#parent trouble

[pre-t-advice]

Hey there about 4-6 months ago I decided my name would be Kai but recently my mum has found out that I go by Kai out side the house and even if I’m out with people she will refer to me as “deadname” right in front of them and idk how to tell her that ring called Kai is what I want - I’ve tried already and I just can’t get through to her . I’m at loss . I don’t know how to make her realise that none of this is a phase

Hey, Kai,

Unfortunately, parents don’t always get on board as easily as friends. There’s no guarantee they’ll ever get on board, either. I came out to my mom three years ago, and she still uses my birthname!

Sometimes, you just need to let it go. Correct her if you can safely do so, but otherwise just continue your transition however you want to and let her adjust or staunchly oppose the whole thing as she will. 

For now, focus on the people who call you the right name and pronouns. These are the people who respect your identity. I know it’s hard when a parent won’t just get on board already, but unfortunately there’s very little you can do there. You can try pointing her to PFLAG, but it’s mostly for the L and G of LGBT. (They do have trans resources, though!)

Stay safe,

Lux

[pre-t-advice]

I don’t know when and how I should come out as transgender to my mother. When I suffered of depression and anorexia she thought that I did it because of attention and when I came to her as gay (I’m ftm) she thought that I did just because it was trend.

Sorry for responding so late, personally, school has been killing me lately, haha.

The best piece of advice I can give you is to do your research and show/present that you’re fully aware of how you feeling along with topics relating being transgender, the community, etc. The more you can educate your parents and other relatives, (hopefully) the more confident they’ll be that you’ve made a “reliable” decision. Giving them personal examples proving that you’ve come to a correct conclusion about yourself (being transgender) can only help as well. Also, showing them examples of real people on social media, news articles, in person, etc can show that there are other people out there that have a diagnosis / are something that is the polar opposite of a choice. Hopefully this helps a bit.

-Sam

Hopefully this helps

[kai-couldnt-think-of-a-name]

Rant into the void

I hate that my mother—a nurse—doesn’t take my health seriously. In any sense. When my SI was crushing me, she basically had the “walk it off” mentality. When I went to ER because of that, she told them to screen me for diabetes ((mother I have 2 personality disorders and anxiety and a huge ass amount of stress being put on me all the time!! It’s not diabetes!!)). When I’ve been told by a triage nurse over the phone that I need to either go to urgent care or the ER for what sounds like intestinal bleeding that’s been going on for over a week, she tells me to wait until I can get an appointment.

I really REALLY wish she would actually listen to me and take me and my health seriously

[transqueerquestions]

I think I might be trans, and it is simultaneously the most sensible and the most terrifying thought I've ever had. I can't even get some members of my family to stop using my full legal name, not the familiar name I prefer to be called as my assigned gender. The thought of coming out to them twists me up with doubt and anxiety. I don't really know if there's a question in here, but I'm struggling and this seems the place to express that.

Tobi: I’m so sorry that you’re in a place that makes you feel like that, and my heart goes out to you. I know it sucks but if your safety is in question then I urge you to take that into consideration on if and when you’d want to come out to your parents.

One thing I can suggest is socially coming out to your friend group maybe, or to some trusted teachers or anyone else you might be close with. That can give you the affirmation and confidence in being yourself despite having to struggle at home.

I really hope things get better for you nonnie, and please feel free to message me here or at my main blog (@jaegeraddicted_elf) if you ever need someone to talk to or vent to about certain things. And that goes for anyone, followers or otherwise as well, asks and messages are always open.

