#my shane

[in-the-hollanov-trenches]

You know how little kids think their teachers live at school? Little Shane thought his peewee hockey coach lived at the rink and he was sooooo jealous. Always angry kitten after practice when he had to go home and the coach got to STAY

[dumbass-writer]

“I could marry svetlana” said faux nonchalantly with a ramrod tense spine while holding back the intense fear he’s going to leave

“ is she, I don’t know, someone you’d want to marry?” said with every muscle in his body clenched, fight or flight active, and genuine tears building in his eyes

[burymecherry]

shane hollander was a huge baby. literally he was the FATTEST chunkiest baby ever. he came out the womb just big as hell, like so big yuna needed a c-section. 90th percentile birth weight. there’s a picture in his baby book of the doctor holding swaddled baby shane like a prize fish and the first time ilya saw it he laughed until he cried.

[brightloveee]

I know we talk a lot about how Ilya turned himself from a ho into a housewife, and how much he loves to be a My Husband guy. "My Husband" this, "My Husband" that, "Have I told you about My Husband Shane Hollander?" And yes. True. Love that.

BUT, do you ever think about how quietly, but equally, chuffed Shane is to be a My Husband guy too?

There are definitely points in Shane's story when he thinks This Fcked Up Thing Between Them will never amount to anything but sex – he doesn't dare even entertain it until the cottage. And there are YEARS in between when Shane is pretty much convinced that in order to have a happy future, he would need to be in a heterosexual relationship. He has a lot of internalized comphet notions that take him trying and failing to date Rose to dismantle. Based on his upbringing and environment, he thinks he NEEDS to be with a woman in order to have a long-term partner that he can be with publicly. Rose is the ONLY person he's ever liked enough to even consider, but he can't even like HER enough for that.

There has to be a period of mourning, after that conversation with Rose, when Shane thinks maybe he WON'T get to have a partner. After all, things with Ilya are FAR from assured at that time.

Meanwhile, he's certified Husband Material. As I've Shaneterpreted before, he's a major Protector and Provider. He's DYING to do Husband Chores for someone. Man the grill. Mow the lawn. Make the fire. Kill the spiders. He's worked so hard, he's built this big cottage, and for what?

He WANTS to share it with someone, and for a while there's a strong possibility that he won't, and he'll never get to have that.

So when it all works out, and he gets to think of himself and Ilya as an "Us," I think he gets a little smile to himself. He's calling the pharmacy like, "Hi, yes, I need to refill a prescription for My Husband." "Hi, is this the lost and found? My Husband lost his earbuds again." "Two tickets, for me and My Husband."

He looks normal. For all the world he's as calm and collected as ever. But internally, he's JUMPING for joy. He gets to have a husband! And it's ILYA!

[shrekhollander]

Fat 3 year old baby Shane got a phase where he called his parents by their names. Mommy and daddy? No. It was Yuna and David. 

“Yuna, can you give me my blankie pwease?” He says as he looks up at his mother with his big doe tired eyes when he wants a nap. 

“David! Did you hear that!?” He says with a very excited grin and adorable wide eyes. “It´s a loon! David it is a loon!” He repeats again as he jumps around happily, one hand holding a box of apple juice.

[scartafacci]

i’ve read a few posts about how ilya avoids certain clothes when he notices shane doesn’t like them, but i also love the idea of shane doing the same aka being mindful of textures for ilya, because i can absolutely see him doing that! (which would bring us back to one of my favorite acts of tenderness aka hollanov being protective of each other even when there’s objectively no need.)

i don’t think it’s far-fetched for very undiagnosed shane to think his experiences are sort of universal, meaning of course everyone dislikes bad textures, they’re probably just not talking about the atrociousness of it all because they don’t want to look like they’re complaining too much (just like him!), so when they start hooking up at shane’s house (and later at the cottage), shane tells ilya he doesn’t have to worry about the bed sheets because they have a very high thread count, also all his towels are new and extra soft so he doesn’t have to worry about those either. and later when ilya asks if he can borrow a T-shirt shane’s like, “it’s in great shape because i’ve found the best fabric softener, and i’ve already removed all the labels so it’s good to go”, and ilya’s like okay he’s either gone Full Canadian with the politeness all of a sudden for some reason or he’s just bragging about being knowledgeable about… laundry detergents? but then, it just keeps happening, and so later when they’re at the cottage shane goes, “i got chicken instead of turkey because it’s obviously better and doesn’t have that persistent dry texture (you know, the one that makes you wanna Die), so you don’t have to worry about it, and i have a very good food processor so if we wanna make pea soup later it’ll be all smooth with no chunky bits” and ilya’s like okay he’s probably bragging again although i don’t know about what exactly. being the best at blender? and it’s not long (about ten more “you don’t have to worry about it” explanations) before ilya realizes shane has been trying to protect him from the Bad Textures of the World all along, and if ilya wasn’t already in love with him he would be now just because of that.

and maybe that’s how ilya finds out about shane’s autism (he’d always known but that was just shane being shane to him), or maybe he doesn’t come to that conclusion just yet, but what he knows is that from now on he’ll make sure no pea skin treacherously hides in future soups to harm the love of his life ever again.

[bambicoded]

shanebug multipack :)

[half-horny-half-hope]

y'all love to talk about LoserIlya but what about LoserShane? Man stacked up on chips and coke for his man. He built a WELL FOR FRESHWATER in case Ilya was thirsty. He bought a goddamn SEX APARTMENT so that he can scream like a slut when Ilya is 10 inches deep. A Sex Apartment. Read that again actually. An apartment solely for sexual experiments. He suited up to get his man in Tampa and DRANK A CORONA LIGHT. Scrolled down to see Lily immediately after calling his gf "Babe". Pathetic. Tried to get his attention throughout the post-tuna melt game because he didn't wanna lose him

FOR GODS SAKE HE IS LEARNING RUSSIAN. Bitch no man can make me learn Russian it's difficult as hell and I know Arabic.

and most of all....talked about his feelings. Like that is a big thing for Shane Hollander guys, WAKE UP. Shane Hollander never loses a game but he is a Capital L LOSERRRRRR