i am so tired of this version of life.
i work 40 hours a week. sometimes more. and somehow i’m still barely scraping by. my entire paycheck goes to rent, bills, groceries, gas just to survive. there’s no cushion. no savings. no breathing room. just the constant cycle of waiting for the next direct deposit so i don’t drown.
and this is not the life i was promised.
i did what they said to do. go to college. get the degree. take on the debt because it would “pay off.” work hard now so you can be stable later. that was the deal, right? except later is here and stability never showed up. instead it’s bills, interest, and the quiet panic of realizing the finish line keeps moving. but now with a job i don't like in a career field i stopped loving years ago... and the job market is so bad that the idea of looking for anything else is hell. at this rate i should just be happy i have a job, right?
what was the point of doing everything “right” if it still feels like this?
and what really messes with me? the guilt.
if i spend money on something that isn’t essential, which is rare, i feel like shit. like i’ve done something irresponsible. like i should’ve put it somewhere “more productive.” like joy is a luxury i haven’t earned. even a little treat feels like a mistake when you’re living paycheck to paycheck.
i’m exhausted that this is normal for people my age. exhausted that we’re told this is just “how it is.” that we should grind harder. budget better. stop buying coffee. as if the problem is a $6 drink and not an entire system that makes full-time work barely enough to survive.
and i’m sick of the narrative that gen z will “own nothing and be happy.” no. we don’t want nothing. we want stability. we want homes. we want to save. we want to breathe without feeling like one unexpected expense will ruin everything.
i am tired of feeling behind in a race i never signed up for.
i am tired of working this hard and feeling like it’s never enough.
i am tired of life feeling like survival instead of living.
i am tired.
