Nothing is more painful than the suffering I inflict on myself

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Nothing is more painful than the suffering I inflict on myself
I remember when I first told my parents about the panic attacks I had in the past. I still remember their look on their face when I told them. Confusion. Anger. And in the end they just said that I should stop pretending to have them just because everyone thinks they’re so cool. They told me I’m childish.. Today, when I’m having panic attacks, I don’t tell them anymore. And when they’re over, my parents just say that there is no reason to be in such a shitty mood.. or that I sleep the whole day, that I’m a lazy bum.
This anxiety and panik attack shit is literally killing me from inside out. I sometimes can't even handle it anymore I just don't want it to be like that. Sometimes you want to end this but you can't find an end because it's like a circle it has no ends...I just want to go somewhere and never come back. Have a new start and do everything that I want to do !
Wow having Panik Attacks because of body issues is awsome. I'm so fat.
ugh..
Having panik attacks because I have to ride the bus to see my therapist..fml.