Here’s my opinion on TOXIC MASCULINITY and toxic femininity.
The last piece I wrote was about feminism an sexism. The conclusion was that it isn’t really a problem of men vs. women, but more a problem about femininity vs. masculinity. So here enters toxic masculinity. I think this is another word that is not being taken serious anymore. Whenever someone mentions toxic masculinity it’s automatically seen as having a feminist agenda, which is seen as unjustified commentary. But toxic masculinity in my idea is a very great way of pointing out the problem. So what is toxic masculinity? And why is it such a great description of the problem that we describe as sexism?
Toxic masculinity is not all masculinity. Real masculinity is a positive thing and toxic masculinity is kind of the fake version of this. Also something to note is that men and women can both have toxic masculine behavior. I think that toxic masculinity comes out of the fear of seeming to be feminine. Like I have said before, women have been seen as inferior to men for a long time and although women themselves are now seen as equals, the traits that have been assigned to be feminine, are still seen as inferior. We are being taught that femininity is not per se wrong, but when you behave in this way you will be treated differently. (basically as if you are less capable) which is also kind of true, if you act more feminine you will be given a hard time. If a woman acts sexy (feminine) she will be seen as an object. If a woman acts kind, shy and polite (feminine) she will be seen as if she needs someone to take care of her. If a woman acts emotional (feminine) she is seen as unreliable. So pretty bad. But if a man acts sexy in the same way a woman would, he would be heckled even more. If a man would act kind, shy and polite he will be seen as soft and needing to become more manly. If a man acts emotional he will be seen as soft or maybe even crazy. So to be seen as a capable human being you have to put away your femininity and act masculine no matter what. Women can still kind of crawl back into the role of the traditional female, although automatically not being taken seriously, but men can’t just hop into the female ‘role’. For men it is pretty much necessary to act more masculine than you are. So here enters toxic masculinity, the over exaggerating of masculinity and also pressuring other people into being more masculine. In general I don’t think people are doing this consciously.
It can be small things, like playing and watching sports, needing to pay for things, opening jars or lifting heavy stuff. It can be bigger, like talking down women and sex, talking down other men for having more feminine traits. And it can be really bad, where it turns into violence towards women and other men. All of this is to show masculine traits, like strength and control. The difference though between real masculinity and toxic masculinity is that toxic masculinity needs to be seen and is based on pushing other people down.
Because of toxic masculinity there is no room for women to be respected and still be feminine and there is no room for men to be feminine at al. A lot of men don’t talk about their problems and emotions and therefor it all adds up until it will come out in the form of depression or hate. Some men start to think that they have the right to be in a relationship or have sex because that is part of being masculine and they will also think that control and power over someone else is part of their masculinity and this is not true. This will lead to violence and abuse.
I mostly talk about men having toxic masculinity but women can also have problems with this, although a lot less, because society pressure women a lot less to be masculine. But women can sometimes overcompensate to show that they are independent and strong people. Because we are taught that masculinity is equal to capability and independence, women can sometimes also get wound up into toxic masculinity.
Then you have the case of toxic femininity, where women feel the pressure to be feminine, in the same way as men feel the pressure to be masculine. This can be seen in the form of not standing up for yourself, letting other people make decisions for you, expect someone to take care of you, also like men feel like you have the right to be in a relationship and have sex (for women this will translate into emotionally manipulative behavior and for men in power-based manipulative/violent behavior). These are a few examples. I think we hear less about toxic femininity because talking about toxic femininity goes directly against toxic masculinity, because a traditional man doesn’t talk about his feelings.
I think in this society there is still more opposition against femininity then masculinity. So women don’t have to commit to toxic femininity as much because they can much more easily embrace their masculine side whereas for men it’s much harder to embrace their feminine side, because there is still so much resentment.
So basically toxic masculinity is bad for men because they will feel pressured to not talk about their emotions, they can’t show weakness, they have to stay in control all the time and more. If you don’t join toxic masculinity as a men, you will probably be called out for it and likely get beat up because of it.
Toxic masculinity is bad for women because men might become violent, they might feel like they have more say about a woman then the woman herself and they might use power, like strength, money, intimidation to make the woman do something they might not want to do.
Toxic femininity exists but it is less heard of, because women are less afraid to be more masculine and because men wouldn’t talk about it that fast.
Toxic femininity is bad for women because they don’t learn how to take care of themselves, they will probably not improve themselves, they can’t tell their opinions and more.
Toxic femininity is bad for other women and men, because they might be taken advantage of, they might be emotionally manipulated. Someone could tell you that they will kill themselves if you don’t talk to them every day or something like this. This comes out of the idea within toxic femininity that a relationship is the ultimate goal. Some women might think that they have the right to be in a relationship and will expect that if they fall for someone that this person will have the same goals. (to be in a relationship)
Toxic femininity and toxic masculinity try to force people to stay in their traditional gender role. Women can more easily step out of it and turn more to their masculine side than that men can turn to their feminine side. But women are still more feminine most of the time and there is a bigger resentment against femininity.
This was my opinion. I know that sometimes my opinions are wrong or could be tweaked a bit. So if anyone wants to discuss with me about this case then please feel free to do that. I am still learning a lot and if I learn something new I can get a better image of what my opinion should be.
