#nikuniku rant

[stellamancer]

every time i see my work schedule me six days part of me says i should be glad for the hours but another part of me is seething with rage. like, they don’t want people to have overtime but they keep scheduling me for it and then end up having to write it off... it happens so frequently i’d think they’d actually stop to check and make sure that it’s not happening...

urgh. 

[stellamancer]

So on Tuesday, my mom popped by the apartment before I was gonna leave and asked if we could go upgrade her phone. I told her that I couldn't do it that day because I was about to leave for school. Then I went to school and after an hour or so she called me asking where I was and I told her that I had gone to school and she asked, when I was gonna leave, and I told her that it was gonna be after the time that the Sprint store closed. So she asked when my next day off was which was Wednesday, but I didn't really want to go with her then because Andrew was sleeping over. When I told her I didn't want to go Wednesday she cried at me and asked why I was being so mean. Frustrated, I told her I was off Thursday too and we could go that day, but I would have to ditch class again because she wanted to go early so she could go do her appointments.

Today rolls around and she calls me sometime between 8AM and 9AM reminding me that we're going to get her new phone. Then I fall back asleep and she calls again a little after 10 screaming at me asking why I'm not ready to go and that she called me and that I need to go get ready because she needs to go to make sure she gets to her appointments on time which agitated me because I would have figured she would have not made any appointments around the time she was getting the new phone. 

When we get in the car she asks when my class is and I tell her it's at 10. By this point it's already after ten and then she yells at me again saying that we could have gone earlier. Which isn't true because the sprint store opens at 10. 

Then we get her phone and as we're leaving the sprint store she asks me to drive. I tell her no because I don't want to. And then she was like, "Oh. Well if you won't drive, buy me lunch." I said no to that because the way she asked it was like she was entitled for to me buying her lunch.

Uguu. Iunno. 

/rolls

[stellamancer]

I'm sick and tired of this stupid report. 

It's so hard to work on it for a while because I just get so frustrated and feel like I don't know anything as I type the sections out. I've probably cried at least five or so times over this damn thing. Part of me just wants to print out what I have now and turn it in, or just drop it and get the F in the class. 

But I can't. I think I'd be more upset with myself if I just stopped. Because I'd be letting down the people who said they believed in me. I'd be letting myself down because I would be just quitting. I mean, I guess that's what I'm intending since I'm not gonna really change anything in the report once I finish all the sections and get the cites.

I just want to curl up in a corner and cry.

I don't want to do anything. 

Just cry.

[stellamancer]

I... feel like shit. Like. It's kind of been like this the past couple of days. For various reasons. It's like I can't bring myself to do anything productive. I just wanna curl into a ball and cry. 

I didn't want to admit it to anyone directly because I was afraid I'd be scolded for being lazy, or told something like it doesn't matter how I feel, what needs to be done still needs to be done. I know that, I understand that. But I.... I didn't want to talk to anyone about it because I know I'll beat myself up plenty for it. I don't need anyone's help with that.

I think part of it is that I feel bad because I told myself I'd do something, and I didn't do it in the time I told myself I would and I just feel disappointed in myself. It's like... "You said you'd do this and you didn't. You can't even count on yourself, how do you expect anyone else to count on you? How worthless." 

I know I should just suck it up and try again next time. 

But I'm tired.

So very tired.

[stellamancer]

I get home from work and find my mom and her stuff sprawled across my bed. First thing she asks me is if I brought anything. I didn't because she hadn't asked me for anything. Then I asked her why she's in my room because it's not her lounge, and she tells me that I wasn't home so it became her lounge. ._. 

I glare at her and she cries at me asking why I'm so mean. I'm sorry if my wanting to lay own my own bed after working for eight hours is disturbing your lounging. 

She was also gonna go to some barbecue today, and she said it was a Filipino barbecue, so she'd probably come home with food, but she didn't. She was chilling on my bed when I left, and so I asked if she'd more or less stayed on my bed all day which apparently she did. 

I just. 

I don't even know. 

[stellamancer]

really, sir? not only are you gonna send me on my half earlier, you're gonna send me before someone else who has been here longer and needs it? I don't care if you're sending me to work halfway across town and so you're all fucking concerned about my breaks when you really don't need to be. and he wonders why people wanna deck him...

[stellamancer]

ugh. i love my mom, but srsly. she needs to stop just taking money from my bank account. i took a look in there this morning and there wasn't even a dollar in there. i don't mind lending her money when i have some, especially since she doesn't charge me rent or anything. i just wish she would have asked me instead of just going in and taking money and overdrafting my account. i told her and she was just like, 'sorry, can i go back to work now?' and it's just like, 'you don't have any remorse?' i'm lucky that i had the difference in my savings account otherwise i would've been fucked. she told me she'd take care of it when she got paid/her moneys, and it's not like i don't think it'll ever happen (her getting paid that is) it's just it doesn't happen on a regular schedule. it drives me insane because she always has to borrow from me until that happens. 

and that is why my second bank account exists

i'm gonna talk to her about splitting our accounts and giving her 'rent' money. i'm tired of this. 

[stellamancer]

Mrr. There was a withdrawal from my bank account for $25 that I didn't make myself. About 90% of the time it's my mom who does it. So I asked her if she did it. She said no, and I asked her to check and make sure rather insistently. She was getting all mad about it too because she didn't seem to get that IF SHE WAS NOT THE ONE WHO MADE THE WITHDRAWAL I NEED TO FIND OUT WHO DID AND CHANGE MY SHIT. Anyway, she said it wasn't her, so I called the bank to find out stuff and found out that it's a reoccurring withdrawal from my account that was set up by the other person on my account, in other words... my mother. 

After the phone call is done, I tell her what happened and then she got all mad because 'it's not her fault' and 'the lady pressed the wrong button' because she didn't want a Way2Save account but a regular checking account. :x  

It's been a while since I opened a regular checking account, but... in order to open a Way2Save account you are required to sign a paper knowing full well that you are opening such an account. I know because I used to have one.