the first day of december dawns like so many others. cool morning air that makes you want to stay under the covers, but the day demands you get up and work. so you make tea and sip it, the warmth spreading to toes. three essays is nothing, you say. i can do it, you say. and for once, you believe in yourself as much as everyone believes in you.
december is blue and heavy with fog. it’s demanding, fingertips tracing cold windows and tapping with an urgency to get up. the day is seeping out of your bones into this early evening. you are dripping heavy with twilight. and then december tugs at your heart, thick strings of red pulsing throughout your body. ( oh, stay with me. the skies are distant enough that you do not need to reach for them. stay with me a moment longer. ) it’s circled shadows and your breath is plumes of white.
find my love there, my dearest. resting warmth radiating from chest to fingers. warmth as your tongue licks your lips and your eyes close, a settling that your body aches for. that is where i will live. when you gather together your scatted self, your bones that have been tossed to the wayside — remember that your hands were made to hold. and you do, white knuckled and jaw set — you face down december. ( and inside this warmth, i bleed this love for you. find me there, find me there. )
and in those hollowed out nights of december, i will hold onto that belief for you. when your hands shake and your thoughts press too hard against the window and you sit unmade on the kitchen floor — i will hold onto it for you. this love is unending, unwavering. i will believe when you cannot & i will love when you feel it impossible.
you are an ever expanding universe, my dearest.
all of this love & more,this heart🖤✨
