#mulaneysbutt

[msjessicaday]

@mulaneysbutt i think he must’ve??? but also he didn’t just tweet it, he posted a whole video on both ig and twitter 😭😭😭

[silvertonedwords]

if you’re still taking prompts can I request 18? love your stuff!

“If I don’t come back.”

“Dad? Are you asleep?”

Newt blinks and turns to face the door, sitting up. 

Hanne, their eldest, is his in looks. Curly auburn hair and blue-green eyes and freckles. And while she’s always been deeply fond of both of her parents, when she was very little it was often Newt she wanted to soothe a nightmare or a skinned knee.

Tina had never minded. She’s your little copy, his wife would always say.

No, he’d always said. She’s like you. Quick to react and fiercely determined and very kind. Determined to study hard and become an auror like her mother.

But as she’s entered her early teen years she’s been a little distant from her father; more dependent on her mother. It’s been a while since she’s come to him. He suspects he hasn’t had much helpful advice to give on navigating friendships with her peers.

He pats the bed beside him and she crumbles, sinking into his side. He wraps an arm around her.

“I was hoping Mum would be back to see us off on the train tomorrow,” she confesses, a few tears slipping down her cheeks. “She’s never missed it before.”

He smoothes their daughter’s hair, resting his head atop hers. “Me, too.”

“What if she doesn’t come back?” she whispers.

Newt looks to the ceiling to hold off his own tears. “She’ll come back. You’ve seen her duel haven’t you?”

She nods. And then her face crumples, and sobs begin to shake her. He wraps her up in his arms, wishing for the thousandth time that he could protect his children from the fear and darkness of their world. Wishing not for the first that it could be as easy as it can be with his creatures, to provide a sanctuary in his case and keep out the ugliness of the world. “It’s okay to miss her.” She nods into his chest, crying more quietly now. “I’m glad you came.”

“But I’m the oldest!” she protests, her voice shaky. “Like Mum was. I’m—I’m supposed to—I’m not supposed to cry.”

Newt smiles softly. So like her. “I’ve seen your mother cry plenty of times.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

She lifts her head, swiping at her tears until he takes over the task for her. “Will you tell me the story again? Of how you met?”

Newt smiles. The story has been popular in their household since the children were little. But Hanne hasn’t requested it in a long, long time. Tina usually has her own additions from her point of view. He resolves to try and add them himself. She presses into his side, and he begins. “I had just gotten off the boat in New York, with my case…”

[youngsamberg]

30 Rock was NBC propaganda and it WORKED on me

u know what you’re right me too

[sarahcamerons]

endless gifs of john mulaney ★ [5/?]

[the-one-thing-you-cant-replace]

me, less than 2 minutes into any mulaney special & remembering how hot he is

[jonbutter]

mulaneysbutt replied to your post: “my parents got me a fandango gift card so im gonna use it to see dumb...”:

Godspeed though I hear Lapkus is one of the few good parts

lapkus increases the quality of everything she’s in, example a) jurassic world

[katia-dreamer]

Did you already write a katie and greg valentine’s day piece??? And if not, could you???? 💖

I’d do anything for you darling. (hugs) I’m so, so, SO sorry this took so long. :( This might be crap, but here it is! 

Some people wanted bouquets of roses or lots of jewelry for Valentine’s Day.  

She would probably give her left arm to have a moment that wasn’t interrupted by Chuck or her mother. The past month had been crazy. It had been one thing after the other. As a result, they had very little time together.  So, they agreed to just enjoy a movie with a few glasses of wine. She was looking forward to it.  She’d even picked out a certain little red top and was wearing it under her button up blouse.

When she gets to his office, he’s on the phone. He’s rubbing his temple with his free hand. That was never a good sign. “See you then,” his voice is so cold it gives her shivers.

“Is everything okay?”

“No.”

"What’s wrong?” she inquires.

He collapses into his chair with a sigh.  “That was my older sister. She’s in town and she wants to have supper.“

"She does realize it’s Valentine’s Day, right? Everything will be booked!”

“She made reservations for us,” he replies.

“Oh.”

“I’m sorry, love. But it looks like we are going to have to reschedule our plans. I had no idea she was coming.”

“Why is she here?”

He shrugs. “I know it can’t be good. No one has spoken to me in over a year.”

“Your family is awful.”

He scoffs. “The strange thing is when we were children we were quite close. But the last time I saw her we both said some rather nasty things.”

“Maybe she’s forgiven you.”

“No.”

That’s all he says. That’s all he needs to say. There are a few moments of silence as they are lost in their own thoughts.

“She wants to meet us at CheZ,” Greg adds.

“Holy shit!” she exclaims. That was the chicest restaurant in town. She’d heard there was a cake with real gold flecks in it.

Greg smiles for a second but then he frowns. “Katie-”

“I know.”

