#multiple text posts

[marvelgaynesstothemax]

*drops these off on your doorstep in the dead of night*

Saved these bad boys up just for you guys ;)

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Frank: Red, how could you possibly have gotten into this much trouble in one day?

Matt: It… It didn’t take me the whole day.

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Frank, glaring at Matt’s coffin: We are gathered here today because SOMEBODY. Couldn’t stay alive. Bitch

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Matt: Have you ever ate a date?

Frank: Like ate their ass?

Matt: …. It’s a fruit.

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Frank: I taught the dog a new trick.

Frank: *throws a ball* Fetch!

Max: *just stands there*

Matt: He didn’t do it.

Frank: I taught him to ignore social conventions and think for himself.

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Matt: Hey, wanna take a shower with me?

Frank: I have a gun in that nightstand beside the bed. If I ever say no to that question, I want you to take it out and shoot me because I’ve obviously gone crazy.

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Frank: Are you drinking enough water?

Matt: Sometimes my tears get in my mouth…?

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Frank: Wow, Red, you want to hold my hand before marriage? How awfully lewd of you.

Matt: We literally slept together yesterday.

Frank: That’s NOTHING compared to the lewdness of holding hands!

[marvelgaynesstothemax]

*sneezes this post all over your face*

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Matt: How did none of you hear what I just said?!

Jessica: I’ve been zoned out for the past two and a half hours.

Danny: Huh?

Luke: I got distracted halfway through.

Frank: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.

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Foggy: Why is Matt crying on the floor?

Karen: He took one of those “what person are you?” quizzes.

Foggy: And?

Karen: He got Frank.

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Matt: You know, I think my life has value.

Frank: Who are you and what have you done with Matthew Murdock?!!

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Jessica: I haven’t slept in seventy-three hours.

Matt: Eighty. Democratically elected leader of insomnia.

Frank: Bitch, it’s been Ninety for me. I’m going for hundred even.

Danny: You guys are fucking terrifying-

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Matt: Pardon the intrusion, but-

Frank: In this moment or just my life in general?

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Frank: What are you planning to do?

Matt: Hey, now. “Planning”!? Do you KNOW who you’re talking to?!

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Matt, standing there menacingly in his daredevil getup: I know what you’re up to, Frank.

Frank, literally just waking up: Really? Because I barely fucking know it myself.

[marvelgaynesstothemax]

*chucks this post violently onto your front step*

DELIVERY!!!

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Karen: Please tell me you didn’t drag Matt into this!

Frank: I didn’t drag Matt into this.

*knocking on the door*

Karen: Frank…

Frank: Yeah?

Karen: Who is that?

Frank: ….. I think you know

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Matt, seriously: I think you have PTSD.

Frank: Yeah, I have PTSD; Proficient Talent for Sucking Dick.

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Frank, just waking up: Why are you calling me this early in the morning altar boy?

Matt, audibly panicked: I need your help, I’ve done something really bad—

Frank: Finally! Put the corpse on ice, I’m on my way.

Matt: wait that’s- that’s not- how dare you-

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Karen: Matt is missing. Can you find him?

Frank: Do you think I have him microchipped or something?

Karen: Well, do you?

Frank: Yeah… Hang on just a sec

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Matt: We just gotta suck it up and do this.

Matt: Now give me that grunt that means ok.

Frank: *grunts*

Matt: Thank you dear.

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Matt: I have decided I am a snack. People are just not hungry.

Frank, under his breath: I’m fucking starving.

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Jessica: *reading a newspaper*

Headline: BREAKING NEWS: Frank Castle and his lawyer Matthew Murdock reportedly spotted in a gay bar!

Jessica: Ok and? “Fork spotted in kitchen!” Come on now

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Frank: What goes up, but never comes down?

Matt: The amount of stress you bring me.

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Matt: Stop buying plastic skeletons for Halloween! It’s terrible for the environment!

Frank: Yeah! Locally sourced, all natural skeletons are much more environmentally friendly!

[marvelgaynesstothemax]

Hey, I got the goods… *lifts flap of jacket discreetly*

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Frank: Why do people keep thinking we’re a couple?

Matt: Because we act like one.

Matt: And your hand is on my ass.

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Frank: I’m too old and tired for this shit…

Amy: For what exactly?

Frank: *gestures vaguely at the world*

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Matt: I told you “no guns”.

Frank: I thought you said “no gum”.

Matt: You’re literally chewing gum right now…

Frank, blowing a bubble and cocking his shotgun: I’m a rebel. Fuck you.

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Frank: I’m sorry for acting like an idiot.

Matt: Aw, Frank… You weren’t acting.

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Matt: *hugs Frank*

Frank: What the fuck is this? What’s happening?

Matt: Shhh… It’s gonna okay.

Frank:

Frank: Is this some sort of hold? Why are you squeezing me with your body?

Matt: It’s a hug, Frank. I’m hugging you.

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Matt: I have a plan.

Frank: No martyrdom or self sacrifice, Red.

Matt: … I no longer have a plan.

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Frank: Curtis, I think I have somebody who could benefit from your sessions.

Curtis: Oh?

Frank: *holds Elektra out to him by the scruff of her neck*

Curtis: Wtf is that-

[marvelgaynesstothemax]

*shakes this post at you like a tennis ball before throwing it across an open field* GO FETCH!

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Peter, dejectedly looking at a news article: Hey, Mr. Punisher?

Frank: What do you want?

Peter: Has anyone ever told you that you’re a menace?

Frank: At least once a week.

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Matt: Hi Frank.

Frank:

Matt: So, you might be wondering why I’m taped to this ceiling.

