(Oh, what is this? Day 7 on the 13th day of the month? Wow, I'm doing great.)
So most people know Patroclus as Achilles' "good friend". That IS true, but what's interesting is that their childhood acquaintance began when Patroclus had to flee his home because... he killed his companion in a rage because he lost a game of dice. Oh boy, chill.
Ah, he fled to the palace of Peleus who was the king of Phthia and father of his future "FRIEND". Yeah, that's cacon, they were friends, but I think we all agree that the internet thinks otherwise, right?
Sad thing, poor boy died in the Trojan War mainly because he fought in Achilles's armor and was mistaken for him, but Herctor learned the words of revenge very quickly.
Nice thing, there are versions that the internet tells - Patroclus was very well-liked. Because not only was his body protected and taken for a proper burial but also his army friends burned his body on a pile with locks of their hair.. Generally, hair cut was associated with death (Thanatos and stuff, you know) but this shows the respect they gave him. Like, I even found a mention on Wiki that his ashes were mixed with Achilles' ashes and buried together, I don't want to believe anything else. Gay love since antiquity, forever.
"Any moment might be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we're doomed. You will never be lovelier than you are now. We will never be here again."
All the other AU’s i have jotted down in my word doc (that about 80 pages long)
I still desperately want to, the problem is that its been a minute since i read either of these books, and while I do want to reread them, My TBR pile is the size of the actual Eiffel Tower, and I don't want to try going into these possibly massive stories without brushing up on my knowledge of the characters and the worlds they interact with and each other, b8t theres not enough time in the day.
Nobody cares, but I promise that if you ever see my posts about these AU’s and were ever interested, I haven't given up, I just want to be able to do them the justice they deserve in my mind because these AU’s are very dear to me, and these characters have my entire heart and I can't possibly disrespect them by not knowing what I’m doing.
Odysseus: Perhaps one day even I will be famous. Perhaps more famous than you.
Pyrrhus: I doubt it.
Me: *shows that part to a friend*
Friend: Who's Pyrrhus?
Me:
I finished reediting the longest story form my grad thesis collection. I adapted and changed around that Patrochilles boxing AU---This is probably not the final draft there might be a bunch of errors but its more finished than before [3745 words, I changed the names for readability]
The Long Count
It had all gone wrong. Fast. He’d been curled up on the couch with a glass of wine and their cat when his phone rang. There was a siren in the background, scrambling, it was loud.
“Alex?”
It was Ben’s voice.
“Something happened. It’s bad, man, I’m with Kasey, they’re taking him now—he won’t—“ the end of the sentence was muffled. “St. Chris’ they’re taking him to St. Chris’ I have to go, man, just get here as soon as you can.”
Before Ben was done talking Alex was out the door.
He was in a cab.
He was at the hospital. He fumbled over the keys trying to tell Hadrea where they were.
Ben met him when he walked into the emergency waiting room.
“Where is he,” Alex said. Ben was quiet. Alex looked around, Vic Martinel and a few other people from the gym were there. They looked at each other. “Where. Is. He.” Alex said again. He clenched his fist.
Ben reached out to put a hand on his shoulder. “Alex…”
Alex brushed the hand off. “Tell me.”
Ben hesitated. “He’s gone, Alex…he’s…he’s gone…”
Alex pulled back and stared at him.
“They did everything they could he just…didn’t wake up—“ Ben reached out for him again and Alex glared.
“Don’t touch me,” he said. “I want to see him.” There were tears in his eyes and he wiped them away frustrated. “I want to see him,” he said a little louder and he heard his own voice crack.
The lights in the morgue were chemical. Kasey was laid out on a heavy metal table, his features placid. Alex was there. Just…there. For a long time with Ben to his right and the rattle of the air vent above their heads. Alex brushed the hair from Kasey’s face. The official cause of death was a punctured lung the doctor explained. The end result of a broken rib that never really healed. She showed them the x-rays and said I’m sorry for your loss.
Alex wasn’t sure when Hadrea got there but she was there now. Standing next to him. Holding Kasey’s hand.
“Did anyone call his dad?” She said.
