teeth scraping against your clit. Your body jerks in reaction, grinding against his tongue and teeth. Jolts of pleasure shoot through you, your legs shaking from his ministrations. You hold yourself up, partially with the help of his hands on your waist. His tongue is thick and hot as it traces your clit, winding you up towards the edge you can practically see.
And then you fall over, reaching your first orgasm of the night.
He laps every drop, licking you clean practically. You feel overstimulated, hips trying to move away from him when he finally lets you go. He holds you against his chest, stroking your hair softly.
“You good?” He rumbles, claws tracing patterns on your back.
You nod, fingers playing in the dark hair on his chest. “Yeah. Better than good.”
He laughs. “I’m just getting started.”
He takes your hand in his, pressing it against the sizable bulge in his pants. You let out a quiet sound, feeling the hardness against your palm through his tuxedo pants.
“Well, maybe we should do something about that.” You say, sitting up slightly and undoing his belt.
He doesn’t stop you, watching you as you undo his pants, his hips lifting to help you slide them, along with his boxers, down his legs. He kicks them off, leaving himself bare to you. He’s huge, hard and leaking against his stomach. You blanch for a moment, wondering just how he’s going to fit inside you. He had to be the size of your forearm, easily.
You reach out, gripping his length in your hand. You can barely get your fingers all the way around him, his own hand closing over yours, showing you how to grip him. He moves your hand with his, teaching you the rhythm he likes. You catch on easily, working him up more than he already was.
He pulls your hand away before too long, pulling you back against his chest. “You’re in control.” He says, sitting you over his stomach again.
You gulp, but you’re glad for the invitation. You had never had anyone nearly as big as he was, and you knew it would take a lot to get him in. Regardless, he holds you up, using his strength as you situate yourself over him, easing the tip against you. You slowly press yourself down on him, a burning stretch to fit him even just an inch inside. You brace yourself on his stomach, legs trembling already from the stretch as your body tries to adjust to him. He sits up, wrapping his arms around you, breathing sweet nothings into your hair, praising you.
You slowly inch yourself down his length, taking him more and more as you adjust to his size. You’re already fluttering around him, feeling close to the edge, and you had just barely gotten started. You hold yourself back, though, gripping his shoulders as you take as much of him as you can.
He lays back down, gripping your curves with his hands as you begin to move, using his arms for leverage as you roll your hips. He’s so big inside of you, stretching you and hitting every part of you without trying you’re not sure how much longer you’re going to last, and by the look on his face you know he’s not going to last much longer either.
You push yourself further onto him, taking as much of him as you physically can, his tip hitting something inside you that has you crying out. He groans at the sensation, his hips jerking slightly as you tighten around him. You repeat that movement, hitting that spot over and over, and before you know it, you’re practically seeing stars. He growls underneath you; the sound vibrating through your body as he thrusts up into you a couple times before finishing himself. He’s hot as he spurts into you, a sheen of sweat on both your bodies, but you don’t care, resting on his chest anyway.
You groan as he slips out of you, a rush of fluid following. You moan slightly at the feeling, his hands brushing over your skin gently.
“Are you alright, love?” He asks, touch gentle on your overly stimulated body.
You nod, limp on his chest, limbs like jelly. “Yeah. Never been better.”
He smiles. “Good. Because we’re not finished here.”
List of Modern Exophillia Fic Outlines I’m Noodling Over
Here’s a list of stories I want to work on, and I’m trying to decide what to write + publish on Sunday!
Feedback on gender identity &&&& looks of main characters, pls!
If you have thoughts or votes, pop in my Ask box or reply with them. I’m not sure on the gender identities of my readers, so if you’ve been dying for one of these stories with a protagonist that is similar to you, I’d love to make that happen! <3
I’m a business lady when not writing monster smut, so that’s why a lot of these stories incorporate offices and all that jazz.
Should there be lady monsters? SO MANY CHOICES
1. Domme orc , no longer a biz client? (Mwhahaha time to BANG!)
Human f reader, works on a project for a client
Tension tension tension during part 1, but they mustn’t do anything untoward bc PROFESSIONALISM
Project ends, contract ends, orc reaches out for a date. ahem. it’s edging time!
Part 2 is negotiating boundaries
Part 3 is sexy times
Should we switch genders on this one? Have the orc be a sub? (I think I read a fic like that somewhere #onHere and i loved it)
2. Orc with a motorcycle keeps coming into a F reader’s garage to get it fixed
Orc has a pretty cool motorcycle, that requires coding and a lot of tech to fix and make it do cool shit
plot twist he keeps “breaking” stuff so she can fix it
He has $$$ to burn, apparently
F reader finds out that he’s intentionally doing this when she reads his coding notes (!!) where he has broken things intentionally to have an excuse to come in and talk to her
She calls him out on how he broke something
She’s African American F! with box braids
MOTORCYCLE SEX (is that even a thing IRL? idc we’re doing it)
3. Drider vs business titan (gay gay smut)
M! Reader
Someone on M! consulting team fucked up, he has to go in and own it
And hopefully not get eaten by his Drider client
JK that’s rude, driders don’t eat people! Any more.
Shows up to meeting, Drider client is PISSED. Plot twist, consultant has a background as a stripper and jokes about it
Drider is intrigued
Sex and stripper clubs are pretty divided by human and non-human, turns out
Consultant offered to do a project for free, would he be interested in consulting on how to set up cutural norms for an integrated sex club?
Sex work is work!! Etc. Not going to be a weird dubcon situation. There will be a lap dance in a web.
4. F! Reader Femme NB Elven Queen(?)
You were hired to come in and teach the court how to use social media. The dark court was all over it, and the light, well, not so much.
You set up a plan to teach various lords and ladies how social media works, and turn them all into influencers. Or at least how to post to Facebook.
aWKWARD moment when the queen actually meant to send a text via Marco/Polo and it goes to you, and how she has a big crush on you
Boo ya time
5. Werewolf x PR Consultant
Werewolf bad boy creates a PR nightmare for the family/pack, and its your job to come in and teach him how to use the press to his advantage
“Look, you’re hot. Media is going to be super easy for you,” you started
“You think I’m hot, huh?”
Your mouth went dry. “I meant that as a statement of fact, not interest.”
6. Orc love story set in quaint country village in England
You had a big crush on an orc, you work as a waitress. You overhear him tell his friends there is no way he’d ever be interested, which is… humiliating.
Turns out, he just said that shit so he could court you without competing with other males.
Note: I don’t have a gender or type of relationship plan on this one. Maybe we should make it poly...?
7. Orc Fireman Calendar.
You were a professional photographer with a lot of experience, and you’d recently received *quite* the email from your local fire chief.
“Hello Y/N!,
I’m emailing you on behalf of the CITY NAME fire department. Our pipes broke this winter, and we’re looking for a photographer to help us do a fireman shoot. We’ll be using the funds for building repairs. Could you please send a quote for full usage rights of images? All in all, 12 models.
PLOT TWIST, you show up and your high school bully is there. You instantly decide he gets to be Mr. December, Santa hat and fake beard included.
So in case you missed it Part 1. Again, many thanks to @monstersandmaw for sharing the concept of ice orcs with me and letting me run WILD with it. I’m having so much fun with this.
Ok, so Zara Kingsley, top left, top right- Doug Kizzo and just under him is supposedly “Wolf Eye” which is a brand of whiskey I made up just for this story. Fun fact- there is actually a high end brand of whiskey called “Wolves” and they sell whiskey the way designer limited edition sneaker/tennis shoes are sold ($150 a bottle and you have to “register” to even get on a list before they’ll send you a bottle, *sigh* rich people, but I am not a rich person in real life which would explain why in every fantasy story I write, I can change that about my character) anyway, I didn’t know was even a thing until after I wrote this and as a point of curiosity, I double checked to see if Wolf Eye whiskey was a thing so I didn’t have to worry about copyright (Which is why names are Like That in this story) And that beautiful plate of seafood is what I envisioned a “king’s platter” would look like vs. A fisherman’s stew which is the picture right above the little girl who I’ve chosen to represent Sakura in this story and we have the lovely Taylor in the bottom left.
Now let’s go shall we? Off to the Arctic Tundra!
Jewel of the North
Part 2
You woke up earlier than you thought you would, mostly because you were still in your Great Lakes time zone. So what was 10am to your body, it was 7am there. You crept out of bed and snuck into the bathroom to brush your teeth and your hair and put a bra on under your pajamas and then as quietly as you could, unpacked your gifts for Taylor and her family and arranged everything on the table as you quickly made a pot of coffee and some toast for your pre-breakfast and the smell of coffee was what roused Taylor and Greg at about 8:30.
“Good morning.” You greeted them warmly as they were both still obviously groggy but both happily shuffled over to the coffee pot to drink their coffee.
