@nerdlingwrites is someone whom I deeply admire, respect, and appreciate; for more than just her willingness to call shit out and be the bold voice when no one else can or wishes to re: to white women’s bullshit in fandom. I admire her because she is deeply compassionate, thoughtful, kind, and cares deeply about her community. I appreciate her for more than just her critique and advocacy; but I have not always been as upfront and assertive with this support and appreciation as I should have been.
So, I’m partaking in one step toward fixing that.
If it wasn’t already clear -- and I know it might not have been, because of a fault on my part -- I stand by Nerdling and everything she has said. Unabashedly so. I stand by her place in fandom in whatever shape/capacity she elects for it to have. I stand by what she has said, how she has said it, and her need for space and respect. Going forward, I will also be crystal clear in that defense and support, and step up when needed.
If you “disagree,” then I invite you and everyone to self-reflect on why, and also, unfollow and/or block me. It is your right to do so, because I’m not changing this shit. In fact I encourage it, because if you agree with the way she’s been treated, I don’t want anything to do with you. Whether it’s because you have an issue with her anti-racism platform, her relativity to the Cellar, or both; she is my friend, and I’m on her side in it all.
But just know when you mistreat her, use her, villainize her, and make her the scapegoat to your performative and shallow actions, that you’re not going to get away with it without any accountability whatsoever. She’s right -- people who care, especially white people in this fandom, need to put the rubber to the road. I’m not going to sit by even when I am made aware that I am contributing to and evading the exhaustiveness with which she, and other people of color are putting forth the work and being punished for it.
And she’s right about another point: we owe it to the people of color constantly stepping up in this fandom to end the convenient objectification we deploy re: their strength and patience with bullshit. It’s not healthy, normal, or okay. We shouldn’t get away with treating them like unaffected paragons and dastardly nemeses in the same day. It’s gaslighting, it’s dishonest, and it’s violent. And so I am deeply and sincerely regretful for how I have contributed to it, and wish to make that explicitly and publicly clear, without exception.
And I am standing by her first and foremost because she is my friend and that is what I do for my friends -- not because I have something to gain from it, some kind of clout or socially desirable rebellious whatever. Because I was taught when your friends get in trouble or in a tight spot, you stick by them.
So, once again, I wish to make it explicity clear: you mess with Nerdling, you mess with me, and a hell of a lot of other people. That’s not cultist behavior, that’s friendship; and if you disagree, then I’m sorry you don’t have room in your head for friendship that comes with accountability and willingness to grow.
