Season 4, Episode 5: An Extremely Chaotic and Incoherent Review
HEAD FULL MANY THOUGHTS I GOT A LOT TO SAY ON THIS ONE
The Good:
Y'all check out how Hawk and Dem's cheeks are practically brushing! It's not heterosexual at all!
Hey so NateBert is fantastic actually, NateBert rights
Methinks Johnny looks kinda protective over Daniel in this scene??? Just a smidgen???
Like Johnny's face just says "what did this guy do to you? Should I fuck him up?"
"What are you gonna do? They strike first, you strike firster?" LOSING MY MIND, Daniel is such a ditz and he'll never realize it
Johnny kinda got a point tho, Daniel's got a superiority complex of sorts and it just keeps getting bigger. Man needs to eat a bit of humble pie
Them both being like "LET'S SETTLE THIS WITH A FIGHT" was absolutely hysterical, and VERY on-brand for both of them. These men will never not be petty rival manchildren and I kind of love that
OH MY GODDDDDD HAWK'S PURPLE HAIR LOOKS ABSOLUTELY AMAZING
LITERALLY MY FAVORITE SHADE OF PURPLE
Also want to point out that this man's hair has now been every color on the bi flag. PLEASE DO SOMETHING WITH THIS BLATANT SYMBOLISM
And he matched it with the same color shirt??? Fashion icon
Also his sleeves are blue underneath, he and Demetri are matchy matchy again
We went from Blue Gay and Red Gay to Blue Gay and Purple Gay and I honestly think it's an improvement
Their theme color I'm imagining as like a really deep blue-purple and I love that for them so much
One of the best and most gay colors
Also gonna point out that we do not have any proof that Demetri didn't help dye Hawk's hair
I'm going insane over the fact that Hawk knows the term "Renaissance Man," like...this dude is such a fucking nerd still, even after all his macho hypermasculine facade nonsense
Losing my mind over the fact that Demetri snuck a picture, did a facial recognition test, and then did an internet fucking deep dive. Like. This dude is smart and tech-savvy as shit and so fucking casual about it
Hawk is looking at him with heart eyes throughout that entire spiel though, change my fucking mind
Like "oh shit, I forgot that my best friend knows literally everything in the world and is the smartest man on earth <3 AH NO FUCK NOT THE STUPID MIDDLE SCHOOL CRUSH AGAIN"
Hawk looks PISSED when Yasmine shows up and starts kissing his man, HERE FOR IT
Okay but Moon steals both a very fond look at Yasmine and a very admiring glance at Yasmine's ass
I'M NOT EVEN JOKING, PAUSE DURING THAT SCENE AND YOU CAN SEE IT
Moon also shoots Yas this fond little smile when she and Demetri start smooching. Could be because she's happy for her friends! Could also be because she's harboring a little sapphic crush on a certain blonde ex-alpha-bitch!
I choose to believe the latter
In any case it's important to note that Moon's eyes are on Yas this ENTIRE bit and never once stray to Hawk until Yas is clearly preoccupied
Yeah I'm a YasMoon truther now what of it
NOT HAWK LOOKING ANNOYED AND JEALOUS AS HELL WHEN DEM AND YAS START KISSING
Okay okay okay okay I'll admit the "consider me an admirer from afar" callback was kind of cute, but that's literally the only part of the Demetri and Yasmine relationship that doesn't make me want to bang my head against a wall
Holy shit Moon's eyes are still on Yas in the background when Yas says "save me a seat at lunch?"
My girl Moon is crushing HARD
She and Hawk should commiserate
WAIT OH GOD OH NO, MOON'S SMILE SLIPPED FOR JUST A SEC AND SHE LOOKED SO SAD AAAAAHHHHH
Tryna smile through her unrequited crush I see
Unlike Hawk, who is doing all of jack shit to hide his piney gayness
YOOOOO OUR FIRST SHOULDER TOUCH OF SEASON 4 HELL YES
I'm CACKLING is it just me or is it a teens bit possessive
"No offense" *slaps Dem's shoulder* "But this boy is MINE, Yasmine, fuck off."