“What’s all this?” Greg asked as he looked at his table which was almost overflowing.
“Presents, Taylor told me to bring seeds.” You answered.
“Did you...like...clean out a greenhouse?” Greg chuckled as he looked at the sheer amount and variety you brought.
“Mmm...more like 5 but that’s not important besides I got to a lot of them just as they were closing out for the season so I got a bunch of it for mere pennies on the dollar and it was just a matter of being in the right place at the right time with money in your pocket.” You giggled with a dismissive wave of your hand. “I don’t do anything small or by half.” You shrugged before you handed him a wrapped present.
“Oof, that’s heavy.” He realized as he took it from you. “You didn’t have to get me anything...oh my gods, you got me Kraken!” He practically squealed when he opened it and pretended to cry as he hugged the gallon jug.
“My precious.” He impersonated Gollum as he pet it which cracked you and Taylor up before you handed her- her own gift as she gasped and tried not to squeal too loudly as she unwrapped a bottle of raspberry peach Grand Marnier.
“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” She practically bounced in her spot, hugging the jug too before she leaned over and hugged you too.
“Alcohol is so stinking expensive up here it’s ridiculous, thank you so much for bringing this.” Taylor thanked you.
“Yes, it’s very generous of you, thank you.” Greg mirrored.
“You’re welcome.” You beamed.
“You know, we really shouldn’t keep all these seeds for ourselves. We should gift these at the festival. That way all the clans can benefit from this.” Greg realized.
“I was thinking the exact same thing, I told her that last night when she told me about them.” Taylor nodded in agreement.
“You got a box we can put it all in for now?” You asked before Taylor grabbed the biggest box she had and the three of you packed the seeds away before you grabbed your other crate that had all the seasonings in it.
“There’s more?” Greg laughed.
“Well yeah, Taylor said the local grocery stores are pretty limited on spices so I brought enough of everything that it should last you until we see each other again.” You shrugged.
“It’s like you brought a spice store with you.” Taylor swooned as she opened some of them and sniffed them before Greg did the same, both of them grinning at the scents in their noses.
“French toast for breakfast?” You suggested.
“Hell yeah,” Greg immediately agreed before you and Taylor began to make breakfast before the scents of breakfast woke the kids up.
“Good morning guys!” You greeted them cheerfully as they stopped and stared at the stranger in the kitchen.
“This is Zara, she’s a friend of ours so you can call her Auntie Zara and she’s going to be staying with us for about a week.” Taylor introduced you.
“And I’m really grateful you guys opened your home up so I could stay with you, so I brought you guys presents.” You told them which made all of them gasp in excitement.
“So, you must be Katie, the sensible older sister.” You asked as you pulled out the presents that had their names on them.
“Lovely to make your acquaintance Katie,” you greeted her formally as you handed her the wrapped gift. Because tweens always loved it when you treated them like little adults.
“And you must be Matthew.” You deduced as you handed Taylor’s son his gift before you got on your knees so you could be eye to eye with the toddler.
“Is your name Jamie?” You asked as Jamie hid his face behind his mother’s leg as Greg and Taylor laughed at his bashfulness.
“Do you think you could take this gift from me Jamie?” You asked as you held it out to him before he took it and ran away.
“You got me a race car!” Matthew exclaimed and promptly high fived you as Katie’s jaw dropped at her present.
“Your mom said it was ok to give you girl pampering stuff, so there’s a few face masks, some nail polish. Fancy hand lotion, a few bath bombs and stuff.” You explained as you pointed everything out before Katie happily enveloped you in a hug.
“Thank you so much.” Katie thanked you gratefully.
“You’re welcome sweetie.” You grinned just as Jaimie squealed in delight at his new toy and came running in and nearly knocked you over giving you a hug which got you to cackle laughing so you were left to sit on the kitchen floor while Jamie hugged you before he left to go play with his toy as Matt was already racing his car around the house before the family finally got to sit down to breakfast as the kids got to know you better by asking questions about you and your family and where you lived as you showed them pictures of your own kids and how you were a widow now and what you did for living and your horses and pets and things as Jamie happily ate his breakfast from your lap and stared at you adoringly and practically inhaled half your breakfast which you didn’t mind one bit. As long as babies ate well, they should thrive and you remembered how your own son Xander was practically a bottomless pit.
Then the calls started to come in on Greg’s and Taylor’s cell phones, all asking if you were there yet.
“Yup, Noah flew her in yesterday.” You heard them both say as their phones then started to blow up from texts.
“Uh, babe…” Taylor looked at her husband in a meaningful look that bordered on concern because word had spread like wildfire as they showed each other their screens, the same people texting both of them, but mostly Taylor because they were hoping she would give better answers than simple yes or no’s that Greg was giving. Except to his brother Doug, who Greg was giving him just about everything that you were sharing with his kids as Doug was already claiming “dibs” to the others.
“Want to go out to dinner?” Greg offered.
“Sure.” You nodded.
“In town there’s really only a few restaurants, Eska’s which is a mom and pop- grandma’s food in a tavern, the bar- Kesuk’s.” Taylor began to list off.
“Is it the place that has the ‘kitchen sink nachos’?” You asked.
“Yes.” Taylor beamed. “And it’s not a “dive bar” but it is very much the local watering hole. Now there is a “dive bar” and that is Goose’s. I wouldn’t go to the bathroom there but we will get takeout from there because they make the best double cheeseburger while White’s has the best wings.” Taylor explained.
“But Swanson’s has the best steaks, but it’s a bit pricey, it’s right next to Gold Horn’s which is the biggest and nicest fishing and hunting retreat around.” Greg explained.
“And one of the nicest butcher shops because most of the hunters can’t take all that meat home.” Taylor added.
“Anyway, the locals around here will go to Swanson’s for weddings, anniversaries, birthdays and stuff, pretty special occasions.” Greg continued before they continued to list off all the places around to eat before you decided on Eska’s because it sounded like the ‘safest’ option and spent the afternoon getting ready while you happily walk Katie through your ‘routine’ of getting ready as you, with Taylor and Greg’s permission helped her get dressed up too and put some simple makeup on her as her new ‘auntie’ and by dinner your nerves were already a little frayed because Taylor told you that you were meeting ‘the family’ meaning not only hers but Greg’s too and you had picked up on the hint of Greg talking about his brother and his accomplishments and such and you gave Taylor a meaningful look to which she looked back apologetically.
If you were honest, you were used to it. If your friend’s mates had failed trying to flirt with you or whatever, often you were ‘introduced’ to so many brothers, friends and especially brother in laws.
You got to dinner and the ‘family’ was already there, waiting for the table to get ready while ‘Doug’ was running late getting ready and there had to be 20 people there, all of them there to meet which you didn’t mind as you did your best to meet and greet everyone before the table was ready and Taylor had you sit at the end of the table as Greg and Taylor made sure that the seat across from you was Doug’s seat and you asked Katie to sit next to you so you wouldn’t be all alone since there was an empty seat next to Doug’s seat because he liked to “stretch out” as you met Greg’s parents and Taylor’s parents and got got catch up because Glenda, Taylor’s mom had missed your mom and to see pictures of your mom on her horse with your kids made them all happy as they got to know you a little as you kept an eye on the door, waiting for ‘Doug’ before an older woman came in with the cutest little girl you had ever seen in your life then a familiar face came in behind them.
Noah.
You instantly blew out a breath of relief at seeing him before a relieved and happy smile plastered itself on your face and you noticed they were walking by you and Noah seemed to see you shortly after you saw him as he soon mirrored your smile as he seemed equally excited to see you.
“Hey Stranger.” You greeted.
“Hey, fancy meeting you here, this is my daughter Sakura, this is my mom, Summer.” He introduced.
“But you can call me Nana Hun.” She warmly smiled at you as you shook her hand.
“Lovely to meet you Nana, and it’s so lovely to meet you Miss Sakura.” You excitedly greeted them as you crouched down to take a knee so you could be eye level with Sakura, she couldn't be much older than 5 and your heart ached at the thought of her losing her mom so, so young and how hard that must have been for her but you didn't want to bring it up because you didn't want that to be upsetting.
“You should be really proud of your Daddy, he did such a great job flying me here yesterday.” You praised to Sakura.
“He’s the best pilot ever!” She agreed which got you and Summer to laugh as Noah chuckled bashfully at the praise. Goodness was she precious.
“I agree!” You confirmed with a very exaggerated head nod.
“So you’re Paradise?” She asked in awed wonder as she stared at you.
“Uh...oh, are you talking about how I look like a paradise orc?” You asked as you ran your hand over your skin of your exposed arm and she nodded before you nodded in confirmation.
