Dec 18, 2017
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“People Just Change”
Change, it seems to happen everywhere. Stoplights change from green to yellow to red. Seasons change from summer to fall, then winter. Weather we like it or not things change right? Well for everything but the weather things do change but for a reason. We control them. The light turns green because a sensor in the light tells it there is a car parked so it triggers a timer. You can change the flavor of your meal by adding garlic. This change happened because you made it happen.
Do people change? Yes I’m not going to bark up that tree. I am not a doctor and I do not claim to be. I am just a guy that likes to do research and come up with a compelling story. The line people change really gets to me. If anyone has ever been in love and lost that relationship, friends, family, maybe even the significant other as way to somehow make you feel better will say, “well people change.” To me this doesn’t make sense. If you changed then change back. What makes you want to be this way we were happier before. So if you changed then change back and it will be alright.
In my research I came across some really interesting studies being preformed. Now none of the studies that I came across had anything to do about love or any relationship for that matter. Weather it be a marriage or a friendship or just your average run of the mill relationship. No all of the studies I came across were on the behavior of the human being. I know these seem really boring right? Well not really and I will tell you why. According to Gillihan (2017) “Thus what looks like an increase in emotional stability due to treatment could actually bean effect of treatment on depression, which subsequently restores the person’s pre-depression emotional stability. This explanation cannot be ruled out based on existing data.”(Para 12)
Okay so what does that mean? It means that their study that showed any “positive” change whatsoever on that person was basically rendered useless. So the person changed went to the psychologist and went back to normal. There was no actual change but more of a reset. Okay so, so what? Well after reading around fifty articles today I noticed a big common denominator. People went to these psychologists.
Yeah Cameron, that’s pretty obvious, otherwise there wouldn’t have been a test. That is my point exactly. The stoplight changes because we tell it too. Our behavior changes because we tell it too. Change as a person does not happen without a reason. Something bad happens to you, you get depressed. Your depression comes from you telling yourself that you are sad. You are hurt and there is nothing wrong with that. You don’t like being unhappy so you tell yourself I am going to change. The change happened because you wanted it to happen. What’s actually really surprising is that most psychologists claim that change happens relatively quickly. Right around four weeks. So within a month you can be depressed on the first and back to normal by the thirtieth.
Now if you look at all the studies and read the articles about things like depression, which is rapidly increasing in our country people suffer with this for years. For years! Now I am not the smartest guy in the world but if I was feeling depressed and down like many of all have felt at least once in our life. If I would’ve known that there was a way I could not only be perfectly fine in just four weeks, but actually a better person. I would be the first person in line! Who wants to be depressed? I have battled with this. I have had a crappy year. Depression seems like it’s an eye blink away. There are thousands of pills out there to fix this. But they are not really fixing anything. People change for a reason. That reason is because they wanted to change. If you change one way and you don’t like it you can change back. If that girlfriend says “people change” can change back. She just doesn’t want too. She or he has made a conscious decision to change. Our country is leading in divorce. People are accepting this as something that is okay and normal. Well everyone is eating ice cream so it must be okay to eat ice cream right? This to me and in my own opinion is absurd. People get divorced because they gave up. People tell themselves I don’t want to be this person anymore. We classify that as change, when the only change that has happened is what you told yourself to do. People do not naturally change. Everything happens for a reason. If your kid is acting up its because he is choosing to act up. If you rob a bank tomorrow is because you told yourself to rob that bank. You don’t get to go on auto-pilot and sit back and see what “nature brings.” Thousands of articles like mine are on the web. Hundreds and hundreds of studies have been done on a daily basis. How do we solve this problem? How do we fix it? My question to you is what is there to fix? Just stop, stop you don’t have to make that decision. If you cheat on someone it’s because you chose to cheat on that person. You didn’t have to. There is nothing natural about that. You say that person has just changed. Well ask him to change back. If he says no then that’s the decision. The decision he already made to change. Get it?
REFERENCE:
Gillihan,S.( 2017 January 06) Do People Really Change? Retrieved from
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/think-act-be/201701/do-people-really-change
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Why Do We Fall - Motivational Video
GET BACK UP! That’s the best line I’ve ever heard. Just GET BACK UP! I’ve been in hell. You can climb out of hell one inch at a time. BUT YOU WILL GET OUT!
Dreaming Of Reality
Inspiration is supposed to be found everywhere. The sunrise the sunset. The changing of the leaves the clouds in the sky. Close your eyes for a second and imagine the most beautiful place you’ve ever been.... go ahead I’ll wait.
.....
Doesn’t that make you smile? I hope it did. For that one brief second there was no reality. There was no work, school, or even people. Just you and that one amazing memory in your head.
Why is it that our realities are so much different than our dreams? Why do we care so much about who we are in this form? When you close your eyes you’re the person you want to be. Why is it that when you open them we think all negative? We get down on ourselves. We let others tell us what to do to be happy. If you’re looking for that here I’m sorry to tell you this but you’re going to be disappointed.
I question the logic of everything. Why? Is my favorite question. Why is it that someone has everything and someone standing next to them has nothing?
Why is it that a celebrity can go through 10 marriages but a honest hard working guy can’t get a date?
Why does life let this stuff happen? Why can’t our dream really become our reality?
In my lifetime of just 30 years I’ve gotten to do some things that people dream of doing. I’ve stood in front of 10,000 people while they watched me perform. I’ve been on tv and on the big screen. I’ve gotten to play football professionally and was even in a magizine. I’ve been on the front page of newspapers. I’ve been there and done that. But that’s still not what I dream of.
My dream and my reality are two things that never seem to click. I’ve done all the things people “want to do”. However I’ve never gotten to do the things that normal people do. Why is that?
