@thekingtrickster @just-livin-while-i-can
Tags: agender!Sam, trans!lesbian!Dean, misgendering, coming out
Sam was beyond nervous to come out to Dean, but it was getting to the point where they visibly flinched whenever he misgendered them, and that wasn’t helping anyone. So Sam waited until Dean seemed relatively happy for a few days, went out and bought the biggest, greasiest burgers they could find to… well, they weren’t entirely sure. Butter Dean up? Make him happier and easier to break the news to? But Dean hadn’t come out of his room all day, and when he didn’t come to the kitchen for dinner, that was when Sam started to get worried.
They wandered through the halls of the bunker, calling Dean’s name and becoming increasingly more anxious. Finally, they checked his room. The door was closed, which wasn’t unusual, but the noises coming from behind it certainly were - someone was crying. Not loudly, not obnoxious sobs, but soft, quiet tears.
Sam knocked on the door. “Dean?”
The crying stopped. Dean’s voice was scratchy. “Sammy?”
Sam opened the door and poked their head inside.
Dean was laying on his stomach on his bed, face buried in his pillow. Sam edged closer and settled awkwardly on the edge of the bed.
“Dean, are… are you okay?”
Dean squeezed his arms tighter around his pillow and didn’t answer.
“Do you want a distraction?”
Dean sighed heavily and shoved the pillow aside. “Nah.” He rolled over, and even though Sam had known he was crying, it was still a shock to see his eyes red-rimmed and puffy - and even more shocking that he had let Sam see it.
“Do you wanna talk about it?” Sam hedged cautiously.
Dean shrugged. “I don’t know.”
They stared at each other in silence until Dean said, “Yeah. I guess.”
He sat up and faced away from Sam, leaning on his knees, head hanging down. “So, um…” He cleared his throat and wiped his hands on his jeans. “Do you know what transgender means?”
Sam’s heartbeat richoched into overdrive. Did Dean already know what Sam had been planning to tell him? Was the news of Sam’s gender so disastrous to Dean that it had made him cry?
Sam tried to keep their voice steady. “Um. Yeah.”
“Great. That’s, um, great.” Dean’s voice was growing smaller and smaller. “Do you think it’s, like, weird?”
“So…” Dean mumbled something unintelligible.
Dean clenched his fist. His voice was barely a whisper. “I think I’m a girl.”
Sam’s brain nearly short-circuited. Whatever they had been expecting, it wasn’t this. “What?”
That was the wrong thing to say. Dean tensed even further and said, “Never mind, I’m just being stupid -”
“No! No, Dean that’s not - I was just surprised. I was planning to come out to you and you came out to me instead.”
Dean spun around, mouth hanging open and eyes wide. “What?”
“Yeah.” Sam laughed nervously. “I’m nonbinary. Agender. I’m not a guy or a girl. I’m not anything.”
Sam nodded. “Do you still want to go by ‘Dean’?”
Dean nodded and involuntarily giggled. “This is so fucking bizarre.” She looked up at them. “I still like girls, though.”
“Cool.” Sam shifted closer on the bed. “So, how long…”
“I dunno. A few years. Since… since Amara, maybe? How about you?”
Sam looked down. “Since I was a kid. I didn’t have a word for it until Stanford, but I kind of always knew.”
“Sam, I’m so sorry I didn’t notice -”
“No, Dean, it’s okay. We both had to figure ourselves out before we could help each other.”
Dean nodded and looked down. “Just ‘cause I’m a chick doesn’t mean I like chick-flick moments, but, um, can I have a hug?”
Sam hugged her without a second thought. Dean hugged them back so tightly Sam thought their ribs might bruise, but they didn’t protest.
“Thanks,” Dean mumbled in their ear.
And if they spent the whole rest of the night watching Disney movies and trading makeup, well, that was no one’s business but theirs.