Growing up with a strong emphasis on manners and fitting into a patriarchal view of respect—while also being part of the LGBTQIA community, particularly as an older sapphic—has meant navigating a complex balance between my true self and societal expectations. It wasn't just about being polite; I learned to use terms like “sir” and “ma’am,” along with other honorifics when I didn’t know someone’s name or to address my elders and authority figures. This upbringing shaped my interactions but also highlighted the challenges of reconciling my identity with the cultural norms around me.
But with the recent evolution in understanding gender identities and pronouns, I’ve faced a struggle in adapting how I address people. It feels awkward to let go of those ingrained manners, and I sometimes worry that I come off as rude or impolite. However, I also realize that misgendering someone is far more disrespectful, especially since I take issue when people refer to me as a girl or woman, which is a common occurrence where I live in the South.
I genuinely admire those who have fought for change and a more equitable society but I also understand that for many older folks who have lived by certain standards for most of their lives, this shift can be quite difficult. Just sharing some reflections I’ve been mulling over.