I hate the “beating around the bush” style of responses too. “Well it’s not your time yet.” That’s a big chunk of bologna!!! There is no timing for anything. If I hear a knock at my door and I open it and the guy on the other side shoots me. That wasn’t just my time to go. I was just the most unlucky guy on the planet at that second. Speaking of which I hope never happens!
They say you can’t make a person fall in love with you. Well that’s not the case at all otherwise nobody on this earth would be married. Yes you didn’t force them but you still made them fall in love with you. You told them what they needed to hear and bam! You made them fall in love.
Dreaming shouldn’t be just something that happens when we close our eyes. Dream should be so much more than that.
Dreaming should be our blueprint of what we want in life. Because if you’re not fallowing that then of course your going to be miserable. Your mind is telling you what you need to be happy. If you dream of being a rock star then enroll yourself in singing lessons and buy a guitar.
You dream of being in a movie then audition for everything. Dreams are the easiest things in life to achieve. If you fallow it.
Or so I thought....
Curveball
In baseball batters are knowing eventually they will see one. Almost every pitcher knows how to throw one in the MLB.
In baseball you can anticipate it coming. What happens when life throws you a curve? Do most people just swing away? Or do you stand there and just take the strike?
I feel like I’ve attempted both in my lifetime. In fact god is throwing a no hitter against me right now and his favorite pitch right now is the curve.
I wake up every single day walk up to the plate and just wait for my pitch. It seems like all I’ve been able to do is foul tip and just keep my at bat alive.
Peoples favorite reaction or thing to tell me is “you just gotta let stuff go.” If I knew how to do that I would gladly do that. Instead I’m thinking of all the previous strikeouts I’ve had recently. Before I even know it I’m down two strikes and I haven’t even gotten to swing yet.
Just when I think I’m anticipating the curve I see a fastball that gets blown right passed me. Then I go from the fastball hoping and praying I see another one. Then my second pitch is a left handed slider that backs me off the plate. I get up and dust myself off, tighten my grip thinking today is going to be my day then bam there’s that curve.
What do I do? I’d like to think I’d swing but in that blink of an eye I freeze. I watch it float right over the plate sending me right back to the bench wondering how the heck I’m going to another chance to bat.
Just like in baseball there are only so many innings of life. You only get so many chances to bat. If every time a pro player walked to plate and struck out he wouldn’t be a professional baseball player anymore.
I’m not sure how many at bats I have left.
Positively Unsure
Is it even a real thing anymore? I mean we see people all the time that we think are very positive people. But are they really? Or is this just some trick our minds do to make us like that person for the things they are doing.
The definition of positivity is the practice of being or tendency to be positive or optimistic In attitude.
In the world today how can we be more positive? What do we have to be positive about? Unless you’re good looking or rich or come from a good family what is there to be positive about in America? I live in Davenport Iowa. It has a population of 100,000 people. It’s not a major city like Chicago or New York. In Davenport just to get from my car to my apartment it’s about 20 yards depending on where I can find a parking spot. Inside of those 20 yards I have to sift through 5-6 homeless people asking for money. How can anyone be positive when I know I can’t help these people? Most of the time I don’t even have cash on me. I do give them money when I can. In most instances I watch them take my money and walk right into the gas station and buy alcohol with it but if that made their day a little better then so be it.
How can we be positive knowing there are people around us not eating today? Positive knowing people are dying right now of being cold and starvation. How can we be positive knowing that the healthcare program of our country is unstable at best. Knowing people have to sell their house just to give birth to a baby in order to offord it even though they both work and have insurance.
There are hundreds of thinking positive books on the market. The do it this way approach. All written by authors claiming to have been going through the worst time in their life and this is how they made it through. It’s all a trick. It’s just a word. That’s it. A made up meaning. To some squiggly lines on a piece of paper. You just used a green piece of paper to buy it with.
Now I know this blog seems very Debbie downer and I don’t mean for it to be honestly. I’m searching for what is really needed to be in a positive world. I’m questioning everything trying to make people speak out. I do dream of a positive world. I just don’t know how we would get there.
Life
What is life? I bet I ask this question 2-3 times a day. What the hell are you doing Cameron crosses my mind probably more than most.
I wonder why I’m different. That part is a spider web all in its own. Why didn’t I go with the general laborers career like everyone else? Why was I drawn to the taboo lifestyle of film and television? I worked factory jobs. Some really high paying factory jobs. I hated it! I was making 17 dollars an hour right out of high school. That’s insane from where I’m from. But I traded the amazing money in for a job that pays crap but I love what I do.
I’m miserable in real life but when I’m at work and I’m at school real life doesn’t matter and I’m happy. I’m not the most religious person in the world but god has given me a talent. So I fallowed it. The problem is now I hate my personal life. So what’s the plan for that?
I don’t make enough to go out and meet people. I honestly don’t know if my car is even going to get me to work in the morning.
What kind of life is it where by day my job is where I’m happy but at home I’m missurable?
How am I in this weird 1%? Most people love their personal lives and dread going to work. I’m the complete 180!
How does this happen? How do I balance this out? These are questions I know nobody can answer but it’s fun getting them out there.
Life has a crazy way of twisting and turning around the craziest corners. The term “how could this get an worse?” That seems less like a term and more and more like a goal.
It’s a cruel prank that if there is a higher being just seems to love pushing into me. Now don’t think I’m a “Woe is me” kinda guy. I’m hitting these waves head on. I don’t know why. I don’t know for how long but I am.
I’m not really sure how I should wrap this up. How does one wrap up a conversation about life? This is probably the only post that will be garounteed to have more questions than answers.