“My Grandma’s tea leaves told her that my daddy would be meeting Paradise yesterday.” She proudly informed you as you could see Noah turn a deep sapphire as his smile turned slightly nervous as he gave his mother the side eye.
“Your Grandma reads tea leaves? Mine does too! Only the way my Grandma does it, I think she reads them wrong because they tell her things like my son was ‘a ball’, which, to be honest when I was pregnant with him, I looked like I swallowed a ball and when he was six months old he was almost as wide as he was tall and very, very round because he was a fantastic eater and he’s still practically a bottomless pit but he’s turned out pretty normal so far, he doesn’t ‘bounce’ too much.” You shrugged with an easy grin which got Sakura to giggle at the joke which got you to laugh as Noah and Summer chuckled too.
“But that was really cool that your Grandma’s tea leaves told her that I was coming,” You nodded solemnly. “Did they tell her anything else?” You whispered as you leaned forward as she smiled and giggled and nodded.
“Can you tell me?” You asked hopefully as she looked up to Nana for permission before Nana nodded her permission as well- completely ignoring Noah who looked particularly terrified at the notion and was shaking his head subtly to his mother and his daughter ‘no’ but it was like they couldn’t see him before she came up and put her hands over your ear.
“They said that you were the best mom ever.” Sakura whispered and your heart melted and you almost wanted to cry.
“Well I try, really hard, every day- to be the best one I can be so that’s true.” You confirmed. “And you know what? I tend to adopt every kid that’s around me, so if you see me and if you need or want anything at all, you just let me know ok? And I’m not offering that just to be nice, I mean it. I don’t offer anything unless I’m prepared to be taken up on it. I’m only here for like a week and a half but while I’m here if I’m needed somewhere to either help your dad on the plane or help watch you, I’ll happily do it ok?” You generously offered because you just instantly adored this child and could tell she was just a sweetheart and you just...loved her. The way your love surged for your children when you got to hold them for the first time, that same love was surging for her. Something about her found every heart string you had and pulled on them and made them into a bow and you would happily wrap yourself around her little delicate fingers as you just stayed there smiling at each other before Doug cleared his throat which made you turn your head away to see Greg next to what you assumed was his brother who was dressed really nicely as they both smiled expectantly at you.
“Hi, be with you in a minute.” You greeted them with a polite smile before you turned back to Sakura.
“Now, you go enjoy your dinner ok Sakura?” You urged her before she launched herself into your arms before you gladly caught her and hugged her, grateful you had taken a knee so you weren’t knocked backwards.
“How did you know I loved hugs?” You cooed as you hugged her tight and rubbed her back and just held her until she let go first because you knew that some kids just needed a good long hug and you didn’t care if you were making Greg and Doug and everyone else wait, all that mattered was Sakura and the poor baby just needed a hug.
When Sakura finally pulled away she was smiling and her eyes were just a little glassy from unshed tears before you reached into your purse and got her a tissue and your business card.
“This is my cell phone number. You call this, and if I’m working when you call, just leave a message and I’ll call you back as fast as I can and if I’m not working when you call, I’ll pick up ok? I’ll always pick up.” You offered and it only felt odd as an afterthought that you just met this child and you were kicked so hard and so high into mom gear that you would already go to the moon and back and bend over backwards for her but it felt like the right thing to do and the best thing you could do for her.
“Thank you.” She thanked you graciously.
“You’re welcome Sweetheart.” You cooed to her as you squeezed her little hands in yours before you reluctantly let them go because Greg cleared his throat again before Noah took the hint and ushered his family to sit in the booth directly behind where you would be sitting. Which was nice that they were so close as you stood to your full height.
“Thank you so much for your patience. I’m Zara Kingsley, the LMT from the Great Lakes.” You introduced yourself to the man who had a familial resemblance to Greg as you politely shook his hand from across the table. He was handsome, that usual olive green skin, gold amber eyes, jet black hair, he was obviously younger by the way he styled his hair and his hipster- black t-shirt, black blazer, skinny jean look and the way he proudly carried himself, his chest puffed out all proud, like a peacock showing off his plumage. You could tell he knew he was one of the most handsome men in the room and his ego was too big for the place. You knew from Greg that he was practically a decade younger than you too. His ex wife had been one of the prettiest women in the Arctic Tundra but they divorced after five years and two kids because they both were having affairs.
“Does every kid treat you like a visiting Disney Princess?” He asked pleasantly which got you to chuckle.
“Yes, very much so, which I don’t mind at all.” You shrugged.
“Well it’s understandable, with a name like Kingsley, it’s kind of a given you should be treated like royalty everywhere you go.” Doug flattered and you heard Noah cough a ‘damn’ behind you like he had just gotten hit in the gut and even you had to admit that was a pretty smooth line. Although it wasn’t the first time you heard that.
“Thanks,” you nodded. Oh gods. This was going to be the longest dinner ever. He was just going to spit game at you all night and you just wanted to turn around and invite yourself to dinner with Sakura and her family as you slipped back into your seat because you were not about wait for Doug here to come around the table to pull out your chair because you were pretty sure he’d try to sneak a peek into your cleavage as he would try to too. The game was on and you were in no mood to be chased by Doug.
Noah though, no he could chase you like the silver fox he was because he was just barely getting a few gray hairs on the sides of his head and it made him all kinds of distinguished and made you all hot and bothered and you could already fantasize his head between your legs, with your thighs resting on his broad shoulders- your powerful thighs clamping around his ears as his tongue…
Oh, that’s right, Doug was talking to you. Damn it.
“I’m sorry what was that?” You asked as you tried hard to refocus on Doug and what he was saying, thankfully the restaurant had gotten louder since Doug sat down directly across from you and started talking and it was kind of hard to hear him anyway.
“I asked how you’re liking the Frozen Tundra.” He repeated.
“Oh it’s wonderful. It’s gorgeous and the people are lovely, very kind and generous and welcoming.” You grinned politely as the waitress came over.
“What can I get you to drink?” She asked you.
“Anything sweet and fruity?” You asked hopefully.
“Lethal too or just light?” She questioned.
“Ooh, lethal.” You couldn’t help but giggle because you would need it to persevere Doug’s advances as Doug started to grin a little wolfishly. Ha! Like he had a chance of scoring with you tonight.
“For sweet and fruity and lethal you have two choices, cloud berry punch or purple peach punch.”
“Purple peach.” You ordered.
“Half or full?” She asked.
“What’s the difference?” You asked curiously.
“A half is served in a tumbler. A full is served in a mason jar and has an order limit of three.” She answered.
“Oh yeah, my kind of drink, a full please and thank you.” You ordered gleefully.
“Do you want your usual Doug?” She asked moving onto him.
“Actually could I get a glass of Wolf Eye?” He asked and you nearly snorted a laugh and covered it up with a cough. May the gods grant you patience to deal with this pretentious asshole. While Wolf Eye was a decent whiskey, it was only popular because celebrities thought it was awesome and the bottle was *couture*. Just like any other designer name brand.
“Do you like whisky?” He asked.
“I do.” You nodded.
“Could I also get her a glass too?” He asked.
“Sure.” She nodded before she got everyone else’s drink order.
“Wolf Eye is one of the better whiskies.” You appraised.
“Have you ever had it before?” He asked.
“Yes I have. My sister Blossom is a whiskey geek/ whiskey snob, my sister Blossom’s husband is a whiskey geek/snob too and my own parents and my brother are all beer snobs while my baby sister Anya is a bartender and she gave me a shot of it once. Usually it’s too rich for my blood to order it though.” You confessed. Even though you had three bottles of it at home from your wealthier clients.
“What about you? Is there any kind of alcohol you’re really into?” He asked.
“It doesn’t really compare to Wolf Eye.” You answered as you realized you probably looked bashful, when really, you were dreading being judged.
Every guy- without fail who got you a glass of Wolf Eye were trying to show you how fancy and couture they were- thinking that because you were jewel orc- you somehow should have very refined, expensive tastes. When in reality, you didn’t. Honestly once those guys heard what you loved- they thought less of you. Or the guys who found out what you liked and weren’t pretentious assholes somehow felt that because you didn’t have “refined” tastes in wine or other booze, that that spilled over into your taste of men which couldn’t be farther from the truth. You were picky as hell when it came to men.
Although if you were honest, you loved your clichés- the bubble gum pop music, sweet fruity wine and cocktails and peppermint mochas and sappy romance novels and romantic comedy movies and you would preferably have all of those at the same time while in the comfort of a bathtub with a bath bomb fizzing away. But that was a world away from this.
“Oh don’t feel bad, you like what you like.” He reassured you but you laughed that laugh that said ‘oh you don’t know what you’re really asking’.
“No I insist, I promise not to judge you based on your answer.” He vowed and you didn’t believe him one bit.
