#noris heart

[noriwrites]

My dark moments *trigger

How does one write a suicide note

Who am I supposed to write to

If I feel alone

People love to say that people who commit suicide are selfish

They don't think about those who love them

But who was thinking about them

Did anyone bother to ask if they were okay

Did anyone bother to ask

Did anyone think of more themselves

Stop saying selfish

Because that's exactly what you are

That's what everyone is

Yes it's selfish

It's selfish

In that

They want to be loved

They want to feel

They want to notice

They want someone to realize that maybe there's nothing they can do because they've been this way so long

Maybe just maybe they could have done everything

But there's more than just I gave up

More than I'm selfish

More than just wanting an easy way out

But everyone so selfish

Sometimes we surround ourselves with people who

Who just can't love us the way we need

Or just can't say what we need to hear

If someone doesn't do it doesn't mean they crying for attention

But nobody wants to die painfully

Nobody wants to think of the mess they might leave or if anyone would bother to care

Or maybe does anyone even want to stop them

Is it worth it

Is there enough people who care

Genuinely

Is there any way to stop it

Sometimes yes

Sometimes no

But we are not selfish

We are angry

We are sad

We are not hopeless

We feel

We don't sometime

We are happy

We are loved

But we can't feel it

And if only a wish

A prayer

A dream

A word

Could give us the strength to stay to see things get better

If only things were so simple

But they're not

I am not selfish

I am not hopeless

I am tired

I also want to fight

But things just aren't that simple

So don't call me selfish

Don't say I'm cruel

Don't say I didn't try

It's deeper than I just want to disappear

It's more than you think

It's more than I can fathom

More than I understand myself

Just no it's an intense feeling

And that I've written my note a plenty of times and it changes

Sometimes I think it just says goodbye

Others it just says everything

I haven't done yet

But just know even when I don't write the note I've cried for help before

And sometimes no one answers

I'm not the little boy who cried wolf

I am not begging for attention

I am not looking for an easy way

I'm looking for a reason to stay

I'm looking for a way to make the pain go away

I'm looking for a way to actually feel

For a way not too

But just know I do try

And everyday I don't do it is an accomplishment

And some days those who would call me selfish or say I had no reason to

They don't even call

They don't even know

Some days I'm alone and those people who claim they were here for me

Realize when I wrote this they were nowhere to be found

Think of that

No one can be everywhere

Everyone can't be help

But you should never stop trying

Should never just write me off

Because Im a example of someone who didn't

But everyday I contemplate suicide and wonder if that I'll ever change

So tell me how do I write a suicide note

How can I ask for help

If I don't even know what's wrong

I don't even know whose enemy and whose friend

Tell me how do I write a suicide note

When I can't think of anyone to address it to

[noriwrites]

Space

Take me Take me somewhere far and out of place Somewhere I can be safe Take me somewhere where I can love And don’t feel so out of place Take me somewhere Where the stars are electricity And meteors are cars Take me somewhere Anywhere A place where all colors on every spectrum all the ones we can’t imagine here Take me some place any place where imagination creates And good times invade A place where all my thoughts can leak out and everything be okay Take me somewhere far away where no enemies can destroy and no time limit is set Take me somewhere that only astronauts dream Ballerinas dance Artist swim and athletes rest Take me somewhere where darkness is beautiful And light holds secrets Take me somewhere Anywhere A place where I belong A place I can call home

[noriwrites]

Lose it all

Somedays you lose it all That perfect paragraph The one paper you needed The proof something was there The perfect idea Somedays you lose it all You lose all hope You lose everything that made you you You lose the fight You lose what made you You lose the thing that cheered you up You lose your smile Somedays you lose it all The big game you practiced for The test you studied hard for The job that took years to get The car saved all your money to buy Somedays you lose it all The kid you raised The only person who ever understood you The girl who could smile through disasters The boy who would fight demons The smile that took away tears Somedays you lose it all Lose all will All power All heart All identity All life Somedays you lose it all And everything in between It’s on those days you truly know what frustration anger love and hope all look like

[noriwrites]

Conversations

My eyes look so sad and dead and yours always look like you have something more to say

I don’t know what you see in my eyes

Deep down I feel a void

I told you I love you I shower you in it

You don’t always accept it

I’ve asked you to believe me can’t you see

I’ve asked you to tell me

It’s sad because you show me love all the time

Don’t you see I know that

But I need to hear it

Sometimes I need to be lied to

Sometimes I just need to hear it

Your affection is so sparse now

You tell me it’s just not your nature

But your eyes give you away

Something about those eyes

Something says theres more than that hard surface you show more than that silence

Secretly I know

We never exchange words but I know

And even though I know we never talk about it and I desperately need to talk about it

I need to hear how much you care

I’ve told you a million times people I needed to tell me never did

Why don’t you answer me when I’m talking

Why do you just stare

God why don’t you yell speak anything you just stare

Your eyes always say there’s more to the story and your mouth says you have nothing left to say

Why do our conversations always end this way

[noriwrites]

Days With You

Days spent with you are amazing

They take away stress

They’re filled with love

Days with you are not spent enough

Sitting in playing you in Tekken

Watching a good anime

Days spent with you are never dull

There’s always an adventure to go on

Days with you always leave me recharged

Feeling as if I could conquer the world

Days with you leave me in a trance

Make me upbeat and hopeful

Days spent with you are like spa treatments

In a fancy town at some expensive resort

Days with you make me the luckiest one in the world

Days with you I don’t get enough

They never wear or tear

Days with you could not come often enough

Days spent with you really are

Amazing

I appreciate my days spent with you and all the fun they bring

Days with you are the most energizing thing

Days spent with you mean the world to me

[noriwrites]

Don’t take it back

Your my last piece of happiness in this world

Best person I've ever met

And I can't let the world take that from me

I can't let me take that from me

You said you love me and I believe it

Now your with me and I can't let you go

I don't pay as much attention to you

I haven't always done right by you

But I've always loved you the best way I knew how

I still learned from you a little along the way

We were meant for each other in every way

I don't think there's anything out there for me but you

Your all that matters all I think about

Without you I can never be complete

Your literally the only one able to pull me out the madness although it's into another endless cycle of madness

I love you

Love is madness

It's the best thing and hardest thing to ever receive

I'd follow you anywhere

You give me hope

Because I've felt your love I know your love

It's so genuine and pure

When you care you care with everything

Your my last piece of happiness and losing you would be death

My soul would be dead

There be nothing left

I've given you all of me the good parts the bad parts the ugly parts the fears insecurities all of it

I've always been scared the bad would make you run

I was always worried yet here you stayed always with your arms open to give more I just wish I could give you as much as you e given me

I wish I didn't let my problems get the best of me

And almost ruin everything good that was left

I love you and I need and want all of you

Your literally my heart now

My last piece of happiness

What I live for

My passion

And comfort

Don't take it back

I beg you with everything that's left in me

[noriwrites]

Sometimes

I get sad sometimes

I full of love sometimes

I get angry sometimes

I just happy sometimes

I get down sometimes

I want to die sometimes

I don’t care sometimes

I get jealous sometimes

I just want to cry sometimes

For no reason sometimes

I feel sometimes

I wanna yell sometimes

I want to hit sometimes

I wanna hide sometimes

I’m only human sometimes

[noriwrites]

Waiting to die *trigger*

Now a days I'm waiting to die

Waiting for the day this all ends

The day I can see someone who once loved me

The day I can understand those who do and why I never fully got it

I'm so tired of myself

I'm wondering if everyone else feels the same

Iknow it's my brain but I'm starting to believe it

I'm waiting for death to the point I can't enjoy life anymore