#my bpd posts

[confidently-conflicting]

[confidently-conflicting]

for real though, having bpd and dating someone who also has bpd is going so well with the person i’m with*. with tkmw, it’s really validating to know and listen to and understand each other’s mental health stuff, because we have a lot of similar feelings.

like, your emotional permanence is weird today? that’s okay, mine is too. we will be gentle today.

you’re texting me to tell me you miss me and you love me? i’m so glad to hear that, i definitely miss and am thinking of you too. i love you so much.

i’m having a bpd day where i get weirdly jealous of things you like? i still feel bad about it and i know it’s irrational but i’ll feel better for telling you about it because you’ll listen to me and hug me and tell me you love me more than what i’m jealous of.

and like, obviously bpd is hard and i’m not saying “if you date someone who also has bpd it will make everything better”, cause it really depends on both of you*. i just mean like, multiple people having bpd in a relationship can be really nice because they get it. and it feels way different than crushes i’ve had on non-borderlines, because a lot of the time i felt like my feelings were too much, they didn’t care about me as much as i cared about them, it was bad for me to care so much but i also couldn’t stop it, the person i crushed on would definitely leave me, etc.

but with they keep me warm, we both really care about each other and want to listen to and validate the other person, especially when one or both of us is having a bad mental health day. and it’s not just that it works because they’re also borderline, but it’s that on top of them caring about me and loving me no matter how messed up my mental health feels.

i’m not worried that they’ll suddenly leave me because i’m too emotional or that they’ll be apathetic when i need extra reassurance. and even when things are hard, we’re still coping and still want to be together, and i know they love me even when my mental health is really acting up, and they’ll be with me for it.

*i’m not saying it will always work well or it’s a solution, but in my personal experience this has been helpful and a positive thing

[confidently-conflicting]

*friend went through a breakup pretty recently*

me: how are you? are you okay

friend: yeah, i’m fine

me: what happened?

friend: there wasn’t a spark apparently

me: yeah but..... are you okay??

friend: yeah i’m fine, we dated for [number of weeks], it’s not that big a loss

me, a borderline: *thinking* how are you not in the hospital right now?! how are you okay???

[confidently-conflicting]

me, the past couple weeks, clearly Recovered: wow, my bpd has gotten so much better! it’s not even a thing anymore!

me, also the past couple weeks, slightly Less Recovered: *bikini bottom narrator voice* aaaah yes........ stábilitié

[confidently-conflicting]

When your friends say they miss you more but you’re borderline so you’re like I win

[confidently-conflicting]

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mental illnesses that stem from severe trauma are so surreal.... like, it gets to a point of realizing you have bpd or did, and you get to the most ironic point of self awareness, where it doesn’t feel like you “need” or “deserve” comfort(ing) because your traumatized brain is like “well it won’t last, i’ll feel different in 15 minutes”

and that in and of itself feels really frustrating.

you’ve gone through stuff where your brain was like “i can definitely overcome this by being whoever you need me to be”, but it feels so confusing and hard to make sense of, let alone trying to act/seem/be neurotypical

edit: this post is really negative and i don’t mean it as a “don’t cope!” thing. i just wanted to say i’ve been feeling like it a lot lately and that if you feel like this too, you’re not the only one

[confidently-conflicting]

you know when you look through someone’s bpd tag and you’re like “lol i don’t have bpd”

and then you pause, and you think, “bpd has me”