“Ok. So, honestly, in my family- food wise, I’m the queen because I love to cook and I cook really well and my brand of hospitality is you are not allowed to leave my house hungry but drink wise, I’m like the black sheep of the family because I love flavored alcohol, the kind of liquor that’s low on the proof and mostly flavoring, so flavored moonshines and flavored rums and vodkas and especially liqueurs and things like that. The cheap ones that you just pour into some juice and it’s instantly a fruity cocktail. That’s my speed. Sweet and fruity.” You shrugged as the waitress came back and gave you your drinks as you graciously took the glass that had whiskey in it and sniffed it and swished it around the way your sisters always did before you took a tentative sip.
Yup. It was whiskey. Could you tell the difference between a scotch, a whiskey or a bourbon? Nope. Could you tell the difference between a $20 bottle of whiskey or a $70 whiskey, hell to the nope. The only thing you noticed was if it burned or was smooth or not. You knew that all scotches were whiskeys but not all whiskeys were scotches and that was the extent of your knowledge. Honestly if this glass was full of peach whiskey you’d probably like it better. But you knew how to be a gracious recipient of a gift. And you had your manners to keep.
“Very good.” You praised, pretending you knew what the fuck you were drinking as he took a sip and practically moaned and for some reason, that noise coming from him was making you want to gag and one look at Katie who frowned at him was nearly causing you to burst into laughter. Even she could smell his bullshit, which to you was hilarious and part of the reason you wanted her close. Having someone like a niece or a sister or the best ones - a mother or a grandmother, or someone close to whoever you were paired with tended to keep whoever it was- in line- and would keep them from asking inappropriate questions or delving into inappropriate topics of conversation. It was a strategy you learned to employ often in these circumstances.
“So Greg told me that you’re divorced.” You put to him.
“I am divorced and I have two kids, two boys, Doug Jr. who we just call Jr. and Kent, Jr is 5 and Kent is three.” He answered.
“Aw, they must be adorable, where are they?” You asked.
“They’re with their mom tonight.” He answered.
“Oh, well I would have loved to meet them, I love kids, I also have two of my own, Xander and Skylar, but they’re a bit older, Xander is 9 and Skylar is 7.” You answered before you pulled out your phone and showed him as he showed you his kids.
“And Greg said you have joint custody of your boys?” You asked.
“Yup, they get to spend the week with their mom and the weekend with me.” He answered. “And their mother is about to remarry so the bitch won’t bleed me dry with alimony and child support for too much longer now.” He groused and you took a measured deep breath in to keep your face neutral as you heard Summer murmur into her drink. ‘Lucky woman’ and somehow you got the distinct impression that his ex-wife was lucky to have divorced him and to have gotten alimony and child support and just seeing Doug and after knowing him for a whole 2 seconds- you could agree with that sentiment. You could just sense that he was a narcissistic asshole. And your late husband had been one of those and there was no way in hell you were ever doing that again.
“But I understand you don’t have that problem because you’re a widow. Obviously a young one.” He returned as you could tell he was trying to age you.
“Yup, that’s true, my late husband Andrew was in an accident at work about two years ago, but I’m not that young. I’m 35.” You answered and he paused. Greg had told him early thirties, you were mid thirties. You looked great for mid thirties but that was practically middle aged and you only had what- another 5 years of child bearing age left in you? Not that long. But you were supposed to be a rich widow who worked in some kind of spa and had married into a rich family and drop dead gorgeous, he could work with that.
“Wow you really good for your thirties. How long have you been dating since then?” He asked.
“I haven’t really been dating much or for very long, just in the last couple of months actually. I wanted to give myself and the rest of my family time to grieve properly and not rush into anything that not only I wasn’t ready for but that my kids weren’t ready for and it wasn’t until a couple of months ago that they let me know that they were ok with me trying to date again because they are the most important people in my life and I’m really picky about who I let around my kids too. So I can understand why you didn’t want to bring your kids to meet me.” You answered as Greg was kicking himself for not bringing his kids because obviously you connected to kids and if his kids would behave long enough and well enough you could have bonded to his kids and made him a shoe in and this could have been a done deal already.
“So, Greg told me that you work in the fishing industry.” You prompted him.
“I do, I’m a sales executive for First Star, which ships all kinds of seafood all over the world.” He answered proudly. “And the pay is really good and there’s always sales incentives and I get bonuses often.” He grinned smugly as he fingered his heavy gold chain necklace around his neck and he put on way too much cologne. It was almost burning your nose and making your eyes water a little.
“Wow, do you have a business card?” You nodded, pretending to be impressed before he very proudly pulled out his wallet and you could see from his billfold that he must have had at least a thousand dollars on him. He was flexing for your benefit and judging by his gold rings and gold banded tusks and just the general decked out nature of his attire. He was definitely showing off for you as he handed you a brand new business card. It was fancy but...not as fancy or as nice as yours.
“Very nice. Remind me to call you before I leave so I can buy a case or two of crab and ship it home and have my mom put it in my deep freeze freezer.” You urged him.
“Oh, you won’t have to buy them, I’ll happily gift you whatever you want.” He generously offered.
“Aw, that’s very generous of you. Thank you.” You thanked him even though the way he said that you were pretty sure he had another "payment" in mind but this was polite company and Katie was right next to you and you didn't want to expose her to what you assumed was that particular side of her uncle just yet but if he exposed himself that was on him.
“So being a sales rep does your income base itself on how good the fishermen’s catches are or is it pretty stable, like no matter what they catch, you’re bringing home a salary?” You questioned thoughtfully.
“Oh it’s a salaried position and it’s all year long, unlike the fisherman who only run on the boats for a fishing season, like the different kinds of crab have their seasons and the different kinds of seafood all have their own seasons.” He answered. “Or even the pilots who only fly during the spring summer and fall, which is only like a three month window up here and have to live off of that all year long.” He answered as he cast a look past you to see Noah who was pretending to enjoy his own beer instead of eavesdropping.
Oh this son of a bitch had to go for the low blow of putting others down to build himself up. Ok. Honestly you were grateful he was telling on himself like that.
“So are we ready to order?” The waitress asked as she came over, after having gotten Noah’s order already and you were following along with the menu and you already decided that you wanted the same thing because it sounded amazing.
“Yes can I have the King’s platter?” Doug ordered.
“It’s a huge platter, we could share it.” Doug offered to you.
“Oh, no thanks, can I just get the fisherman’s special with the seafood stew?” You requested sweetly.
“Sure thing.” She nodded as she wrote that down and continued to get everyone’s meal.
“So I understand you’re a masseuse?” He asked excitedly once the waitress left.
“No. I’m a licensed massage therapist, LMT for short.” You gently corrected.
“What’s the difference?” He frowned.
“A masseuse uses “massage” as their cover for being a prostitute, which honestly if you’re going to be in the oldest profession, just be honest about it and don’t call it massage. Which, again, if you chose to do that, I don’t judge, I have strippers as clients because they take self care to a whole new level and everything they get from me is a tax write off for them so it’s a win win. However, a licensed massage therapist actually went to massage school and has a license to practice massage just like a doctor has a license to practice medicine and we are held accountable to a board or in my case- to the state medical board just like any other nurse and doctor and an LMT never gives happy endings or has sex with clients in any way shape or form.” You answered with a proud smile.
“Oh,” Doug nodded and even you could see he was trying to hide his disappointment.
“So, are you able to make any kind of real money off of massage or is this just a hobby for you?” He asked and you were ready to dump this overpriced whiskey in his face, but that would be alcohol abuse and an insult to the whiskey itself.
“Well massage has been a passion of mine since I was a kid, so you could call it a hobby that turned into a career. But I’m more interested in what constitutes as “real money” in your opinion.” You posed curiously.
“Anything more than forty or fifty thousand a year.” He patronized.
“I take it you make more than 50 thousand a year then.” You deduced as you overheard Noah whisper to his mother. ‘I barely make ‘real money’ then.’
“Oh I make a few times that. I make about two hundred thousand a year.” He bragged.
“Yeah I can see you’re wearing most of it.” You appraised and Noah snorted his beer and nearly choked on it trying to cover up his laugh because your unimpressed tone was giving him life as you heard a hissed ‘yes’ from Noah.
“You’re one of the lucky ones then. I make about the same. A little over 200 thousand a year actually.” You answered evenly like it was no big deal.
“What? H-how?” Doug frowned in shock.
