I had this conversation with someone and they made me understand something. And it really made a lot of sense.
I am a person who can't really identify my own complex feelings. I actually resonate with the scene of Mr. Grimmer and Tenma a lot, where Mr. Grimmer held onto the child he saved from the ledge and he was crying and he asked Tenma about the expression on his face, about how is he (Mr. Grimmer) feeling. And Tenma tells him...that he's crying.
I resonate with it because I can't identify complex emotions. Sadness, happiness, anger...are all okay. But for example if you ask me how I feel about a person, I will just be ... blank, I feel things but I just can't pinpoint them or understand them.
The conversation with the person went like this :
The person : I think that because of your past trauma, you got used to shutting down your feelings, being cold to survive.
Over time, it got harder and harder to identify your own feelings... until you were unable to differentiate the feelings at all.
Me : But what then about the way I so strongly feel when I watch movies or series and the way I feel so strongly about certain characters...
The person : I think that because those movies and series are "fiction" characters...
Your conscious mind knows that the characters or the events are not real and not happening to you...
So your unconscious mind has a sense of security and allows you to be fully immersed in those movies and series...
This allows you to easily feel your emotions while watching them... as you're in a safe environment and know that it's fiction...
...
The person : I think that, a part of you is using fiction and characters to deal with your emotional discomfort and difficulty differentiating...
I think you use these characters and fiction to make what you're feeling or thinking about more comfortable and easier on you.
...
His suggestion to me was : My idea is that, since you have a difficulty differentiating between feelings and emotions...
You could try using your favorite characters to understand how you're feeling, and then associate those feelings with people in your real life... to understand your feelings.
Me : So...suppose I feel warmth.
I'll think of Rengoku...and then associate that feeling with the instance that made me feel warm?
The person : Yes, exactly.
.....
I'm sharing this here incase anyone might be going through something similar. This really helped me understand myself a little better.
