i grew up with a chronic illness and parents who believed i was ‘milking’ my pain. they said things like ‘it’s not that bad’ and ‘you have to get through it and do what everyone else does’. i never got the chance to know what my limits were because i wasn’t allowed to have any. because of that, i underreported symptoms until my disease became severe. scariest part is that i didn’t even realize i was underreporting. i had just been doubting my own body for years.
i still struggle to accept and seek support for pain. recently, i developed a large kidney stone. as i’m laying in the emergency room, crying from pain, i have a thought like ‘this really isn’t that bad’. and i’m like, ‘oh my god, i’m gaslighting my own pain’. meanwhile, i’m being given morphine and bumped up in triage. these should validate my experience, but suddenly i’m thinking ‘i don’t need this, i’m probably milking it’ because that’s what i’ve been told my entire life.
parents and guardians, take any pain your child reports seriously, especially if they are chronically ill. otherwise, you’re teaching them to ignore their own needs and limits, leading to the worsening of conditions and appearance of easily preventable problems. they’ll be much worse off then they’d be if they missed a day of school for supposedly faking a tummy ache.