“Well I have four businesses, all four of them are solely in my name and I own all four outright and none of them have any debt while each of them have their own assets, so my massage business which makes me about a hundred- to a hundred and twenty five thousand dollars a year, my esthetician business which makes me another fifty to sixty thousand dollars a year and then the sales of my massage products, essential oils and esthetician products, skin care line, makeup, all that goods stuff to round it out with another thirty five to fifty thousand dollars a year and the fourth business is the shareholder for all three businesses and I only have to work about thirty to thirty five hours a week in total to do it too and I only work about 9 to 10 months a year.” You beamed proudly as Doug’s eyebrows practically went up into his hairline as you heard Noah murmur a ‘damn’ which you imagined was muffled because he must have said it into his fist behind you.
“W-why?” Doug stuttered as he struggled to wrap his head around all that.
“Well, when my husband was alive, he made about a hundred and twenty five thousand dollars a year and when he died, I turned all four of those businesses which at the time were the side businesses I had to earn my own spending money into my full time career to replace his income when he died because you see I specialize in…” You began as you brought out your business card and listed everything off from the back and added to the additional certifications that weren’t on the card.
“Not bad for a “hobby” huh?” You asked with a smug grin as you heard Noah practically whistle lowly behind you and clap ever so softly and you would have given anything for a mirror to see his face, hoping he was at least impressed.
“Uh, nope, not bad at all.” Doug had to admit.
“So if you got remarried and the man you married could provide you with his income that would either equal or surpass your own would you still continue to work or would you scale back? Retire?” Doug asked thoughtfully.
“It depends.” You answered simply.
“On?” Doug prodded.
“It would depend on the circumstances and the person.” You specified.
“Such as?”
“Well, I’ve been very lucky in that I have the four thriving businesses and because I have a very good and very expansive client base where I live and I fill a niche that very few others can fill in my area and because I live just 20 to 30 minutes outside of few major cities because I’m centrally located in the country in between all of them and I work out of my own private space at my home and the home I work out of is my dream home, it’s a home that my late husband and myself designed together and it’s awesome and the only way I’m moving is if I find a home that’s even better than the one I have and that criteria is pretty extensive plus I’m very well supported and well known and have a reputation that I regularly bank on every year and speaking of support, I have my parents who live right next door and my in-laws live only 15 minutes away and all of them are very involved in my children’s lives. So honestly, I’m not gonna move unless I find circumstances even better than the ones I already have and the person I would be moving for can give me things that I don’t already have which is basically at this point- unconditional love, respect, recognition, dignity, sympathy, empathy, kindness, understanding and freedom to keep my independence that I already have so that if I so choose I could basically start my businesses over again in a new area.” You specified.
“So...what is your criteria for a potential mate?” Doug asked, hoping that you would list off things that he could try to shoot for.
“Well, whoever I choose to marry- he can’t drink to excess, he can’t do drugs, he can’t have a bad temper, he can not yell or scream at me or my children, he can’t be abusive in any way shape or form or I will kick him to the curb faster than lightning strikes but he doesn’t have to make as much as I do or make more than me or whatever. If he had a job that he was passionate about and he loved it as much as breathing which, for me, that’s what my career represents to me, I do what I do because I love it, it’s what I was put on this planet to do and I’m really good at it and to a degree, it’s a skill I can practice anywhere as long as I have a pool of clientele to pull from so there’s some flexibility there.” You mused and you saw Doug nod along with your train of thought so at least it was making sense to him.
“But for me to give it all up for someone and be absolutely dependent on my partner for everything- probably isn’t going to happen because there is inherently a power dynamic that I’ve been on the losing side of in my past marriage. Because my husband had a great job with fantastic health insurance and other benefits and shouldered all the financial responsibility of the family which had its perks because that freed up my time to pursue what I wanted to and he could afford to send me to school to get all these licenses and certifications. But because he made all the money, he felt he had the right to demand whatever he wanted in return and he had a say so on how I spent the money he gave me to care for- as he put it- “his house” and “his vehicles” and such because he’s the one that paid for it all and he was a controlling narcissist. Now, was he all bad? No, he was a fantastic father and he was decent enough as a husband in that he didn’t beat me, didn’t drink to excess, didn’t smoke, didn’t gamble, didn’t do drugs, didn’t cheat on me and didn’t scream at me or cuss me out in front of the kids but I couldn’t get a credit card in my name without him knowing and he tracked me on my phone everywhere I went and if I wanted anything “extra” I had to “earn it”, like a child earns extra screen time for doing their chores kind of thing. It was all about a power dynamic and if I didn’t support him in everything he said, he got after me for not being “a good submissive wife” or “a team player”. And after 13 years of that, I’m done. I’ve had more than enough of that and I will be damned if I ever let that happen to me again. I’m not interested in that dynamic at all. No matter what side of it I find myself on.” You specified as Doug just stared at you, a bit guiltily as he was rather speechless and blushing profusely like you had just pulled his pants down and exposed him and you didn’t feel any guilt for it either and the look on Katie’s face told you that you hit the nail on the head and were preaching truth and her smile of adoration and awe was priceless.
“I have clients that easily double, triple, quadruple even- my own salary because they’re doctors or surgeons or executives or whatever. But they’re the kind of men who feel emasculated when a woman they’re with earns anything because their income is what they base their own masculinity on which is a very dangerous and stupid thing to do in my opinion. And while these men may be really good at earning an income, that’s all they’re good at. Otherwise they’re shitty husbands and fathers. They feel that because they earn so much money that they don’t have to help out at all around their own homes. Heaven forbid they change poopy diapers, do any dishes or laundry or especially scrub a toilet and if they do any of those things, by the gods they will piss and moan and gripe and complain forever and feel “owed” that they did more than their “share”, which is bullshit. They would rather hire someone else to do any or all of that because they feel that’s beneath them as manly, masculine men and feel that a wife’s only job is to stay in their home, raise their kids and clean their house and look flawless while doing so and feel that the only support they need to give her is financial. Which, in my opinion is complete and utter fucking bullshit.” You explained as you watched Doug’s frown get deeper and deeper the more you talked as you heard Noah hum in agreement to that sentiment.
“So... you’re basically just looking for a Mr. Mom?” Doug asked and you could tell by his tone he was offended and incensed just saying those words.
“To a degree, yes. But what I’m really looking for- is a partner who will view and treat me as an equal instead of a lesser or a supporting cast member while they’re the star of the show. Right now I do everything all by myself because I have to and I will continue to do so for as long as I need to because my children need me to be their everything. If I’m going to enter into any kind of romantic relationship, I would look for someone who’s willing to put in work. Someone who will happily and willingly pick up slack and support me as much as I support them. Someone who will work to gain not just my respect and admiration but my children’s respect and admiration as well and it doesn’t matter how much I like or even love a guy, if my kids are uncomfortable around him or just plain don’t like him. I’m not going to force the relationship onto them. Now there have been a couple of guys who my children really clicked with but I didn’t because they were either immature or had other issues and I’m pretty sure the only reason why my kids liked them is because these guys never told them ‘no’ and bought them whatever they asked for which is no way to raise children. There’s ways of telling them no and explaining your reasons why you’re telling them no without belittling them, hurting their feelings, implying they’re stupid or annoying for asking.” You explained as you heard Noah murmur an ‘Amen’ from behind you and instantly you saw all the hope and lust in Doug’s eyes die because he realized that this wasn’t going to work out for him just as dinner came.
Conversation dissolved into idle chit chat while he practically wolfed his food down as quickly as he could and drank his whiskey and excused himself and quickly paid the waitress for his meal and only his meal and begrudgingly- your wolf eye whiskey too, saying he had work to do at home and you were so grateful when he left and so relieved when you peeked over your shoulder to see Noah still there, finishing up his dinner as Katie got up to go to the bathroom, leaving you alone at the end of the table as Sakura and Summer went to the bathroom too.
“Do you like whiskey?” You asked him hopefully as you leaned backward in your chair towards him.
“Yeah,” he confirmed.
“You ok drinking after me?” You put to him.
“Yup.” He nodded before you took your glass of Wolf Eye and put in on his table.
“The whiskey’s good, I just can’t enjoy it knowing a pretentious asshole bought it for me, but I don’t think you’ll have that issue enjoying it yourself. Enjoy.” You beamed at him which got him to laugh.
“Cheers.” He offered before you got your own drink and clinked it with his.
“Cheers.” You mirrored. Even though dinner didn’t go as planned, you got to share a drink with Noah and that was more than you hoped for before Sakura and Summer came back.
“Nana, I forgot my bow.” Sakura realized as she reached up to find that the bow she had been wearing in her hair was gone.
“I can go back to the bathroom and help you look for it.” You happily offered before she took your hand and led you back to the bathroom as you grabbed your purse too.
“Are you going to date Mr. Kizzo?” She asked you as you went into each stall, looking for her bow.
“No, absolutely not, he is not the man for me.” You shook your head adamantly.
“Oh good, his boys are mean.” She pouted.
“Have they been mean to you?” You asked as your protective urges surged again.
