#not creativity

[aroworlds]

Hey, all. I’m alive!

I realised that in my rush to go from chickenpox to making content for Aro Week (with a detour via Really Bad Chronic Pain Flare following said chickenpox, because of course) that I never updated Tumblr with how I’ve been going. There’s really no justification for that lapse, and I’m so sorry! I ended up laser-focused on the scramble to try and get my usual amount of content made for Aro Week in less than the usual amount of time, and just about everything else ended by the wayside.

While I was never horribly sick, the all-over-itching is something I never again want to endure. I had a lot of blisters, and since my skin tone is best described as “sickly mushrooms that have never seen sunlight”, I've still got rather noticeable reddish spots even though the blisters have healed over.

But! I’m here, I’m alive and my concerns are all cosmetic, which is so much better than the alternative.

As for Aro Week ... I have some posts queued! I’m also currently scrambling to get a short fiction piece--The Lies Lovers Tell--in a readable state, so we’ll all find out later this week if I succeed in doing so. (It’s a riff on the fairy-tale Rapunzel, because you’d think being trapped in a tower would deter romantic suitors, right?) Said posts include a couple of alphabet patterns for my cross-stitch patches and a tutorial for making aro-themed beaded star pendants, plus a collection post of my stories I think suitable for loveless aros. It’s not all that I wanted to get done this year, but it’s been a struggle for me to get even this together, so I hope nobody minds too much.

I’m currently posting twice a week on @aroworlds, but--once Aro Week is over and I have time to tag and queue things--I will get back to normal once again.

I am so sorry, truly. (You all left so many kind comments!) A hundred thousand apologies from me, along with a hundred thousand expressions of gratitude--and the hope that every aro following me has a fabulous Aro Week filled with pride, support, affirmation, representation, connection and celebration. Between the efforts of all the amazing content creators and collators here on Tumblr, let’s ensure that everyone on the aromantic spectrum can find content that speaks to their unique way of being aro--because we deserve nothing less.

[aroworlds]

Because last week was exhausting for me in making and queuing only my own posts, I’d like to begin by thanking the mods at @aggressivelyarospec​ for reblogging everybody’s content during #aggressivelyarospectacular 2021. Thank you, so much, for all the effort you put into encouraging, supporting and promoting aro creators!

At the new followers who’ve found their way to me this week: hello! Please be warned that, for the last few years, I’ve lacked the spoons to respond to asks, comments, mentions and replies. I’m not gladly ignoring anyone--I’m a writer and sewist with various conditions, illnesses and disabilities that impact my ability to create, type, sit and internet. These have been hard to manage given that lengthy lockdowns (I live near Melbourne, Australia!) and a long wait for vaccination denied me needed in-person access to services, evaluations and treatments.

I have updated my patch tutorial master page and complete pattern gallery after last week’s posts, for anyone who wants everything accessible in one place.

I’ve also posted the third Like the Other Prince chapter to Patreon and will post it for public access to my website at the end of this week.

Thank you so much for your support: your follows, likes, reblogs and comments are appreciated, even if I lack the ability to engage with them as much as I would and should.

- K. A.

[aroworlds]

Links, Books and About

As I can’t fit everything into my description box, let’s have a post!

Me

I’m an adult, Australian, autistic, agender, allosexual (abrosexual) aromantic (nebularomantic/arovague and idemromantic). The gods cursed me with mental illnesses, coeliac disease, dermatitis and chronic hand, wrist, shoulder and back pain ... leaving me with an equally-chronic spoon shortage. I make simple stock images for as many shades of the aromantic umbrella as possible, I sew and design cross-stitch pride patches, and I write flash fiction, short fiction and essays while sighing at the novel projects my chronic pain made me surrender. Lastly, I consider myself a loveless aro and have written an essay about that.

If you want to read my essays, head on over to the discussion post category on my Aro Worlds website.

If you want to help me survive capitalism as a disabled aro creator, please follow my pointing hands to Patreon and Ko-fi. Patrons get early access to stories, essay posts, images and patterns, as well as a few exclusive stories.

