dear lola;;
So, if you're reading this it obviously means I'm already gone. Call me a coward, or whatever you'd like but I couldn't face you. After everything that's happened these past few weeks, I couldn't. I’ve been so selfish and confused. I’ve never been more indecisive in my entire life. But I am doing what you told me to... I'm finding my happiness. I don't know when or if I'll ever come back to Ashfield. I just know I need to know what else is out there, I need to get away from all of this. You need to know something though... I do love you, Lola. It's so much deeper than I can even put into words. You're so important to me. Don't you know that? I can't not have you in my life. I can't. I won't accept that. I can lose so many things in my life, but not you. I've loved you since I can remember... I didn't even know there was a word for what I felt. Your eyes are still my favorite shade of brown. But timing has never been our friend. When I was sure, you were with someone else. Now there's Blake or was. I'm in love with her, that’s never going to change. Not that it matters because I blew it. And anyway, you're my soulmate. I mean that in the most platonic way. You’re my other half. It transcends into something really great. You've been there for me in every single way since I can remember. You kicked a kid's ass for picking on me. What a great start to a friendship, huh? I don't think get it gets any better than that. You're the Dawson to my Joey. Or maybe I'm Dawson? Whoever cries more, that’s me because I’m crying now. Whatever, it's irrelevant, but no matter who comes and goes from our lives, we'll always have each other. I'm sorry that I lost sight of that. But I won't again. I promise. I guess what the point of all this is that I hope you find someone to love again. Someone that can be your everything. Someone that actually has time on their side. You deserve that. You're such a good fucking person, Lola. You're so kind and beautful. And I have been so lucky to call you my best friend for almost twenty years. I just love you, @lolaraeramirez.
Jaz