Highkey his hand slides off Dem's shoulder slowly, too. Like this fucker tryna get as much touch in as he can before he has to go back to pretending to be straight
I'm gonna sob at the way Hawk looks at Dem when he says "I guess I was just myself." Like it's just a quick little look but it's this sad vibe of "I've always liked you for you, even when you were a snarky, insecure little shit"
So I may hate Hawk x Moon as a romantic ship with all the burning passion of a thousand galaxies, BUT I do think it's sweet they're trying to be friends again
Platonic Hawk and Moon is absolutely elite actually
Again, I (and I cannot emphasize this enough) absolutely despise H*wkM**n BUT I do appreciate how respectful Hawk is of Moon's relationship and how he's 0% homophobic about it despite being pretty homophobic against himself lmao
YAY MIGUEL SAM DEMETRI AND HAWK SQUADDING OUT AGAIN
"The only part I don't believe is that he knows how to tweet" DEMETRI YOU SAVAGE
I love Demetri making fun of Johnny and Miguel just being like "yeah that's fair"
I see Johnny is being completely inept at technology as usual, absolutely iconic
"Who does he think he's tweeting to? You're his only follower" THIS JUST GETS BETTER
To everyone bitching about how Hawk is acting "too much like S1 Eli," I raise you: "Sensei and Sensei are gonna throw down? THAT'S AWESOME! :D :D :D"
He's still the same hammy, dramatic, fight-happy fucker who craves violence and loves karate, he just now craves violence and loves karate in a more chill way
Poor Amanda, still trying to be the voice of reason I see
The montages of Johnny and Daniel's past beef were hilarious and cheesy but I still found them pretty great
I do love the irony of Sam taking to Johnny's training and Miguel taking to Daniel's training! Good on Sam for standing up for Johnny and Eagle Fang and calling out Daniel's self-righteousness
OW OUCH Johnny and Miguel y'all are breaking my heart
L M A O Kreese and Silver on a date, that's pretty epic
Love Chris and Mitch's dynamic--something about Mitch's hammy enthusiasm paired with Chris constantly being Tired of This Shit is epic. Like whether it's platonic or romantic I'm a big fan.
I predicted the cobras were gonna shave the 'hawk, BUT THAT DIDN'T MAKE IT HURT ANY LESS
GOD his terrified face when Robby gets the knife out, shit is hard to watch
The only good thing Kyler ever did was break Hawk's phone so he couldn't ask Moon to prom
That "Shit. Eli, what happened?" was the absolute SOFTEST thing I've ever heard
Like Miguel's response is this loud, horrified shock, but Demetri just immediately goes into Soft and Gentle mode because he immediately senses whatever happened was really bad and doesn't want to stress Eli out further
DEMETRI'S FACE WHEN HE SEES ELI'S HAIR
There goes my heart I didn't need it anyways
Miguel’s look of horror also came for my emotions and stomped them
God the OG loser trio friendship hits DIFFERENT
Anyways Miguel and Demetri should team up to get revenge for their pal, I think that would be neat
Good on Sam for sticking up for Johnny! Honestly both Daniel and Johnny have points here but I love to see Sam embracing her more chaotic and aggressive side. Girls who are pressed into the "nice girl" stereotype for too long and finally snap from the pressure are my favorite
The way Eli keeps glancing at Demetri during Daniel and Johnny's argument
The way I'm pretty sure Demetri never looks away from Eli until Miguel leaves
The look on Demetri's face as he watches Eli go is the definition of heartbreak actually
The Bad:
Okay okay okay okay I'll start with smaller gripes
Johnny and Daniel I am losing my MIND, can you fuckers stop fighting for 5 GODDAMN SECONDS
Like I was hoping Daniel opening up to Johnny about Silver's fuckery could be a bonding moment, like they could bond over karate trauma and it would be very pure and a little gay
But nooOOOoooooOOOOoooo they just have to argue more -__-
I think part of the reason Daniel is being so difficult about running the dojo is due to his trauma and PTSD though, so I can kind of understand
Now for the rant you've been waiting for!!!
HOO BOY *cracks knuckles*
UM
THAT WAS THE WORST COMPHET
I HAVE EVER SEEN
Also excuse me but what the FUCK did they do to Yasmine??? Last we saw she was embarrassed as hell to even be SEEN with Demetri, and now her literal only personality trait is that she's all over him???
