req: no one, i literally just started this account lmfao
note - firstly, i am so sorry if this fic seems to be long, i usually get carried away when i write and forget not everyone wants to read an 100k letter novel. second, this is a personal AU of mine where nam-gyu and reader are dating but they are not in the games.. i might write a different fic where they are in the games or something :p also.. guys.. ik i said this would be out on friday but things happen, i got all caught up in stuff,yknow... my apologies.
also this just a tad bit cringe. excuse me, i haven't wrote in some time.
tags: mention of drugs, alcohol, throwing up because of substance use, dead dove-ish??? a bit angst-sty but also fluff, im not sure how to do tags uhhhh
also, i did happen to be listening to cigarettes after sex while writing this so this is just a tad inspired by their song "cry". (also somewhat inspired by A$AP rocky?idk) enjoy!!
you had never supported your boyfriends decision to do drugs. in fact, you constantly tried to discourage him from it and convince him to get sober. he would always respond with,
"okay, i'll try."
but you knew it was a lie. he wasn't trying for shit. it made you begin to speculate that nam-gyu had cared more for a high than his relationship with you.
you had never liked nam-gyu's job either. you thought that it made him indulge further into his harmful addictions and habits. of course, that came with being a club promoter, but there were other jobs out there that could get him just as much money as he made now.
everytime you commented on this he simply just snickered and said you "were in his business too often." "what a caring and loving boyfriend you are." you would reply, and it would always end in a harsh argument.
you don't know how you put up with the treatment you got from him, you don't know how anyone would.
one night, nam-gyu had invited you to come to the club he worked at with him. he egged you on by saying things like,
"oh it'll be fun though" and also remarks stating "you wouldn't want to embarrass your boy, showing up with no girl you know."
you couldn't help but fall victim to his guilt tripping and agree. at least it gave you an excuse to doll up and wear a dress for once, right? you never got the chances to do those things like a normal girl your age would. (20-25) you were always working attempting to provide for not only yourself and also your boyfriend. it didn't make it any easier that you were in a TON of debt.
whatever, this night could give you a chance to debrief and thats all that matters. as long as one of nam-gyu's annoying, bastard friends don't come up and bother you, you should be fine. (hehe foreshadowing)
it took you a few hours to get ready that night which very obviously stressed out nam-gyu. he has a thing for worrying he wouldn't get to places on time. the wait was worth it though when he had saw the beautiful black dress you decided you would wear. it highlighted the curves of your body perfectly. the dress was about mid-length and came strapless at the top. inevitably, you felt a bit insecure. you were so used to wearing hoodies, sweatpants, baggy t-shirts and the occasional shorts that it felt almost wrong to be wearing something as pretty as this.
"what? is something wrong?" you spoke up as you noticed nam-gyu staring at you. it made your heart flutter with the way his eyes softened up and the tinge of blush that you could now see on his cheeks. he looked how he looked on the day he first asked you out.
"no.. nothings wrong. you just look.. you look really good babe."
you blushed intensely at his comment. it made you glad that he actually liked what you wore. i mean, it wasn't like you needed his validation but it sure as hell felt great when you were able to get it.
you two then began to walk out of the door and on your way after exchanging compliments and giving each other a kiss on the cheek.
well, the drive to the club was... just a little bit awkward.. in your opinion at least. you kept noticing the desirable gazes nam-gyu gave you and how he slid his hand up and down your thigh. you being in the passenger seat was his favorite thing. this was because he had easy access to touch you.
this wasn't surprising at all. you knew very well that nam-gyu's love language was physical touch and you actually sort of loved that about him. the way he was so clingy and touchy made you feel special. before you met him you were depraved of that.
entering the club made you nervous as all hell. you never liked being around large crowds of people and nam-gyu knew that.
he smiled as he hugged your waist behind you, like he was trying to let everyone at the club know, "hey this is my girlfriend!!"
this quickly changed though when he saw his friend thanos. thanos stuck out from most of the crowd with his purple hair and multi colored nails. he was an upcoming rapper and was getting fairly popular.