“He’s on his way up.” Alex said.
“Did you know he was still hurt?” She said.
Alex was quiet. She dropped Kasey’s hand and looked at him.
“He said the doctor cleared him,” she said.
“He didn’t want you to worry, he—”
Alex felt a sharp slap across his face. He didn’t wince. There were tears in her eyes and he could hear her shoving down the shake in her voice.
“You could have stopped him,” she said.
“I tried. I told him he wasn’t ready.”
She raised her hand like she was going to slap him again but this time Ben caught her wrist. She glared back at him and pulled her hand away jamming a finger into Alex’s chest.
“All you are is violence Alex…” she said. “He should have been more than this…”
She shoved him once, hard, and left the room. Ben stayed behind.
“We should go too, Alex,” he said quietly.
Alex just stood there. There were bruises all over Kasey’s skin new ones on old ones, the harsh lights made them all the more glaring. He hadn’t really noticed before. Alex ran his fingers over Kasey’s ribs and leaned down to kiss his cheek.
“I think he always thought he had something to prove…” Alex said looking up at Ben. “To you guys, to his dad…to me…” he frowned and looked back down at Kasey. “I love him.” And saying it felt like a confession even though he’d said it so many times before.
Ben touched his arm. “We should go,” he said quietly. “I can drive.”
Alex just nodded without a word and followed him out.
It was a forty minute ride home. Ben had the radio on low and the windows cracked to let in the warm air. Alex sat in the passenger seat staring ahead but not really looking at anything. He turned the old dog’s tag on his keyring over in his fingers the metal was flat and the feeling was—soothing.
“Who was the fight with?” he said after a while. “Kasey was supposed to call and tell me. He never did.”
Ben hesitated.
“I think I deserve to know who killed him.”
“It was an accident, Alex. You know it was an accident.”
“Was it Hector?”
Ben sighed. “Yeah it was.”
Alex gritted his teeth. “Pull over.”
“Alex…”
“Pull over.”
Ben pulled the car over. Alex got out slamming the door behind him. He took a few deep breaths. Ben got out a few seconds later but left it running.
“He shouldn’t have died Benny. Not now. Not in some dirt, smoker against a guy—twice as seasoned as him. Where were you huh? Where were you? I told you to watch him. I told you to call it off if it was too much—“
“He wanted to fight. Get back in the car, come on.”
“No I’ll walk.”
“It’s twenty miles and it’s dark. Get back in.”
Alex wiped at his eyes and ran a hand through his hair. “He never should have been in that fight. Why didn’t you flag it, Benny?”
“Because he was winning,” Ben said exasperated.
Alex threw a punch and Ben dodged it. He growled in frustration.
“Fight me,” he said readying another punch. “Fight me, Ben.”
“I’m not going to fight you Alex, you’re not thinking straight.”
Alex lunged at him again and Ben caught his arm.
“Alex, stop.”
Alex tried to pull away.
“Stop, Alex. Please.”
Alex pulled away and tried to throw another fist and Ben punched him hard in the Jaw. Alex stumbled back, taken off guard and slid to his knees digging his fingers into the sand and gravel. He was sobbing now and his lip was split.
He ran his tongue over the split lip.
Ben knelt down with him and wrapped his arms around him.
“It wasn’t your fault, Alex,” he said softly.
But Alex knew he was lying. They both knew if he hadn’t still been feuding with Vic that match would have been his.
By the time Alex managed to compose himself again all his muscles felt like they were going to give out. He was tired but he knew he wasn’t going to sleep. He hadn’t slept alone since he was eighteen. Ben helped him up and back into the car before getting in himself. He turned off the radio. Alex tried calling Hadrea but she didn’t answer.
“She hates me now,” he said setting his phone down.
“I don’t think she hates you.”
“Yeah...” He didn’t blame her.
“Do you want me to stay with you tonight?” Ben said.
“No.” Alex said.
“I don’t think you should be alone.”
Alex was quiet for a few seconds. Ben was probably right about that. He didn’t want to go home. “Take me to my mom’s?”
Ben nodded and drove there.
“I’ll talk to you tomorrow ok?” he said.
