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i appreciate people who are selective with their social surroundings. it shows they’re not afraid to sacrifice quantity for quality. they’re intentional with who they want around, and better yet, can appreciate who they have around. if you know who you are, you know you’re not for everybody—so don’t be for everybody. be picky with who you give your valuable energy to.
i’m really seeing my growth in terms of not feeling the need to be “the best” or “superior” in order to have value. i used to really latch onto anything that could prove my superiority—from my looks to my resilience to my intelligence. my sense of self was constantly changing and ungrounded because i was trying to morph into whatever seemed most appealing in the moment. now, my value is from within. i can recognize others’ value without questioning my own. i’ve carried myself with love for so long that i feel safe and secure in my own presence; i truly wouldn’t want to be anyone else.
in relationships, devotion does what flattery cannot. anyone can sweet talk me just based on looks and the superficial, but not everyone can be truly loving.
you gotta take time feeling people out, observing their character and effort. some traits are revealed right off the bat but others are revealed through a variety of situations. give people your best, but continuously assess if they’re aligning with the kind of relationship you want to invest in.
doona! reflections (spoilers):
i initially expected it to be the typical average boy falls for manic pixie dream girl trope—a male fantasy of a vulnerable, unstable idol dropping everything for them.
however, i found the storyline realistic for the context. doona was vulnerable and taken advantage of at a young age then later grew attached to someone—won-joon—who showed her real care for the first time in her life.
her performing passion was associated with emptiness. she first did it because she didn’t want to be abandoned nor forgotten, but the payoff was artificial. the intention drained her.
with won-joon, she experienced something genuine—it meant a lot to her and kept her alive, as she said in the finale. that’s why it was so “passionate,” ecstatic, and tumultuous for both of them.
of course, that didn’t automatically heal her complicated attachment to park in-wook, and it was hard for her to deal with such unfamiliar emotions (toward won-joon). she acted in inconsistent ways and didn’t know how to maturely navigate the relationship.
but she gained knowledge from her connection to won-joon—she got a taste of how it felt not to be lonely or used.
she eventually made a comeback, not for artificial love, but because performing brought her joy. won-joon regretfully let her go, leaving her feeling abandoned once more.
4 years later, she was in a completely different place. not only was her career successful, but she was no longer lonely. she had a support system. she no longer “needed” won-joon, but missed him nonetheless.
the show ends with them consciously parting ways. doona returned to her career in a much better place—a place of joy, not a need.
the show was on the darker side and centered around doona transforming her relationship with idol life and loneliness. the main characters don’t need to end up together for it to be a happy ending. sometimes they just grow from their time together and move on—doona grew to form genuine relationships and love for herself. that’s what i loved about the series.
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i read a perspective on feminism that said it’s not necessarily about putting women in traditionally masculine roles, but rather giving respect and value to traditionally feminine roles. i think that’s beautiful. so maybe women do not need to become cold stoic CEO’s to be worthy of respect (though they still would be). maybe our care, vulnerability, intimacy, and emotion are just as valuable.
my current life quality is really so beautiful. the space i frequent, my cleansing rituals, the quality of the items i have, the quality of the relationships i maintain. perfect for me
What is your ideal type?
chivalrous, dominant, self-assured, genuinely loving, emotionally intelligent, respectful and respectable without a question, safe to soften up with, great taste in bouquets, a fresh style, selective, knows what they want in a long-term partner, grounded, intelligent, attractive to me, holistically stable, uplifting, have traits and seek traits that go deeper than the surface.
approaching beauty with an abundance mindset: beauty is a choice, pleasure, and luxury, not a prerequisite for our value.
