#trans friend

[samanthalanetextiles]

crochet carnation flowers in the colours of the trans flag 🏳️‍⚧️

[bokettochild]

Trans Friend Needs Help

So, I have a friend who has recently realized (last night) that they are transgender, AFAB but now male. They are from a very conservative family and are afraid of facing rejection from their parents. 

I’m trying to be a good friend and supportive, but I am VERY cis/het, and I know that as such I cannot be the advisor/confidant that is needed in this situation. 

This person is a new LU fan, and not yet active in the fandom, but I’m getting them there :D

They are looking for a support group/friends who they can confide in/seek advice from. I know some of y’all are trans/non-binary and might be able to help? I’m not gonna link their account, simply for my own privacy’s sake (they do not have my tumblr) but I am happy to send them links to the tumblrs of those who respond to this with offers/advice!

Thank you all in advance for any replies and advice you have to offer!

[rays-of-gold]

teacher: change is hard

trans friend: *gives me a look and*

[thecakescene]

i finally came out as trans to my best friend (who is also trans) and she was so chill with it. i fucking love her and i’m so excited to talk about trans stuff with her :D

[transqueerquestions]

So one of my good friends recently told me that she is transgender and that I was the first to know (I feel honored. Is that a good thing?) And I just wanted to ask for tips for how to support her transition. What to do and what not to do? Especially since her family might be less than happy about it (which is why she hasn't told anyone yet) so I want to be as supportive as possible. I'm doing my best to refer to her by her new pronouns and name but I don't know what else I could do.

Tobi: Hey nonnie! First things first-it is a good thing! Someone sharing something personal about themselves with you is usually because they trust you and trust that you will accept and support them-which is exactly what you're doing!

In terms of specifics, the best advice I can possibly give would be to ask them. They're the ones that know themselves and their needs for support (and what wouldn't be supportive!) most.

Some good prompts to start the conversation could be:

"I really appreciate you sharing this with me and I want to support you however I can. Is there anything specific you want or need from me?"

"I'm glad you felt safe in telling me, but I know your family might not be happy about this. Is there anything you want me to do differently around them or around others vs. when it is just us?"

"I'm happy you feel safe to tell me! Is there anything you can think of that I should avoid doing or saying? Would you like me to correct anyone on your name and pronouns or would you like this to stay between us for now?"

In terms of practicing with new names and/or pronouns, I always try to follow the rule of three. Every time I find myself using the wrong name/pronoun, I deliberately use the correct name/pronouns in three separate sentences. This can be just in my head or out loud (only if feasible). These can be as simple as: "Tobi just got his hair cut and it looks nice. His friend buzzed it for him. I could ask him if he is planning on dying it too." It's also a good idea to try and practice with another friend that knows so as to hold each other accountable (but only if they already know).

Hope this helps! Thanks for being such a supportive friend!

If you liked my answer, consider tipping!

[wierdkidludo]

When you encouraged and supported your trans friend and now he's out and living his best life

[thecakescene]

my friend just came out as trans and she is the happiest i’ve ever seen her. she’s confident, hilarious, and inspiring. i could tell that she wasn’t the happiest before, but now she’s so happy i can see the gender euphoria all over her. i’m so proud to be friends with such an amazing person.

[transqueerquestions]

🍄1/6 Im cis but i have some questions so i'm hoping this blog is open to answering, i have friends who are trans but I don't want to make them feel uncomftorable or anything. I've heard most often trans people describe being trans as just who they are and not a choice or a decision to be trans and so it really bothers me when cis people use words like "decided" "chose" "wants to be" etc when describing people being trans

🍄2/6 What I'm thinking of specifically is when i was about 15 a past friend of mine who described their OC to me as wanting to be a boy but not deciding yet if they want to be a boy but they chose to not be trans because they have a crush on a boy and wouldnt want to ruin their chances with him. I was really uncomftorable with that description and questioned them about it 🍄3/6 (i asked if they meant that the OC was trans but just hasnt come out yet or just isnt entirely sure of their identity and they said no then said stuff about their "choice" to be trans was also influenced by their crush) i think i got pretty angry at them. It's hard to remember because the way they described it was just so weird... it also bothered me how the whole time they refered to their OC as a girl even though they said the OC wants to be a boy. 🍄4/6The way they described choice and decision wasnt like, the choice to come out but the choice to be trans. That really ticked me off. but I've also heard some trans people using words like "want" "decide" etc to describe their gender. Now I'm going to ask a whole bunch of questions.Was i right to be pissed off at that person? Was that transphobic? Is there a specific difference in the way that trans people use words like "want" and "choice" vs the way cis people use them? 🍄5/6 I generally distrust people who use those words, is that fair or is there a distinct way that people use those words that are transphobic? Is there something i should have said to myfriend in that situation? From my understanding the right way to talk about a trans person(talking either fictional people or people who are openly trans i'd never want to out someone) is that you refer to them as the gender they actually are and say they were assigned [] at birth

Ryan: Hey, I’m sorry this is so so late. This last semester of college has been eventful, but I am hoping to get back into these asks! I only got 5 out of the 6 of these, but I am hoping I have enough information to answer your questions. I definitely do not agree with the phrasing of “decide to” or “choose to be” trans. I did not chose this part of myself - in fact, for a long time, I tried not to be. There are choices made when transitioning - when to come out, if you want to medically transition, if you want to change your name. But one does not chose if they are trans. We just are. As far as other trans people using these words to describe themselves - I would take a step back and let them. Everyone has different words that they use to express their own journey with their gender. Although it is possible it comes from a place of internalized transphobia, these words could just be the best way for them to express their own journey. I may not agree with them, but I would never give another trans person grief for trying to express their feelings surrounding their gender and their transition. As far as how to refer to a trans person - it’s a personal preference. I prefer that people just refer to me as a man. Unless I bring it up or am talking about it, I often don’t want to talk about my trans experience. I just want to be treated like any othe guy. Other trans people are more open about it - they may always describe themselves as being a trans man or trans woman, or regularly use the terms FTM and MTF. It’s always best to ask if you don’t know, but when in doubt - refer to them just like you would a cis person. I hope this helped, and sorry again about how late it was 😅.