#nontraditional relationships

[aroaceconfessions]

Thought I could try out the whole nontraditional relationship/maybe QP thing. Did NOT click with me. Just severe discomfort being associated with anything mildly romo (even though I can enjoy romo media, I think I’m more repulsed when it’s associated with me). Oops. I’m very very sorry that I hurt him by giving him hope but I guess I at least figured out that I’m happy with friendships and that the people saying otherwise were wronh

[anoverlyemotionalautist]

Repeat after me: Non-Traditional Relationship Dynamics Are Valid.

Seriously.

I'm polyamorous. I'm also grey-aromantic and very sexual (side note: there needs to be a word for "really high sex drive" that isn't inherently pathologized like "hypersexual"). So you can imagine my frustration when half of all the dating profiles I see have "looking for something real" on them, as if anything other than "monogamous romantic relationship with sex twice a week" isn't "real".

My relationships are real. They're not less than yours just because I have more of them, or they're less romantic, or they're more sexual. Honestly even if every one of my relationships were friends-with-benefits that's still no less "real" than your bizarre desire for an expensive-ass diamond ring.

Stop denigrating non-traditional relationships.

[sonofahurricane]

HELP I'M DROWNING IN RELATIONSHIP FEELINGS

no not that kind of relationship you dingus

THAT ASSUMPTION IS WHAT I HAVE FEELINGS ABOUT

NONSEXUAL NONROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS ARE SO IMPORTANT

JUST SO YOU KNOW

[toputit-bluntly-blog]

This guy and I are FWB. We've done it twice already. The first time we did it, he admitted to me that he loved me as a close friend but had feelings for me but not full out because I'm leaving soon so we decided to keep things casual. The second time we did it, he kept cuddling up to me and kissing me and when he found out his brother was trying to ask me out, he got mad. Does he like me or what? I don't understand. Am I just another fling for him or is there something?

Oh he is deeeefinitely in love with you.

Boy doesn’t think you’ll want any kind of relationship, so he’s going with FWB because having you to that degree is better than not having you at all.  Don’t go out with his brother; go out with anyone else if you want, but going out with his brother (even if you really like his brother) would be just a tad too hurtful.  

If you want to be with this boy but are only worried because you’re leaving soon, suggest a non-traditional relationship to him.  Like you two could have an open relationship so long as you’re not near enough to each other to see each other regularly, and then have a closed relationship when you’re together.  Or you’re a couple once you get in a certain radius of each other, and good friends besides.  There are ways to have fun with this; nontraditional relationships can be much more fulfilling.  

If you don’t want to be with him, but you like being with him the way you are now - just keep on doing what you’re doing.  Tell him your feelings on keeping this casual and being just friends once you leave.  Don’t suggest to him that you know he’s in love with you, and never try to talk about his feelings unless he brings them up.  It may seem kind or even necessary to bring up someone else’s feelings if they’re obvious and not reciprocated,  but if he hasn’t told you, he doesn’t want you to know.  The polite thing to do so long as it’s one-sided is not mention his feelings unless he does.  

[sonofahurricane]

Things I have offered teachers in these emails

- my support

- a juice box

- my phone number

UGH WHAT IS MY LIFE

WHAT ARE NORMAL STUDENT/TEACHER RELATIONSHIPS

[sonofahurricane]

oh that moment when teachers say things to you that sound ridic inappropriate out of context

aka another chapter for my memoir "Virgo Buddies: RPB and Me", by me.

Today's chapter can be summed up thusly, as obviously it's the quotations that are the gold here: I sent him an email at 2:30 in the morning asking a question related to my 'educating until 4 am' thing. I was sitting in the wing when he called me into his office and was like "So I looked up your schedule this morning after I got your email." Moral of the story: he WAS concerned because the email was incoherent as fuck (it was 2:30 in the morning and I didn't really know what I wanted.) Then we had a 40 minute convo mostly consisting of him talking about how inferior he feels to everyone else and all of his feelings about me and how he thinks we're equals and it's just... how does I student/teacher relationships, guys?

Anyway. CHOICE SNIPPITS:

"I like you a lot... no, I love you. And the thought that something bad might happen to you scares the shit out of me."

"I want you to always be a part of my life."

"I love getting your emails!" (This is only funny if you've ever seen any of the emails I've sent him.)

"I don't understand you... at all..."

"No, it was the email where you accused me of bullying you and said you couldn't talk to me, that I dominated conversations..." (all of this while I was sitting quietly waiting for a chance to speak as he monologued about his feelings)

"I'm scared of what I will do when something happens, like you leave this school..."

[somethingsecretsteersus-blo-blog]

[sonofahurricane]

idk what it is about me

but teachers like to pet my head. RPB does this most often, but School Dad does it too. I'll be sitting somewhere quietly, they'll walk past me and just reach out a hand and pat my head or scritch me or something.

I... the first time RPB did it I almost jumped in my seat because I didn't know he was going to do it. He froze in the hallway and quickly apologized, admitting he should have asked me first. (But how do you answer that question? "Can I scritch your head?" "Um.... I don't know?") But then he did it again, after we had Conversations about my Cycle (NEVER AGAIN. One day I will tell that story here, but then again maybe not because I AM ALWAYS MORTIFIED when I have to retell it) I figured we were close enough to let that happen.

And then one day he did it in front of a tour group and they were like "......?" and I was like "um is there a line being crossed here that I should know about?" It's not that I don'tlikeit--I like being close enough that they feel they can do that. But they don't scritch anyone else and it looks a little weird, I guess.

And ultimately, I know that it's just RPB's way of expressing his weird twisted affection for me. We were never good at that student/teacher thing (god our version of that relationship was so fucked up) and now we're in this weird Virgo Buddy (his term, not mine) space of me not being able tobehis friend but we're not in that defined student/teacher relationship space and yeah, I shouldn't think so much about this because that's creepy, but jesus I don't know what to do about it.

Basically apparently I have to have nontraditional relationships with every person I know. I was complaining about a different class I took last year and how the teacher didn't really teach and I had to teach the class and someone said "But you're hard to teach." NO I'M NOT. I'm too easy to teach.