“They play really rough and they knocked me down and they didn’t even say sorry!” She complained and you gasped in horror.
“No! How rude! Well if we ever go anywhere together and they’re there, point them out to me and I’ll protect you.” You insisted before you found her bow sitting on top of the toilet paper dispenser in the last stall before you quickly sprayed some sanitizer on it before you had her take a seat in one of the chairs in the bathroom so you could brush her hair and get it looking gorgeous again because you kept a little brush in your purse.
“My Daddy likes you.” She blurted as you brushed her hair out.
“Aw, I like your Daddy too, he’s a really good guy, he’s sweet and caring and protective and I can tell he loves you a lot and he works really hard to take care of you.” You praised as you smiled happily at her in the mirror.
“He cries a lot.” She revealed.
“Well I cry a lot too,” you nodded.
“He cries because he misses my mama,” she added.
“Well, I can understand that because your Daddy and I both lost our marriage mates and we miss them sometimes and the happier we were with them and the more we loved them, the more we miss them and the more it hurts to lose them. Do you cry a lot too because you miss your mama?” You asked gently as she nodded.
“I’m so sorry you lost your mama sweetie, I can’t imagine how much that must hurt.” You sympathized with her before she got out of the chair and reached her arms up before you readily picked her up and held her tight as she started crying before you took the seat in the chair and just held her as she cried on your shoulder and you just held her and rocked her gently and comforted her before Nana came into the bathroom.
“What happened?” Nana asked.
“I was brushing her hair and she told me her daddy cries because he misses her mama and I completely sympathize.” You told her as you did your best to keep your composure but you were failing spectacularly because you were an empath, her pain felt like your own as Summer pulled up another chair from the nursing mother’s area as she shot Noah a quick text just as Taylor came in looking for you and seeing how Sakura was crying in your arms, she instantly knew what was going on.
“Noah and Anarra, or ‘Neena’ as she was better known as- were basically Frozen Tundra’s sweethearts. Neena still is greatly missed, she took care of a lot of the older ones whose kids have moved away or are on the coast making their money on the fishing vessels and when she got sick, everyone rallied around her but...by the time she started showing signs she was sick- it was too late. None of us have been the same since she passed away. Noah puts on a pretty strong face but he’s probably the most fragile.” Nana revealed as you nodded in understanding as Taylor nodded along too.
Taylor had told you about “Neena” because Taylor and Neena were best friends and you didn’t put it together until just now that Anarra and Neena were one and the same which would explain why you and her had gotten so close so quickly because you had bonded over your losses as Sakura’s cries turned into whimpers and sniffles as you just held her and pet her head and her hair and held her and rocked her as she curled up in your lap and happily soaked up all your affections as you kissed the crown of her head affectionately as she clung to you as Nana and Taylor filled you in on the situation.
“Neena had brain cancer. One day she was fine, the next, she had such strange symptoms and doctors around here are rare and expensive and by the time we found it, it was too late, there wasn’t anything we could do. She barely had enough time to make some videos for Sakura. She died holding her.” Taylor said as she nodded towards Sakura in your arms as you wrapped your arms tighter around Sakura as your heart effectively broke in your chest.
“Her last words were how much she loved her and Noah.” Nena added as you passed around your thing of tissues because you were crying your makeup off.
“My husband’s last words to me were a ‘honey do’ list, which was- ‘do the dishes, do the laundry, clean the bathroom and to brush my damn cats’ who he hated and I’m so grateful they outlived him, I know that sounds awful but they love me more than he ever did and he wasn’t dead a week before I went to the local shelter and adopted a dog for each member of my family and another cat so that there’s three cats and three dogs and we were renting from his parents at the time and before it was only because I bore them their only grandchildren that I got the ‘privilege’ of having the two cats before. And they didn’t dare argue with a new angry widow about ‘protection’ dogs for their only grandkids and didn’t want me moving away into a new place just to get them animals while we waited for our house to be built.” You revealed.
“Did he at least have life insurance?” Nana asked which made you nod emphatically.
“Yeah Andy wasn’t an idiot or heartless, he had a life insurance policy through work and a private one as well and because it was an accidental death at work, it paid out even more and his parents had a life insurance policy on him too that they handed over to me because they had the good sense to have life insurance policies on me and him so that if anything ever happened to the both of us, they could raise our kids comfortably and at the time, I was working for another outfit and even I had my own life insurance policy on him so we’re all set, the house is paid off, all debt is paid off, all the vehicles are paid off, I own everything outright. Other than utilities and of course food and insurance, which I can easily take care of myself, we’re ok.” You answered.
“Did Neena have any kind of life insurance?” You asked and Taylor and Nana both shook their heads no.
“No, Noah barely had enough money at the time to cover the funeral. When she died in the fall, at least he didn’t have to work and could stay home with Sakura and he already knew how to take care of himself and her because Neena was always caring for others, which he was very proud of her for doing and he supported that. He was always helping her to help others because so many ice orc men have moved away chasing “better lives” anywhere other than here and ice orc women are left to either do the same or stay behind and have to deal with the others who come up here, either looking for gold or fish or lumber or other resources and it used to be every summer solstice that all the tribes would get together and alliances were maintained and marriages made but all the young people are rejecting those practices because they feel they don’t have a place in the modern world. Our ways are dying, our languages are dying and Neena was one of the few women who embraced the old ways and was teaching all the kids the native languages. And when she died, a lot of the same older ones reached out to Noah and helped him with what they could and unfortunately after Neena died, some of the older ones she took care of followed, but they left Sakura everything because Neena was like a daughter to them and because she took care of them, all they could do is leave her what they could leave behind and when Neena died, that left Sakura as heir in her mother’s place, but she’s a child. She’s had so many men come back to claim what they felt was their birthright, which is mostly land at this point but thankfully the courts upheld Sakura’s rights as heir since their parent’s had the good sense to get it writing with the local lawyer who fights for the clan’s rights.” Nana explained.
“That’s...that’s a coincidence, I know exactly how that feels.” You nodded.
“How?” Nana asked as she tilted her head.
“When Andy died, I was really close to several older clients as well, I got to work on them when they were at retirement age and came into my work and when their health declined, I stayed with them because they were close friends and I wanted their last moments to be in peace and as pain free as possible. They didn’t have any family to take care of them either and I endeared myself to them enough so that when I lost Andy, they all individually entailed everything they had to me too because I was their favorite person and they wanted to make sure I wouldn’t financially suffer because of my husband dying. Within six months of losing Andy, I lost almost all of them within a span of only three months. So the nine months that followed Andy’s death were just...the worst. But then to meet with dozens of lawyers and get check after check, after check, and deeds and titles and property and vehicles, I was so...numb. It didn’t mean anything to me, but man did I sure learn a lot very quickly about how to handle my newfound fortune. But the worst of it was the vultures circling because it felt like the minute I inherited all that money and property myself, suddenly every vulture of a guy somehow found me and circled me like wolves. Cause I was this “hot young desperate lonely widow” who didn’t know how to handle that much fortune and here were all these ‘knights in shining armor’ coming to “help me out” and “be there for me”. It was ridiculous, as if I couldn’t see right through them and what made it even worse was the way Andy died at work, it was a freak accident that killed not just him but five others. So the company he worked for sued the company who built the crystal grower because this was a known and very well documented issue. And the company used my picture because I was ‘the prettiest of the widows’ in the news and in the courts and they won and I got the lion’s share of the settlement because I was the one who was the public face of it and because I was the public face of it, I had organization after organization reach out to me to try to help me out too and by that point I had 5 very good lawyers and a private investigator in my pocket who were more than eager to be at my disposal. So I know exactly what it’s like to be an unwitting heiress. It’s really, really hard, thank the gods my in-laws are so great with money because they’ve been helping me structure it and organize it and keep it all and make it work for me.” You revealed lowly.
“Could you teach Noah and Sakura any of those lessons?” Nana asked hopefully.
“I would be more than happy to, I feel I need to at this point.” You admitted.
“Because no one else around here knows what to do or how to help. Even now Noah’s dad Ukluk works as guide at Gold Horn and pilots his own bush plane for the hunters but it doesn’t pay as well as others, Noah’s brother Nago works for the postal service but he and his family are in June Neau. And now even Neena’s parents are no spring chickens. I know they would really appreciate it if they knew you could protect Sakura and Noah with what you know.” Nana insisted.
“Consider it done,” you agreed.
“So are you ever gonna get married again?” Sakura finally spoke up.
“I would like to.” You answered honestly.
“What are you looking for?” She asked.
“I just want to be with someone who makes me happy and loves me for me and loves my kids as their own too who won’t hurt us but will protect us.” You answered.
“What if they already have kids?” She asked.