Alex just got out of the car.
With shaky hands he let himself into the house. The windows were open and there was a nice cross breeze playing absent notes on the wind chimes hanging in the front room. The bamboo floor creaked under his feet. In the kitchen he found a cat curled up on the counter and felt it watching him as he riffled around on top of the fridge. He hadn’t wanted a cigarette in a long time but he wanted one now and found them stashed in the back of the bread box just like he had when he was a kid. He used the stove top to light one and slid down against the counter to the floor holding it loose between his lips. Sometime later his mother came in and sat down next to him. She had on a pair of silver colored slippers and a lilac robe that she pulled closer against the breeze.
“When did you get a cat?” he said.
She glanced up in the cat’s direction. “He comes and goes.”
Alex hesitated for a long few seconds. “Kasey’s gone,” he said quietly.
“Oh honey…” she said and put an arm around him.
He leaned his head on her shoulder. “It was in a fight and…I wasn’t even there…I should have been.”
She ran her fingers through his hair.
“I don’t know what to do, mom. I’m just so…angry…and I don’t know what to do.”
She put her hand on his and he looked up at her.
“There’s no easy fix to something like this, Alexander. I wish I could say there was.”
He frowned.
“I’m so sorry, honey…”
Alex leaned against her. “Can I stay here tonight?”
She hugged him. “Of course you can. Stay as long as you need.”
He closed his eyes and leaned against her.
Around sunrise he finally managed to drag himself to bed. He laid in his old room and looked at the constellations they’d painted on the ceiling when he was a kid. Aquila, Perseus, Cassiopeia—
All his had started over fucking contract negotiations. Because people were finally starting to notice him—sponsors were finally starting to notice him. One in particular, some energy bar company, had been seriously looking at him—that is until Vic, his manager, let slip that he was queer.
“You didn’t need them anyway,” she’d said with a condescending pat on his back. “There’ll be other sponsors.”
In the moment he hadn’t known what to say. Vic Martinel, a fighter he’d used to look up to was trying to sabotage his career because she thought his ego needed to be knocked down a few pegs. But it wasn’t all ego. He was the best fighter to come out of Hellespont in a long time and he had the record to prove it. There was nothing to be humble about.
Alex rolled over on the bed and looked at his phone the battery was at half charge. He tried to call Hadrea again.
She didn’t answer.
Fine.
If she didn’t want to talk he didn’t either. He didn’t even know what they were without Kasey. Were they still together? It had always just been the three of them. He’d never even thought about what they were apart.
The next day the gym was closed out of respect.
His phone died mid-morning and he spent most of the day in bed.
When he woke up some time that afternoon he found Kasey’s gym bag and phone next to his bed.
“Did Benny bring this by?” he asked when his mom came in with food.
She nodded. “He’s worried about you.”
Alex frowned slightly. She sat down next to him and offered him a plate. He shook his head. “I’m not hungry.”
“You have to eat something,” she said.
He picked at the food. “What did you when Pop died?”
She ran her fingers through his hair. “Pretty much the same thing you’re doing now.”
“It hurts,” he said and she hugged him.
That night Alex catalogued the gym bag. One bottle of 3 in 1 Old Spice hair and body wash, two pairs of socks, a water bottle, a brush, a comb, one stick of deodorant, a t-shirt and jeans, a hoodie, headphones. His phone charger.
Alex pulled the hoodie on and plugged in Kasey’s phone to let it charge.
The next day Alex got up before the sun and caught a bus to the gym. It was before hours but he had a key and let himself in. By the time it actually opened he’d been through his normal routine twice. He was working the bag when Ben walked up and caught it breaking his concentration.
“You need to stop,” he said calmly, giving Alex a hard look. “You’re going to hurt yourself.
Alex glared. “Let. Go.”
Ben held the bag firm and stared him down. “You need to cool off. You shouldn’t even be here not in your state.”
“My state?”
“Have you seen yourself?”
Alex grit his teeth. “I’m fine.”
Ben shook his head. “Yeah you’re the picture of stability.”
Alex glared. “Tell Martinel I want back on the card. I want Hector.”