"whatts up my boy nam-su!!" he greeted. 'nam-su? thats not his name. you questioned in your head trying not to pay much attention.
"is this your girlfriend you brought with you?" thanos asked. nam-gyu nodded, putting his hand on your shoulder.
"yep, her name is Y/N."
"hello Y/N, you look very good tonight." thanos spoke approaching you. you only backed up closer to nam-gyu, which made him chuckle.
"well.. if you guys don't mind, come to the room i have set up for us. its a bit private, yknow?"
"alright. cmon Y/N." nam-gyu gestured, pulling on your hand as thanos led them to a room a bit closed off from the rest of the club. when you entered you saw two girls and a random boy. you knew none of these people which filled your body with anxiety.
"sit down guys," thanos said as he sat down on a chair next to the two ladies.
you and nam-gyu ended up on a couch together.
time skip and it has now been a hour or so since you two arrived at the club. seeing all these new people around you made you nervous. the only support you had in this moment was nam-gyu and it didn't seem like he was paying much attention to you anyways. he just lousily hung his arm around your shoulder. another bead of sweat rolled down your face as you looked at the bag of pills that laid on the glass table in front of you. 'it's not for me.. you repeated in your head. something in your gut told you should leave before something you regret happens. you watched as nam-gyu continuously sipped on his glass of alcohol and slipped various pills in his mouth. you hated everything about this. suddenly, you then hear a low but smooth voice speak. it was that purple haired guy again.
"so Y/N, what do you prefer? ecstasy or snow?" this startled you. was he asking what drug you preferred? ...none?!
you looked up to nam-gyu for an answer or at least a little bit of guidance but instead of helping you he just grinned. his eyes had a bit of red on the whites and you watched as he slipped another blue tablet in his mouth and this is how you knew he was out of it.
"none." you mumbled, refusing to look him in the eye.
"nam-gyu, is this true? your girl doesn't do anything?" girl? really?
"cmon thanos.. she does.. she just doesn't wanna admit it alright?" your boyfriends speech slurred. it was the mix of the alcohol and random drug he took earlier really kicking in. you mean, he always rode out his highs nicely, he never acted too stupid, but you guessed he took one too many this night.
"so she wouldn't mind taking a few lines or so?" 'thanos' questioned, tilting his head.
you started to loose your mind. why was nam-gyu straight up lying about you? you had never done a drug in your life.
"no.. no she wouldn't," he began. "cmon baby, the lines right there." nam-gyu said pointing at the table. in front of you there were 3 messy white lines of what you could only assume was cocaine. you stared at him helplessly, almost like you were screaming at him to leave this place.
"what are you waiting for Y/N? we didn't do anything to it." thanos added, breaking the silence between you and nam-gyu. you began to think about what he said earlier at the house, how he didn't want to embarrass himself with (or even without you. if you didn't snort up these lines, you would be proving to his friend that nam-gyu lied. would you really sacrifice your dignity for nam-gyu though?
he gave you that lovely dovey sweet look he had on his face when he was high and that immediately made you break eye-contact with him. it swooned you a bit too much.
you finally decided to reply to thanos, and also make your decision on what you were about to do. "i.. i know you didn't."
you then began to slowly get off the couch and from nam-gyu's grasp, sitting down on the floor with the lines in front of you. you had no idea how you could do this. you only ever watched nam-gyu do it, and it always made you so mad. so mad you couldn't even focus on the motions nam-gyu made when he snorted that stuff up.
taking one last deep breath you lowered your nose down to the table and tried all your best to snort it up. it stung and left you sneezing and coughing when you were done. when you looked over to ur side to see nam-gyu's face and reaction to what you had just done he was just smirking cynically. thanos and the two other girls sitting next to him on other hand were just laughing and giggling, this made you feel tiny. you had always hated it when people were laughing in your face.
you couldn't do anything about it so you just rolled your eyes.
