I did the thing! I present to you Shereshoy, AKA Mace Windu gets to bail a drunken Obi-Wan out of jail at oh-dark-thirty. Rated T for some swearing.
***
This was not how Mace wanted to start his day.
Contrary to popular belief, Mace Windu did not actually enjoy being a hardass. But as head of the Order, it was a carefully crafted persona he did his best to maintain anywhere outside of private quarters and behind closed Council doors.
It was a useful tool, to be able to look at errant Initiates or the occasional unruly knight and have them apologizing for misdeeds of which Mace wasn't even aware. And he found it an extremely effective deterrent against nosy politicians and pushy reporters. There were some people, though, who would meet his deadliest glare with a beatific smile and not even blink.
"Somebody's in trouble," one of the troopers sing-songed. With two dozen of them in adjacent cells, there was no way for Mace to know whether it was a Guard member or someone from Ghost company. Another trooper giggled, and his own commander stifled a noise behind Mace, doing his best to uphold his end of the bargain for being allowed to accompany Mace.
Caf. He needed more caf for this. Especially when the beatific smile turned into a full blown, eyes sparkling, still karking drunk grin. "Mace!"
Mace scowled. "Kenobi. I'm not sure I even want to know why I am having to bail out a member of the Jedi Council from the drunk tank like he is some sort of truant Padawan. I generally only expect this kind of behavior from you when Vos is in town."
Another giggle, followed by a scuffle of elbows being shoved into arms and stomachs, and Mace is pretty sure he sees a handful of creds being handed off. There was not enough caf in the world for this. Somewhere nearby, he could hear Commander Fox swearing colorfully at Captain Rex, and Mace could empathize with the man.
"It isn't anywhere quite as bad as all that," Kenobi protested. Mace arched an eyebrow and crossed his arms, waiting for Kenobi to continue. Ponds was likely recording this, so Mace figured he could at least put on a good performance. "The Guard expressed some... skepticism...in regards to recent tactics that Torrent utilized in the field."
"That does not explain two destroyed speeders, thousands of credits of property damage, or why there is video footage of the High General of the Republic shouting Sooran, shab! after the Marshall Commander back-flipped from one moving speeder to another."
Kenobi's expression wouldn't melt butter as a soft Oya rippled among the troopers. Commander Cody had a lazy smile on his face, shoulder to shoulder with his general. Mace had watched the video on the way to the Guard offices; it had been quite an impressive feat, but he wasn't about to encourage Kenobi or his men any further. If he'd wanted them to be indulged, he'd have sent Plo or Adi.
"Commander Cody graciously offered to provide remedial instruction in said tactics." Ponds was shaking behind Mace, but at least his external speaker was off so Mace could pretend like his commander wasn't laughing hysterically. "Besides," Kenobi continued, looking entirely too smug, "it's not as if the general public would recognize him."
"Perhaps not," Mace conceded that point. One clone was the same as any other, as far as most of the galaxy was concerned, and the commander hadn't been wearing his distinctive armor to make him more easily identifiable. "But," Mace said, holding up a hand to stop Kenobi's pleased grin from spreading. "You are quite recognizable, on or off the battlefield."
Kenobi fluttered a hand dismissively. "Half the population still believes I'm dead, Mace, and there is quite a large faction that believes the Jedi Council replaced me with a convenient clone."
"And if I might say so, sir," one of the clones spoke up. "What with him looking like a shiny with his hair growing back, the General's hardly recognizable either."
"Thank you, Boil," Kenobi said, his mouth twitching up in a smile that was definitely more obvious without his full mustache and beard.
"Of course, sir. Besides, you obviously aren't pretty enough to be a clone."
Mace bit back a sigh. It wasn't surprising that the group had felt the need to blow off steam after the Hardeen mess was finished. The entire thing had been an easily avoidable shit show, if the Council had just been allowed to assign protection to the Chancellor as they saw fit instead of being ordered to send one of their most visible people undercover.
“You owe me big time, vod,” Captain Rex said as he approached the cell. He didn’t look it, but Mace knew the captain had been dragged out of bed for this too. “Like ‘giving the next three batches of Shinies the Sex Talk’ owe me. Or maybe the Padawan Commanders. I haven’t decided yet, but you definitely owe me.”
“Somebody’s in trouble,” Kenobi sing-songed. The clones erupted into giggles. Mace clenched his jaw and pinched his nose, massaging the throbbing headache forming between his eyes. Captain Rex shared an unimpressed look with Mace. Ponds was nearly bent double in laughter.
It was Commander Thire who came to open the cell. “Alright, you lot. You’d better get out of here fast before Fox changes his mind about letting you go.”
Kenobi was the first to stand, wobbling dangerously for a moment before his commander steadied him. “Thank you for taking such wonderful care of us, Commander Thire,” Kenobi said to the Guard officer, all flash and charm. “I will be sure to put in a commendation for you.”
Thire seemed mostly unaffected by it, at least, though he grinned in response as Kenobi and his men shuffled out of the cell into the hallway. “Probably best if you didn’t, General. I think Commander Fox would prefer not having any evidence from tonight.”
“If only that were possible,” Mace said dryly, taking Kenobi by the elbow to steer him away from his troops. He ignored the way Kenobi pouted at him. “We’ll deal with whatever the fallout is from this later.”
Captain Rex nodded in agreement, herding his stumbling and giggling brothers towards the exit. Commander Cody hung back from the others, giving his general a frighteningly intense look. “K’oyacyi.”
Kenobi gave him a soft smile in return. It was clear where Skywalker had picked up the absolute lack of subtlety in regards to emotions from. “K’oyacyi. Thank you for an entertaining evening, Commander.”
Cody nodded at his general, paused long enough to give Mace a dark look, then turned and allowed Captain Rex to see him out. Kenobi sighed, but was wise enough not to comment when he caught sight of Mace’s scowl.
“Try not to cause any more trouble today,” Mace said, ushering his friend out of the station, Ponds trailing behind him dutifully. “And you get to fill out the requisitions for the replacement speeders.”
“That hardly seems fair, Mace. It was the Guard driving them, after all. It wasn’t our fault that they became so distracted that they crashed.”
“I honestly don’t much give a damn whose fault it was,” Mace said. He sighed and stopped, turning to face Kenobi. With a flick of his fingers, he signaled Ponds for privacy and the commander stepped away. “I’m happy you enjoyed yourself,” Mace said. He truly was; the war had taken its toll on all of them, and Kenobi bore the brunt of it. Mace couldn’t remember when he’d last seen the man so relaxed and happy. “But in the future, you may want to consider toning your dramatics down below a Skywalker level.”
Kenobi scoffed. “I’ve always been less dramatic than Anakin. A Mon Cala opera is less dramatic than Anakin.”
Mace leveled him with an unimpressed look. “You may be able to fool the rest of the galaxy, but I’ve known you since you were knee-high. Also,” Mace added, starting them back towards the Temple. “You owe me several favors after this.”
“Now wait one moment,” Kenobi started to say, but ever faithful Ponds was the one who cut him off.
“Perp pictures,” the commander declared gleefully, and Mace let himself smile. It was, he had been told, even more terrifying than his glare. Kenobi blanched. Mace patted him on the shoulder.
Perhaps today wasn’t off to such a terrible start after all.
***
Sooran, shab - an insult, essentially “Suck on that, pal!”
K’oyacyi - Cheers/stay alive
Shereshoy - lust for life and much more - uniquely Mandalorian word, meaning the enjoyment of each day and the determination to seek and grab every possible experience, as well as surviving to see the next day - hanging onto life and relishing it