Weird Things I’ve Done in My Sleep/in The Process of Waking Up
Rolled off my bed and pinned myself to the wall with my mattress
Said the following
“You have to go to barbie.com”
“I don’t think you’re smart enough to be a surgeon” (I’m pretty sure my roommate [Who was also either waking up or sleeping] answered with “I’d rather fly into a black hole than listen to you”)
“Ain’t nobody got time for that” (When My family had woken me up in the middle of the night because our cat had orphaned a cute baby rodent and they needed a smart person)
Tried to eat a mouthguard
Ate at least two braces elastics and one baby tooth, possibly a mosquito/bedbug
Constantly remove my sleep mask, even when I’m sleeping on my arms.
A couple of times I actually put the sleep mask on my night stand. Or my roommates were weird.
Fart a LOT
Stop breathing, then snore like a bear roaring
Literally YEETed my IPad across the room, horrifying my roommate and leaving me very confused the next morning.
Woke up to sleep paralysis, saw “The Hat Man”, sicced an imaginary stick figure shadow person with praying mantis arms on him, and held hands with the stick figure until I fell asleep again.
Woke up to sleep paralysis again, one eye open. When I didn’t see anything, I told myself that “I ain’t scare of no things”, and then stubbornly kept jerking my head until it moved and opened my other eye just to look to my right so I could prove to the nonexistent thing I wasn’t scared of that I didn’t believe in it and wasn’t scared of it.