"go on, do one more." the purple haired freak spoke up. you just looked down. you weren't sure if you were able to do another one or not.
'don't embarrass nam-gyu..' you repeated in your head. this was the only reason you were betraying yourself, because you didn't want nam-gyu to look like a fool in front of his "friends." so, you took another line.
when you finished you were ashamed of yourself. you couldn't believe you had just done a hard drug just for the sake of a boy.
"do you need a drink to wash that down?" nam-gyu finally spoke. happy to hear his voice you quickly agreed and got up to sit on the couch near him again. when he asked you if you wanted a drink you didn't know it would be alcohol though. this worried you. you didn't think you could stomach both alcohol and drugs... and you were right.
nam-gyu had handed you his half empty cup of svedka vodka waiting for you to take it from his hands. you shook, cursing yourself mentally.
you quickly gulped most of the vodka down, it felt hot down your throat and tasted like hand sanitizer. you weren't a big fan of this stuff.
when you finished drinking you found nam-gyu rubbing your back comfortingly. no matter how mad you were at him you always melted at his touch.
the rest of the night was a blur. the mix of the vodka and also the drugs did not sit well with you. you sort of just watched as the girls, thanos, nam-gyu, and some other random guy conversed, trying to swallow the fact that you felt like you were about to blackout. you hadn't even realized that its been about 5 hours since you first got to the club.
you laid in nam-gyus arms watching as the world around you warped and twisted and felt all the sudden very hyper.
"f..fuck." you whimpered, quickly getting up and covering your mouth. "i need to .. go to the bathroom." you mumbled again, hearing someone snicker behind you as you began to speed walk over to the bathrooms. getting there was a bit of a struggle as you had to navigate through sweating dancing bodies and loud music which only made your ache worse.
when you made it to the stalls you quickly crouched down the nearest toilet and began to throw up your own guts.
you hadn't known that when you left the room that nam-gyu had quickly followed behind you.
when you heard him entering the woman's bathroom you thought it was a stranger so you instantly tried to shut yourself up. you were so out of it you forgot to even shut the stall door behind you. sweat poured down your forehead as you heard footsteps behind you, looking over only to see nam-gyu's sweet face.
"it's okay.." he nodded, grabbing your hair and holding it back for you. you took this as an initiative to get the rest of the stuff you had in your system out.
by the time you were done you were crying and sniffing regretting everything you had done that night. you quickly flushed everything you just threw up down and fell into nam-gyu's arms. you didn't have anything to really say to him so you just cried, your tears landing on his black shirt.
he didn't say anything either. he just stroked your hair like you were some kind of pet.
"i wanna go home." you muttered to him--your tone was serious.
"yeah, i think its time we go." he agreed as he helped you up, wrapping his arm around your shoulders.
on your way out of the club he simply just gave thanos the 'yknow' look and he nodded in response.
the drive home was strange. you could feel yourself actively falling in and out of sleep and for once you were in the backseat instead of the front-seat.
when you made it to you and nam-gyu's apartment he grabbed you and took you inside the building bridal style. this sent butterflies through your drunken body because even out of your mind you still knew this wasn't how he usually treated you. you clung onto him anyways.
inside, he set you down on your guys bed. he laid down next to you turning himself over so he could see your face. he brushed some of your hair out of your face and stared at you with desire in his eyes.
ironically, there happened to be some water on the nightstand. he grabbed it and slowly brung it to your lips, helping you get some water intake.
you felt a little better knowing you now had a little bit of water in your system.
suddenly, he grabbed your body, pulling you into a sweethearts cradle and hugging you tightly. his body was warm like a heater. it felt great compared to the cold night outside.
you buried your head in his chest feeling his heartbeat against your cheek.
you never wanted to let go of this moment.
to the soft vibrational hums you then fell asleep being cradled in nam-gyus arms.
