#no revision

[v-i-r-i-d-i-a-n]

YOU WANNA KNOW SOMETHIN

Y’ALL ACTUALLY WANNA KNOW HOW I FEEL ABT MIKE WILL AND EL??

I just want them to be happy

I started watching stranger things because of the hype of S4, I watched the first season with my parents in 2018 but didn’t rlly remember anything abt the plot and I didn’t get past episode where Jonathan’s camera was broken because I physically couldn’t watch anything with embarrassment at that point in my life

Anyways all I remember is that I didn’t care abt milkvan, like at all, I had no emotional attachment to them, I thought they were vaguely cute? But I felt like I had seen this formula a million times before and it was boring at that point, so I just didn’t really care abt them, I loved the characters don’t get me wrong but their relationship just never really felt that important to me, I always preferred them as friends anyways, their platonic interactions were always my favorites

I knew that I just wanted these little fuckers to be happy and if Mike and Eleven being together made them happy so be it, even then tho I was starting to realize the differences between Mike/Will and Mike/El but I could’ve passed off S2 Byler was platonic if they wrote Mileven super cute, but at that point I hadn’t seen them together on screen enough to rlly have any attachment to them

And then I watched S3, and S4

And I realized if I want these characters to be happy they cannot be together- they’re relationship does not work, it is not healthy, it’s not good for either of them- and it’s not good for Will

THEY COULD’VE SALVAGED IT IN S3 WRITTEN THEIR PROBLEMS OFF AS IT BEING MIKES FIRST RELATIONSHIP AND HOW HES STILL A KID AND DOESNT ENTIRELY UNDERSTAND AND HOW EL DOESNT ENTIRELY UNDERSTAND WHAT IT IS TO BE A PERSON YET

BUT THEN WE’RE SHOWN EL LITERALLY AT HER HAPPIEST WHEN SHE ISNT HANGING OUT WITH MIKE?? WE’RE TOLD MIKE AND HER DO NOT HAVE PROPER CONVERSATIONS ABOUT EACH OTHER- ABOUT THE THINGS THEY LIKE TO DO- THE THINGS THEY JUST LIKE- AND IM SUPPOSED TO BE ROOTING FOR THEM???

We’re shown El giggling and having a good time after breaking up with Mike, we’re told that El see’s him as “her first boy friend” which means she thinks she’s gonna get another eventually- we’re SHOWN El being happy without Mike

We’re shown that Mike keeps El in a holding place she doesn’t want to be in anymore

AND THEN WE’RE SHOWN WILL BEING DEVASTATED WITHOUT MIKE, WE’RE SHOWN AND TOLD THAT WILL LOVES MIKE AND WE’RE SHOWN THAT WILL KNOWS HIM AND HOW TO HELP HIM AND HOW TO MAKE HIM FEEL BETTER AND WE’RE SHOWN JUST HOW DIFFERENT AND IMPORTANT THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS

EVEN JUST THE ENDING OF S3 WHERE MIKE AND WILLS CONVERSATION ENDS WITH THEM SWEETLY SMILING AT EACH OTHER WELL MAKING PROMISES TO NEVER REPLACE EACH OTHER WELL MIKE AND ELS ENDS WITH THEM KISSING AND MIKE HAVING HIS EYES OPEN AND EL WALKING AWAY FROM HIM WELL HE STANDS STARING LOOKING VAGUELY DISGUSTED WITH THE INTERNAL DIALOGUE OF “what’s wrong with me” ?????????

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO ROOT FOR THE COUPLE THAT HAS BEEN SHOWN TIME AND TIME AND TIME AGAIN TO BE BETTER OFF AS FRIENDS??? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO ROOT FOR THEM WHEN THEY DONT SEEM TO MAKE EACH OTHER HAPPY??? WHEN THEY KNOW LIKE NOTHING ABT EACH OTHER? WHEN ONE OF THEM IS ALWAYS SAYING THEY DONT LIKE THE OTHERS INTERESTS?? WHEN LOOKING OBJECTIVELY AT IT THEIR PERSONAL ARCS GO IN LIKE OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS???

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO NOT ROOT FOR THE COUPLE THAT HAS BEEN SHOWN TIME AND TIME AGAIN TO KNOW EACH OTHER THE BEST OUT OF EVERYONE??? TO HAVE SOME OF THE SWEETEST SCENES AND HEART TO HEARTS AND PARALLELS SO MANY CANON COUPLES ?? WHO MAKES OOGLY EYES AT EACH OTHER AND SMILE AND PROMISE EACH OTHER THEY WONT REPLACE ONE ANOTHER

I just want El and Mike and Will to be happy and looking objectively at it Mike and El breaking up seems to be when El is the happiest, and Mike and Will being together is when they’re at their happiest

[lagozze]

I haven't written anything in ages. Enjoy this whopping shit show<3

_____

It had been a long time since he'd last felt the warmth of being held. He'd forgotten what it was like, at some point, and there had been no one to remind him. Maybe that was why he wept as Bat drew him in, holding him tightly to their chest.

