To Have A Baby or Not?
Yesterday, I visit my OB for my monthly check up. I have myoma. 10 cm in size. And I’m decided to have my surgery to remove it. Removing it together with my ovary. And if my ovary is gone... I can never have a baby.
So my OB asked me one more time. “Are you sure about it? Is it fine with you not to have a baby? Think about it one more time.”
Most of the women likes to have a baby... a children. It’s part of their dreams. They want to build a family with someone they love. Some, just want to have a partner in life and having no kids is fine. Like, “it’s fine. I’m ok without kids”, and I’m one of those. That’s why I’m 100% decided to take my myoma and my ovary out of me.
Some people say I’m gonna regret this decision. They said “you need to have kids, so that you have someone to take care of you when you grow old”. That thing NEVER changed my mind. I keep on asking myself, “why this people want their kids to be their caregivers? Is that the only reason, why they want kids? I mean, isn’t it for joy? Family? Love?”. I am looking for someone who could give a better reason to change my mind. Cause you know, I have reasons too.
REASONS?
I don’t have a stable job (gonna make a new post about this)
Having kids and to settle down isn’t my priority
My family is.
I’m scared of pain that I’m gonna feel from giving birth.
I just want to make myself better first to be a better woman. Person. So I can be a BETTER MOM someday.
I’m a coward to be a mom.
Sometimes, I feel selfish. You know, that’s what I want. Thinking about those people who always want me to be a mother, it feels like, I am disappointing them. But... I just can’t.
Another thing I can’t stop thinking is maybe, “maybe I am destined to have a child of my own. Maybe that’s what God wants for me. I’m just blinded by my fears” . Maybe? I’m still looking for answers though I am decided. Cause it’s already 10cm. It’s big. Why my doctors keep on telling me to “not to lose hope. PRAY for it. Not now”
So... how? I’m a mess. Not a mess-mess. But I am not contented to the life I have. I want to be better. Having kids isn’t part of my plans. I want this myoma be gone.
Does being a woman who doesn’t want to have kids would make her less of a woman? Does she?


















