When you wake up weighing two pounds heavier and with an aching head you start to question if you over did it with the rangoons last night. I think I need to stop making them, or at least stop making enough for two people because I’m generally the one that eats them all...
It’s incredible how quickly mindset can change. I found myself in the shower this morning thinking about giving up. That I’d blown all my effort and why not just eat whatever I want and eff it all. It was shocking to find myself thinking this way after so recently (yesterday!) being so proud of my efforts.
It reminded me of when I was on day one of my honeymoon in Thailand last year, two days after my wedding and I found myself thinking extremely negatively about myself and my weight. Starting at my wedding reception I allowed myself to eat and drink whatever I wanted which carried over the next morning for our “Morning After Brunch” where I dived into breakfast burritos, danishes and mimosas. I had literally only two days of eating without thinking and my self-image was already telling me that I’d gained at least 30 pounds. I had to constantly check myself in the mirror to be reminded that I was still skinny even though my brain said anything but. I kept this mindset throughout the entire year when in fact I actually did gain 100 pounds and I no longer saw the body I’d worked so hard to attain.
So, here I am now, working my way back down and reminding myself that all is not lost and knowing that it’s just my brain attacking me because it’s had so much practice at it.
On a positive note!!! I’m wearing pants today that I haven’t worn in at least four months?! Throughout most of the last six months I’ve been wearing one pair of pants to work everyday. I kept buying new pants to supplement but I’d always gain out of them. The everyday pants are stretchy so they accommodated my gains but they are a bit too short for me and started to show tiny elastic threads at my inner thighs which is so embarrassing. I’d wash them every two days to feel better about wearing them every day but it’s still disheartening to know you only fit into one pair and I didn’t want to buy more because I have so many smaller pants that would fit if I’d just lose the weight.
Thanks to my forgetting to do laundry last night I decided to give these pants a try. I had previously decided not to try them on until I had lost 40 pounds (20 pounds away) but since I was out of options I went for it. To my elation they zipped right up and fit even better than the day I bought them. Oh happy day!