just yapping but I hate mischaracterization for tashi duncan…
it’s genuinely such a pet peeve of mine when people write her to be this big, egotistical, mean bully of a woman. especially when interacting with another woman/ x reader bc we only really saw tashi act that way with the boys(and her racist opponent ig).
there are plenty of scenes in the movie that show tashi’s vulnerability and insecurity and her gentleness/empathy, especially when talking with women or loved ones. tashi duncan is not this evil home-wrecker between a beautiful male homoerotic friendship. it’s an old, tired and overplayed story that ppl love to use to as an excuse to hate on women/female characters.
art and patrick may have loved eachother but they’re relationship wasn’t perfect. art was too insecure and patrick was too ignorant that they would eventually have had a falling out imo.
tashi was by far a perfect person who made good decisions. she could be unkind when she wanted like any character. but she isn’t this antagonist that everyone wants to be the ‘bad guy’. ITS HER MOVIE!!
her complexity it what makes her a perfect main character and so well written!!
The hate that Aruanni receives is flat miss characterization of both Annie's character and Armin's character. Because truly, they are perfect for each other, and I have some pretty convincing evidence.
First of all Armin's one of the only people who understand Annie PERFECTLY, he can see trough her. He is veryy emotionally intelligent and observant which is what someone like Annie needs, he never showed any specific anger or resentment toward her for what she's done. No, he stayed with her for 4 YEARS, four years talking, four years listening for a response, four years trying to understand her. -"Annie... Please say something, anything at all"
To me, Armin could see the sadness and guilt radiating off Annie, being the empathetic person he is.
He also has bertholds memories. Meaning that when everyone saw Annie just as how she showed herself to them: In the training regime, as the female titan, in her reveal. Always so distant and... Unknown.
Armin has seen her as more, from a different light the others dont quite have acces to:
As her childhood, as her breakdowns, as her training days, as her remorse, as her tears, as her rare smiles, as herself. He has the memories of her as a scout AND as a warrior.
And he dosent hate her for it. He understands what she did and why, HE DID IT TOO.
Second point is their dynamic. Annie being nihilistic and stoic suvervalist kinda needs Armin who's more hopeful, more realistic more empatethic.
It's like Mikasa's line: "the world is cruel yet it also so beautiful." In the Aruanni relationship Annie brings the 'the world is cruel' view and Armin the 'and yet it's also so beautiful'. They complete each other. It's perfect.
And for all the people that give it SO much shit because it "came out of nowhere", " was rushed" "feels forced" I'm delighted to tell you that your simply wrong.
From season ONE Aruanni has been building up to be a thing:
- Them constantly complimenting each others skills and seeming to be rather intrigued by each others thoughts. ("Im impressed, you really do have guts" "I think your more caring than you realize, Annie")
- Having unspoken care. ("Im hurt. When did you start seeing me this way...armin?")
- Sharing deep convos (Selfishness and sacrifice, when they where talking about joining the scouts. Morality of good and bad, before Annie's reveal.)
- Sparing each others lives. (Annie not killing Armin twice. Armin not telling on her months after suspecting her)
And finally, my last point is about the angst.
Is it really a romance without the doomed aspect?
I mean, do we even need to talk about how Aruanni is angsty? But let me add salt to the wound: Annie, a warrior that isn't supposed to feel anything, especially not hesitance. Hesitates to kill Armin. I mean, how terrifying is that for her? Being taught to be cruel, thats what she is, what she is supposed to be, but for the first time in her life she couldn't kill someone. A character that is used to feeling nothing is terrfied when they start to feel something. Especially when that something is guilt. The dammed emotion that haunts her way back home.
Amberry PANCAKES Psd ˚ˋঌ˖— credit & @ me for use. PSD specifically made for Amber , may need adjustments on skin tones. kin/id/f/o tags OK.
@chikenkfckitti EVENT day 01. psd of an *overhated* character.
I had a dream where I found a store full of only Harumi merch but lost my wallet so I couldn’t buy a single thing. It was so scary I woke up in fear, so it reminded me to post these I drew a while ago