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Matt: Frank, I screwed up. Big time.

Frank: Red, considering your daily life experiences, you’re gonna have to be more specific.

Matt:

Frank: Like, REALLY specific.

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Matt: I just heard Frank call the dog a “fucking liar” because he barked like someone was at the door and no one was there.

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Matt: If you don’t stay away from Frank, I’ll-

Jessica: Chill, I don’t want your man. I don’t even understand why you want your man!

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*on some random roof in NYC*

Frank: Hey, Red. Happy fucking Valentine’s Day or whatever.

Matt: *hands him a steaming cup* Thank you, Frank.

Frank: *takes cup and sips it*

Matt: Since it’s a holiday, I’ve decided to make you a coffee without salt in it.

Frank:

Frank: YOU’VE BEEN PUTTING SALT IN ALL MY COFFEES?!?!

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Employer, going over “Pete’s” resume: Okay, so right here it states that you’re creative.

Frank: Yes.

Employer: Okay. May I know what you are best at creating?

Frank: Problems.

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Elektra: I think I’m falling for you.

Matt: Then you should stand up.

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Frank: Can I bother you for a second?

Matt: You’re always bothering me, but go ahead.

[marvelgaynesstothemax]

Fratt as multiple text posts but it’s just them in highschool trying to get homework done

(and they’re failing)

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Frank: Why can’t trees give off something important, like Wi-Fi?

Matt: So fuck oxygen, I guess-

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Frank: I did it! I memorized everything in the book! Im gonna ace this test!

Matt: Ok, Frank, I’ll give you one more question before you go. What ended in 1918?

Frank: 1917.

Matt: …. You’re ready.

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Matt: *sneezes*

Frank:

Matt: You’re not even gonna say “bless you”?

Frank: I’m sitting here with you, you’ve clearly been blessed.

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Matt: “29-34 Give a particular ecosystem and explain how it could be protected.”

Matt: Help.

Frank: Forests, stop cutting down trees and don’t hold gender reveal parties anywhere near them.

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Matt: What happened to your nose?

Frank: I used it to break some guy’s fist.

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Frank: *banging a pen on the table out of frustration*

Matt: Stop that. How would you feel if I banged you on the table?

Frank: I-

Frank: I don’t know the correct answer to that question.

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Frank: You know my motto: carpe diem, carpe noctem, carpe coles.

Matt: Seize the day, seize the night, what’s the last one?

Frank: Seize the dick.

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Frank: Bro, I had a dream we fucked.

Matt: Bro, relax it was just a dream.

Frank: Huh, gay, I wouldn’t fuck you.

Matt: You wouldn’t?

Frank: I mean, unless you want to-

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Matt: This bloodline ends with me.

Frank: That’s the fanciest way I’ve ever heard someone say “I’m gay”.

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Frank: Dom or sub?

Matt: I guess Domino’s, since I don’t go to Subway that much. I don’t see why you’d put them in the same category though…

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Frank, trying to flirt: So, you come around here often?

Matt, confused: I mean, this is the orphanage I was put in, so yeah.

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Frank: I have feelings for you.

Matt: Why? What’s wrong with you? Are you sure you’re okay?

[marvelgaynesstothemax]

THINK FAST! *chucks this post at you with the force of a thousand suns*

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Karen: I wish we could block people in real life…

Matt: It’s called a restraining order.

Frank: Try murder.

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Foggy: You’re smiling, did something good happen?

Matt: Can’t I just smile because I feel like it?

Karen, from the other room: Uh, hey guys? I think Frank just fell down the stairs!

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Matt, concussed: Do you think that when butterflies are in love they feel humans in their stomach?

Frank: Red. Sweetheart. Love of my life. What in the actual fuck?

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Matt: *is holding a rock*

Karen: What’s that?

Matt: Frank just gave this to me and said “I feel like you deserve the moon but all I can give you at the moment is this dumb rock.”

Karen: If you don’t marry Frank, I will.

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Frank: Halloween is my favorite holiday.

Matt: Because of the costumes?

Frank: Nah, because you get to legally trespass and make non-negotiable demand.

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Foggy: Oops, I think that sandwich I ate earlier was actually Frank’s… How long do I have to live?

Matt: Ten.

Foggy: Ten what?

Matt: Nine.

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Frank: FOUR MONTHS!!

Karen: What’s he talking about?

Foggy: Nothing.

Frank: THATS HOW LONG YOU ALL STOOD BY AND WATCHED ME WATER A FAKE FUCKING PLANT!!!

Matt: *hysterically laughing in the background*

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[marvelgaynesstothemax]

Hey what’s that over there-?! *proceeds to dump this into your unsuspecting arms*

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Matt: Why would you think any of this was a good idea!?!?

Frank: Probably because I’m a dangerous sociopath with a long history of violence.

Matt:

Frank: I don’t know how you keep forgetting this.

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Matt: Oh fiddlesticks!

Frank, covering Peter’s ears with both his hands: Look, I understand this is a tense situation, but let’s watch the fucking language.

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Matt: Ugh, fine! Okay, help me please!

Frank: Got two words for you.

Matt: I bet they won’t be helpful.

Frank: Your problem.

Matt: I was right…

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Frank: *stubs his toe* FUCK!

Matt: Mind the language!

Frank: What else am I supposed to say, “Woe is I”??

Matt:

Frank: You have accept that swear words are necessary sometimes, Red.

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Matt: This is such a bad idea.

Frank: Then why are you coming?

Matt: One of us needs to be able to talk the cops out of arresting us when this inevitably goes wrong.

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Frank: They don’t make them like me no more. I’m the last of my kind.

Matt: Thank God.

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