#not eaw

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reminder that the autism spectrum doesn't only refer to variability between the 3 levels of support needs, but within the same level of support needs as well !!!

i'm level 1 and i can't drive, cook, or go outside without sunglasses & noise cancelling headphones & earbuds. i don't understand social norms at all and to say i struggle socially would be a gross underestimation . i may never be able to hold a full time job

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why is it the responsibility of autistic people to break our bones trying to bridge the gap between us and allistic people when they don't even acknowledge it exists ? if you don't see me i refuse to see you. i'm done making myself small for their comfort

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being a proper ally and friend to autistic people isn't just thinking to yourself that you are an ally btw. it's adjusting your entire world view and accepting the fact that an autistic perspective isn't inferior, and for us, it's not even different. it's acknowledging that what you take for granted is what we have to painstakingly work towards even when it hurts us. it's very obvious to us when you haven't put in the work and don't actually see our perspectives as valuable. it's very obvious to us when you're only saying you support us

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thinking about when i had to go to the doctor to get a note so i could get my autism assessment and she told me it might be hard for me to get diagnosed because i'm just "a little autistic" and then printed out the resource page from autism speaks. you can't make this shit up

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i often say i'm autistic about something (usually my special interests) but the fact that i'm autistic & can't separate myself from autism technically means i am autistic about everything

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how is 1 in 33 people autistic if im still so alone

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only having allistic friends is genuinely so exhausting. even though we've known each other for over ten years it feels like i'm still the only one trying to bridge our two very seperate worlds and whenever i show any struggle doing so they just assume i'm being difficult or stubborn. but i keep masking who i am, even if subconsciously, and have to make compromises with myself just to meet them halfway because they don't see how far away they are from me so they put no effort in

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i try not to be too negative on here since this is the autism acceptance blog or whatever but i can't really describe how debilitating autism is to an allistic person. it's a spectrum and we all struggle differently and i'd definitely still be highly disadvantaged in a perfectly accepting and accommodating world but we don't live in one.

it's one thing to struggle with chronic migraines because everything is too loud and too bright, that at least has physical symptoms i can treat by taking ibuprofen or wearing sunglasses even indoors. going above and beyond to live like most people normally can, of course, sucks and is exhausting, but at least other people can see it. can see i'm in pain, and understand it conceptually

but i don't think an allistic person could even truly comprehend how lonely being autistic is. leo kanner, the godfather of autism, described "patients" as being afflicted with an "extreme sense of autistic aloneness". i feel wrong and other people know exactly why i'm wrong, but i never will. it's not just the way i act, how i stare off into space, how i can't make eye contact, how my tone is stilted and the things i say obsessive and usually off topic, but just the way i stand. the way i exist is, somehow, wrong. it's visible to everyone but me. when i walk in a room, i know people feel there's something off about me, even if they can't put their finger on it.

i have generalized anxiety disorder because i'm so terrified of being perceived that my anxiety has started seeping into every aspect of my life. i'm scared to be inside at times. and most of all, i'm very alone. and as much as i love uplifting other autistic people and preaching for neurodiversity, it's very hard for me to come to terms with my autism when it means there will forever be a glass wall between me and everyone else. even other autistic people