[transqueerquestions]

(1) Hello! I am a cis female with a trans male friend who has been out for a few years now. Everyone in his surroundings knows what gender he identifies as and everything is going pretty smoothly for him in his social everyday life. The only people who are not aware of him identifying as male are my parents. And that's because I haven't told them. And I know I should! I should tell them! But the truth is, I'm not sure if I can? My friend and I hang out a lot so I constantly have to make sure he

(2) and my parents never meet so he doesn’t get misgendered, and I hate that. My parents transphobia is not on a high level, but they have said a few disturbing things and I am honestly worried about how they would react if I told them about my friend. They would never in a billion years hurt him, but I’m not sure if I would be able to defend my friend and explain what being transgender means. I can’t even come out to my parents as gay, how am I supposted to explain to old people who has seen    (3) a gay person once on television what trans is!? I want what’s best for my friend, but I honestly don’t know what’s best in this situation. I have to either make sure my parents never meet him so they can’t misgender him, or I explain to them what transgender is. I feel selfish and weak for not educating my parents, because it’s my responsibility to make sure they treat my friends good and right now I feel like I’m doing a bad job. But on the other hand I feel like I’m protecting my friend (4)from my parents views on trans ppl! I’m sorry for the long ass ask but I honestly don’t know what to do            

Tobi: Hey Nonnie! It truly sounds like you’re in a tough position and I feel for you, and I want to thank you for being such a great friend for him by reaching out! Unfortunately however, there isn’t really much solid advice I can give give you, but I will try my best! To be completely honest, one of my best friends has that same problem with his parents, they don’t know I’m trans, but I have met them and have spoken with them. The friend has been completely open with me about why he hasn’t told them about me, and I honestly don’t mind the misgendering because of the very reason of the friend not wanting any discourse from his parents towards me. BUT, that’s also just me. I cannot speak for your friend and I’m only offering this up as a suggestion that’s worked for me :)

Another option is to simply just go for it and let them know about your friend. You dont have to out yourself as gay to tell them about your friend, and it can be as simple an explination as “Hey, so-and-so is transgender and would prefer that you used male pronouns for him when you see him.” or something to that effect (if they take it well) and if there is need for more explanation, arm yourself beforehand with answers to all the usual questions such as “why would they want to be trans?” or “what does that mean we have to do?” or “what name should we use?” and others like that.

In the end its up to you, but I do think its worth a talk with your friend to see what he thinks as well :) Hope this helps! And good luck ^-^

[this-mind-ofmine]

Parent Troubles

I grew up with my parents fighting my whole life, and my whole life I have always taken my dads side. He's been my best friend and, I hate to admit it, sometimes I showed more affection towards him than my mom. Well recently my parents have been distant and bickering and I found out some stuff that my dad has said and how he treats my mom when he gets drunk and I feel like my worlds been torn apart. I'm quickly losing respect for him, and I never realized how much my mom was hurting. It hits so much to see my mom cry. I know I'm just a kid and I can't always know which is the correct side to take. They fight a lot now but today... It was different. I'm almost certain their going to get divorced and it honestly scares me. If anyone has any advice or if you have a similar problem and need someone to talk to, I'm always here.

[firstunrealpoop]

I always feel like an outcast among my family. Mostly because my real mother is in florida and I love with my aunt and her fiance. Well they have a daughter named Mariah, she's two. She does something bad, my fault. Anything she does I get blamed. Anyways When I want to do something its the end of the world. When I do something wrong everything's horrible. If i say the truth, I'm lying. Anything I do is wrong. No matter what I do to try to help or fix it. I can't do anything anymore. Its always about their little ball of sunshine. So I guess I'll just sit in the background and take it. Because I don't know how long it'll be before I break down.

[thewinterhunter]

Medication

i just had to take a new sort of tablet... I really dont like it... it took 3 glasses of orange squash to get it down and my mum says that i should just put up with eye ache if I dont want to take it... no one in my family understands how freakin hard it is to take medication for something you have had medicine so many times!! Im still in high school! I get treated weirdly already! Also apparently its for only 18-50 year olds so I told my mum that I shouldnt have it cause im underage and apparently its my height and im apparently tall enough to be an 18 year old! I feel so insecure about my height and... i would much rather have the pain in my eye than have to have this medicine at this age! My parents are helping me and they are making me feel stupid! Im scared because of the symptoms which could happen... my body rejects the medicine well but lets the symptoms still occur! Then my parents think that im being silly and nee to grow up! why...