Oct 8, 2018
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Toronto: Okay, Calgary, to be considered accepted to the big city club you need to have a traumatizing natural disaster in childhood, preferably a fire.
Vancouver: [doesnt even look up from phone] great fire of vancouver
Montreal: hahahaha Where do I sTart-?
Toronto: and I had THE BURNING OF YORK [pained silence]
[they all look expectantly]
Calgary: well in the winter of 1906-7 the chinook didn't come at all that year and all the cattle died so the spring after was called "The Big Stink".
Big 3: ...
Calgary: oh you know what haha I just remembered there was a fire that wiped out $100,000 of uninsured assets exactly 20 years prior hey can we start this interview over
I found some of my favorite doarch pesterchum lines
ROLL WITH IT
These two....are the actual worst.
kldglkdas Doarch is an asshole
@beastial-trolls
1995: The Second Referendum
Quebec: that's it im done with asking permission to negotiate, it's separation time oui or non
Canada: [laughs] the last one was fine everything is fine everybody loves me and
Quebec: [wandering slowly over to the yes side]
Canada: and... and it's not like Quebec has been humiliated or anything by 15 years of negotiation with no results...
Quebec: [reaching out for a yes brochure]
Canada: ok that is it [turns up in montreal with a bunch of other provinces] QUEBEC
Quebec: ??
Canada: [grabs microphone] wE LOVE YOU AND WE WANT YOU TO STAY OKAY
Quebec: [unimpressed]
Canada: THAT's WHY IM THROWING THIS HUGE RALLY FOR YOU
Quebec: ???
Canada: [drags the provinces on stages with "NO" signs] SEE LOOK EVERYONE'S COMING OUT FOR YOU
Quebec: okay then, interesting
Canada: [starts throwing money around helplessly] THIS IS THE ONLY THING I KNOW HOW TO DO IN A DESPERATE SITUATION
Quebec: I'm pretty sure throwing a rally is against the law but lol haha i guess we'll see how the vote comes out
[50.4% NO | 49.5% YES]
Canada: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA AHAHAHAHHA AHAHAHHAHA HA AH AHH HA
Quebec: ah
Canada: YOU'RE STUCK WITH ME, JEAN TREMBLAY
Quebec: ........ [steaming]
Canada: HA HAHA HA [suddenly out of breath] haaaaaoooolly sh** that was close
2000s: Clarity Act
Canada: okay so you've had your veto back for a little bit
Quebec: yes life is... ok i guess
Canada: but here's the deal next time you pull a stunt like that we sit down and talk like adults about it
Quebec: [raises eyebrow and snorts]
Canada: i'm serious and you have to start inviting the First Nations too
Quebec: yeah yeah...
Canada: AND IT HAS TO BE A CLEAR MAJORITY NONE OF THIS 50/50 GARBAGE, LITERALLY EVERYONE ELSE IS TIRED OF YOU DOING THIS
Quebec: relax man I'm really not feeling it right now, that was way too stressful (and I really didn't appreciate you coming in to sway the vote, hint hint)
Canada: (sshutt upp) well i think we're done here
Quebec: [raises eyebrow]
Canada: [mumbles] and i guess you are like... a nation... within a larger, handsomer nation, i guess... [smooths hair]
Quebec: what was that?
Canada: y-you are pretty special or whatever
Quebec: ?!?!?! [tries very hard not to look pleased]