“Then I would hope that their kids would like me too, I do love being a mom, it’s the best job on the planet in my opinion and if those kids would let me love them as much as I love my own- even better and if my kids and those kids could get along, oh man, I’d be so so so happy. You see it doesn’t matter he’s rich or poor or whatever, money doesn’t matter to me. Who and what kind of person they are and how they treat others- that’s all that matters to me.”
“And if they happen to be well endowed enough so that when...” Taylor double clicked her teeth. “Happens, you can’t walk straight after...” She hinted which made Nana raspberry her laugh.
“That’s a bonus.” You readily agreed which made you start to laugh through your tears which made them do the same.
“Well Noah’s you know,” Taylor implied as she clicked her teeth and winked which got you and Nana to start busting out laughing.
“He’s what aunt Tay-tay?” Sakura asked as she turned to look at Taylor.
“Handsome, he’s very handsome.” You quickly supplied which earned you a solemn nod and an appreciate grin from Nana.
“Ok, no more tears, let’s get cleaned up.” Nana insisted which prompted you to gently get Sakura off your lap so you could rinse the rest of your makeup off in the sink before all four of you left the bathroom to see Noah looking particularly worried.
“Everything ok Pumpkin?” He asked his daughter.
“Yup, we were telling Paradise about Mama.” Sakura told him. Every trace of sadness now gone as a happy smile plastered itself on her face.
“And she brushed my hair and braided my hair and held me and comforted me and everything, can she come over to our house to watch me?” She asked.
“If she wants to.” Noah answered.
“I would love to, just give me the address, I’ll be there any day you need me there, free of charge.” You immediately offered.
“Work an extra long day tomorrow Daddy, I want to watch my movies with her.” Sakura insisted which got Nana to snicker a laugh.
“Uh,” Noah stuttered.
“I can do tomorrow.” You immediately agreed.
“You could have Taylor and her kids come too, because usually Taylor watches her on Tuesdays.” Nana added.
“We’d love to.” Taylor immediately agreed as well.
“So it’s a date. What time should I be over?”
“He leaves early, like six in the morning.” Nana informed you.
“Won’t be a problem. I’ll be there at like 5:30 then.” You insisted.
“I won’t be there that early, I’m going to sleep in until a decent hour and come by later but we’ll drive by and show you where Noah lives and you could walk there if you wanted to because he’s like a ten minute walk away, five if you run because normally, she spends the night so that I don’t have to get up that early.” Taylor added.
“But my body is still on Great Lakes Time Zone so 5:30 am here is only 8:30 am to me which is a normal time for me to wake up. So it’s not a problem at all.” You reassured Nana and Noah.
“Ok, thank you, very much.” Noah nodded as he avoided Nana’s smug grin that screamed ‘I told you so’.
“Well good night then, sweet dreams guys, I’ll see you in the morning.” You offered as Taylor tugged on your arm as Katie peeked her head back into the restaurant and gestured for you and her mom to hurry up.
“What about my bill?” You asked her.
“He got it.” Taylor answered as he gestured to Noah.
“Aw, thank you for dinner!” You thanked him as she had to take your hand and pull you out of the restaurant.
“I really love Paradise.” Sakura said dreamily as she watched you go.
“Well she is lovely.” Noah admitted as he got his box of leftovers and got out of the booth.
“She likes you back, she told me so.” Sakura informed her Dad as she took his hand in one of hers and continued to hold your business card like a beloved photograph.
“Oh yeah?” Noah returned, pleasantly surprised to hear that.
“And she’s an heiress like me and she promised that she would teach me what she knows about it.” Sakura revealed.
“Really?” Noah turned to look at his mom to either confirm or deny that.
“Oh yeah, she knows how to deal with not just foxes but wolves and vultures too. The gods sent us the perfect person to help. And I have a feeling she won’t leave until everything is well taken care of and we will be hearing from her and seeing her very often from now on.” Nana predicted.
Ok so I found an amazing post about a dating app for our monster S. O.’s and since it’s ORCTOBER I was like YES I NEED THIS. So even though I’m in school. I still wanna do this. It’s rather short but it’s cute. And @thetravelerwrites and @thetravelerscompanion they wanted to be tagged. So here you go. I hope you all enjoy it too.
Orctober- OkCryptid
You were sitting on the couch playing a game on your tablet while your daughter watched TV on a quiet Wednesday night, it was just the two of you. You were a single mom, a widow to be exact and your number one priority was always taking care of your daughter Anarra, who was 8, and when your husband had died about a year ago, he left you with quite the life insurance policies through work and a private policy which meant that you and your daughter were taken care of financially for many years to come. You had already gone back to school before he died and had gotten your license to be a massage therapist, so you already had your own business, working part time at a nearby salon that your best friend Dawn owned and you made your own hours and because you had incorporated yourself to make your own business, when your husband had died, it was easy to get health insurance for you and your daughter and because of his life insurance policies, you still didn’t need to work full time and you and your daughter could live very comfortably. You were lucky.
But, you were also lonely. Granted you were no stranger to vibrators so your “needs” were mostly taken care of. But it’s just...not the same. You were a half elf and half human and your husband was mixed too, his father was half human and half orc while his mother was half human and half dwarf and he had turned out to simply look half human and half orc. And Anarra reflected all of that, she had your husbands blonde hair, compared to your dark auburn, your turquoise eyes and your shared fair skin tone, she was just as beautiful as you were at her age but she definitely had the more slender but very physically fit physique of an elf where as you were very voluptuous thanks to your human heritage.
But lately, you just wanted...something more, it was fall, you missed cuddling on the couch under throw blankets and having date night with your husband and just...well... honestly you missed that good bone rattling sex where your husband would bend you over the kitchen island yank your pants and panties down to your knees, spread your legs, before sliding into you, grab your hips and pound into you from behind until you were sure you were going to break the god damn kitchen island! No vibrator could really do that.
“Mom?” Anarra suddenly asked, pulling you out of your lewd thoughts.
“Hmm?” Came your reply.
“Are you gonna start dating again?” She asked which made you shake your head before you looked at her incredulously.
“Why do ask? Do you want me to start dating again?” You asked.
“Well, if you wanted to, I know you miss dad and I do too, but there’s lots of other kids that don’t have moms and you’re a really great mom and if any of those kids had a dad but not a mom and maybe they’re like us and their dad is a really great dad and together we could be a family, I'd be ok with that.” She offered and you wanted to burst into tears at her sweetness and thoughtfulness.
“Ok, well if you’re ready, we could look together.” You offered before you got your phone out and downloaded OkCryptid and together you made a profile before you went through who you were matched up with already before you found a few profiles that looked good, you cross referenced them via Facebook, a few immediately became disqualified by some of the contents and pictures you found that they were tagged in before there was just a handful of possible options, two were just single guys, three were single dads, a human, an elf, and an orc. The human though was looking for an elf, the elf was also looking for an elf and the orc...judging by his kids, had been married to a human before because his two kids looked like half orc and half human to you but you couldn’t be sure but he was “open to anything" species wise. Within half an hour all three dads were in your inbox and a few of the single guys you had already disqualified who once they found out you were a mom, weren’t interested in being a father, but were interested in “hooking up with a hot milf” to which you politely declined.
So you set up dates with all of the single fathers since they didn’t have any issue with you already having a child of your own, one Friday night, one Saturday night and the third on Sunday night, all at the same place. A famous trampoline park chain - since they all had kids.
Friday came and it was the human up first. Daniel, father of two very rowdy, misbehaving, disrespectful, hellion boys. He was divorced and you could immediately tell why she left him, he just oozed self entitled asshole. He was disappointed and actually repulsed that you were curvy, thinking that because you were half elf, judging by your ears and features in your selfie, that you’d be skinny, but he seemed to make peace with it as he poked and prodded at your personal life and seemed especially keen on how much your husband’s life insurance policies were and if there was anything left or if “you had blown it all shopping for clothes and makeup” and when he asked about what you did for a living, he was thrilled then propositioned you for a “happy ending” massage which you promptly shut down and threatened to call the police because that was illegal which he backed off and backpedaled and apologized and said he was “only joking” and that you “need to lighten up”, yeah right. From there, all he cared about was how much you worked, how much you made, if you had a good credit score, if you had any STD’s, how clean you kept your house and how good of a cook you were and how good you were at laundry because he and his boys were “tough on clothes”. That date lasted a whole 30 minutes and was the longest 30 minutes of your life and you had hit the liquor store on the way home and even Anarra was relieved it wasn't going to work out because those boys were really rough in their play and it took an orc halfling who she was friends with to come over and tell them to go away and rescue her before he brought her over to play with his little sister who was a year younger than Anarra but the same size.