That evening she spends over an hour deciding what to wear. She decides on the dress she wore to the AJA’s and a pair of earrings.

When they arrive at the restaurant, they are lead to a table near a window, but his sister isn’t there yet. Greg’s body is tense against hers as they wait. She’s about to say something when he stands.  

“Elizabeth.”

The woman in front of them is stunning. Her dress is a deep sapphire blue and is clearly designer. Her long hair is the same shade as Greg’s. But her eyes are an ice blue. Katie wonders if Greg is the only one in his family who has warm eyes. She shakes that thought out of her head and focuses on Elizabeth who is clearly scrutinizing her.

Elizabeth gestures to the chairs. “Sit.”

Greg clears his throat nervously. “I was surprised to get your call today.”

“Why were you surprised?” her words are venomous, and Greg flinches.

“What brings you to the city?” she asks trying to change the topic.

“I would think that would be obvious,” Elizabeth replies as she takes a sip from her water glass. There’s a ring with a diamond the size of a small pebble on her finger.

“You’re engaged?” Greg sounds genuinely surprised.

Elizabeth smiles and her face completely changes. “It happened a few days ago.”

“When is the wedding?”

"That’s not important, Gregorius,” Elizabeth retorts.

“Don’t call me that.”

The table falls as silent as the grave. The air is thick with tension. Then there is a soft cough. “Can I take your orders?”

The two ladies order glasses of wine, and Greg orders scotch. As soon as the waiter is out of earshot, Greg turns to his sister. “Why are you here? I know it’s not just to take us out to dinner.“

“Mother heard you took the Walsh ring from the safety deposit box when you were in London,” Elizabeth states.

Katie nearly chokes on her water. But neither of the Walsh siblings seem to notice.

“Did you take it?” Elizabeth hisses.

"Why do you care?”

Elizabeth frowns. “That ring is not yours, Gregorius.”

“Great-Grandma left it to me in her will.”

“Mum is not happy about it.”

“Is mum ever happy?” Greg inquires without hesitating. “Look, I’m sorry about Gram. I know you all blame me for it. But she was doing something illegal. I was sick and tired of being pushed around. If you think I’m going to let myself be pushed around by you, you’re wrong.” ”

“You embarrassed the family.”

“I did no such thing! I did what any normal person would.”

“Two wines and a scotch,” the waiter returns with three glasses. Katie takes hers and takes a long swig.

Elizabeth scoffs. “You were always spineless. Did you finally choose to grow a pair?”

“I am not spineless!”

“Enough!“ Katie finally snaps. Elizabeth looks at her in shock, which only causes her bravery to rise. “Your Gram deserved what she got. Because, frankly, she was one cold bitch!” She can feel the alcohol burning in her fingertips.

“Excuse me?”

“Listen here,” she hisses. “Greg is a good boss and a really great boyfriend. So, you need to back the hell off,” her words are intentionally punctuated.

For the first time, Elizabeth smiles at her. “I can see why you like her, Greg.”

“I love her,” he says firmly. Sure, he’d said it plenty of times. But the force of them makes heat pour into her stomach. “Look, I know things haven’t been great between us for a long time. I said some things that I shouldn’t have and I hope that you can forgive me. Even if mum doesn’t approve. You don’t have to do everything she says you know.“

“Watch your tone, Gregorius.”

“Lizzie,” he repeats. The frown on Elizabeth’s faces softens a little. “I don’t expect us to be friends. I don’t expect you to accept this. But I want to go home and spend Valentine’s Day with my girlfriend.”

“Greg?” Elizabeth whispers.

“Yes?”

"Go home,” she says.

“Thanks.”

“And Greg? I am happy for you.”

It’s five words, but it makes Greg smile. “I’m happy for you too. I wish you the best.”

“And you.”

“Does this mean that you’ll call sometime?”

"I’ll think about it.”

Greg doesn’t say anything else. He just gets up and leaves. So, she follows him.

Once they are safely in a cab, Katie breathes a sigh of relief. “What the hell was that?”

He turns and kisses her. It’s soft, slow, sweet. When he pulls away, he chuckles. “You were brilliant in there.”

“I hardly said anything.”

“Believe me. You were wonderful.”

She works up the courage to finally ask the question that’s been burning in the back of her mind. "Did you take that ring?”

He grins. “That’s for me to know and you to find out. Let’s just enjoy the rest of the evening together. Then maybe if you are feeling generous you’ll put on that red top again.”

She flushes, but nods. “Deal.”

[thehauntedmansion2003]

mulaneysbutt replied to your post: I’m sure Ive said this 1 billion times but I...

I know One Of The Greats™ is her brand but it’s also FACT

things Chelsea Peretti invented:

comedy

podcasts

telephones

twitter

brand identity

having a good palette for food

the concept of greatness

sound effects

Pete Holmes’ career

Iyanla Vanzandt