angstpril day twenty-two: “I had no choice!”
CW: trauma, sad sad
fic under the cut
Lin hadn’t left her room since they’d boarded the airship. Several people had tried to talk to her, but she refused to say anything. Nobody had asked what had happened to her, but they knew without her having to explain.
Three days into the journey to the South, Mako decided to try his hand at talking to her.
“Chief?” he asked, knocking on her door.
When he got no response, he decided to peek in. She was seated on her cot, elbows on her knees, staring blankly at the floor. He stepped into the room and closed the door behind him before saying anything.
“You need to talk to someone,” he started, getting to the point immediately.
“You can’t just lock yourself in here and expect us not to worry. What- what happened back there, with Amon, it was traumatic. You need to let us help you,” he took a step towards her, starting to get frustrated at her lack of reaction.
“You can’t just- you can’t just do everything on your own all the time, of all people I should know. You think we haven’t noticed how every time someone comes up on your right, you nearly jump out of your skin? You think we haven’t noticed how you look at everything sideways now? You need help, and we all want to help, if you would just let us, it-,” he stopped abruptly when Lin suddenly spoke.
“Get out,” she said in a low voice, still not turning to him.
“Lin, no, you need-,” Mako tried to push on, but she cut him off again.
“Get out,” she snarled, finally looking up at him, though only briefly.
Mako huffed and turned towards the door, his hand hesitating on the doorknob. He stood like that for a moment before spinning around again to face Lin. He looked at her with an angry yet confused face, opening and closing his mouth a few times before the words came.
“Why,” he said quietly.
“Why would you do this?” he asked, his voice raising in volume.
He watched Lin carefully for a long minute, his frustration growing again. When she still refused to answer, he shook his head.
“How could you do this,” he all but yelled, moving slightly towards her.
He hadn’t expected her to react now, especially not the way she did. He was already on the verge of tears, her obvious pain hurting him even just to watch. He couldn’t help taking a step back and letting a few tears out when she looked up at him, her face twisted with grief.
“I had no choice!” she shouted back at him, her voice breaking on the last word.
She let out a loud sob, hiding her face in her hands. She could feel Mako staring at her, but couldn’t be bothered to try getting him to leave again. His hand was gripping the doorknob again, so tightly his knuckles were turning white. He’d never seen her like this, never seen her so raw and vulnerable. He almost felt like he was trespassing as he stared, watching as she cried into her hands.
“I-,” he took a deep breath, trying to find the right words.
When he finally did, they barely came out more than a whisper.
“I was so worried about you,” he closed his eyes and began to properly cry, gritting his teeth to keep silent.
Neither of them moved or acknowledged what he’d said for a few minutes. Eventually, Lin peeked up at him through her fingers, her breath still coming in broken sobs that shook her shoulders just slightly. She closed her eyes and moved onto the cot so her legs were propped up and there was room beside her. She then opened her eyes again, looking at Mako and trying hard to take a deep breath before patting the cot next to her.
Mako hesitated before closing the short distance to the cot and sitting. He looked at his feet for a moment, before he felt a hand on his back.
“I’m sorry, son,” Lin whispered through shaky breaths. “I’m so, so, sorry.”
He turned quickly around to face her, his tears quickly renewing themselves. He leaned forwards and crushed her in a hug, holding on like his life depended on it. Lin couldn’t help but start to sob again, hugging him back tightly and leaning into his shoulder.
“You’ll be alright,” Mako muttered, more to himself than to Lin.
Lin opened her mouth with the intent of responding, but the cry that left her throat was as close to any word as she could muster. Mako buried his head in her shoulder, trying to hide the fact that he was practically crying his eyes out.
They held each other like that for a long time, crying for Lin’s pain and for fear of what would happen next. Eventually they both fell asleep, exhausted by the outpouring of emotions and by the week’s events. It was the first time Lin had rested peacefully since Amon had ripped away her bending.