Like I didn't really like her before but seeing her personality get nearly completely erased so she can be the perfect hot popular girlfriend for a male lead is...disturbing, to say the least
What--and I cannot emphasize this enough--the FUCK
Why does every line of dialogue that comes out of her mouth sound like she wants to fuck Demetri right in the middle of the school hallway, in front of everyone??? It's so uncomfortable
Having Demetri think Hawk and Moon were flirting because Moon was mildly friendly to him for like 5 minutes and things were kinda awkward between them because THEY'RE LITERALLY EXES sure was a writing choice
That's just excellent Cobra Kai, love you spreading the message that if a girl is polite and friendly with her ex for like 2 minutes, she clearly wants nothing more than to get back with him and fuck him silly
Also no, Cobra Kai, I promise you I do not want to date every boy whose hair I compliment
The only queer couple broke up OFFSCREEN and we're never even given a REASON are you FUCKING kidding me???
I know why they broke Moon and Piper up and I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate--
Of fucking COURSE Eli is asking Moon to prom, the writers will not let this awful, shallow relationship die because we need to No Homo Eli -__-
Bruh they have nothing in common and their relationship only ever seemed based in physical attraction--I'm sorry, but "opposites attract" only works if they a) HAVE CHEMISTRY and b) have things they can connect on as well???
Deadass have never seen them have one (1) conversation that proves they can actually converse for any length of time
Okay why in the hell isn't Demetri asking why Eli isn't at the sensei fight??? Like out of all the kids Eli was clearly the most hyped about it--Demetri would find it weird as fuck that he didn't show. Literally all they needed was a two second shot of Demetri turning to Miguel and being like "Hey, where's Eli? Wouldn't think he'd want to miss this" or something like that.
On that note, I think Demetri should have busted through the window when the Cobras were about to shave Eli's head and pummeled the shit out of all of them
Bonus points if he's like "What are you doing, Kyler? Nothing having to do with my good friend Eli, I hope" in this really quiet and calm tone of voice
Demetri doesn't yell when he's truly furious, he talks in a very soft and level tone and that's about 10x more unsettling
Then he just breaks into the hugest slasher smile you've ever seen and starts wailing on the Cobras with the most terrifying adrenaline-fueled rage you've ever seen in your life
Bonus points if he steals the shaver and goes a bit slash-happy on everyone, because I am a bit evil you see
Father I crave violence--and by violence I mean Demetri Alexopoulos going completely batshit feral on anyone who fucks with his boyfriend
Even Eli is a little alarmed--but flattered
Also I know Demetri was probably in shock but he should have been right there with Sam yelling at Daniel about how they need to strike back at Cobra Kai
Feral Demetri is something that I both desperately need and feel I deserve
And like c'mon now, like it wouldn't spark absolute untold rage in him to see Eli violated like that
Like yes he's horrified and sad because of course but he would absolutely 4000% be furious and want very brutal revenge and you can't change my mind
And with the confidence spike he's gotten in the last couple seasons, the writers really have no excuse for not making him more actively bloodthirsty and scary after seeing his friends (who he has been shown time and time again to love very much) have more and more terrible shit happen to them
Like we've had Miguel get paralyzed and almost die, Sam nearly get killed by a spike bracelet, Nate get beat up for charity money, and now the love of his life his best friend gets pinned down and brutally violated by the dojo which has basically never caused Dem anything but problems???
I'm sorry but please let Demetri Alexopoulos fucking snap, it's long overdue
Look just because he's the wholesome comic relief guy doesn't mean he can't also occasionally be terrifying
Let Demetri go batshit insane and release like 10 years of pent-up anger on Cobra Kai 2022
Also Daniel and Johnny y’all kinda need to get over yourselves
Like they really are kinda making this about their own petty beef when there is a recently traumatized child nearby, maybe focus on comforting this sad bird instead of arguing about the validity of revenge???
NO DEMETRI DON’T LET YOUR BOYFRIEND JUST WALK AWAY
CHASE HIM HUG HIM COMFORT HIM
TAKE HIM HOME AND PUT ON DOCTOR WHO OR SMTH IDK
Demetri is crushed but he should be even more crushed, the love of his life just got humiliated and traumatized, send tweet
They gave me incredibly gorgeous purple hair??? Just to take it away immediately??? Inexcusable
GAYEST EPISODE UP NEXT GET HYPED