Saturday, was the elf’s date, Althidon, he was also divorced, had nothing but condescending bullshit to say and had two very pretty girls who were the quintessential "mean popular girls" who you wanted to slap, he was disappointed you weren’t more elf like in body shape and the fact that you were half human made him turn his nose up at you and the fact that you worked “such a meanial job” that you “needed to be rescued from” because it was beneath anything that had any trace of elf blood in it because if an elf woman had to work- it should be something more “dignified” like a doctor- lawyer- ceo type since he was an architect himself and the fact that all the education you had was a highschool deploma and massage liscence, which he automatically assumed he knew more about your job than you did because “it couldn’t possibly be that hard” because he was “an intelectual” with a “top 3% IQ” and that you had never really “applied yourself” and were “hindered by your human half” but that was only after he inquired how much your late husband’s life insurance polices were and if you had spent it all yet, yeah- fuck no, there was no way in hell you were going to tell him something like that. That date lasted not even 20 minutes. Again, the longest 20 minutes of your life.
By Sunday, you were beyond tired, beyond disheartened because they both had been in love with your face but repulsed by your body and obviously only thought you were worth their time if you were going to center your life around them or was a cash cow for them. No fucking thank you, you were going to be happy with your vibrators, you didn’t need this shit. You were about to delete the app because surely nothing good could come of it. All these guys wanted was to either hook up, or a fucking mother to take care of them and their little hellions. Ugh!
So with a heaving sigh you prepared yourself to meet with the last guy, Dektar. You showed up fifteen minutes early, got a drink and managed to slip a little bottle of cherry rum into your Dr. Pepper as you looked out of the corner of your eye as an orc was doing the same thing to his drink and you both noticed the other and recognized the other, you both had seen the other here before, but you always seemed to sit at opposite ends of the little cafe area when he wasn’t sitting in the massage chairs scattered throughout the rest of the trampoline park which the cafe area actually wasn’t that big, you kind of sort of knew him. He was Dex, he brought his boy and his girl here usually on Friday nights and stayed until glow night which was the last two hours the place was open on Fridays and you’ve actually been seeing him around for several months. His daughter was Talna, who was a year younger than Anarra but about the same size and his boy was Tark, they were actually really well behaved and played well with Anarra and the few times they had hurt themselves, you had been there with bandaids and neosporin and a kiss to the booboo to save the day because your own daughter was a little accident prone and you were always prepared which Dex was always grateful and appreciative of.
“Long day?” He asked.
“Very long weekend, you?” You asked as you nodded over to his drink and the face he made- made you giggle.
“That bad huh?” You asked which he nodded emphatically to.
“You?” He nodded over to you.
“Oh, one of the worst I’ve had in awhile.” You said before you glanced up at the clock again.
“Waiting for someone?” He asked.
“Yeah, my date.” You answered.
“Me too.” He nodded.
“Really? Who are you waiting on?” You asked, curiously.
“Brillianna Sarsys.” He answered as he looked at his phone again.
“...Dektar Bruke?” You asked as you realized he actually was your date! He seemed to realize the same thing at the same time, relief clearly on his face.
“Oh, hi,” He waived awkwardly before he got his stuff as you got your stuff and you met at a table in the middle.
“Hi, I thought your name was Dex?” You recalled.
“A lot of people can’t seem to pronounce it correctly, they think it’s Dexter so I’ve gone by Dex for decades now. And I thought your name was Bri- as in Brianna.” He chuckled in amusement.
“Yeah, most people can’t get my name right either, it’s been Bri since elementary school, also decades.” You laughed. "Well let me just say I'm so happy and relieved that you're someone I kinda sorta know already." You laughed.
"Likewise. So what's made your weekend so bad and so long?" He asked curiously.
"Oh the other dates I've had this weekend. They were complete disasters. I got on OkCryptid because I've been a widow for a little over a year and my daughter basically gave me the go ahead that she was ready to move on so earlier this week, I made a profile and you were one of my matches.” You explained.
“So the other matches weren’t great?” He guessed.
“Oh my gods were they the worst! Uh the single guys I was matched up with only wanted to hook up, which I’m not into casual sex, I don’t have anything against others who are into that, it’s just not for me. Otherwise I’ve only gone on two other dates, the first was a human, who thought I was “exotic” because I was half elf but disappointed I was fat, he had two boys that I’m sure if I had to mother them, I’d break a belt or two whooping them because they were just the worst, really rough, really rude, really crude and basically bullys and I would put them on any domestic terrorist list and potential shooter list if I could.” You listed off. “And because I am a licensed massage therapist he of course was all about the “happy ending massage” which is propositioning which is illegal, I did actually call the cops on his ass.” You added as Dex looked both sickened and enraged.
“Yuck.” Dex snarled in disgust.
“I know right? So that was my Friday night. Saturday night I had a date with an elf, who was actually disgusted I was half human, thought my job was meaneal and beneath anything that had even a drop of elf blood running through its veins. He only seemed to care about how much my husband’s life insurance policies were and his daughters were literally mini “mean popular girls” who I would again- slap their mouths off if I had to mother them. So yeah, lovely weekend.” You quipped sarcastically. “My week was actually just fine, just the last two days have been particularly awful.” You explained before you took a long sip of your spiked Dr. Pepper. “So how has your week been?” You asked.
“Oh, just as awful, I also had two dates, but I didn’t bring them here, we went out to eat. The first was a single woman who thought she knew how to parent my kids better than me and had nothing but opinions about how I was raising my kids all wrong because even though she has no kids herself she has a degree in it apparently.” He began as you grimaced.
“Yikes.” You hissed. “I hate that don’t you? When people who don’t have kids, usually aren’t even married feel they’re qualified to give advice? Or the people whose kids are the worst, think they’re the perfect parent.” You offered.
“Yes! It drives me up the wall! Now I have seen the way you are with your daughter and she’s awesome so obviously you’re doing something right, I think it’s probably the fact that you’re willing to actually discipline her.” He ventured.
“Oh very much so and I’ve noticed your kids are really well behaved too, I’d think I’d be safe to assume you do too.” You returned as he grinned proudly.
“I’ve been known to get after them when the occasion arises.” He nodded in confirmation.
“So was that it or was there more?” You asked before he rolled his eyes and shook his head before taking a long pull from his drink too.
“I wish I could say yes but sadly no, I’ve been on OkCryptid for three months and so far it really hasn’t worked out, most women just want to hook up or if they are looking for a relationship, they don’t want kids or especially if they have careers, they don’t want to give that up which I get it, some women have the “mom chip” and some don’t and if you don’t- don’t have kids but they’re usually “overwhelmed” by my situation, which I can empathize with, because I have a difficult situation to deal with. Going into a family with kids can be overwhelming.” He explained. “Honestly you were my last attempt, if it wasn’t going to work with you, I was going to delete the app and just try dating the old fashioned way, actually what’s funny is if you had not been well... you I my plan was to ask you out this Friday when I saw you again.” He confessed.
“Aww, that’s sweet and I would have been open to that.” You admitted. “Also, wow you’ve been on there for 3 months? I can’t imagine sticking it out that long. I’ve only been on there a week and I’m ready to throw in the towel.” You admitted.
“Yeah, well it’s kind of...well...a coincidence that we’re in similar situations, we’re both widowed, both with kids and just both of us looking for a decent parent because I was in the same boat as you, it wasn’t until my kids suggested I get back into the dating game before I did.” He ventured.
“It is a coincidence. And I don’t have to tell you that as a parent you’re ready and willing to do whatever it takes to take care of your children and protect them yet teach them at the same time and while I’m sure you’re probably just as lonely as I can be sometimes, you’ll put up with it and endure it because you need to be picky about who and what is around and influencing your children and you should be guarded, they’re great kids and they need to be protected.” You insisted and he looked at you like you were the most amazing being in the universe. And before you knew it, you were both leaning forward across the table and talking like you were long lost best friends and this felt so natural and it was so easy to talk to each other and actually shared some of the deeper parts of yourselves with each other and come to find out, his wife was a human orc halfling, she had been an absolute sweetheart and been such a great mom and cancer had come out of nowhere and by the time she started showing signs she was sick, it was too late and they couldn’t save her and it had absolutely devastated the family.
You shared that your husband had gone for a motorcycle ride and a driver didn’t see him and changed lanes and side swiped him and pushed him into a cement barrier on the highway and even though he had been wearing a helmet and an armored motorcycle jacket and every piece of safety gear possible, it wasn’t enough. And he didn’t press or even hint at wanting to know how much you had gotten in life insurance policies, he was simply content and happy in the knowledge that you were taken care of and doing well and able to stand on your own two feet.
You quickly exchanged phone numbers to keep in touch and made plans for a second date and when he kissed you right before you parted, it stole your breath away.
