#nikki kaur

[ranans-art]

Ring ring!! Am I speaking with Venera Dawne?

@bowt / @ocreatus Better off without them, am I right?

[creatingnikki]

You know one good thing about having had so many toxic people in my life is that now my toxicity radar is so strong. I walk away before they can complete their walk towards me.

No time or energy for that shit anymore

[theprocast]

There are going to be days when you get irritated by the tiniest of things. You don’t know why but you can’t help but be rude and yell. Especially to the people who are only trying to truly help. There are going to be days when you start crying like a baby even though the minute before you were laughing so loud. You have no idea why but the tears won’t stop and honestly, you don’t want them to either. Cry. It releases toxins and you will feel better after. There are going to be days when you don’t want to talk to someone you love even when they have done absolutely nothing for you be repelled by them. You don’t know why but just want to go away, run away from them. Run. It’s okay. There are going to be days when you are needed by someone you truly care about but you can’t help them. You can’t do anything for them because you are fighting to help yourself even though you don’t know what you’re fighting against. It’s okay. Fight. Wound. Heal. There’s no help you can give when you’re struggling to survive. They will understand. There are going to be days when you miss someone terribly even though they have done a great wrong to you. You don’t know where all the anger has vanished and you don’t want to feel this way. But you do. It’s okay. Feel. And remember, it’s not necessary that you will continue feeling this way for all days to come. The anger may return. But for now, it’s okay to miss them. Outbursts. Meaningless words. Hurtful behaviour. All of this happens because we try so hard to shove away how we feel. To ignore what our soul is trying to tell us, warn us against. It keeps knocking at our brains but we ignore. This is what I’ve learned. And I am going to try and remember all of this and apply it. I’m going to try hard, I swear.

Nikki Kaur 

[creatingnikki]

High waist blue jeans with a white t-shirt tucked in,  A messy bun and sparkling eyes,  Rips on jeans and not on heart,  A mind bustling with ideas,  A heart knowing love for self,  I wish you never change,  I wish you never know what rock bottom is. 

[creatingnikki]

I used to stop people from using certain words while conversing with me because those words carried so much baggage.  They still had the name tags of the people who broke me and I hadn't found scissors to cut them off.  Years had passed by but the names didn't fade for they were written in permanent ink.  But I don't do that anymore.  I don't want to.  Because if the new people I meet who love me truly use those words,  They provide me new meaning,  They lend me a pair of scissors.  And honestly, isn't that the best thing?

Nikki Kaur 

[creatingnikki]

You know what I want? An empty apartment and a night with you. And some beer and pizza. I want to stay up all night and talk about the guy who broke my heart. I want to know if someone ever broke yours. I want to talk about all the pain and all the sadness so that when the sun greets us the next morning, I can look into your eyes and know that my heart won't be broken for too long. I can smile and feel the warmth of your reciprocation.

The things I want 

[creatingnikki]

I wrote the story of my life with pencil because I was afraid the pen ink would become way too permanent. I was never sure of what I wanted, if I even wanted anything at all. But it became too much work because I had to keep going back and overwriting the fading pencil stories in ink. It took a lot of time too because I found myself crying over the endings of many, wanting my character to not be anything like me.  Now,  I have thrown all my pencils away and am not afraid to write with ink in the first place.  I have understood that I can strike out my mistakes in the now.  I can rectify my immediate next scene and can be mindful of what it means to be me.  This time when I shop for stationery, I won't even look at the pencils but will make sure to buy different colours of ink.

Nikki Kaur 

[theprocast]

When you choose to defend her and not me, I take a step back and stop smiling. When you defend her when no defending is needed at all, I know to pack my things and Run Run Run

Nikki Kaur