A bit of what I’m currently facing in this fandom is under a readmore. Anyone is welcome to read this, but is of course not obligated. See tags for warnings. Stay tuned for blog updates.
Ok, so here it is. I’ve talked to many friends and family about whether or not I should post this, as it can definitely cause a storm, but I have finally mustered the courage to do this. It’s my turn to speak my mind and tell you the shit I’ve been enduring here.
Roleplaying has been an important part of my life. I started this blog in 2014; it was one of my first blogs, and definitely the most invested. Over the years, I have honed my writing abilities, all the while having a blast interacting and meeting new people. Clair was, and is, a very special character to me.
Last fall, someone once a friend to me had returned to the community. We quickly reconnected and became very close friends. That all changed when they started up a group, which, like many groups in the fandom, had its faults. Within the few months I was a part of the group, there was a flush of drama inside the group that was completely overlooked by the moderation. People were getting hurt, and nothing was being done about it. I wanted to help sort this out; I was offered a position as moderation, but the offer was retracted. Outraged, I expressed how unfair I felt this was, and our friendship quickly fell apart. On top of this, I was starting my first year of college, and was incredibly overwhelmed with feelings. I severed our relationship and blacklisted the group.
Over the span of the following month, I began to hear from some of the (former) members how they felt unwelcome in the group, or were deterred because of the drama, and in a chat I (thought) was for confidential venting, where others were venting about the group, I made a pretty explicit comment about the group. I called it toxic, and a friendship ruiner, because at the time, that is how it felt to me. I cannot speak for others.
Fast-forward to a month ago. I returned to the community after a very successful first year at college. I started to reconnect with roleplayers I didn’t have prior connection to via discord. It was then, that I noticed there were a few people who had unfollowed me. I figured they had unfollowed because of inactivity, but for a few cases, I was wrong.
I discovered that someone who was in the confidential venting chat had taken my comment about the group, and spread it to others in the community. And it was these people who blocked, or refused to interact with me. The next few days, I tried to make amends, even with the friend who I had separated from, but was unsuccessful. Someone was even kind enough to send me a hateful message, then blocking me promptly.
Slowly, I’m beginning to notice more and more people who associate with this former friend are now blocking me. I feel like I am being alienated, like I don’t even get a chance to explain my side of the story. They formed an allegiance, a clique against me. And it sucks, because people I was once close to are now completely walling me. It’s spreading like a disease.
What was said and done was in the past, and I just wanted to move on. But it has became clear to me that this isn’t an option with this apparent clique of people. None of this would have even happened if the group wouldn’t have gotten out of hand. But it did, and there is no changing that. Just like there is no changing my remark.
I’ve told this story, perhaps in better detail, to many people outside of the community (i.e. in real life). My mother was the most inspirational. She told me I don’t need these people in my life. They are fragile, and strive to form gangs. They are bullies. She told me to give the old Italian flick of the chin. God, I love my mom.
I was encouraged to get involved with other groups or just move on to other fandoms altogether. It just sucks because I shouldn’t have to do this. These people have taken someone that is so important to me, something that was an escape and made me really happy, and tried to squander it.
I will continue to rp on here for the time being before I make any major decisions. There is a chance I might join an open group that I hear is pretty cool, or I may move blogs.
I thank those who continue to fill my dash with life, and to my 1K+ followers who stuck around. You’re the best! And for those who didn’t, I’m sorry it had to be this way.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. It feels good to get this out. Hopefully I gave the full scope of everything I’ve been experiencing-- I’m extremely exhausted after a long first week back to school.
Thanks again
Casey