Aro Arrows

Aro Arrows is an archive of free to use aromantic-spectrum stock images intended for websites, flyers and publications, including:

Arrow dividers

Bunting banners

Banner bases

Gradient flags

Cross stitch icon bases

Text and page frames

Pixel art letter stickers and icons

Pixel art text stickers and banners

Block text stickers and banners

Phone-sized wallpapers and backgrounds

Combination (aro and non-aro identity) arrows and bunting

I’ve also started an archive category for high-res versions of aromantic pride flags. All flags here are 5000 x 3000, 300 PPI images with links to the original announcement post/flag creator.

Allo-Aro Information Hub

People should keep in mind that this is a work in progress and is in want of updating with more recent content. It is, however, somewhere folks can begin to find allo-aro-authored information, discussions and community.

Current pages include:

Allo-aro 101

Allo-aro friendly uses of a-spec terminology, a guide

Allo-aro erasure, a guide

Allo-aro community inclusion, a guide

My allo-aro manifesto

My allo-aro post archive

My allo-aro fiction archive

An allo-aro Tumblr community directory

An allo-aro flag guide

How allies should write allo-aro characters, a guide

How to ally, a post series

How (not) to ally, a post series

The main hub page also includes links to playlists, other folks’ essays and media posts.

Aro Pride Patch Tutorials

I have a tutorial series for making cross stitch pride patches, ranging from simple square flag designs to text, arrow, ace of spades and heart shapes! If you’re a beginner in hand sewing or embroidery, I recommend starting from the first tutorial and working your way through in order as listed here.

Folks can find my many patterns (including other queer and LGBTQIA+ patterns) archived in my patch pattern gallery.

Fiction and Books

Most of my fiction is free for anyone to read, even on Patreon!

Folks who are interested in shorter, stand-alone aromantic stories may enjoy:

Hallo, Aro

What If It Isn’t

The Wind and the Stars

Ringbound

Folks who want a longer, interconnected series of fantasy short stories and novelettes that aren’t just about aromanticism may enjoy:

The Mara and Esher stories

The Darius stories

The Eagle Court stories

Folks who want collections of aromantic stories may enjoy:

Hallo, Aro

Bones of Green and Hearts of Gold

When Quiver Meets Quill

Spirits Most Singular

Folks who want allosexual and non-asexual aromantic protagonists may enjoy:

Hallo, Aro

Bones of Green and Hearts of Gold

The Nine Laws stories

About my Blogs

@aroworlds​​​​​​​​​: an archive for free creative media (fiction, poetry, art, images and music) encompassing as much of the aromantic spectrum as possible. Content is tagged by format, identity and creator.

Links: About | Content Advisory | Artist Profiles | Post Prompts | Links Page

@alloaroworlds​​​​​​​​​: an archive for any allo-aro content (including creative media, positivity and discussion posts).

Links: About / Content Advisory

@aroflagarchive​​​​​​​​​: an archive for aromantic spectrum (and related) flags. Content is tagged by identity and creator, meaning one can search for “aroace” or “aroflux” to find a wealth of flag variations.

[aroworlds]

My personal life is, at the moment, not good.

I had to fire my most recent psychologist this week after a conversation in which I tried to explain my distress over her belief that my family’s cisheterosexism isn’t something that should upset me. It was a rather awesomely-horrifying conversation in that she, a cishet, used seven different ways in a ten minute space to tell me that I am an ill, irrational, intolerant, overreacting person who has no right to be upset over something she denies as hurtful even though she has never herself experienced cissexism, heterosexism or exorsexism.

The conversation didn’t surprise me; I’ve endured a lifetime of similar invalidation. (It’s why I’m so desperately afraid to talk to people about things that hurt me, because they will use my mental illnesses or autism to deny my hurt any relevancy.) I didn’t expect the sheer degree of invalidation I copped, but I wasn’t surprised by it. Kind of hard not to be when this psychologist told me I should take my mother’s criticism that my fiction is “too gay” to “be beautiful to [her]” as a positive comment I can learn from.

(Although being called “intolerant” by said psychologist for being upset about my family’s having conversations that deny the legitimacy of my gender identity and disliking the psychologist’s “but people are entitled to their opinions and you can choose your own reactions” response to my pain was a new one. It’s intolerant to be hurt that your own family deny your lack of gender? And I am so tired of this toxic victim-blaming idea where we’re telling people who are hurt to control their reactions instead of telling people who are causing harm to stop causing harm. Shouldn’t a psychologist know better?)

