i want to tell this story without having to be in it... endlessly i want to confess everything about myself, but still remove myself from the narrative so that no one feels pity. i wish i could passively broadcast all my issues to the ppl who care to know like an open letter. i don't have to say it. its just there, able to be read without forcing anyone's attention. just so the context is there. so my actions make sense. but its not that easy. i have to tell this story as a main character some day. yet still i refuse. i refuse. i cant allow myself to that. I can't forgive myself for taking up space. one day i will. one day soon i hope. im tired of feeling like a pest