#oldest alive

[unbfacts]

A dog born in 1999 is still alive today! Spike, a 26-year-old Chihuahua from Ohio, is literally the oldest living dog—Guinness says so.

[temp-check]

Thursday's temperature check (procès-verbaux of 4-18)

I read a story last week about John Alfred Tinniswood, the newest oldest man alive.  That’s a fantastic oxymoron.  No one has ever reached the oldest-oldest man alive.  By definition, he’s both the oldest and the newest.  Can you think of a case where he is not?  I’ve only had a half-cup of coffee while pondering this and I’m coming up short.  Anyway, press releases announcing the oldest man alive always contain a sentence that describes the circumstances of becoming the world's oldest man.  In our man Tinniswood’s case he was declared the oldest upon the death of the last oldest oldest man alive.  This is the same process by which the King of England is chosen.  The last one dies and poof, we get a new one.  If only other things in life were so simple.  My old car dies – ‘poof’ I have a new one.  OK, that example leaves out all the cool stuff like shopping, haggling, going into the back room, buyer’s remorse.  Do you think Tinniswood declined the undercoating when he became the newest oldest man?  One thing I’m sure of is that he’s not getting relentlessly called about an extended warrantee.  At 111, Tinniswood is as uninsurable as a beach house in Florida.  It’s also wonderful the way that the oldest of the oldest laugh at any kind of conventional wisdom towards a long life.  Usually, it’s something wacky like a fifty-year habit of drinking a gallon of whiskey every week, or only eating buffalo tongue.  It’s never something doctors tell us to do, like stop drinking that much whiskey.  Tinniswood says that his secret is no secret. He said, “it’s pure luck. You either live long or you live short, and you can’t do much about it.”  That’s really the answer, isn’t it?  Tinniswood lived through two world wars and disco.  How else can we explain his longevity?  I am climbing that ladder to oldest man alive.  At each rung, I’m trusting my luck and a habit of drinking coffee while annoying dozens (optimistic) with my periodic observations. 

Stay safe!

Tom