“Alex…”
“Just fucking do what I said, Ben.” Alex threw his gloves on the ground and stalked off toward the door. Ben sighed and followed after him.
“Alex. Stop. The rate you’re going you’re gonna crash and burn.”
“I’ll win the fight.”
“That’s not what I’m talking about.”
Alex turned back around and shoved Ben up against the wall. “What are you talking about?”
Ben looked him dead in the eye. “You gonna hit me again?”
Alex set his jaw.
“He was my friend too you know,” Ben said.
Alex let him go. “You don’t know a damn thing, don’t pretend like you understand.”
“I know he wouldn’t have wanted to see you like this.”
Alex let out a bitter laugh. “Yeah you’re probably right. It doesn’t change anything though. Get me the fight, Benny. Do what you have to just get me the fight.”
Ben sighed. “Have you talked to Hadrea yet?”
Alex just glared and kept walking.
In the locker room he tied his hair back quickly and pulled on Kasey’s hoodie. He shoved the rest of his stuff in the bag and left. He’d go for a run, he thought. He was sick of the gym anyway. Sick of the people. Sick of the stale smell. Sick of the out-of-date music the kept too loud on the speakers.
Outside the air was chilly. It was a clear afternoon and he could smell the coast on the breeze. Alex took a deep breath and stretched. He slung his bag over his shoulders and put in Kasey’s headphones before running off. He jogged east toward the docks. Past the condos and the car lots, the hotel with the plastic palm trees and the diner with the crescent moon in neon on its door. He ran until his legs started to burn and collapsed on a secluded piece of beach somewhere between the dunes with the spiny beach fences and the wind mill farm humming its single, low, droning note.
The sand bit at his knees while he caught his breath. When his heart stopped pounding he sat down properly and pulled out Kasey’s phone. He scrolled through the pictures, through their old conversation logs. He fed the cats in Kasey’s game. There was a video of the fight and Alex hesitated over playing it. Kasey always had someone record them just so he could relay them later and improve on it. Benny must have been holding the camera this time.
Alex hit play and Kasey walked into the cage with the biggest grin on his face. Alex couldn’t help but smiled a little. Kasey wasn’t just some run-of-the-mill fist breaker. He was all technique. People underestimated him but it was a thing of beauty to watch him dancing circles around his opponent. They were into the third round before Hector even landed a good hit on him. Then another. And another. He was pinned against the cage and then he was down in splinters.
The video cut off.
Alex pulled it back to the beginning and watched it again.
He pulled it back to the beginning.
There was a split second when Kasey walked into the ring that he looked back at the camera. He was smiling. That’s what Alex wanted to remember.
He put the phone in the bag and tossed it nearby in a clump of beach grass before laying down in the sand.
He should have been there. If he wasn’t so stubborn—
Alex closed his eyes and listened to the sea gulls.
When they were kids they used to spend hours here on the weekends—him and Kasey and Hadrea—getting lost in the dunes, braiding crowns out of grass—his mom used to make them rock candy and their hands would get sticky from sugar and covered in sand. He remembered sunburns and salt in his hair. He remembered Skinny dipping the night of senior prom and spending the night on the beach. It was always slow with Kasey, soft, nice and with Hadrea it was more visceral. He remembered trading kisses with both of them in the shade of a large jutting rock near the inlet.
He liked Hadrea. He liked what they had, but Kasey was everything quiet in the world and there wasn’t anyone else that could be that.
He ran a hand over his face. Kasey was a steady boxer, good even. But he wasn’t a fighter. Not at heart, even if he wanted to be. That wasn’t supposed to be his future. He was taking classes he was going to be something.
He wanted to help people.
Alex frowned.
By the time he sat up again his clothes were soaked and the sun hung low in the sky. He brushed the sand out of his hair as best he could and started the long walk back to his apartment. He was going to fight Hector. He was going to win. After that he didn’t know what he was going to do but of those two things he was sure.
They’d make a hell of a promotion out of it anyway.
By the time he got back to their block it was dark. He found Hadrea on the stoop outside. She was sitting cross legged and eating ice cream out of a tub. He cleared his throat and she looked up.
