#non-binary life

[villemel]

It was another clear victory for the Rebel Alliance

[cosmicenbyollie]

Barista brought my coffee and warm treat and handed it over to me like: “Biscuit Babe?”

(My enby-ace brain) 🥹 She called me Biscuit!

[thiswaycomessomethingwicked]

Just found an old Napoleon shirt I’ve had since high school and in recent years I’ve been holding onto it solely a) for sentimental reasons and b) I knew I’d look great in it post top-surgery

And guess what dear readers? I do.

[preciseprose]

Will you info dump about either a hobby/collection you have?

Sure! I’m not sure if a wardrobe of female-presenting clothing can be considered a collection. But I’ve been meaning to talk about what’s been going on in my life for a while and this seems like a good opportunity to do so.

You’ve probably noticed that I haven’t been posting much recently. It’s not because I’ve lost interest in The Owl House! I’m more into the show than I’ve ever been!

Rather, I haven’t been on here much because all of my spare time has been committed to building a female-presenting wardrobe. This is going to get a bit personal, so I’m going to place a read more here.

About a month ago I had a bit of a crisis about being non-binary. I’ve acknowledged that I’m non-binary for about half-a-year now, but until a month ago I hadn’t acted on that acknowledgment. I’d been dealing with major body dysmorphia for several months but hadn’t done anything about it. It was late and I was tired from work, and I felt like my body was inadequate. Which I knew was complete bullshit because I’ve never been as healthy as I am right now. It was frustrating and upsetting and completely unreasonable. So I decided I needed to change.

I knew that what I wanted to do was start presenting as female sometimes (I was assigned male at birth and have a male-presenting wardrobe). But I knew I wouldn’t be comfortable (or, as a resident of a very conservative state, safe) if I didn’t use gaffs to flatten my genitals. I had been looking at gaffs for months but couldn’t bring myself to purchase them. So over about three hours I did some actual research, found some I liked, told myself that I wasn’t crazy for wanting to look feminine, and made the purchase. It was really painful for me, but I’m so glad I pushed myself to do it because it inspired me to go out in public and actually start buying and wearing female-presenting clothing.

It’s taken so much time (and most of the money I’d saved up to replace my work computer), but here’s what I’ve picked up so far:

It’s not a lot, but it’s a start. It was scary as fuck to go out presenting as female at first. But thankfully I’ve mostly had good experiences so far. The worst I’ve gotten are dirty looks, scoffing, and people staring at me trying to figure out what I am.

The best thing so far (beyond the amazing feeling that comes with knowing I can present as male or female whenever I want to) was when a little boy, maybe nine-years-old, came up to me while I was eating lunch at a cafe. He pulled at my shirt, then looked up at me and told me that I was really pretty and looked really nice in my skirt. I almost cried. It was so sweet.

[mechanizedmonkey]

Yesterday I got a compliment, of sorts.

Someone told me my glasses were cool, that they made me look like I’d work for NASA in the 60s.

Compliment accepted, Sir. Compliment accepted.

[mechanizedmonkey]

It’s strange how there are moments in life where you feel the least put-together yet those are the same times that you’re getting shit around you together. It makes you feel like a computer that does not compute, but can still trick other human beings into thinking you are a real person.

[mechanizedmonkey]

Waiting for something you’ve ordered to show up in your postbox is the adult version of Christmas.

[mechanizedmonkey]

Coming up at work I’ve got a day release to go to some educational whatchamacallit at a place called Boss Forum. I kid you not, that’s the actual name of the place. Boss Forum.