   Bat wasn't the biggest- they were much smaller than him, especially- but they were very fluffy and warm. He was comforted by their purring as they pet his back. They whispered something incoherent in what was most likely draconian, pausing their pets to grab a blanket from behind them. They drew the blanket over him. It was just big enough to cover his head.

   Every noise seemed to melt into the background as his thoughts were scrambled, frantic, urging him to both hug Bat to draw them in further and flee, obscuring his face in shame. Unsure of what to do, he cuddled up closer, hugging Bat tightly. He was almost scared of what they would do, but his fears were swiftly put to rest as they only continued to rub his back.

   Bat had always been loyal, willing to give anything and do anything for their cause. They were an ideal subordinate, and they had been the very best in his ranks for a long time. He had never had to doubt their abilities, unlike with most of his soldiers. Though, they'd never seemed like the comforting type.

   Ever since they'd joined the cause, they had always been stoic and detached. They proved themself helpful and reliable to those of their faction, but they had never been very warm. Yet, in his time of need, they were nothing short of caring. It was a surprise, but a pleasant one.

   He was almost more shocked that they had even picked up on it. Even when he was careful to maintain his composure when they arrived at base, they still felt the need to follow him all the way back to his quarters and make sure he was doing alright. Had it just been a gut feeling, or had they known even before they made it to safety?

   It didn't really matter. The only thing that mattered was that Bat was there and that they were safe and warm, which meant he was finally free to relax.  The relief he felt was almost tangible. 

   Faintly, he noticed his crying had quieted to mere sniffles.

   "Do you feel better?" Bat's voice was barely a whisper, as though they were scared of being too loud. 

   He nodded. Bat's arms tightened around him for just a moment before they relaxed again, not letting go.  Even as they sat still, he didn't dare move.

   "We can sit here a bit longer, but you should get something to drink soon," they said, "that must've taken a lot out of you."

   "Are you-" He winced at the grating sound of his voice. How long had it been? "Are you certain? I… I do not wish for my soldiers to see me in this state."

   "I can obtain water for the both of us, if you'd like." 

   "Would you…" He trailed off for a moment, "That would be good, thank you."

[the-omegaverse]

Is it ‘Gay’?

Is it gay is the question I’m putting out in the sense of what would an ABO universe consider ‘gay’, compared to us. So this is a list. I’m using the basic three dynamics here, not throwing in Theta, Delta, Gamma, or anything overly complicated.

Alpha Male, Alpha Male - Double Gay. Two Alphas - Gay, Two men, Gay to us, though in my verse male/female is considered the secondary gender and ‘wouldn’t count’.

Alpha Male, Alpha Female - Technically Gay. Two Alphas, Gay. The secondary gender is Heterosexual, and in fanfic writing, it would not be considered ‘gay’, even though in the ABO verse, depending on the writer, this could face similar stigma to being gay.

Alpha Male, Beta Male - Kinda Gay. This one would be ‘gay’ going off the idea that a beta male cannot have children and would therefore be an ‘unnatural relationship’ to certain groups of people. It’s male/male, and that makes it gay for us.

Alpha Male, Beta Female - Not Gay. Female Betas can have children, even if there might be groups who feel she’s ‘stealing’ from a good omega. For us, this is a straight relationship.

Alpha Male, Omega Male - Technically not gay. In the ABO Verse there would likely be little to no stigma associated with this relationship, and to certain groups would be a ‘natural’ relationship. To us, it’s gay as it is a male/male relationship.

Alpha Male, Female Omega - Not Gay. At all.

Female Alpha, Female Alpha - Double Gay, same as for Male Alphas.

Female Alpha, Beta Male - Not Gay, but also not ‘Straight’. This would be a limbo relationship. In my verse Alpha Women cannot carry children, and as such this would be a relationship with stigma attached. For us, this is not gay.

Female Alpha, Beta Female - Technically not Gay. Alpha females CAN impregnate a Beta Female, and as such this might have the same stigma as the Male Alpha and Female Beta relationship, but would otherwise not be considered ‘gay’. To us this is WLW gay and this author wholeheartedly approves even if she’s not an omega.

Female Alpha, Male Omega - Not Gay.

Female Alpha, Female Omega - Similarly as written above for the opposing secondary genders, there would likely be little to no stigma associated with this relationship. To us, it’s gay.

