#parading hate

[heartofmuse]

I wonder if I was born with a broken internal radar that leads me astray. Am I destined to walk the world from heartbreak to heartbreak?

e.v.e.

[mnlowery]

Before I saw you,

I felt nothing.

Like a rock at the

Bottom of the ocean

As far away from the

Sun possible.

I dreamt nothing.

Looked at the

Darkest night

Just hearing a voice

That I hoped was

My mind.

I was nothing.

—

But when I saw you,

I felt something.

A lightning bolt

Pierce through

My thick abyss.

I dreamt something.

Us walking with red

Sea of leaves at our

Feet playing our tunes

Till we get tired of

Dancing.

I was something.

—

And after

I stopped seeing you,

I felt everything.

And beyond.

Over and over again.

Died and returned.

A thousand times for

A thousand nights.

I dreamt everything.

Keeping my eyes closed

Trying to catch it,

To capture it,

With tears flowing

Down my face

And just like that —

It's gone.

Everything...

But then

I was nothing

Again.

— M. N. Lowery

[poetbitesback]

I am repulsed by a world where she loves me,

where she continues to write about me 

and use names that sound like mine 

only when they are lost on the wind.

It is this world and I hate it. 

I can’t stand to see myself bastardized 

in love poems that are not full of love,

but of envy, of misguided narcissism-

she only thought she loved me 

because I saw her for what she was

 and it was not beautiful

but I was strong enough to look on anyway.

- I am filled with something that leaves an aftertaste these days || O.L.

[dg-fragments]

What was once thought to be a fairytale, is now one of the worst nightmares you never thought you'd experience. -DG

[heartofmuse]

Toxic people

Dealing with toxic people is so exhausting for me. I really don’t want to do it anymore. I feel as if they literally suck the life force out of me. My levels of frustration and anxiety go through the roof through no fault of my own. I hate it. I literally want to cry. Its emotionally draining, mentally exhausting and the worst part is that there is no end in sight because some people are a permanent feature in your life and sometimes you have to deal with them even if you don’t want to. 

e.v.e.

[heartofmuse]

You were gangrene; I had to amputate to live but I never thought you would become a phantom limb.

e.v.e.

[heartofmuse]

Some days I despair. I invest too much in other people's hearts , too little on my own. I love too much. I hurt too much. It is all just too much.  I want to not feel so much anymore. I just wish numbness is something I could do but I just can´t! I have cried enough to fill several oceans but I always end up feeling empty. Sometimes I feel so unloved, so alone, I just don't know what to do anymore. I want to quit. I want to run. I don't know what I am doing here! Why on earth write anymore?  Maybe I should just quit pretending I am anything at all.

e.v.e.

[heartofmuse]

Nothing

I was nothing to you, now you are nothing to me.

This story we wrote, I tore the pages up and threw them in the garbage bin

You are

Tastless salt,

Unwet rain,

Silent wind,

Broken kisses;

Of no use to me.

You are gone, vanished forever by me.

The door is closed. No use knocking on it anymore.

Its irreversible, this loss of me.

e.v.e.