Letters to My Son - 2/8/26
We didn't get to see you today. It's okay. We know what a toll this has taken on your aunt and uncle. I just wish that it didn't have to be like this. It's truly taken such a toll on us all. I mean, I know I say it every day, but it's because it's true. You know, we haven't missed church in 3 weeks. I know it's silly considering we weren't necessarily consistent or practicing Catholics, but faith is all we have to hang onto. When we're trying to do things to stay busy so we don't dwell, we do the most ridiculous things to pass the time. I started a puzzle. I started putting together a lego set. Sure it helps but it also reminds me that I shouldn't have all this free time. It's a catch-22. It's been hard on everyone, but especially your dad who has never in his life felt such depression, grief, and anger. I can bottle it up a little better. Not saying that's a good thing, but I've just dealt with these feelings much longer. I mean, jeez, I did what any woman in her 30s does while going through a life altering crisis. I dyed my hair. After five years of not dying it and going grey. I said, "hey, why not." I thought a change would help distract me, or maybe give me some newfound feel good endorphins, but it didn't work. I think I've just dealt with these feelings much longer than your dad has, even if they weren't about you. However, those feelings, were walks in the park compared to what I am feeling now. We feel stuck. There's so much we want to do to get you back, but there is only so much we can do. All we can do is make sure that you are seen by every specialist available to you. We want you to be healthy, but we also want answers. Answers that will prove we'd never hurt you baby. I'm praying every single daythat these people will open their eyes and stop seeing us as monsters because they have blinders on and are refusing to accept that there is definitly a bigger picture here. DCF and the doctors that decide children are being abused can and will sometimes become so myopic that they refuse to accept and/or ignore that something else is going on, that there is a bigger picture here. I want you to know, we are going to figure it all out and bring you home with us where you belong.
Love MOM.