Male Beta, Male Beta - Gay on both counts as neither can carry children. It would likely be less frowned upon in the concept of ‘they’re only betas’ but this attitude could vary depending on your verse.

Male Beta, Female Beta - Not Gay.

Male Beta, Male Omega - A male Beta is capable of impregnating a male omega, so as above this may be an odd relationship to some groups, but it would not be considered gay. To us, it’s gay.

Male Beta, Female Omega - Ditto, and Not Gay

Female Beta, Female Beta - See above for the Male Beta, Male Beta entry.

Female Beta, Male Omega - Male Omegas cannot impregnate anyone, and as such this would be almost Gay. It would have stigma attached, as if the female Beta was wasting the Omega’s potential. This is in limbo with the alpha female and beta male relationship.

Female Beta, Female Omega - As above, this would technically be ‘kinda’ gay as it IS a female/female relationship and therefore we would consider it gay, however in Omegaverse it would be one of those ‘not straight, not gay’ couplings.

Male Omega, Male Omega - Double Gay.

Male Omega, Female Omega - Gay for the Omegaverse, Technically not gay for us.

Female Omega, Female Omega - Double Gay.

AND I’M PRETTY SURE THAT’S ALL OF THEM. Feel free to message me if I missed one because I would consider that a significant possibility. Otherwise, here’s a summary, with everything abbreviated. It’s like a secret code.

AM/AM - G/G AM/AF - G/S AM/BM - ?/G AM/BF - s/S AM/OM - S/G AM/OF - S/S FA/FA - G/G FA/BM - ?/S FA/BF - s/G FA/OM - S/S FA/OF - S/G BM/BM - g/G BM/BF - S/S BM/OM - s/G BM/OF - s/S BF/BF - g/G BF/OM - ?/S BF/OF - g/G OM/OM - G/G OM/OF - G/S OF/OF - G/G

[clockworkdryad]

Quest for Pork Belly

Or: Why I Need to Move to the West Coast if I Want to Try New Things

“You should be able to get pork belly at a butcher. You know, those counters at the grocery store where you go and take a number and get your meat.” This is a paraphrase of what a friend told me. This friend also lives two time zones to the west of me, which might be part of why his suggestion was inaccurate (mostly). His second suggestion was to check out the local Asian market because, again paraphrasing and basing it entirely on my faulty memory, it’s more common in Asian recipes. Worth a try.

Let’s begin this story with a little bit of information about my past experiences with the butcher counters. In my experience, if they don’t have it in their display case, they’ll walk you over to the pre-packaged section and look for it there. If it’s not there, they’ll shrug and say sorry, we don’t have it. Once, when I was on a pretty heavy chicken broth kick, I asked if maybe they had chicken carcasses from butchering. Now, I didn’t really expect them to, but it was their reaction that has put me off asking for anything even the least bit out of the ordinary since: they gave me a look like they wanted to be as far away from me as possible as soon as possible, and told me they don’t do any butchery in the store. So those boneless chicken breasts and whatnot, apparently come frozen in a box that they unpack already butchered.

Yeah, I know, that’s not actually all that unreasonable. I can’t expect every grocery store to have a full service butcher inside of it. Still, that experience had me shy to try again, even though this time my request (pork belly) was far more likely to be had.

I struggle with anxiety, particularly when speaking to other humans that I don’t already know. I’m not going to go into that too much, but it is an issue that exists and so I was hoping to find a way to just walk into a store, pick up what I want, and go pay someone for it. The best bet for that felt like the small Asian market that I was introduced to last November. I haven’t been back in there since, but it is nice knowing it’s there even though the prices are quite inflated and it feels like a hole-in-the-wall bar, but a grocer instead.

Heck, I went in there not expecting to find it at all, so I was happily surprised when I checked their little meat section (literally two coolers full of frozen meat) and saw “pork belly.” I was less excited when I saw that it was six dollars a pound. I told my friend and they were shocked at the price. No way should I spend that much for pork belly. Plus, they were tiny quantities. Okay, that’s fine, let’s move on. I have enough frustration in my heart that maybe I can risk talking to a person.

I stop in at Schnucks, and make my way back to the meat counter. “No, we don’t have that. Maybe try Gerbes” the man said. Okay, that was fine. Nice, quick, and to the point. No dirty looks, no treating me like I’m a weirdo, and no pork belly. Well, two of those things are great! Let’s move on to Gerbes and see if they have it.

The meat counter guy at Gerbes looked a bit confused at first, but then said to follow him. I didn’t have very high hopes at this point, because he was taking me to the pre-packaged place, but I followed anyway.

Okay, so I took a picture of what he showed me, and then I left.

