#personal cw

[transandrosis]

I've been thinking about identifying as a bi lesbian lately. "Bisexual" seems too broad and I feel like it's giving non-queer people hope when I'm just incapable of being attracted to them right now.

I couldn't find any term about only being attracted to queer people when I googled it. It's one of many things I'll have to coin!

"Bi lesbian" doesn't feel right either though. I think for now I'm just going to say that I'm exclusively q4q!

[byanyan]

khhhhhhhhghghghg.... nothing bad per se, just an autistic/audhd experience with alcohol so cw for That kind of topic

tfw u like drinking bc it shuts ur brain off from most of the overthinking & u feel, like. honestly v free and ur just vibing. but u live w someone so then ur "free" is sometimes loudly being (an admittedly slightly exaggerated version of) urself so ur talking a Lot about things and saying things u'd normally hold back on and ur not so far gone that u don't realize how fucking ANNOYING you actually are and and and lmaoooooo kill me

[awakenedpotential]

in the ep2 montage, i really love the text exchange because once it's all said and done, shane laughs. i think he would have been beating himself over his behavior on the terrace. because that's the part of him that he tries to hide all. the. time. the part of him that gets drunk off a few nice words and some kindness and forgets himself (i'm thinking about how the last time they interacted was the hookup at all-stars where ilya talks shane down from a panic attack and makes him feel safe). he's supposed to be better than that. in a parallel to how shane reaches out in the ep4 montage, ilya reaches out first to clear the air. he acknowledges that 1) shane was upset and then 2) sends an emoji that basically says i can pretend to not know if you want. don't worry! it's such a relief for shane because ilya wasn't too offended by everything. ilya doesn't want to stop talking to me. ilya doesn't just need me to be a good boy. life's beautiful! that's why there's so much joy when they meet again in the stairwell!

[proudfictive]

I'm noticing a pattern, in our system. And I don't like it.

There are weeks where I'll be the main fronter, and I'll almost always be present. Then there are weeks where I'm rarely at the front. When I'm the main fronter, this always coincides with times my entire system is much more depressed.

I don't know if it's a correlation or a causation. I don't know if it's because I'm always depressed, and that makes my headmates more depressed when I'm present, or if it's because when my headmates are more depressed, I'm more likely to front.

When people notice I'm fronting, they tend to say "oh no" or "what's wrong?". I really don't like that this is, technically, a valid response.

[devilishdanse-archived]

Hey nerdlings ♡

My presence will likely be minimal this week. Extreme fatigue has hit, and I want to avoid spoilers for tomorrow's premier. Additionally, I have family in town for a member's passing, and am kind of letting my own medical diagnosis sink in (nothing too crazy — but I do see my doctor Nov. 4th to discuss a treatment plan and such). Life is chaaaoootic right now and I am but a chronically ill person, miserably trotting along. 😅

Anyways, I'll be lurking on Discord and occasionally check the dash.

See ya laterrr

[c0mpositeur]

hey hey! it's been one month post op. honestly it's all i've been concentrating on. today i had a post-surgery appointment with my doctor, and things are pretty well! i started PT a few weeks ago, and it's been less painful than i anticipated. or maybe i'm just pumped about seeing that i'm getting better. there's far less swelling, my skin is healing nicely and the pain has been normal and easy to manage (anything is easier to manage than the state of my knee pre-op). i can move more and i have much more strength and control. i'm slowly ditching my trusty little crutches (though i still use them in public because i'm scared of public transportation AND inconsiderate people). in regards to my activity here, i very much want to be back, but i don't know when it's going to happen. and it's more than okay if you prefer to softblock due to ic inactivity uwu. so yeah! blonde bitch still in my brain he's just hiding or something. if you stick around, thank you mWAH

[topshelfperverts]

just as a general heads up but my mom just got laid off work after over ten years at her job right before the holiday season so I don't know how much I'm gonna be around right now lmao

[jinxe]

I really wanted to say that I'm alive, but that'd be a lie, i'm ded I hope y'all doing well tho, sending LOVE 💙