the lack of resources on p-did is really annoying. i wish there was more public accounts and other stuff
that aside, does anyone ever feel like they're just a filter through which other alters' emotions pass through? or a medium for other alters' emotions and intentions if i'm making sense
yeah, it's really unfortunate,, i'm lucky to have been able to find some resources in my native language but they're also few and took multiple hours to find since most things are just the icd entry for p-did (i've actually found it to be harder to find p-did resources in english than my native language which is. wild)
and yeah, i do feel like that sometimes! especially since if alters want to talk with someone outside the system i usually have to write/communicate for them. or sometimes i'll start being annoyed by or hating something that i normally really like (e.g. the other day i was feeling pretty confused when i was getting really irrationally angry over bird chirping despite normally loving bird chirping, turns out it was feelings from another alter who was really annoyed from high-pitched sounds)
hiiii!!!! if possible i’d like to be 🩻 anon if thats cool
tbh i don’t really view myself as a system, just a person with pDID. i feel like we stick out like a sore thumb in system spaces, and that despite us all being plural, theres this weird disconnect i have with others.
it’s especially hard when i have a lot of alters who want to interact with others. when other alters want to talk, i as the host have to be the messenger between them and the outside world. idk i just feel like its a struggle i havent seen non pDID systems talk about
yep, i'll add it to the anon claims on the pinned post! :]
yeah, i've actually talked about this on our personal system blog, that we feel like we don't fit in with systems, but also not with singlets. it's hard to relate to other systems because P-DID just functions differently than most other systems and a lot of common system experiences don't really apply to us.
yes!! this used to be a really big issue for us (nowadays not so much since our friend circle is pretty small and only 2 people know we are a system). my alters wanted to talk to other people outside of the system and i always had to be the one to relay the message. i think this is probably a struggle only really prominent with P-DID systems since P-DID kinda comes prepacked with a dominant alter/fronstuck host, so it's not as pronounced for other systems if that makes sense
the other ask actually reminded me of something; i'm curious, but did other p-did systems think they were osdd-1b before finding out about p-did?
we've known we're a system for roughly 10 years now and for most of it we said we were osdd-1b despite not really feeling like we belong because we barely had any switches at all, since the p-did diagnosis in the icd didn't exist until 2022 (i think?)
Question for other P-DID systems; how and how often do you usually experience switches? Generally, what is switching like to you, when does it usually happen, how does it feel?
– 👁
Ooo, interesting question!! I'll put our answer below a cut cuz it got a bit long ^^;
We only experience full switches extremely rarely, I think I've mentioned it previously but I can count all full switches I am aware of on 2 hands. Most of the time we are just co-con or co-fronting, although we often just feel blurry when co-fronting, like logically we know I'm here since I'm our host but we have a hard time telling who else is in front at the time.
I'm not very aware of what switches are like since I am usually not really conscious for them (as in, I am asleep or otherwise out cold) but in the rare times I'm there (usually in extremely distressing/emotionally taxing situations) it's like I suddenly pop back in but feel super exhausted, both emotionally and physically and generally just feel really confused. For all other switches I'm none the wiser unless someone tells me I was acting off or I notice something I know for a fact wasn't that way before (like one time someone opened the window in the middle of the night w/o me knowing).
Our co-host, T, has described it as suddenly waking up alone, which is a very strange experience since normally I am always at the very least co-fronting. T also usually feels tired during a full switch, but that may be attributed to most of the full switches we know of happening when we've only had a few hours of sleep.
Otherwise, we only have one other alter who has fronted during a full switch (that we know of anyways), H. He's said it doesn't feel that different to co-fronting for him, just that he has more/full control and is alone, which is weird but not as off-putting to him as to T. H doesn't share the same experience as T in that he doesn't feel tired during a full switch, unlike T, despite both fronting during similar situations (we've only had a few hours of sleep). He doesn't necessarily feel energized or well rested, just normal. (He doesn't know how to describe the feeling well.)
I don't have any memories of these full switches and usually only find out about them if someone in our family tells me I was off or did something I don't remember doing at all, or if the alter in question tells me about it themself.
T & H have both told me the full switches are very short and T has said he's never experienced a full switch that's lasted longer than 30 minutes.
for pdid, how often is "rarely switch?" autism makes it a little hard to estimate what is considered rarely switching ^^
ah well i think that varies from system to system, for us personally rarely switching means in the 10 or so years we've known we're a system we can count all known instances of full switches on two hands, there was probably more when we were even younger but none of those alters are still active so we don't know about them
some pdid systems probably have full switches more frequently than we do and some might have even less full switches than we do so it's hard to define, sorry if this isn't a helpful answer ^^;;
Thank you for sharing your experience, it makes us doubt ourselves less <3
Ngl this has caused us extreme denial because we dont know anyone who's gone through something similar (though, we dont talk to a lot of systems), but having a place to vent really helps :') I hope we can find a solution to this. It just... feels unfair that even when his "host term" is due he can't really leave and enjoy the innerworld with his in-sys friends, after all these years where he kept us alive
-📚
i'm glad it helped a little!
Yeah I can understand that, a few years back we were in spaces with multiple other systems but none of them were like us so we often felt like we weren't actually a system ^^; Nowadays we don't really talk much to other systems either tho (aside from this blog I suppose)
I hope so too! Our co-host feels similarly towards me, since I've been host for 11+ years now and I can't leave the front room at all either, not even when I'm asleep or when someone else is fronting alone in the rare times it does happen.
Hey there! Welcome to pdid-safe-space, a blog for P-DID systems to talk about their experiences, share stories, vent, and for non- & questioning P-DID systems to ask questions about P-DID! (we will answer to the best of our ability, but remember that we're not a medical professional and just have P-DID.)
Rules:
-No NSFW asks/submissions please. We want this blog to be a safe space for P-DID systems of all ages.
-This blog is syscourse neutral and syscourse free. Any and all asks containing syscourse mentions will be deleted.
-If your post contains triggering content, please add a tw at the start of the ask. We will tag anything that might be missed to the best of our ability. If we are unsure about something needing tws, we will add the "ask to tag" tag.
DNI:
-basic DNI criteria, against (researched) self DX, radqueer [more tba as we see necessary]
Anon claims:
-📚
-🩻
About the mod(s):
You can call me Xen, I go by they/she and I'm currently the only mod on this blog. I'm the host of a P-DID system.
Other alters may throw in their own two cents on questions and stuff and will likely sign off with a letter, but that's about it.
[flag used as the header is the deerhost flag from @/disrealities]