Okay fine, two stores down, let’s go visit HyVee. Though my lunch break is rapidly running out, I have reached the point where I can’t give up without accomplishing my goal. I have too much momentum now, I have too much need to do this *thing* that I am now slightly obsessing over. Pork belly. I get to the HyVee, and walk around, checking their prepackaged cases before I even bother asking someone just in case they have salt pork and try and tell me it’s pork belly. I didn’t see any, but I did find this particular gem.

After I finished snickering about those delicious looking twice baked potatoes, I went and checked at the meat counter and I have to give them credit. While they struggle to identify potatoes, at least this meat guy knew the difference between pork belly and salt pork. Unfortunately, he displayed this knowledge by telling me that they had salt pork, but not pork belly.

I move on to the fourth store: Walmart. Do I expect them to have it? Gods no. As I said, at this point I am simply flying on my momentum. I will check anywhere, I will check everywhere. I don’t even know what recipe I’m going to use this for anymore I just need to buy this meat. I’ll keep this brief: no they don’t have it, no they don’t even have a meat counter, no I shouldn’t even have bothered going to Walmart.

(I saw a car that I felt expressed how I was feeling, at that point, so I took a picture)

At this point, my friend has suggested maybe just get some high fat ground beef and make some delicious meatballs with it. (Honestly, this isn’t a bad idea at all, and I’ll probably do it! Meatballs sound delicious.) But no! I will GET this meat. I am so fueled by frustration that I don’t care what looks anyone gives me at this point. I go to Lucky’s, and make a joke to myself that maybe it’ll be my lucky break.

There’s another place I could try after, if Lucky’s doesn’t work out. It’s marketed as a “restaurant and butcher” so it seems like it might actually be the most likely place to find what I’m looking for. Unfortunately, I get the feeling it’ll have a hipster tax attached to the price point, because it sells locally sourced grass fed meats. Once buying local became a buzzword, the price wound up skyrocketing. So, Lucky’s, first.

Lucky’s is actually the store where I got the dirty look, though I do admit that I haven’t seen that particular individual since. Perhaps they simply weren’t suited to a life at the meat counter, and my poor experience was a simple fluke. So I walk up to the counter and say “I don’t expect you to have this, but I’m looking for pork belly.”

He replies: “What, like a big slab? Yeah, we’ve got that in the freezer. Let me go pick up some returns and I’ll grab some on my way back.”

…

Well okay then. I stand around and wait a bit. He comes back with a big box from the freezer. Apparently he needed to get some of that anyway because another customer was going to come by tomorrow and wanted some sliced to pick up. He cuts off about three and a half pounds for me, weighs it up, wraps it up We talk for a bit about thawing it, and I say I’m really planning to cook it on the weekend, so if I keep it in the fridge it should be good by then. Happy to see that I’m not incompetent when it comes to thawing meats, he wishes me well and I make my way to the registers.

[a-writer-in-love]

Falling

Love, the topic everyone has written about. The reason wars are fought, the reason lives are destroyed, the reason everyone lives their life everyday. Love.

 But really, who came up with this concept, who came up with love, who came up with something that everyone strives for. Is that person rich? Because everyone seems to have bought their product.

 Love.

 Love is like a rose, love is like the ocean, love is like the sky, the universe, the galaxy, the stars, the moon, love is like – a pain in the ass.

Did you ever stop and think that love is just a bad idea? That “Falling” isn’t really a good thing, because maybe “falling” should really be seen for what it is, dangerous. Falling, out of control, out of place, with the mostly inevitable outcome of damage, hurt, breaking.

 But, love is not seen that way. No one thinks about the height before they fall, because there’s a difference between falling and jumping. Falling is an accident. No one jumps in love, no, they fall. They fall as far down as the sky lasts, if they’re lucky, they don’t just fall, they fly, never touching the ground again. But mostly, the ground comes faster than anticipated, and the parachute doesn’t open –falling is different than jumping. It’s unprepared for. No parachute, no trampoline at the bottom, no firefighters with a blanket, just ground, hard and unforgiving.

[twilight-systems]

memories and The 7½ Deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle

“‘We are the ones who weave history…'” (Oda, 151) SPOILER NOTE: discusses ending themes of The 7½ Deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle, the ending of Revolutionary Girl Utena, and One Piece content up to the Dressrosa Arc This is not what I think most people would take away to ruminate on from this book. It never occurred to me that letting go of memories might be freeing. “And what of Aiden Bishop?…

[twilight-systems]

The Dressmaker of Paris

by Georgia Kaufmann “Is that the time, ma chère? I am going to be late” (??) Read: mid Aug. 2024 I very much enjoyed this book. Were plot points predictable, especially in the beginning? Yes. Did this give emotional weight to scenes later? Also, yes. Overall, its use of style, per chapter, while also weaving a cohesive narrative impressed me greatly. First, I found the stylistic choice to be…