But since I feared it would go that way, I’d spent the weeks between the session that contained the initial combination of cissexism and heterosexism and the session in which I fired her caught up in dread and panic. And something not being a surprise doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. I also have difficulty trusting people, and having a psychologist do this to me hits too many metaphorical once-broken bones.

(I think it’s worse, too, because having a psychologist validate Mum’s cisheterosexism as reasonable removes all chance of later discussion. An official, professional cishet validated a cishet’s cisheterosexism, so while Mum thought me overreacting and sensitive in the first place, now I’m really overreacting because the psychologist made the case that the problem is me. Someone with authority confirmed that Mum’s dismissal, erasure and denial is right and reasonable. How do I get around that when Mum has zero interest in learning about queer anything or learning how to support me?)

I’ve been a mess, emotionally, mentally, physically, this last month. My anxiety is through the roof, my depression is only mild compared to the anxiety, I’m in a good amount of usual pain, and the stress on my body has resulted in new/unusual pain sites as well as new sores and old dermatitis flaring up. I’m having to try and pretend that I’m okay around my family, so I’m faking being “happy” when the truth is that I can’t concentrate and I’m about one wrong thought from crying at any given time. I’m tired and hurting and spending most of my time trying not to think.

Thankfully, I have a really good psychiatrist, even if I can’t see him on a very regular basis (blame our healthcare system). We talked, he affirmed that this is all some next-level invalidation and feeling like I do right now is not an optional part of the experience (damn it), and I need a med team that’s queer-affirming and queer-supportive for transition options, support and just survival. So that’s the new goal for this year, although I’m not sure how I’m going to afford some of this. I do feel that I can’t, I really can’t, survive this sort of experience with another general completely-government-funded, government-assigned psychologist or mental health worker. I need people who are on board with my queerness, with my transness, maybe even with my aromanticism, and won’t engage in the cissexism of believing that I have no right to be upset at my parents’ cissexism.

Tomorrow, I’ve got to have a procedure for a cyst removal (that wasn’t a problem before this last month). I‘m not sure how that’s going to go or if it’s going to be worse than other small lesion removals. I hope it goes okay.

(I can’t sleep properly; I keep hitting it with my hand in my sleep and waking myself up because ow. On the upside, I do already own about thirty different bandannas, so at least my wardrobe is suited for covering up the cyst and then covering up the wound and the scar until my hair grows back in.)

So, I’m struggling, I’m tired, I’ve got a gross sore on my head, I’ve learnt again that I am justified in not trusting people, I now have to struggle with finding new people, I can’t really concentrate on anything, I don’t have a psychologist for support, I have to pretend that I’m okay around my family when I’m not, and my life is pretty much dedicated to distracting myself from hurting.

I actually do have an idea (a themed week) for AAW regarding creative responses and responses about creativity and representation. I think it’s worth admitting that chances are exceptionally high that I will struggle to keep up with responses. If folks don’t mind that folks’ responses are more likely to get tossed into the draft folder and reblogged/posted when I have spoons, I may post it anyway, because there’s no such thing as too much creativity. I just may not be able to cope with it in as timely a fashion as I’d like to.

Thank you so much for reading this monster of a post. I hope, given time, that I’ll heal just enough that I can keep up with more things again.

[fluffykittyscientist]

I don't feel like writing anymore aaaaaa

[xkatebishop]

Finding the perfect storm of both creativity and motivation is hard. 

Maintaining it long enough to finish a project feels impossible sometimes.

[kateofthecanals]

Inconsistency&nonsense-plot mystery solved?GoT=no attempt to bring ASOIAF on TV,but a distorted dream of the pubescent boys D&D where characters&plots fit their wishes;Porne;Arya&Brienne spout D&Ds' misogyny;sex slave complains that men don't use her enough&offers their fave St.Tyrion free sex!The girl who dared to not fall for that fave(who even got a city handed on a platter)was turned into an arrogant idiot who can't correctly say"shit"&was raped by a psycho;etc;No need for logic in dreams!

Basically yes. They somehow convinced GRRM to sign over the rights of his story so that they could dismantle it and morph it into their own ridiculous fanboy fantasy and reap the benefits. D&D are horrible storytellers but they are brilliant con-artists.