@theyoungprinceling asked: 𝐲𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐨𝐰 : what inner wounds does your muse hide? do they hide it behind humour or confidence? do they hide it at all? [for Lyssa]
Nature-Based Headcanons. | Accepting!
Lyssa is a curious case.
When it comes to inner wounds, she unfortunately has plenty. Both in terms of physical and mental health.
Lyssa has been through a lot, to say the least. Losing a parent at a young age, and then becoming far more independent than she should have been—and, as a result of some...poor decisions all around, the Pendleton Incident occurring? Safe to say, there is plenty of trauma to go around.
What wounds her most is the isolation, despite being surrounded by people. The loss of control, forced into the back seat while someone—something else—has taken the wheel from her and promptly swerved her life into a metaphorical ditch. She can watch, and she can feel, and yet can do nothing about it except scream into an abyss of souls that do nothing but scream back at her.
For roughly five or so years as of 1914, she's been watching what little remains of her family crumble. Her father believes she's dead—at least, that is what he says, but there will always be a part of Lyssa that thinks he knows better than that. He has to know better than that. Everyone always said he was smart, because he was an alchemist. They usually know what they're doing.
She wants to believe that he's only doing what he thinks is best, but she's grown up just enough in the background to realize: even if Axel says he's only doing this for her, to 'put her to rest'? It's just an excuse. She has become an excuse, and it makes her so, so upset. It's not hard to hide it; not at first, not with how many souls still reside in her surroundings, but as Anger's lives dwindle, so do they.
And for the first time in years, Lyssa begins to have a say in things again. Though, while she has somewhat mentally matured? Emotionally, physically, she is still stuck at barely twelve years old. So she will respond with the emotional intelligence of a twelve year old, and thus she lashes out at the only person who can hear her:
Anger.
Lyssa has no need to hide her hurt. She's tired of not being heard at all, tired of being drowned out. She is a child who misses her home, and her family, and falling asleep on the couch in front of the fireplace, and playing with her friends, and baking her mama's cookies. And despite having the mental capacity to know and understand that this situation isn't fair to any of them, she only has the emotional wherewithal to focus on herself.
After all, nobody else knows she's there. She is the only one that can claw her way out of this ditch, and Lyssa is tired of waiting for someone else to offer a hand, or pay the slightest bit of attention.
She just wants to be herself again, even if she's barely sure who she's supposed to be anymore, after all of this. It'll be enough, eventually.
It has to be. Right?