“The cat’s mad at you.” She said and held up and extra spoon for him.
He sat down and took it turning it over in his hands. She went back to eating it quietly.
“I’ve been trying to call you,” she said looking at him. “You should answer your phone.”
“The battery died,” he said. “You didn’t answer yours either.”
She nodded. He took a spoon full of ice cream and sat back with her.
“Ben told me you were trying work out to death this morning.”
“I might have over done it a little.”
“Then he said you stormed out.”
Alex sighed.
“You can’t burn all your bridges with all your friends, Alex. Not forever.”
“I know, I know…I’ll call him tomorrow.”
She nodded and leaned back against the wall. “I don’t hate you, you know,” she said.
He looked down. “You blame me though.”
“Yeah but I shouldn’t.”
“I do. If I had been around they wouldn’t have even suggested he take that fight…”
“You know shocking as it is, not everything’s about you. I know it’s hard to believe,” she sight. “He wanted that fight, you and me both know that. Not easy living in your shadow. Even if he did loved you. I shouldn’t’ve smack you.”
Alex sighed. “It didn’t hurt.”
“That’s not the point.” She leaned her head on his shoulder.
“Did you hear anything about arrangements?” he said.
“Dr. Mahavir called this morning. The funeral is for close family only…but they’re having a wake that’s open to everyone.”
Alex laughed a little bitterly. “He never liked me.”
“You corrupted his son, what did you expect?” she smiled a little.
He smiled a little too.
They sat there for a while in the quiet watching flies buzz around the chipped enamel porch light. There was something comforting about just the rise and fall of her chest while she breathed.
“Why do you fight?” she said after a while. “I never understood it.”
“I’m good at it,” He said.
“Is that the only reason?”
He shrugged. He’d never thought about it before.
“Why did he?”
“I never asked.”
“He was applying to nursing programs you know.”
“I know, he would have been good at it.”
She nodded and was quiet for a few seconds. “What did you want to be? I mean before all this.”
“This is all I’ve ever wanted to be,” he said.
“Even when we were kids?”
He thought for a second. “A bee keeper.”
“What?”
“I wanted to be a bee keeper.”
She laughed. “Really?”
“Yeah,” he smiled. “There was a guy in my dad’s building, it was before you moved in, he had an apiary on the roof, I always thought that was so cool. I learned everything I could about bees. I guess I always thought that one day we’d get away, get like a small house somewhere I always wanted goats too.”
She smiled a little. “It’s a good dream.”
“That’s all it is I guess.”
She frowned. “The semester ends in a couple weeks…”
He hesitated. “Did you decide if you’re taking that fellowship yet?”
“I honestly don’t know,” she said, and it sounded honest. “It’s a good opportunity the lab there is amazing.”
He was quiet. “I don’t want to be alone.”
She squeezed his hand. “We should go inside.”
He nodded and he helped her up.
Alex took a long hot shower after that. He changed his clothes. With his hair still wet he curled up on the bed and closed his eyes. Hadrea came in a while later and curled up next to him.
“Thought you didn’t do snuggling,” he said but he didn’t pull away.
“I can make exceptions sometimes,” she said. She wrapped her arms around him and kissed the back of his neck.
Alex closed his eyes.
He imagined the building where he grew up and they were twelve years old, sitting on the bed with his old Molosser, January.
Kasey was bandaging up is knuckles with some gauze they’d found in the first aid kit that hung on the wall in hallway. The med tape was old and dried out so they were using the magic tape from Kasey’s dad’s junk drawer.
“You shouldn’t let people call you things that,” Alec had said, watching Kasey work.
“Well not all of us can punch like you do.” Kasey said.
“I could show you,” he’d said. “I mean incase I’m not around next time.”
“Maybe,” he’d said and sat back to look hat his handy work.
Alex sat down next to him tracing star charts in the freckles on his arm. “I really like you, you know…” he’d said. “You mean a lot to me.”
“You mean a lot to me too.”
“No I mean—”
“I know what you mean.” He’d leaned over and kissed Alex’s cheek.
